PolyinPractice
New member
"I see there being two tribes of polyfolk. There are the polyfolk for whom poly means "everyone should be free to arrange their relationships however they see fit"--which means that boundaries are A-OK as long as they are mutually negotiated. I think this is probably the more common. These are the folks who have "primaries" and "secondaries." These are the polyfidelitous triads and quads. These folks probably read and liked Opening Up.
Then there are the polyfolk for whom poly means "everyone is responsible for their own happiness, and it's unethical to expect another person to permanently restrict themselves for the sake of your insecurities"--among this group any boundary is a smell, and even if they might be necessary for some relationships, they're like training wheels. The ultimate goal should be to eliminate it, not to accept or perpetuate it. These are the people who have self-defined, independent relationships with some number of friends and lovers. These folks probably read and liked The Ethical Slut."
How do people feel about these camps? I feel like I agree with pieces of both, and disagree with both (such as I don't like either of the books). I've recently begun defining myself as polyfi, but I think I'll stop if it means association with everything the poster put in the first camp?
Then there are the polyfolk for whom poly means "everyone is responsible for their own happiness, and it's unethical to expect another person to permanently restrict themselves for the sake of your insecurities"--among this group any boundary is a smell, and even if they might be necessary for some relationships, they're like training wheels. The ultimate goal should be to eliminate it, not to accept or perpetuate it. These are the people who have self-defined, independent relationships with some number of friends and lovers. These folks probably read and liked The Ethical Slut."
How do people feel about these camps? I feel like I agree with pieces of both, and disagree with both (such as I don't like either of the books). I've recently begun defining myself as polyfi, but I think I'll stop if it means association with everything the poster put in the first camp?