Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

My car was returned in good working order this week and I continue to be pissed off about the situation. $4000 is nonsense. I need to take a day or so next week and focus on our budgeting for next year, and the rest of this year.

My birthday is tomorrow and I am an emotional wreck. I don’t even know how to deal with the stress of having four romantic partners on my birthday. Getting gifts is still something I struggle with and I am going to have a breakdown again. This week has been really difficult, just thinking about it.
 
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time lately, Bluebird!

From my POV, having 4 partners to stay connected with in the way you need (seeing each one of them ideally more than once a week) would be hard anytime. Add in your car troubles and the self esteem issues about compliments and gifts, I can see why you're a "wreck."

This too shall pass. If you can, try to rise about it all somehow, ride it out and know you're still the same lovable BB you always were.

You deserve all the best. You give so much to others. Maybe that's why you have trouble receiving?
 
Thanks! I have definitely been struggling lately.

My birthday turned out pretty great - I had a good time for several days actually! Last Friday PunkRock and CornFlower took me to go and see the Nationals vs Mets at a baseball game in DC. Our Pandemic Legacy friend was there too - PunkRock had bought tickets through his work, but it wasn’t a huge amount of people who had seats near each other. I was a little nervous about being so blatantly “out” in front of PunkRock’s coworkers, but he honestly didn’t give a shit so it wasn’t a large amount of anxiety at all. The Nats lost.

I spent the night with PunkRock and we had fun sexy times that morning - I gave him a very amazing blowjob (yes, it was that good!) while down on my knees in front of him. Super hot! We both enjoyed ourselves immensely. After some cuddles, we showered together and then said goodbye to DarkKnight, who had opening day of his children’s theater production. PunkRock and I spent the morning at our city’s South Side Block Party - I was “recognized” by a bunch of people who all were very excited to say “hi Bluebird!” and give me hugs. I had no idea who half of them were. Lol (Apparently I am famous because of the Blessing Box!) We had some good pulled pork sandwiches from a food truck, and listened to some live music. After hanging out with a few different people, we ended the afternoon around 3 pm with a stop inside the Fine Arts Museum, which PunkRock has never gone to before.

I received a text from SirGawain after returning home, saying that the Escape Room we were scheduled to do had a computer issue and now it was canceled. This upset me for obvious reasons, because it just seemed like a continuation of the nonsense that is plaguing my life lately! However, the company eventually said everything was fixed, so PunkRock, DarkKnight and I drove to Frederick to Clue IQ, where we met up with both SirGawain and CornFlower to do their “Conspiracy” room.

After we lost (we were very close!) we all drove back to Hagerstown and had dinner together at my favorite restaurant, Mango Grill. I actually paid myself for everyone, and the food was delicious. After eating, CornFlower left, but everyone else came back to my place and sang “happy birthday” and we had DarkKnight’s homemade carrot cake. This year he made purple frosting. :)

Around 10 pm we called it a night, and I went home with SirGawain. We watched some episodes of Disenchantment on Netflix, andhad sex around 1 am and then finally went to sleep after that. In the morning I woke up and got my ass royally reamed - he said he thought I was going to safeword when he first went in! I have to say it was very intense because he went in with one long stroke, which I was not expecting, but I wasn’t anywhere close to calling out.

Around 11 am on Sunday, CornFlower arrived to take me out to the Cheesecake Factory for a birthday lunch. This is my favorite restaurant NOT in my city. Lol He was very excited to treat me to some pumpkin pecan cheesecake, and I have to say it was fucking delicious! Afterward we did some shopping at the mall for him and then hit Wegmans for some of his groceries. Back at his house that evening, I was hoping to enjoy some of my favorite wine with a sweet treat, but I couldn’t find Cupcake Moscato d’Asti, so I had settled for Cupcake Angel Food, which honestly tasted cheap and horrid. That was disappointing. We watched episodes of Sugar Rush and then called it a night. He dropped me off at home on his way to work yesterday.

