Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

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Yesterday was all go, no quit. I had a church contact me the night before, and they brought over 70 boxes of mixed produce. Each box was the same, and each one held spinach, lettuce, a zucchini, apples, lemons, oranges, onions, potatoes and a green bell pepper. Oh, and a container of white mushrooms. They were bomb! MisterMoonbeam was like, um, what are you going to do with all of that? Silly. He hasn’t seen my Blessing Box in action! Everything was gone in an hour.

At the same time, we had two used AC units show up, and then another person brought a car load of baby items - a pack n play, a double stroller and two high chairs. Then another car came by with a TON of dollar store summer toys - bubbles, badminton sets, glow sticks & bracelets. I moved it all very quickly, only to have another donor stop with some small end tables, 2 vacuum cleaners and a 10-person breakfast giveaway, consisting of a jug of OJ, a pork sausage roll, a dozen eggs, a bottle of syrup and a box of pancake mix. The breakfast stuff got pulled inside and I’m going to give that away today.
 
I am tired today, and feeling down. After DarkKnight gets home from work I will have shopping to do - I need to buy an air conditioner for an elderly woman, and get produce for Fresh Food Friday. Also my two oldest apparently need a vacuum cleaner - BugGirl has borrowed mine twice and it’s there right now.

Yesterday I was super motivated and I got a lot of cleaning done in the kitten room and around the house, but I woke up sad today and I just can’t seem to shake it. I hate when that happens! It’s not a major depressive episode, and I can’t pinpoint the root cause. I’m just sad.

So I filled the Blessing Box, handed over a pair of new sandals that were ordered for a neighbor, and took in some food donations. I’m totally not wanting to do anything else now though. I wish I could go downstairs and get back in bed for a nap.
 
I got into gear yesterday and did some cleaning - I had my Echo Dot play two songs and I used that time to focus on one task in a room. When the next set of songs started, I moved to another room. I was happy to be able to get motivated finally.

When DarkKnight came home, he and I went out on a date night. We picked up subs from Alekos, and went to a small local park - Pangborn Park - and ate together, before finding a bench next to the pond there. We watched baby ducks and baby geese for a bit, and then after some time we did my errands - the shopping I needed to get done.

MisterMoonbeam had driven out to Virginia for a doctor appointment, and he arrived home just a few minutes before we did! We all had some ice cream I had bought at the store, and watched an episode of the Netflix show, Dark. We are almost done with the first season. I’ve seen it all before, but neither of my guys has at all.
 
Saturday was rough. I ended up with a sleepover with MisterMoonbeam on Friday night, as we realized DarkKnight wanted to be able to sleep in, since I had to drive MisterMoonbeam to pick up his moving truck. I woke up at 6, watched an episode of a show, and then fed the cats breakfast. When I went to feed the kittens, I set the food down and realized that little Chip was missing. He was laying in the cat tower, not moving. He looked dead. His breath was barely there. I immediately scooped him up - he was so cold! - and called the emergency foster line. No one answered, so I sent a text. I yelled for MisterMoonbeam, but he was in the shower and didn’t hear. I set down Chip and ran down to the basement, encouraged DarkKnight to get up and into the shower, letting him know what was going on with Chip.

I raced back upstairs and tried to get Chip to respond. He couldn’t even hold his head up, and his eyes weren’t tracking. The shelter finally messaged me back, and they said we were on our own because there was no vet in the shelter over the weekend, and the clinic was closed.

I gave him some pedialyte, and before too long DarkKnight was by my side, plugging in the heating pad and mixing up some slurry.

Unfortunately, I then had to leave. I went with MisterMoonbeam to get the moving truck, and then pick up my two oldest children. MisterMoonbeam drove the moving truck with my son, and I drove his minivan with my daughter in the passenger seat.

I want to write more but I am fading. It’s after midnight and I am spent.

Chip died in DarkKnight’s arms that afternoon. To say DarkKnight is devastated is the mildest word. He’s just a wreck.

This morning we had another kitten suddenly stop eating, and Huckleberry later died tonight, while I rocked him and sang “Night Mantra” by Renee & Jeremy.

I already had plans to go to the shelter tomorrow, with a stool sample. We think it may be Coccidia, as the shelter says it has been prevalent lately.

This is so extremely overwhelming and sad to me. In the 5+ years that we’ve been fostering, I’ve never had a kitten die. Now we’ve had two in two days. Chip and Huck were e brothers - Grapenut seems to be okay so far, but he’s been sneezing. The others didn’t, they were just fine until suddenly they weren’t. So I hope he will be okay. The other kittens in the room seem ok so far. I can’t lose anymore - this is just awful.
 
As a licensed veterinary technician I would be concerned that you could have FeCV (feline corona virus)/FIP in your home brought in from the shelter.

It is highly contagious. So keep your other cats far away from the kitten room. Do not even let them outside the door.
 
Oh god, so sorry for the loss of your two kittens.

Hope that your others stay well (and your cats too, based on Dagferi's comment above).

It's obvious you give these animals a high level of care. Whatever happens, they would be in good hands at your house with the best possible outcome.
 
