Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Had lots of water-themed dreams last night, so I kept waking up having to pee. My sleep was not good, as a result, I woke up this morning just feeling down and sad in general. Hopefully a shower after I post this will give me a boost.

Today is Fresh Food Friday, so I should be pretty busy. I picked numbers for a meal giveaway last night so I need to message people today about scheduling pickup times tomorrow. We are officially closed tomorrow, but I’m receiving 25 gallons of milk from a government agency, and so I figured I would include those in a breakfast giveaway in the afternoon.

Sunday and Monday, MisterMoonbeam and I will be back at his house and packing up the kitchen.

All 3 of my adult children are stressing me out right now.

Good news is that my cats seem to be getting better. We haven’t had any toilet troubles in a short while and I’ve been letting two of them out of their rooms (Lenny & Albus) for free time in the house with no issues. All of the cats are still 100% blocked from the basement - it’s a mess from the remodeling right now anyway.

Yesterday was 2 months for me and MisterMoonbeam. He told me it feels like much longer - like he just fits in here and it’s been this way for a long time. I have to agree. It’s weird - my NRE hasn’t sustained itself because of the way the timing went, but I just have this all-over affection for him that makes me smile. It’s a blissful feeling. I have to say too, that not worrying about him drinking and hiding vodka in water bottles is a plus. That’s kind of a low bar for a relationship but I couldn’t help that thought when it hit me the other day. I was helping him clean his bedroom to put in his bookcases, and I was removing empty bottles and cans, and when I dumped them into recycling - I was struck that I didn’t sniff them first. How fucked up is that?
 
So BugGirl dumped another boyfriend that she had staying over here in her room - she kind of ghosted him and I had to deal with him crying in my living room. To say that I was annoyed with her is putting it mildly. I messaged her to come home and deal with this, which she did, but he’s still mooning around and trying to gather up his stuff. He’s a nice enough guy, but I shouldn’t have to handle this sort of thing for her. My youngest called to tell me that BugGirl is saying they were never even dating, but I think that’s just her trying to make herself feel better - she told me they were dating when they first got together, and it wasn’t like he was just a booty call! She’s still hooking up with the young guy at work though. Ugh. I don’t even care, I just don’t want to be involved when dudes have their hearts broken.

I talked to my apartment management friend on Thursday and there has been no updates on whether BugGirl can move on or not. My son is going to have difficulty paying June 1 rent if they deny her - my son is used to only paying half. I will probably have to help him cover it. How, I don’t know, but stuff always works out somehow.

Today I am giving away 20 breakfast meals (gallon of milk, dozen eggs, bunch of bananas, pancake mix & syrup, a dozen cinnamon crunch cakes, a loaf of bread, a bunch of little butter pats) so I am hustling right now to get things bagged and out the door, even though the Box is closed officially. I had to go downtown twice today already - I picked up 25 gallons of milk from an organization who was giving it away, and then I had to take them their crates back. I also went and saw the grandmother who had her daughter OD a short while ago. I had raised $400 previously, but I had another $200 to give to her. She said things were worse for her emotionally - she is up and down. I gave the oldest little girl a watermelon - she asks me every Friday for one and since they didn’t come by, I took it to her.

DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam delivered two breakfast meals to people who didn’t have vehicles, on their way to Home Depot. They are finishing off the walls on the outside of the basement bathroom today. There used to be paneling there, and they are putting up beadboard paneling instead. The bathroom is on schedule to be remodeled maybe next year, but I am tired of the area looking unfinished, so I figured throwing $60 at it was worth the headache! I have a rug down there now, but I need to buy a curtain for the one window before I can call this closet space complete! It’s looking really really good.
 
Oh! The one section of my basement is looking so good y’all! MisterMoonbeam and DarkKnight worked on the closet area of the basement all afternoon, and the beadboard paneling is up on the two walls - they did a good job! The top is a little wonky, but DarkKnight is getting molding to frame it out and it will cover the issues. Yay! It really brightened up the area and it looks decent now. I ordered curtains and tension rods to hang them inside the two little basement windows today too. I just need to make a decision on the ceiling - I hope to have time Sunday night to sit and look through Pinterest and make a final choice of what I want to do in the space.

It’s just after midnight right now and I’m pretty tired. We finished up watching the last episode of The Expanse the other night, so after dinner we started on The Mandalorian. My Breakfast Giveaway went really well, but I was super tired from it so I was happY to lay on the couch and watch TV! I’ve been binging episodes of Survivor - I started back on season 1. I forget what number I am on now, but I am nearing the end of Cook Islands. I watched (I think) at least 13 seasons before I stopped when they were originally airing. I like revisiting it, and I can be doing other things with it on in the background.