I had an INSANE morning - I had planned to get my hair cut but I had to push it off because of Blessing Box business. We had two cribs delivered and picked up back to back, and I was handling both an underwear drive for 3 of our local elementary schools, and a meat giveaway scheduled for Thursday. Oh, and this is our furniture giveaway week for the Box, AND we had an immediate need request for women’s work shoes. All on top of a scheduled drop off of like 9 computer chairs and over a dozen lamps (which ended up getting pushed back until today). I managed to snag a volunteer to bag diapers in the afternoon and that freed me up to handle everything else!

In the morning though, PunkRock had called into work, which upset me. He is still struggling and wants to quit so badly. He went to lunch with me at Jersey Mikes and ran a bunch of errands with me as well - which included grocery shopping for our house. He spent some time in the evening filling out applications, and already had a response for an interview - so that was good news. He has a high-demand license and certification right now; I am hoping he can find something less stressful.

Yesterday evening DarkKnight and I went out after dinner to go to Tilt - the new arcade in the mall. I had already been previously with CornFlower, but this time was fun too because the company had given me a free unlimited use card for my birthday on all of their video games. DarkKnight stocked a card of his own, and then we spent some time playing ALL of the pinball machines, and a bunch of multi-player games like the original Ninja Turtles cabinet. It was a BLAST with DarkKnight, and he was proud that he made 3rd place on the Galaga leaderboard!

I ended the night with some anxiety though - he had me put in my Invisalign and it kept me up to 3 am. It helped that I got to snuggle up to him though - he is warm and comforting at night. <3

Today I have another busy day and so hope to cope my hair at some point!
 
This is a pic of me BEFORE I chopped off my hair.

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I also got my eyebrows done, because, damn.
 
Oh see, you had a great multi day birthday celebration after all! So many fun activities. :)
 
CornFlower, DarkKnight and I went to see the original Transformers animated movie last night in Frederick. The theater was packed full! CornFlower got caught in traffic on the way to my place, so we ended up arriving just with enough time to find seats and snag popcorn. We had dinner at the Silver Diner after. I posted on Facebook when we were at the theater, and my friend was actually right behind us with her husband, and she threw popcorn at me when she read my post! This is the chick who altered my wedding dress when I married PunkRock, and has the arcade in her backyard. It was awesome to see her even if it was just for a few minutes before the movie started!

I talked to SirGawain a little bit yesterday and he was super excited that he was going to be seeing his other girlfriend last night. He told me she was coming over for an hour and a half while her one son was at college. I told him to use that time to have her clean out her “project room” at his house. He didn’t respond, but I meant it as a joke because everyone knows she isn’t going to ever use it as a project room. It’s just a mess. Also, I was actually hoping he and her could use the time to reconnect but I have no idea if they got to hook up or not. When he messaged me later, he was home after they went to dinner. I can’t imagine they had some freaky sex and then had time for a meal in an hour and a half. I hope whatever they did, it helped their relationship move one way or the other.

I know it shouldn’t bother me so much, but damn. I am actually finding myself kinda pulling away from SirGawain quite a bit lately in my head. I still love him, but I am cautious. It just is unhealthy for him to be so enamored with someone that seems to treat him badly. It makes me think a lot less of him as a person. I wish I could articulate this - it’s not even that she’s treating him badly. She’s just treating him like he doesn’t exist or deserve consideration unless it’s to help her in some way. Which, fine, if that’s what he wants, ok. But it’s not what he wants, and the way he acts about it - it makes me love him less. I am not explaining this well. I’m not particularly interested in growing a relationship in a network that seems so wonky. I care about SirGawain bunches, but I either need to start seeing him more than once a week on Sundays, or less.

I plan to see SirGawain on Sunday.

Tonight I am going to CornFlower’s house. I am going to need a relaxing evening away! Yesterday was absolutely the busiest day i’ve had ever, working with the Blessing Box, and that’s saying something! I’m still tired today! We had a 20-family meal giveaway (kielbasa, Sauerkraut, mashed potatoes and onions). I had that to coordinate at the same time that I had a large delivery of computer chairs, wing chairs, lamps and mirrors to disperse, and I had regular drop offs and deliveries to handle. It was bedlam, but it was organized. I got stuff done but it was exhausting. Today I have three pickups in the early evening to get done (between 4 and 6 pm) right before going to CornFlower’s. Today altogether is going to be busy - I have Fresh Food Friday purchasing to do, as soon as I finish writing this and showering. So, off to the grocery store. Then I am going to work my ass off to clear out my living room of donations, because it looks crazy. Then I have my annual gynecologists visit and I am getting a prescription for a new diaphragm. My period was due Wednesday but I guess it is holding off for this! It’s coming - my chest is pimple city - but it’s not here yet!