I took multiple stool samples in to the clinic today, and they tested negative for all parasites, worms and coccidia - which was my initial concern. The whole remaining bunch have a vet visit together in Wednesday evening. Today, all of the kittens were active and happy. None seem to have any new symptoms, so I am keeping my fingers crossed we are over the worst of whatever this was. The two kittens who died were brothers from the same litter.

We have always kept our cats separate from the fosters, and there’s weatherstripping along the bottom of the door to keep them apart. No worries there. I actually asked about FIP because we had a friend who had issues with it a few years back. The foster coordinator said they have no way to test for it that is really accurate, and with kittens, it honestly wouldn’t matter if it was - it’s pretty fatal in babies. So at this point we just keep sanitizing and hoping for the best.
 
I had a talk yesterday with MisterMoonbeam that I wanted to get down in my journal. I was driving along in the car and he was a passenger. Out of nowhere he said that he wanted to talk more about finances, and that he’d like to be a part of our State of the Union meeting, the next time DarkKnight and I have one. He said that he felt like he wanted to contribute more than the $1200/month rent to the household, because he can afford it. And that he wanted to just be a help for the projects we are planning with remodeling and landscaping. I had to pause for a minute, because this was concerning to me.

I told him that I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I needed to take time about wording my response correctly. He told me to just tell him what was on my mind straight, and that he would appreciate that more than a sanitized version. So I did.

My feeling is that we have only been dating for 3 months. I’ve been under extremely high stress that entire time - and that’s without a global pandemic setting up in the background. And he’s got major depression, from his wife’s death just a few months ago. I feel that including him in the long term planning of my life and my home, just isn’t fair to him or me.

While I appreciate the offer of his financial assistance - we aren’t looking to cash in on his current salary or savings. That’s not why I love him. And I don’t want him to start making commitments like that this early in. I’m not interested in marrying him. I mean, I love him, but we both need to keep our heads on! The beginning of our courtship might have been rushed and insane, but I want the future to be thought out - by both of us.

While DarkKnight made 2-3 times what PunkRock did annually (depending on the year), MisterMoonbeam makes 2-3 times what DarkKnight does. I don’t think taking a big chunk out of his check and using it for the house we own, when he’s not a husband or invested in it would be unfair even if he’s offering, as it’s not a good financial decision from his side of things. I told him to leave it on the table and we can talk again 6 months from now - a year from now. I am not ready to make a lifelong commitment. I am still healing, and he’s still healing. I want him to keep his options open!

He said he appreciated me being honest about that, and the explanation makes sense. He said he’s never lived with a partner when he didn’t share accounts so this is new for him. He agreed with all my points, and he wasn’t hurt that I said I didn’t want to marry him tomorrow! I mean, he wasn’t asking, but you know what I mean.

I did feel bad after the talk and it made me anxious. I didn’t want to hurt him.
 
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I think how you worded it is perfect. It was honest while still being kind and loving. And it was a wise decision for all of you.

I hope your other kitties stay well. We took in a rescue once who we were told had been tested for everything. Turned out they didn't test for FeLV and the kitten was positive. Despite our vet's best efforts, the kitty died. It was heartbreaking. I hope your other foster babies are OK.
 
Thanks - I talked about it with DarkKnight and he said I was thinking compassionately and he thought it sounded okay. He also said he wasn’t exactly excited to share finances again - considering the PunkRock didn’t contribute what he said he would after my breakup. I can understand that too. I don’t think MisterMoonbeam would do something like that, but apparently my judge of character can leave a lot to be desired. :(

The kittens are doing great! I just posted pics of them on our Facebook foster page. A previous adopter donated a brand new cat tree and MisterMoonbeam put it together for the babies tonight.
 
Kittens are still doing okay. Goopy & runny eyes are still the norm but they’re happy and snuggly. Clinic is tonight!

Today is my day off from the Blessing Box and I JUST got dressed. I had a big bread delivery this morning though and I’ve been doing some organizing in the overflow room today. Mostly I’ve been binging episodes of Survivor China. Lol I also am planning a meal giveaway, but it’s on paper at this point.

BugGirl is here today doing some cleaning (she told me she wants me to pay her once a week for this, and I am soooo down!) and our lawn care crew was here earlier as well. So stuff is getting done. I started washing DarkKnight’s bedding today too.
 
As a guy who's always been the breadwinner, I understand where he is coming from. It would feel weird. He probably felt like he was taking advantage by not contributing what he is accustomed to. You did the right thing and hopefully eased his mind about that.
 
Thanks for giving me your input on it - I appreciate that! We’ve talked about different ideas for the future, but nothing at all is even remotely a plan. I don’t want him to feel bad that I don’t want to talk long term planning yet. I am really not ready for it.

This has been such a weird relationship - it’s so different than anything I have experienced. My NRE came and went so very quickly, I didn’t even realize I had lost it. We settled into a routine with DarkKnight with almost no discussion, and the two of them have no issues. I think that part came from him being an experienced poly person - he and his wife had a 20-year open relationship before she passed. He’s used to having a metamour and juggling that sort of dynamic.