That said I forgot to eat lunch today and I was starving at dinner. I was an emotional mess after a bit - probably because of the lack of food. It’s a trigger. I hate spending time being teary and revisiting what might have beens in my head. DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam went down to the corner ice cream shop and bought me a vanilla malt. It helped but I was also left feeling fat and heavy.

Meanwhile, BugGirl’s ex is still here in the house and she is out with some new guy. Apparently her ex wants to be friends and he told her he wants to be like me and have an open relationship. I told him that is the WORST idea I had ever heard. BugGirl is a messy person with her relationships, and she is in no good headspace to attempt one now. Ugh ugh ugh She is supposed to pick up the ex early tomorrow morning so he can go get situated elsewhere. He is a nice guy, but having him crying and continually asking me for advice is not something I have energy for at all.
 
Yesterday was just...oof. This weekend was just draining on many levels.

Things went really well in Virginia. I got the entire kitchen packed up, and MisterMoonbeam was able to take almost all of those boxes into the van and now they are currently residing in my kitchen. Current plan is to unpack a few every night after dinner this week. I think we left 6 or so boxes to be moved at a later date.

This has forced DarkKnight and I to now focus on our own kitchen, to make space for incoming gadgets and kitchenware. Our cabinets, well, the height of the shelves make life difficult. We literally have a single column of cabinets in the entire room where we can put tall things. I mean like a box of cereal height. Our regular cabinet shelves can accommodate a box of cereal on its long edge - but it’s scrunched in, the depth just allowing the door to barely close, and the width brushing the shelf above it. It’s pretty bad. So anyway, we are now assessing and reorganizing our space and items.

There were three boxes of nothing but spices that we unpacked yesterday, and we were able to toss (due to expiration dates) or combine, an entire box. When DarkKnight was done making choices (he does all the cooking) the rest we repacked. MisterMoonbeam was legit having an internal emotional meltdown over what to do with the remaining spices - apparently there are a ton of memories locked up in those little jars. He couldn’t bear to sort through them or give them away, and he took both boxes to live in his office for the time being.

I assured him that they could go into his storage unit and that I was in no way going to make him throw anything out. Later, I reminded him of this fact again, along with the statement that we’ve discussed before - I will let him know if I think he’s being a little unreasonable or big unreasonable - and in this case he was being a little bit over reactive. His late wife was very vocal that she didn’t want him hoarding her stuff or building a shrine to her memory and him getting stuck. However, also in my opinion, his grief is too new and too raw, and he will probably need to deal with some of this stuff at a later date. So storing some of the more emotional things right now is the way too go - I don’t think it would be wise to rush this, and tossing things too soon that he needs to work through could damage his healing. So, the two boxes of spices we will sort through together again next week, and we will try to get it down to one box to go into his storage unit. He says that a lot of them won’t be sentimental, but specific jars are triggering in a positive way, so those ones will be saved.

So back in Virginia, MisterMoonbeam cleared off the top of his coffee bar - we had emptied it previously - and taped up every empty box in the house, which we used all of, Sunday and Monday. He is going to have to buy another big pack from Uhaul this coming weekend! Overall things are on schedule at his house for a move on the weekend of June 13. I do most of the packing itself, as he can’t handle putting anything into a box without needing to go take a break and breathe. So I try to find things he can do without having a panic attack - like unfolding and taping up the new boxes, and carrying the ones we need to the van to come to my house.

We had a good sex connection on Sunday night in the hotel, though. I have been sitting back and letting him initiate things, due to his emotional state. I don’t want to push him, but since most of his back and leg pain have subsided, he has been doing okay.

Anyway, using all of my days off from the Blessing Box to focus on MisterMoonbeam is exhausting. I don’t ever have time to recharge at all. However, it’s what is needed right now to get him moved out on schedule. I keep telling myself there is an end in sight! I also took some minutes the other night to look at cottage and cabin retreats - when this is all over, I am giving myself AT LEAST a 3-day retreat with no electronics or contact with the outside world. I’m thinking one of the later weekends in July.

Ok, so Saturday the Blessing Box was closed, but I still had a bunch to handle with it. There was a free milk giveaway downtown in the morning, so I had to drive over and pick up 25 gallons and then take back the crates after unloading it into our extra fridge. I did all the driving by myself, but MisterMoonbeam and DarkKnight carried and emptied the crates when I got back to the house. Then I had to put together 20 breakfast meals for pickup between 1 pm and 3:30 pm. Each meal was a gallon of this milk and 3 grocery bags full of stuff. So I had to bag all of this and get it set up in rows. I had one bag with a bunch of bananas and a loaf of bread, another carrying a bottle of syrup and a box of pancake mix, and then the third bag had a carton of eggs, a pack of bacon or sausage link/patties, 2 trays of 6 cinnamon crumb cakes, and a sandwich sized ziplock bag full of butter pats. It takes a while to do this, because all of the food needs to have the UPCs marked as well. Also for this I had to print out and cut little slips of paper telling the recipients how to cook the crumb cakes!