Oh! One of my foster kittens was adopted last night unexpectedly by a Blessing Box visitor - now I only have two kittens in my foster room. Oh y’all - I am so worried about little Parsley! I took them all in for a regular checkup on wednesdsy and I was still very concerned about him. He is still a pound underweight, and his siblings all were at weight or above when they left here, and he hasn’t been well for longer than a day since we got him. He is ALWAYS sneezing, ALWAYS sick. He eats weird - I make fun of him sticking his face in the food all the time. Anyway, the vet actually took my concerns seriously - she was like why is this baby still ill- we have had him loaded up constantly on increasingly more powerful antibiotics but nothing is getting better! Or, he would get better, but then he’d immediately get sick with something else.

Well, he has a cleft palate. It’s severe, in the very back of his throat. There was quite a long consultation and the end result is that the vet wants to attempt to close it but she is not optimistic, but willing to try. If they had discovered it earlier, he would have been put to sleep. So I have that weighing on me. He is having surgery on Monday. He is always sick because his saliva is constantly being pulled into his face and sinus cavities. So is his food. I feel terrible about not catching this earlier, but I didn’t even know this was a thing with cats.

There is more I want to write about but of course I am out of time.
 
Gah! Since I have been so terrible about updating lately I want to add that PunkRock got a new job! It’s a longer commute but I am hoping it will make him happier. It pays like $4 more an hour and it’s just driving a forklift all day, rather than doing that and dealing with customers. The customer stuff was what has been stressing him out, so this should theoretically reduce his issues. He starts in like 2 weeks. We have to figure out how to transfer his retirement funds.
 
Ugh. Still no period but I am sure it will be here soon. I am about to shower, and then PunkRock and I are transporting a recliner to an elderly woman, along with some ground beef.

This afternoon I will be at SirGawain’s for an overnight. I am not sure what our plans are at this point.

Yesterday was fun - I decided to go to a conference in town for empowering women. It’s been a while since I did any sort of “professional development” so it was neat to network with others. I took 4 workshops, each was very unique and interesting. The committee holding the workshops needs more women to become involved and I am interested. They meet once a month so it may be something so can handle. I am going to try and attend at least one meeting to get a better idea of their goals and if it is something I could commit to doing.

In the evening, DarkKnight and I went to the dinner theater in town (they comped our tickets so $100 free evening is pretty rad). The show was REALLY freaky! We try to go to a Halloween sort of show every year - last year we saw a play production of Dracula, and the year before we went to “A Evening with Poe.” This show was called “The Woman in Black.” It was scary but not too bad. The lights were amazing.

Friday night I was with CornFlower, and it was easily the worst date we have ever had. He was all over the place emotionally, and at one point I actually asked him if I should contact my husbands and get a ride home. It had nothing to do with us, but rather he had some emotional disregularion going on. He was hungry and frustrated and he flipped out in public on a clerk trying to take his order. Hmmm that sounds worse than it was - he was trying to get something on the menu modified for low carb and she couldn’t do it, so he just yelled “FINE I WONT EAT ANYTHING THEN.” He stomped over and sat in our booth, covering his face and said I would just have to eat alone. I told him this was unacceptable for a date with me.

This was all after he had gotten fixated on wanting to play a fighting game on his Switch, but yet I had zero interest in it and I was getting carsick while he kept asking me to lookup if it was available in different stores. I kept telling him that I didn’t care and didn’t want to play but he wasn’t caring.

Yeah, it was shitty. We ended up back at his apartment and just sat on his couch watching dumb stuff on Netflix. I feel like I did a piss poor job of helping him in his meltdown, but I honestly had little if anything to give him emotionally. We haven’t had sex in a couple of weeks - he completely freezes me out in the bedroom. I don’t understand it but the entire relationship is weird to me. I like him lots but wow this weekend kinda shifted me to a distancing thing. We will see. We have an event for his work on Thursday to attend, and I hope to see him at least once before then.