The focus of our planning has been on getting him out of his house before July 1, since his landlord ended the lease to sell it. Because of quarantine, we’ve not been able to go to any concerts, museums or events. We’ve done a lot of park dates and nature walks. We recently bought an “Adventure Challenge” date book online, and that has been fun - and it’s helped me not be so completely focused on his move. However, this isn’t at all how my normal dating stuff goes!

Both of us are doing grief work right now - or avoiding doing it, depending on the day. So our emotions are up and down. He’s definitely got major depression and some anxiety issues. It’s affecting our sex life. Right now I think we are almost to 3 weeks with no sexual contact at all. It might be 2. I haven’t been keeping track. He’s snuggly and sweet, and he assured me last night that he is attracted to me. I think it’s just that nights are difficult for both of us. That’s downtime, reflection time, and that means memories and sadness. We need to learn to carve out sexy time as well. I have spurts of my old horny self, when I look over and see him and I wanna jump his bones, but I find myself holding back because he’s sad. Or he holds back because I am crying. We talked about this last night, while on the couch. I told him I wanted to check in and see how he felt about that - was he wanting a platonic relationship now? But nope, we are both on the same page, just getting lost in our heads.

This weekend should break the spell - we are splitting the cost of a hotel in Fredericksburg for 3 days, and the last of the house stuff will be complete (turning in the keys, returning the router to the cable company). Saturday we are doing a Dark season 3 marathon with a friend - the female part of the couple we’ve been almost exclusively hanging out with. I think we are going to do an Adventure Challenge on Friday and maybe on Sunday too.

That said, I am okay with where we are at currently. I’ve been trying to plan a getaway week in a secluded cabin for both of my guys in late July, and MisterMoonbeam and I have the trip for the Outer Banks private beach house booked already for the beginning of October. We’ve talked about running away as a 3-pack someplace during Christmas, but I am waiting to see how that feels as the date gets closer.
 
Dark Season 3 is out????!!!!! OMG you just made my day. That show is INSANE. :)
 
It drops on Saturday!!! Ayyyyyyyyyyyy

We’ve been watching 2 episodes an evening to get caught back up through 1 & 2.
 
Home again after a fun trip to Fredericksburg this weekend. MisterMoonbeam’s house is now finished - he dropped off the keys this morning and we took the router home with us. Never going back there, thank goodness! We had a blast at our friends’ house yesterday, enjoying a Dark marathon and eating a ton of junk food. Lol DarkKnight watched at home, and all of us are happy with the way the series ended.

I started using a Diva Cup when my period began on Friday. This is my first time, and so far it’s been great. I can’t seem to get a tight seal at night, so I have switched to tampons every evening. I just woke up from a daytime nap though and didn’t have any leakage. There is a learning curve, I guess. I am really excited about this product though!

Yeah, I took a nap today. The drive home from Virginia wore me out - too much heat and sun, and with my period - ugh. DarkKnight’s bedroom was sooooo cool and I was OUT once I got home.

I think I may have found a getaway spot for the 3 of us at the end of July - I haven’t booked it yet, but I have a friend there now and she is enjoying the location. I need time away from life with my loves!
 
I've been using a DivaCup for over 15 years now at least. I've found it great! Is this your first menstrual cup? I have never had a trouble with fit, though I bought the bigger cup after having kids. Hope it works out well for you. The savings add up quickly, I found.
 
I’ve never used a cup before. I am sold on it now though! I purchased the smaller size, since I’ve never had children. When I was fitted for my diaphragm, the gynecologist ordered me the smaller size, so I figured I would go with that for the cup as well. I’m wondering maybe I need the larger one for nighttime? Probably not though - it’s just that I need a better seal, which will come with experience. Yesterday and last night I had no leaks when asleep.
 
I closed the Blessing Box today because I am feeling kind of eh. I didn’t get to bed before 1 am, and then that combined with my period leaving me dehydrated is just - I need a break! Of course, the to do list around here isn’t getting any shorter. I’ve only been up for a couple of hours and I’ve sent out a dozen texts and emails, I’ve fed all of the household cats lunch and emptied the kitten room litter box. The babies got fed and I administered their meds as well. The new antibiotic seems to be doing the trick - half of them look very healthy, and the others are improved. We ran out of eye drops last night, so I ordered more for DarkKnight to pick up on the way home after work tonight.

Seriously though, my house is a wreck and I’m not really sure how since I was gone all weekend! I’m going to shower soon and then just curl up on the couch and make some lists of stuff I should get done!

I just found out that both DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam have Friday off for the holiday weekend. We are not going to go see the fireworks - I don’t trust people to socially distance or wear masks there. I want to plan something fun for the day off though, but I am afraid everything I think of will involve hoards of other people coming up with the same idea. Maybe we can work on some stuff in the backyard - I want to have fun though, not just focus on our never-ending household list! Still, I am excited about getting our patio put in next month, and we have a bunch of large planters to paint (brought over from MisterMoonbeam’s house) and a patio set that I am going to make look fabulous as well. Hmmmm
 
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