The giveaway itself went really smoothly and people were very happy! But for a day off, it was not exactly restful.

Honestly, the huge issue this weekend ended up being BugGirl and her newest ex. I need to start a separate post for this.
 
So BugGirl’s ex boyfriend went completely off the rails while I was out of town, which left DarkKnight home to deal with the nonsense. BugGirl went to work on Sunday, telling him that she would meet him when she got out to get him his stuff - his clothes, parts to his motorcycle, etc. that were in her room still. Well he started blowing up my phone, just totally freaking out, and apparently he was doing the same to my daughter, so she left work under the guise of a “family emergency” to deal with the nonsense. Which led to her supervisor going to my other daughter, asking what was wrong. Which had my youngest freaking out because she wasn’t told of a family emergency and didn’t know that everything was okay and was just involving BugGirl. After many messages and a phone call, I got that sorted at least.

So on Sunday BugGirl bought her ex a tent, for him some food, etc, and got him squared away. He apparently decided overnight that he was going to go back to New York, so on Monday morning he paid for an Uber and showed up at the house, demanding that DarkKnight let him in to get the remainder of his stuff. Um, no. DarkKnight told him that our daughter had to be present, and that he wasn’t going to be allowed to come in to her room alone and take stuff. Dude started blowing my phone the fuck up, and I texted BugGirl and she was like, hell no! She had made plans with him the day before to again meet him after work and do the exchange. At this time he was also blowing up her phone and sending screenshots of everything to his mother in New York. Who called the cops on him, trying to get him Baker Acted.

So DarkKnight answers the door to the cops, lets them know where this guy is (sitting on our back stoop overlooking the neighboring street where his motorcycle is parked) and then he starts blowing up my phone as well, because what the fuck are the cops at our house for?! He was having an anxiety attack and freaking out, and I of course, am in Virginia and have no idea why the cops are there either. Eventually a cop comes back and explains that someone called because they were worried the ex would hurt himself but the cops think that he won’t so they aren’t committing him to a 48 hour hold or anything. So, okay?

All afternoon I get messages from the ex, apologizing and then flipping out about everything. I tell him he needs to leave the property, and come back when BugGirl gets out of work. His grandfather leaves New York to come and pick him up to take him back. It’s like a 6 hour drive, but at least there is an end in sight.

MisterMoonbeam and I get home. We unpack the boxes from the van and I collapse on the couch. The doorbell rings and the ex is there, asking for something to drink and asking for permission to sit on the back stoop again, as it’s now like an hour before BugGirl gets home. He demands an extension cord so he can charge his phone, and DarkKnight tells him no. Everything is quiet for a bit. Then there is a doorbell ring and the ex starts shouting that it’s him and that we need to open the door immediately. He’s on my porch with a cop.

Ex is having a complete and total nervous breakdown/panic attack. He’s agitated, totally out of control, wigging our unable to be still, yelling at the cop that he doesn’t have to give him any information and that he knows his rights. The cop is standing off to the side, calm and collected. Apparently someone called in and said there was a guy on my property, casing the house. So the cop responded and got to meet the ex.

I explained to the cop that ex has my permission to be in my backyard, and that he was waiting for my daughter. That they had broken up, but it was being handled okay. Meanwhile, ex is still shouting and wringing his hands, wiggling, freaking out, telling the cop he didn’t have to give him his name. The cop is like, there was a call, I had to respond, you sure as hell look sketchy dude. I ended up telling the cop Ex’s name, and then the ex started yelling his SSN and birthdate, asking if he was satisfied doing an illegal detainment and he knows his rights, he doesn’t have any warrants here.

I told the cop that I was very glad he responded to the call, and I appreciate him trying to keep our neighborhood safe.

It turns out ex has a warrant out in New Mexico, but it’s just for not paying a fine, so it’s not something they are going to deal with. And Ex is still yelling that he was in the right and he shouldn’t have to even be talking about this. The cop tells me that if needed, we can set up an appointment when my daughter arrives, to help transfer the items that the ex is wanting. I told him that wasn’t necessary, and he left.

My daughter finally got off of work, gave him his stuff, and then she left to go to a BBQ, and her new boyfriend made things Facebook official. You can imagine how that went over - I was never so glad to hear when Ex’s family showed up from NY to take him back home. Ex messaged me this morning, apologizing and saying he would be back in two weeks after he got his motorcycle repaired and his life together.

So, that was my 3-day weekend.
 
Good news today - BugGirl’s rental application was approved. My youngest daughter is in the process of moving out of the apartment today, so we just need to plan a date for my oldest to move in.
 
Yes! I needed some good news. We are going to help her move her big furniture and items in this coming afternoon.
 