It’s weird AF that I have two boyfriends and both have me feeling out of sorts. Of course, my period is coming so my emotions could be out of whack so I am waiting to see how things shift afterward.
 
My period finally came last night. I am so drained emotionally right now - I really wish I could spend the day in bed. I have to shower in 6 minutes, so that's how long I can type. lol We have two foster kittens left living here, and after my shower, Dill is going to stay at the shelter, in the lobby. I am going to miss him bunches, as I have been working with him to make him less feral. He's made a ton of progress, but Parsley had his surgery yesterday, and he now needs so much care that Dill needs to be relocated.

Sigh. Parsley had a cleft palate in the very back of his mouth and they weren't able to close it all. He's been sick nonstop his entire life, just antibiotic after antibiotic, and the hope was that closing the hole in his throat would stop all that. I now have to give him two pain shots a day (well, PunkRock is handling that, thank goodness) and his care level has increased. I have no idea if his potential adoptive family is going to move forward with him having this issue. We are taking him back to the vet for a check up on Monday. So all of that has me feeling emotional.

I have class this afternoon, and my room is somewhat manageable. I just printed out all my quizzes - I will be grading them when I get back home after dropping off Dill at the shelter. We have a major dissection today - a sheep pluck, which is the esophagus, lungs and heart of a sheep. I have to say that I absolutely LOVE my students this year but I am having trouble focusing on my teaching with so many other things going on in my life.

I am working through some stuff with SirGawain. Like, trying to re-frame our relationship in my mind. He wants to go to DC on Sunday when I see him again. Which is funny, because CornFlower came over for dinner with my husbands and I last night, and we made plans to go to DC on Saturday! I have decided to just not think much about my relationships this week because I am exhausted and emotional because of my period and I know that will blow things out of proportion.

Coming up, on Friday I am going to a show called "How to Be a Respectable Junkie" with DarkKnight, and one of the things CornFlower wants to do on Saturday is to see his brother in "The Hunchback of Notre Dame." So I am going to have a live theater weekend! I might go see Venom with SirGawain, but that would be the movie theater. lol

Ok, time is up. Gotta get showered and then get my day going.
 
Quick post because I am having trouble falling back to sleep after PunkRock left for his new job. I am excited about the weekend - I am going to a Halloween party with SirGawain and his other girlfriend. I am going to be Velma, and though SirGawain was up for doing a group costume - he wanted to be Shaggy - his other girlfriend said she was only doing one costume this year for another party, so that’s what she was wearing. SirGawain still wanted to be Shaggy, but I mixed that idea, as I know I personally would feel uncomfortable in that situation if I was her. So he bought himself a smoking jacket and he said he’s going to be Hugh Hefner. Lol Whatevs.

Honestly I am a little irritated because I think there is like a very high chance that she will call out of the party and then SirGawain and I could have had a costume that worked together. Oh well. Apparently he had a talk with her and she has been having a once a week sleepover for a bit. I am glad, because damn. I hope it continues for his sake.

On Sunday SirGawain and I spent the afternoon shopping for a bedroom side chair (did not purchase) and a floor lamp for his bedroom. He ordered some smart plugs and another air purifier - this one for his dinging room/kitchen area. We went and saw Venom in 3D, since he had a $25 Regal gift card I had unearthed while cleaning, and his club card actually had a free ticket on it. So that was great! We had really good sex that night too. I still have no sex toys at his house, as we broke the cheap dildo he had bought me previously. Lol I am enjoying the consensual nonconsent part of things. We haven’t really been doing any sort of Ddlg and that is ok. He tells me I’m a bad girl lots, but it doesn’t seem at all like age play. Which is fine - I am not complaining! Lol Sex with him is always intense and enjoyable. On Sunday night he gave me some spankings for pouring water on him from my water bottle (oops!) and then bound my hands with bondage tape. It didn’t stick too well, but it was enough to get me down on the floor blowing him. Doggy style is his favorite position so we soon got that going, and I rode him to a couple of amazing orgasms. Yeah, a good night for sure!