BugGirl is all moved out - MisterMoonbeam drove her furniture and boxes back and forth 3 times with his minivan, I think. I missed the last trip because I was transporting the snake tank of my youngest to her new place in Waynesboro. I didn’t know, but apparently GreenTooth passed away a short while ago. She said she didn’t tell anyone because things were already depressing. :( She said she didn’t tell PunkRock either - he was GreenTooth’s original owner. Her plan is to go to a reptile show once things open back up and get a more of a handling sort of snake friend. Anyway, I was able to see her new place - her and her boyfriend gave me a tour. I didn’t give them hugs or anything, and kept some distance between us. I did pet Stuart, her cat, who seemed to have missed me an awful lot! (He’s been in my life for 12 years - he’s 14 now, I think.) Their place is a cute little 2 bedroom townhouse, and I wanted to grab them and squeal, because they are clearly so happy and in love.

I had a talk with BugGirl today, how she is becoming more of a mess lately. I said I feel like she is trying push down her drug addiction with men instead - she is jumping frantically from relationship to relationship to give herself something new to focus on. She said she feels a little out of control sometimes too. She said she has been thinking about that a lot lately. I wasn’t sure where to go with the conversation, other than tell her that I believe this is really unhealthy, which I did. She seems pretty pumped to decorate her new place so hopefully that lends itself to a better distraction.

I took some time to myself this evening and went to Walmart of all places! I need to buy some clip on bendy lights for the top of my closet, but they only had two in stock so it looks like I will be buying online this weekend. Instead I bought a couple of box fans to give away, and some storage bins that fit in cubbies for MisterMoonbeam’s shelving in his bedroom. I also got some open storage bins for DarkKnight’s closet, as well as my own. Tonight when I was setting everything up, I realized that the tension rods I bought for the basement windows are too short - I wrote the dimensions as being 2 feet long, but they needed to be 3 feet long. Gah! Two feet is the height of the window. Sigh. Thankfully those were ordered from Amazon and they were only $6 total. I probably won’t bother to send them back - I might be able to use them to organize some kitchen storage. I will just order a new pair.

I am getting nervous because I am meeting MisterMoonbeam’s parents this weekend.
 
Got my period tonight. Ugh. Should have expected it - I had cramps a couple of days ago and yesterday I could not stop drinking water. Today I felt bloated and grossly fat the entire time. I kept feeling dehydrated. Now I know why. It’s a little early, but oh well.

I am in Virginia now and we are staying in a different hotel than we normally do, and MisterMoonbeam and I both agree that it’s inferior! We accomplished everything we wanted to today, and tomorrow will be the first time I meet his parents. They don’t know he’s poly, or that he and his late wife were poly for 20 years. He’s told me to not lie to them, but to try not to out him. He doesn’t want them to worry about him any extra, but ultimately he would just deal with it if they discovered it. I’ve never outted anyone before, so I am not much worried about that.
 
Tonight has not been a good one. I’m sure my period is amplifying everything, but the emotional work I’ve been putting in this weekend has me overwhelmed and exhausted. Yet here I am, awake, with DarkKnight snoring beside me.

Meeting the parents went as well as I expected. MisterMoonbeam’s mom was more talkative than I am but in a wandering sort of way - her words meandered everywhere except to a point. He had told me that she has to read road signs and can’t bear quiet. I’m not quite so bad myself! She told me a lot of little stories about MisterMoonbeam, but I have to say that I really don’t remember any of them because she also told me stories about their neighbor’s son’s girlfriend back in 1978, and how that lady has now been divorced from her third husband for a few years but is thinking of skiing in the Alps. Okay - not exactly that but they were all similar. I could not get a word in edgewise! She was very nice and a sweet woman, but man - I really was floored by how much she had to say!

I didn’t really get a chance to talk much with his father, but MisterMoonbeam’s dad asked him if I was divorced and he told him yes, and he asked what I did for a job. He said he panicked and couldn’t remember any jobs I had ever worked, but he told him I ran a community outreach program and before that I worked for a phone company. Lol Both of those were true, but the phone company was seriously 20 years ago!

Saturday was unbearably hot and scorching, and MisterMoonbeam was caught up in anxiety and stress. He threw up outside at one point. Just a little, but still more than what anyone should be doing! Thankfully we had a good evening because his late wife’s long term partner had come over to help us pack and he invited us both to his house for board games. I had met him and his wife previously. They are amazingly fun and awesome people! I wish they lived closer because I could see us all hanging out in a regular basis. MisterMoonbeam’s ex-metamour is very charismatic. He’s not my physical type - he’s bearded but rail thin - but he hits every button for me except in looks. So it was fun hanging out with two guys that I find attractive. Of course it was totally platonic and casual. Not looking for another relationship and especially not one so far away. Anyway, I loved both parts of the couple and I would love to play games with them again - we did Trial by Trolley and Mysterium.