I got my new diaphragm and I have to say I like it less than the old one. It feels thinner and it’s larger. It has a two year shelf life, as opposed to my 5 year one that I was using. I mean, it works. Lol I actually had sex with CornFlower on Saturday night and he didn’t have any complaints about it either, but I am not a huge fan of it. However, the two guys I use it with are fine with it so oh well.

CornFlower remains the only dude I am with that creampies me, and I love it! SirGawain REALLY wants to, but because of the herpes thing, I make him stay wrapped up. Sex with CornFlower remains sporadic and meh, unfortunately. It’s very quick and just straight missionary. I can’t say that I would fall asleep through it because it doesn’t last long enough to get a yawn in. That said, it’s as much as my fault as it is his, because I haven’t taken any steps to improve it. I always have an orgasm, because I’m me, but it’s so meh. I am not saying so need it to be hardcore or even a little kinky - I have perfectly amazing vanilla sex with DarkKnight. It’s just the sex itself is just non-existant as far as connection goes.I don’t think we’ve done anything other than missionary since our first couple of times together.
 
Gah! Today is officially shit. I fell back asleep and then was awake briefly, when DarkKnight messages me saying that our water had been turned off. Yeah, guess who didn’t pay it? Totally my fault. I was floating it because of my car fiasco last month and I wrote down the wrong date. I feel like a complete shit. I got it paid but we are now waiting for it to be turned back on. I canceled my class for today, since I have no idea when it be re-established, and I kinda need water available when having the kids do dissections. Thankfully I have space in tomorrow’s class to shift some of the kids into, and I actually already had Thursday scheduled as a make up day for some kids that have missed other labs. Whew! So no long term damage, I guess.

Now that I am awake and have the mischief managed, I guess I can write more. Lol Saturday i spent the entire day with CornFlower and his brother - we went to DC and visited the American Art Museum. I really loved the Bill Traylor exhibit! In the evening CornFlower’s little brother was in a play, so we went to see that - the Hunchback of Norte Dame. It was really good. I enjoyed myself - CornFlower was sweet and his brother is cool. He invited me to come learn how to play craps. With my luck lately though, I probably shouldn’t!

I am back starting on a low carb diet again. I am even fatter than I have been in like, 6 years? Ughhh. I am seriously unhappy with my body. I am sticking to it until Thanksgiving, as that will be my only cheat day. Seriously though, I think you can see how fat I am in the last photo I posted. It’s gross.
 
Motherfucker I have a yeast infection! The only thing I can trace it back to is the new diaphragm. The gyno called me in 2 pills, one right after the other. I took one Wednesday night and I am stlll all itchy like a MF up in there. I am hella pissed because I didn’t do anything wrong - I used as directed. So far this is presenting just like a regular yeast infection so I am hoping it is one. It better not be an allergic reaction. Ugh. I will take the next pill tomorrow night and hope for the best. If it’s still causing me grief on Monday, I will have to go in for an appointment.

I helped Tom fill out his health insurance stuff tonight and holy fuck are the options terrible at the staffing company. He wanted to opt out of everything until he is actually hired by the warehouse, but I didn’t let him. No fucking way am I living for 3 months with the anxiety that he might fall and have to go to the hospital and we’d be on the hook for the whole cost. Yes, the odds are small, but nope. I made him pay for everything.

Does anyone have a wire brush or a pitchfork I could use to rake my hooha hole with? Holy fuck it’s itchy!
 
Soooo lots of thinking going on this weekend. I can’t remember if I wrote about it previously, but SirGawain invited me to a Halloween party at his friend’s house in Catonsville. Normally he attends every year with his other girlfriend, but he wanted us both to go. Well, maybe he did. Initially when he asked me, it was kind of like, if she doesn’t go it would be cool if you went. I told him then that I wasn’t interested in being a back up girlfriend. He brought it up again a couple weeks ago, this time saying he wanted us both to go.

I was ok with it, thinking it would be a good opportunity for my metamore and I to actually exchange more than 2 words. I told SirGawain that I’d like to spend the night if that was cool, since I was driving to and from the event, and didn’t really feel great about driving back to Hagerstown alone at 2 am after. He was like, definitely, joyfully yes. Hurray a sleepover. This was like, in September, I think? Anyway, definitely a while back.

To be continued
 
Sorry it’s been a while. Continuing:

So, yeah, I got a Velma costume. Orange shirt, bright red pencil skirt, matching orange knee socks and red lowtop Converse. I straightened my hair - the style I have now lends itself, as I have bangs. I think it looks ok. I though it would be neat if Sir Gawain and I did a matching costume (this was before I knew his other girlfriend was coming) and he wanted to be Shaggy. I’m like, cool. But then when i found out she was going, I asked him to see if she wanted to be Daphne. Well, she didn’t. She wanted to be an assassin from Assassin’s Creed. I told SirGawain it wouldn’t be cool for us to have matching costumes and leave her out. I know I would be upset if something like that happened. He held off getting his costume for a while, so the week before I asked him if we should maybe go shopping - and was he SURE she wasn’t going to cancel? Because if she wasn’t going, we could match. He ended up getting a smoking jacket.

On Saturday I showed up at his house and he hadn’t bought anything else. He got stuck working, so he transferred me $100 and I spent the afternoon running around - I got him shiny black track pants (no pajama pants in town!), black slippers and a captain’s hat. He looked good as Hefner! He was stoked about going to the Party with his two girlfriends. Lol

So, I got back in time to pick him up, and he tried everything on, we’re good. He said his other girlfriend had called - shit this is difficult, I should give her a name. Uh, let’s call her TwentyTall since they’ve been together 20 years. So TwentyTall said she was on her way to the Diner and she had her costume with her. SirGawain took his costume off so she wouldn’t feel weird not having one on and us both being dressed. Though that kinda left me the only
One in a costume, but I have high self esteem so i didn’t give a shit. We drove over to meet up.

We walk in and TwentyTall bolts in right behind us, talking a mile a minute. I only caught half of what she said, but one part was clear - “I’m not going to the party. I’m going home to someone who WANTS to fuck me.” She was totally ignoring me and right up in SirGawain’s face. He was kind of flustered, but what do you say to something like that? We were seated. I slid into the booth on the side with one menu, thinking, well, if she isn’t going to the party, at least they can snuggle up in the booth.

She was wearing a white hoodie and had some sort of wrist cover. She pulled it out and was fumbling with it, she put it on and pointed at me, and a dagger shot out. It didn’t like launch across the table or anything, as it was attached to the piece, but it DEFINITELY felt like a threat. She laughed about it and I was just like, uh, ok. We started taking about ordering, etc, and she was asking me questions, but then one-upping anything I said. “Oh, you’re low carb right now? Try being deathly allergic to gluten!” Just coming across really insecure.

I tried to deescalate and defer, not really understand what was going on. During the meal, she brought up again, repeating the statement that she wasn’t going because she wanted to get fucked, and her husband was going to fuck her. I was like, that sounds great but we will miss you not coming. She then asked me how often I had been seeing SirGawain. I said about once a week, but that I was hoping to get back up to twice a week again. Car troubles and scheduling had been interfering. She was like, oh! Don’t get me started about being busy, and then she started listing all the driving around she was doing and finished up with that she was jealous of me seeing him once a week. “That’s so much! You’re so lucky.” Then she bent over the table, looked right at me and said, “Well don’t get too used to it. When I have a break in my schedule, I am going to take it. I don’t care if it’s your regular night, or if he has plans with you. [SirGawain] is going to cancel it so he can see me. THIS WILL HAPPEN.”

I stared at her in shock. I looked over at SirGawain, and he didn’t say shit back. She was very aggressive and he wasn’t shutting this down, so i told her that I hoped that wouldn’t happen. I usually go on Sundays, and if he had a scheduled date with her otherwise, I wouldn’t interfere. I was flabbergasted that SirGawain didn’t call her out on that though, but I let it slide.