Honesty I enjoyed myself but I felt on edge a bit because MisterMoonbeam was exhausted and anxious over the entire day. We were like exact opposites. I told him Sunday morning that his friends probably wonder what the hell we are doing together because I was overly “on” because I haven’t been around people in a party setting in so long and my extroverted self was famished for it. And he was just a lump on a log, for the most part, in spite of being adamant that he didn’t want to stay at the hotel and most definitely wanted to hang with his friends after not seeing them for weeks. I texted both of them and apologized if I was insane but they both told me I was awesome and they wanna hang out again soon, so yay?

We didn’t end up leaving Fredericksburg until like 3 pm and we were lucky we left when we did - crowds started gathering as we were trying to get out of town. There had been protests in Hagerstown and I was bummed to miss them. I wanted to go and support the cause. When we got home though it was late and we were all worried about things devolving and turning into a riot so we didn’t go. I felt like shit about that. The truth too was that we were emotionally spent and just done with everything.

I ended up getting in a huge fight with my sister. She can be such a terrible human sometimes. My nephew - who I have mentioned before is my favorite young person on the planet, pretty much - was just amazing. Let me see if I can transcribe this text war that played out on her Facebook.

First off, she posted a meme of sorts that said “Bet they don’t burn down the food stamp office.”

Fuck yes she did.

Her son, my nephew, (19) responded: This post is gross.

Me: Wow. This is disgustingly out of touch and elitist. Why would you post this?

Sister: I think it’s hilarious.

Nephew: Even if you think it’s funny it’s also very insensitive and damaging. I know you have lots of POC who you are friends with, especially on your Facebook. During times like these we NEED to be supportive and show you are there for them. This post just makes you seem insensitive and unsupportive.

Sister: [Son], if I was a betting girl which I am, those people who are rioting stores definitely don’t have jobs and more than likely are on food stamps.

Me: There are more white people on food stamps than black. The original statement is horrifically racist. You need to check your white privilege and realize how this sort of narrative is disgusting. It’s a slap in the face to everyone out marching and protesting. Guess what - if someone fucking stood on my son’s neck until he died, I’d burn down the whole god damned city.

Sister: Actually a lot of white people were the ones rioting.

Sister: So u the one who jumped to conclusions over that statement.

Me: So? You personally are using a black man’s unjust racially motivated death to promote racism and classism. Because you think it’s funny? Seriously? I 100% agree with your son here.

Sister: My statement has nothing to do with racism.

Sister: And it has everything to do with classism. It’s been my life experience that people have control over their own life. They chose to act like animals last night. And it just so happens that food stamp buildings didn’t get touched.

Me: There is no jumping to conclusions. The rioting is because people of all backgrounds, colors and creeds are outraged and upset. This is happening because black people in our country have been oppressed for 400 years and systemic racism is built into our economic structure. Whites and blacks are marching and rioting in support of stopping that.

Me: So YES IT ABSOLUTELY DID have to do with racism. That’s why your son is appalled. The entire event is about racism. You are mocking and laughing about people who have no other way to express their frustration and upset. Whether or not you want to say you didn’t understand when you posted it - we are telling you that now. It is racist. It is classism. It is elitist. It’s awfully sad you don’t understand that.

Nephew: No matter what you wanted it to be or thought it was, it is still damaging to people on your Facebook. To people of color and people protesting. That’s why you should delete it.

Sister: To burn down businesses is not the answer and does nothing but hurt the community. They don’t give a fuck about protesting. They’re taking advantage of a horrible act of a police officer with control issues.

Me: This is the kind of shit we will never agree on. Say what you want. It is racist. I can’t even believe you are trying to defend it. It’s gross.

Sister: Son, I respect your view but I won’t be deleting anything. It’s the truth and anyone should understand that. I work my ass off everyday to pay for stuff, and these scumbags come and take it. And watch the taxes go up.

Sister: That’s your opinion.

Me: And your opinion is on the side of racism and oppression.

Sister: Ok.

Me: I will always stand up in support of the struggle for equality. I will never support mocking those who have no safe way to show their frustration in a society who won’t treat them as people. #BlackLivesMatter

Sister: *shrug emoji*


This exchange just made me more livid. My nephew and I messaged over the phone and off Facebook and he was really distressed that his mom couldn’t understand that when sit downs and silent protests like taking a knee are ignored, the next step is protesting and when that seems to not have an effect, some people turn to violence. It just boils over.

Yes looting is wrong. No one is saying it is right. However, it’s a powder keg, has continued to be one, and making horrific jokes that belittle an entire race’s struggle for equality is absolutely the mark of an ignorant person. She dropped out of school in 10th grade and never took a class in American History. Like, how can you be over 40 though and still not have a clue?

Fuck.