Shortly thereafter, we walked back to my car. I gave them some privacy to say goodbye. We drove down the street to get gas, and then got on the interstate to head to the party. TwentyTall calls. She now has changed her mind, and wants to go after all. Ok, so we drove 15 minutes to the other side of town to SirGawain’s. On the way, SirGawain is super excited and babbling on about how this is going to be great, and how he always closes down this arty every year, that we will be out til 2 am, etc. Not two seconds after he makes this point, TwentyTall calls and says she still wants to go, but her husband will miss her, and that she needs to be home by 11 pm. Not missing a beat, SirGawain agrees. I’m like, uh, why did you agree to that? It was 8:30 at that point, and it was a 45 minute drive to where we were going. We wouldn’t even be at the party long! He explained that TwentyTall’s husband has PTSD so if he needs her home early, we should accommodate that. I say nothing. I park on the other side of the parking lot so TwentyTall can have the assigned visitor space, since I will be doing the drive to the party. We go up to the bedroom, SirGawain gets changed and I poop.

We wait around for maybe 15 more minutes. Then another phone call. She changed her mind. She isn’t coming. Her husband doesn’t want her to go after all. I am fuming mad by this point. We drove the opposite direction of where we needed to be, and the party started over an hour ago. SirGawain and I have a “discussion” all the way to the party, and he admits that she cancels everything often and that her husband will often pull this kind of thing, though in the past, he was much more about facilitating their time together. Lately he has been not letting them spend time together. I’m like - is he getting help for this? Is this going to change in the future. The answer is no.

The party is pretty much a blur for me. I didn’t talk to anyone new. I mostly sat holding a drink and tried to figure out what the fuck was going on with this relationship, and why SirGawain allowed TwentyTall to basically treat me like trash and sabatoge our night.

We get home around 2 am and crash hard. In the morning he wakes up after I have already been up for two hours. “I’m so glad you had fun at the party last night!” I’m like, wtf when did you see me having fun?! I flipped out and told him I was horrified by TwentyTall’s actions and I couldn’t believe he allowed her to say the things she did. He got quietly and said, “Yeah, I should have said something.” Then it comes out that they had a 2 hour text discussion on Wednesday night. She told him then she was jealous of me and she wanted him to cancel our overnight after the party so she could sleepover instead. When he refused, they got into it, but explained that I would be doing all the driving.

So now her comments when we first got into the restaurant made sense. She was trying to make HIM jealous about having sex with her husband. And the threat to me about getting SirGawain to cancel on me when she comes calling is now a lot more serious. She was angry that he didn’t, and wants me to be on notice that I will not have priority in the future.

Holy fuck. I wa shopping to be friends with my metamour. This doesn’t look remotely possible at this point.

I asked SirGawain if he thinks that she is finding room in her schedule to see him because she misses him, or because she wants to block me from seeing him. He was quiet and then said that TwentyTall “is like a dragon. I am part of her hoard. I’m in a corner, in a pile. She doesn’t pay much attention to me. But now she thinks you’re taking her gold away and she is saying MINE.”

I am truly rocked by this. How the FUCK is that good poly? How could they be doing poly for two decades and it be this fucked up? I lay it down.

I will NOT be canceled on. I will NOT be disrespected like this ever again. The red flags are smothering me and I am fucking gone if there’s another one. In order for me to be in a relationship, I need to know that my partner has my back. I have to trust that they have my best interests in mind and aren’t allowing anyone or anything to hurt me. I cannot believe that this is the case here any more. The fact that SirGawain allowed his other partner to tell me that she was going to take away my time and didn’t say a word - WTF. He said that he didn’t want to upset her in the restaurant by telling her that wouldn’t be ok. Well it fucking upset ME. I asked him if he would be talking to her about it like, soon, because it isn’t ok. “Yes, but it’s a delicate situation.”

I really doubt he has said anything at all to her, to be honest. It’s been 3 days and I guarantee it hasn’t been a priority.
 
Damn TwentyTall is a cow!
Nothing in that was okay behaviour by her. Nothing.
SirGawain needs to grow a pair so you never get treated like that again, by either of them.
 
My impression would be that things are exactly as she has said and he just wishes she hadn't informed you of that fact in the way she did. However, it is how she says and that will be happening.