So I have this nonsense rolling around in my head. On top of all of this, I wanted to say that MisterMoonbeam and I had some major talks about us and life and our relationship over the course of the weekend. It was really really good and I think it brought us loads closer, but yeah - more emotional work.

Oh, and I had a long text conversation on the way home with our long term Zombicide gaming partner. He asked me if I would be okay hanging out if he hosted a game night at his place and invited PunkRock. That was a no from me dawg! I had to explain to him about how everything happened. That was not fun and it got me emotional to have to relive everything.

Ugh.

I should be sleeping.
 
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So...talks with MisterMoonbeam. We had quite a few very loving and respectful discussions this past weekend. One was in regards to dating.

He has another girlfriend that he has not seen since before Corona lockdown started. She lives about an hour and a half away and is extremely immunocompromised. They’ve been dating since January - I think? Maybe February. Since Corona, he’s had 3 online dates with her. The first he forgot about and missed altogether because he was in NRE land with me (he told me he had a date he had rescheduled and was free to see me, but he didn’t actually cancel it.) After he missed it, he rescheduled it for the next day and it went fine. The second one he asked me if I minded if he squeezed in a couple of gaming hours with her while I was at his house and packing boxes - it lasted for over four hours and then I told him that I was getting a little miffed because I was doing butt tons of work all by myself and we weren’t going to get anything completed that we HAD to do. So he signed off and she was angry about it. The third time he scheduled her for a game night on an evening when I was supposed to be with DarkKnight and there were no issues.

So there was a learning curve for him! Since then either she has been busy with other partners - she has a girlfriend and a live in boyfriend and maybe one other? - or he has just been too mentally exhausted or emotionally drained to set up a date. He says they’ve been texting, but he just can’t seem to keep things moving. He doesn’t have the spoons. He WANTS this relationship, but it’s just rough right now. I asked him if he was looking for advice or assistance or something and he said no, he just wanted to share. So that was okay.

He has described her as mostly gray ace and I guess he sees the relationship as cuddle buddies more than anything. He still greatly wants to keep it going, which I am 100% fine with. I mean, he loves her bunches. He asked me if I had any boundaries or had thought of any about him going to visit. I told I think that we all really need to approach the issue on a case by case basis.

Like, in this case, his other girlfriend basically lives in a bubble. I am not afraid at all of him bringing Corona to us from her home. She’s been on strict lockdown, and the odds are like almost nil of him sharing an infection from her end. So, have at it! However, he needs to be very clear with her that I’M the plague host here - he could very well be asymptomatic and make her extremely ill. He said that was his fear as well. I told him that was a discussion and decision that they would have to make together. On my end, I think it’s too early since she could freaking die because of me, since I have such a lot of contact with so many people and she is always ill for other reasons. But I will not take responsibility for that decision - that’s between them.

I am still talking to a prison guard who lives in our town - he invited me to go on a cruise with him this fall. Right now I have met him once, when he dropped off donations to the Blessing Box from his car and I stayed 6 feet away on the sidewalk. We really hit it off at first, but our chatting has gotten gradually more sporadic. I am NOT ready to go on a date or see him. We both have high risk jobs and it’s just not safe. I told MisterMoonbeam like maybe the end of July or beginning of August, but that’s if things have calmed down. If not, no way. MosterMoonbeam said that he doesn’t feel safe about me seeing this guy either right now. Honestly, it isn’t an issue. I don’t have the spoons either. Also I am not hyped up about adding another partner right at this moment. This guy would want me to be a primary to him (non-nesting, of course) but I just don’t have any emotional space to offer anyone else at this time. I might not, even in a month or so!

I really liked our discussion and it felt good that we were on the same page with everything. There were more topics, but this is what I had time to write about now!
 
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* I mean, he loves her bunches. He asked me if I had any boundaries or had thought of any about him going to visit. I told I think that we all really need to approach the issue on a case by case basis.*

I'd make sure he knew his relationships are his to handle and you won't be enforcing boundaries that dictate how he interacts with other people. I would explain that I see no risk from her and that yes, you and your family are the ones who pose more covid risk. I would make sure he knew that "we" don't need to approach anything. "He" does. And I will respond to his decisions to maintain my own boundaries.

I would not want him to think he needs to run it by me, before he can commit to something with her. That makes me the boss. As well as that appearing highly controlling, it becomes much easier for him to blame you for decisions he is making. "Oh Bluebird said no visit" when actually you just pointed out some clash in schedule and he decided to rearrange the thing with her. So from now, I would make sure he knew that there is no control mechanisms coming from me. No regulations. No rules. She's low risk for covid, so go see her when you want. That's what I'd say and back the hell out of the discussion.

Men enjoy casting women as Mommy and then rebelling against them. The women sometimes readily accept that role.
 
When it comes to dating at this point, we all need to be at a joyful yes. Covid could kill us. When someone’s boundary is crossed in this instance - we aren’t talking about let me adjust my preferences - it’s more like you won’t be allowed back inside your own home for 2 weeks. One of the reasons we were so gung ho to get BugGirl into her own apartment was the fact that she was breaking our quarantine every other day by meeting up and banging different guys. Then she would come home and try to get us to allow them to stay over here! Not okay. This sort of thing puts every single one of us at risk and none of us were comfortable with it.

This conversation we had was an extension of that. It was clarifying what boundaries the other has. Honestly I don’t at all feel like he was putting me in a mommy role, nor am I putting him in that place either with my dating. He told me his comfort level, and I told him mine. DarkKnight’s feelings are known as well. At some point maybe there will be a disagreement surrounding it, but that would require another discussion.

I can’t imagine a world where a nesting partner would just start go seeing someone new in the middle of a global pandemic before we had spoken about safety. To just tell someone - now you have to go get a hotel room for 2 weeks - out of the blue - yikes! I think it’s similar to telling a partner that you want them to wear a condom with new partners until testing is completed. They can decide if they are okay with that or not. If they are not, then they and I won’t be having sex or we will be wearing condoms together until the testing is completed. They might not like that, but everyone is aware of the boundary and there won’t be surprises afterward.

Maybe you would be okay with not having this sort of discussion, but MisterMoonbeam came to me with it and I was happy he did. I 100% would have come to him with the same concerns if I felt like I wanted to meet up with someone else right now - and I know if I just went off and did it and came back without talking about it beforehand, BOTH of my partners would have been appalled and felt betrayed because the risk factor is too high right now. That sort of lack of judgment would definitely have them questioning everything.

I get the gist of what you are saying overall, but I think life or death sort of subjects need to be talked about within relationships.
 
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You allowed Bug Girl to bring how many random guys into your home? Whether they spend the night or not, that seems highly risky. And now she's going to live with your vulnerable son and keep bringing random guys there?

Has anyone been tested for Covid-19? I'd be so scared.
 
We DID NOT allow her to bring random guys here. Didn’t stop her from asking and begging though. This past month she was out of the house almost 90% of the time due to this - she WAS in a hotel. When she came home to grab clothes or whatever, she was in and out and we did not interact. We were not about to allow that sort of nonsense.
 
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MisterMoonbeam just stopped by (he works from home here but I am outside dealing with Blessing Box business) and told me he spoke to my metamour and she said she is not wanting to meet up with him due to my high risk factors. Which is what we all thought she would say. So no worries. Apparently she has a girlfriend who she is also not able to see in person due to that person’s other partners as well.

I stand by my decision to discuss Covid and pandemic comfort levels of safety. I don’t feel that is overbearing or controlling, and my partners requesting that we take things slow with it is okay with me. I don’t think the current situation you can really compare to other boundaries. The potential pitfalls are too great.

In any case, all is well here.

Oh! And Magdyln - my son is not vulnerable. He actually has a part time job where he is considered essential. His disabilities are not as such that they give him additional health worries, thank goodness.
 
Bluebird said:
When it comes to dating at this point, we all need to be at a joyful yes. Covid could kill us. When someone’s boundary is crossed in this instance - we aren’t talking about let me adjust my preferences - it’s more like you won’t be allowed back inside your own home for 2 weeks. One of the reasons we were so gung ho to get BugGirl into her own apartment was the fact that she was breaking our quarantine every other day by meeting up and banging different guys. Then she would come home and try to get us to allow them to stay over here! Not okay. This sort of thing puts every single one of us at risk and none of us were comfortable with it.

This conversation we had was an extension of that. It was clarifying what boundaries the other has. Honestly I don’t at all feel like he was putting me in a mommy role, nor am I putting him in that place either with my dating. He told me his comfort level, and I told him mine. DarkKnight’s feelings are known as well. At some point maybe there will be a disagreement surrounding it, but that would require another discussion.

I can’t imagine a world where a nesting partner would just start go seeing someone new in the middle of a global pandemic before we had spoken about safety. To just tell someone - now you have to go get a hotel room for 2 weeks - out of the blue - yikes! I think it’s similar to telling a partner that you want them to wear a condom with new partners until testing is completed. They can decide if they are okay with that or not. If they are not, then they and I won’t be having sex or we will be wearing condoms together until the testing is completed. They might not like that, but everyone is aware of the boundary and there won’t be surprises afterward.

Maybe you would be okay with not having this sort of discussion, but MisterMoonbeam came to me with it and I was happy he did. I 100% would have come to him with the same concerns if I felt like I wanted to meet up with someone else right now - and I know if I just went off and did it and came back without talking about it beforehand, BOTH of my partners would have been appalled and felt betrayed because the risk factor is too high right now. That sort of lack of judgment would definitely have them questioning everything.