Out of interest, have you ever had a metamour where you had a peaceful relationship without any contention?
 
Yes, I have actually had a couple of good metamour relationships. I have been going over this in my mind. Like, am I the problem here? Do I need to look at my behavior?

When I was dating A (feels like ages ago) his long term live in girlfriend was AMAZING. I think I wrote about it a bit. That was after I got out of my relationship with M and his wife. But she approached me as a partner - “I am so glad we can both support A and make him happy!” I think that is why I am getting along with SirGawain’s FWB - she isn’t seeing me as an adversary, but as someone with the same positive goal in mind, to be a good partner.

The upfront way that TwentyTall told me that my time would be canceled, and SirGawain’s silence on the issue is the opposite of what I want. It isn’t ok. What shocked me just as much was the way he described her as a dragon. The words were important - oh fuck were they - but also his demeanor. He didn’t seem bothered by the description. He seemed comforted by it. Which is disturbing to me.

I was with him last night. We went to dinner at Friday’s and he bought me the most expensive steak. We had amazing sex. I didn’t ask him if he had spoken to TwentyTall yet. I am pretty sure I know the answer is no.

It is hurting my heart to say this, but I think I am going to bow out if he doesn’t address this. It will only get more difficult as time goes on. When I last spoke to his FWB a few weeks ago, she described TwentyTall in almost exactly the same terms as I have seen.

This is heartbreaking to me. I came back into this relationship to give it a second chance, but now I have been able to peel back the shiny surface and see the lack of luster there. I was excited to be connected to a family-style poly network and I thought it was a healthy dynamic. But it’s just terrible.

Does anyone see a way for this to be salvaged? I am happy to go back to having zero contact with my metamour, as up until this point it’s been ok. My connection with SirGawain has only been getting stronger. I have positive thoughts about him and I love him. He DID keep our sleepover and didn’t give in to TwentyTall’s demand that he cancel it for her. But I am not sure I can overlook the way she told me straight up I would be canceled in the future. And SirGawain’s silence really rocked me. I did not feel cherished in that moment.
 
Sooo, my thoughts on this are 2 fold.... 1, I agree that you probably need to have a boundary that if SirGawain ever DOES cancel on you because she demands it, then be done with him, and feel free to let him know that's where you stand. Cause that's some bullshit right there.

As for the rude behavior, while I agree that he could have spoken up and defended you.... YOU didn't defend you either. If she was talking shit about you TO him, then he should definitely be sticking up for you. But if she is shit talking TO you.... then you should be standing up for yourself. You should be saying "excuse me, but you don't get to speak to me that way and you are incredibly rude. If you continue, this dinner/meeting/etc is over because I'm not having any of that nonsense." And then you can leave it up to SirGawain as to whether he exits with you or stays with her (both choices likely having a different set of consequences). Sounds like you were in so much shock that you didn't speak up. I wonder if he was the same way (though it sounds like he should know her well enough to expect it).

On the other hand, that ship has sailed and I don't see any point in ever interacting with her again until/unless she apologizes (if even then).

He's let this woman walk all over him for 20 years, and he is her submissive (not that 1 excuses the other and she still has no right to treat him or his partners like shit). So I'm just framing this in the context of.... he's put up with her shit for this long, so unless he knows it's going to cause the end of a relationship that he wants to be in more, it's unlikely that he'll suddenly stand up to her. He may also just not know enough or have enough experience with good Doms that he actually thinks that her shitty behavior is just part of their dynamic and that it's her right. That still some bullshit.... but who knows?
 
Zero contact with the dragon is pretty much a given, surely.
Him honouring your agreements around scheduling will be proven as time goes by.
I guess it's all about what you actually want from this relationship, big picture style. And if that's going to be compatible with what he can actually give considering his other relationships.
Personally, I'd look at the fact that he has chosen to associate himself with this rude person for many years. I'm an s-type but there is no way in hell I'd let any of my people speak to each other like that, s or D. He's a willing accomplice in her rudeness, to you, to FWB, to god knows how many others throughout the years.
You're right in saying that's not good poly; every time he dates someone new he's setting them up for exposure to this type of confrontation. He knows what to expect by now. That's not okay.
 
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