I get the gist of what you are saying overall, but I think life or death sort of subjects need to be talked about within relationships.
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I too would expect some discussion with a housemate if any description if I were to start interacting with other people.

It's the bit where it's a case by case basis that would be weird for me. It sounds like this GF has a pretty stable risk level and you're more of a risk to her. It would be my strong desire to step away from granting or refusing permission. So I would tell him it is fine to see her and come back to my house as long as her risk level stays the same. Then I'd leave him to manage that and not expect any more discussions about whether he can go or not unless she starts going to crowded places.


Is this new partner Moonbeam now a nesting partner?! I thought he was staying with you for a while between homes of his own because you've just started seeing each other and you've just had a sudden split with a spouse that you pretty much didn't see coming at all. If I were your daughter, it would be pretty hard to see this and not think that solace is found in the arms of a man. It isn't any wonder she finds it hard to accept your dating advice.

Isn't your son autistic? Won't he be the one dealing with someone trying to deal with dependency issues plus the promiscuity? Sounds like a lot for him.
 
SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
I too would expect some discussion with a housemate if any description if I were to start interacting with other people.

It's the bit where it's a case by case basis that would be weird for me. It sounds like this GF has a pretty stable risk level and you're more of a risk to her. It would be my strong desire to step away from granting or refusing permission. So I would tell him it is fine to see her and come back to my house as long as her risk level stays the same. Then I'd leave him to manage that and not expect any more discussions about whether he can go or not unless she starts going to crowded places.


Is this new partner Moonbeam now a nesting partner?! I thought he was staying with you for a while between homes of his own because you've just started seeing each other and you've just had a sudden split with a spouse that you pretty much didn't see coming at all. If I were your daughter, it would be pretty hard to see this and not think that solace is found in the arms of a man. It isn't any wonder she finds it hard to accept your dating advice.

Isn't your son autistic? Won't he be the one dealing with someone trying to deal with dependency issues plus the promiscuity? Sounds like a lot for him.
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That was exactly what she did, along with indicating she felt he should inform meta of the threat level of his current living situation. Sounds pretty responsible to me.
 
It's the bit where it's a case by case basis that would be weird for me. It sounds like this GF has a pretty stable risk level and you're more of a risk to her. It would be my strong desire to step away from granting or refusing permission. So I would tell him it is fine to see her and come back to my house as long as her risk level stays the same. Then I'd leave him to manage that and not expect any more discussions about whether he can go or not unless she starts going to crowded places.
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That’s what we agreed on. Lol


Is this new partner Moonbeam now a nesting partner?! I thought he was staying with you for a while between homes of his own because you've just started seeing each other and you've just had a sudden split with a spouse that you pretty much didn't see coming at all.
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Yes - he was looking at houses to move to in our area, but things went so well that we decided he could just stay. So, all of my posts have been lately about spending every weekend packing up his place and bringing his items here and to storage. We have agreed to try it for a year and see how it goes. It’s an interesting situation, for sure.

If I were your daughter, it would be pretty hard to see this and not think that solace is found in the arms of a man. It isn't any wonder she finds it hard to accept your dating advice.
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lol okay. My daughter will be 30 in a short while. She is a full grown adult who can make her own decisions. We don’t have to agree on our own levels of personal safety while living separately, but she did while living under my roof.

Isn't your son autistic? Won't he be the one dealing with someone trying to deal with dependency issues plus the promiscuity? Sounds like a lot for him.
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My son has a few different diagnoses. His birth mother gave him cocaine as a toddler, so some neural pathways were effected. He has been diagnosed with Aspergers in the past, only to have that label removed later on. He dealt with learning disabilities and emotional disregulation as a child. We flirted with fetal alcohol effect as a diagnosis as well, but nothing ever really stuck. He has challenges, for sure. His main ones being hoarding and depression. He is absolutely able to let his sister know that she can’t have visitors over. He is almost 31. (They are biologically related.) I talked to him about it and he said he isn’t as worried as I was about it, but he had discussions with his younger sister as well previously. She had been living with him and kept wanting to come home with her own current boyfriend, but he told her it wasn’t okay, so for the last couple of months she’s been staying in Waynesboro with her guy. To be fair, she was super excited about moving in with him and would probably have been staying there Covid or no. So he said if he thinks BugGirl’s being unsafe, they’ll have a talk about it. He also is great about messaging me and asking for assistance when needed.

I am actually a little relieved that they will be looking out for each other - BugGirl is a bit of a neat freak and OCD about cleaning, so she is a good foil to my son’s hygiene and cleanliness issues, and he won’t allow her to let their home be a revolving door to dudes any more really than I was.

They’re both adults with autonomy, and they’ve always had a good relationship. At the present time I don’t have any major concerns. If either of them ask me to work out their “house rules” I will be willing to join the discussion though.
 
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