Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love


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Okayyyyy - just had a sit down talk with MisterMoonbeam, and sent a message to DarkKnight. Looks like we will probably be switching to an all-remote Thanksgiving. All of us had concerns but no one really communicated it. Hurray for writing in my journal and then deciding to have a discussion! Will give an update here after the 3 of us come together tonight.


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I am so very sad right now.

We had our talk and I sent a group text to restructure Thursday’s game day. DarkKnight is going to deliver Chinese touchfree to BugGirl and my son. The plan is for him to connect with them online and either do a group watch of some movies or play some games together over Steam. My son called me and he is excited about it, and BugGirl has already sent her menu order over. I am glad this tradition will continue, even with a changed set up.

Our Saturday Thanksgiving Dinner has me absolutely heartbroken. I struggled so much last year with BugGirl being missing, and I really focused on that change in my therapy sessions. This year I now feel like we’re undergoing such a catastrophic change - oh my heart! But it’s necessary.

I messaged my kids that we are canceling our sit down gathering, but that we are still cooking. We are going to drop off plates - safely - and the rest we are still figuring out.

I am glad my journal entry really got me thinking about things. We did a similar drop off at Easter, with food for my son. To lose all 3 of my kids this year for my favorite holiday - I guess it’s a little better knowing that people all over the US are making the same changes, the same sacrifices. It still sucks though.


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Today was busy, but oh so wonderful. I was able to give out 4 complete Thanksgiving dinners to people in need, and I have more lined up for tomorrow. More gifts arrived for seniors and teens, and I am now pretty tired. I’m closing the Blessing Box until next Monday, but unofficially I will still have stuff going on.


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I had a very busy day off, yet I was able to couch surf for a lot of it. I’m still in last night’s pajamas! In all, I did 6 more turkeys today, along with sides. I have the last one going out at 8 pm - just waiting for the family to come and get it. I had several drop offs for the decoration giveaway, and a few of our donors showed up with senior gifts. There was a lot of spreadsheet data entry going on as well. All that, but I also managed to get onto season 4 of Downton Abbey!

I’m doing laundry at the moment, as I wasn’t sure about the weather tomorrow. It’s supposed to be raining all day here in Hagerstown, but where MisterMoonbeam’s parents live is 68 degrees. I looked that up a few minutes ago - I had never even heard of the little town where they are. I have a dark purple wrap dress to wear - eggplant? - and I am going to have on my new gray & black booties as well. At least, that’s the plan. After I put away my laundry, all bets are off. Lol


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I thought for sure I had updated earlier, but I guess not. I ended up wearing the purple dress on Thanksgiving, and MisterMoonbeam & I had a nice dinner with his parents. When he said they live remotely, he wasn’t kidding! They are both really nice people, but they have no idea that he and I are poly. He said he doesn’t care about hiding it anymore, but bringing it up over turkey isn’t the best idea. He talked about blurting it out and I advised against it!


Here I am, straight out of the shower, so my hair was still damp. Not too shabby!

I’m still waiting for my Stitch Fix box that was due here on Friday. 🤷‍♀️ Not sure where it is - the app keeps telling me the stylist is hard at work, picking things and that it will arrive Nov 27.

I actually was feeling sick on Friday, from the time that I woke up. I was like holy shit, I better not have the Rona! I had this awful headache, so I took 2 Tylenol, and then a couple hours later I was feeling like my head would explode, so I took 3 more Tylenol. I hate taking pills, so you know it was bad! The headache actually made me feel nauseous. I fell asleep on the couch for like an hour, and then when I woke up, everything had resolved itself and I had a good evening.

My house is insane right now, as we have lots of packages coming in for Senior Santa and Teen Christmas. My living room is no longer my calm place to sit - totes and boxes are on their way, stacking up to the ceiling. It’s amazing to see unfold every year, as the community comes together, but it’s also hard to unwind in a room that looks like a hoarder’s house. Friday is the deadline for both programs, and then items will leave here, so there is an end in sight!

Today is our family Thanksgiving. I’m writing this while DarkKnight is making gravy in the kitchen. We are going to make 5 to-go plates for my kids and their people - my youngest is coming here to pick up for her and her boyfriend, and then we are driving over the rest to BugGirl and the guy she is seeing right now, and my son. I know my youngest has been hanging out with them all together, so it’s really just my polycule that is quarantining from them! It breaks my heart, but we are doing it.

Thursday was our traditional pajamas & board games day and that really got twisted up. DarkKnight ordered Chinese for everyone (not me & MisterMoonbeam since we were gone) and delivered it around. Then everyone decided to download the Among Us app, and we played that together remotely! There is no better sound than hearing your adult children laughing and laughing. I got home in time to play a half dozen games with them, and apparently I am really good at it. Everyone suspects me, but I seem so inept that they just vote for each other. Seem is the word. Lol BugGirl kept getting thrown out of the airlock and she wasn’t even ever the Imposter. 😂


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ugh. Got my period. I was pretty sure that was what was causing my headache and tiredness the other day, and yep, here it is!

I am feeling overwhelmed today and somewhat anxious. To combat this I am handling things in baby steps. Breaking down big tasks into little ones. I need to make up a wrapping schedule for all of these Christmas gifts - my own family’s, and the rest of my city’s. Lol Seriously though, the mountain is growing. I do this every year and my systems improve every year, but it is a lot!

Thanksgiving dinner went off well yesterday. MisterMoonbeam and I took a hike in the afternoon and that helped my mood a bunch. Oh my god - I had to poop in the woods! That has never happened before, and with it being fall, all of the trees were bare and I didn’t have many places to hide. Some people came by in passing, but MisterMoonbeam redirected them away from my ground pile. Thankfully I had some tissues in my backpack to wipe with, and I poured a bottle of water over my crap to dissolve most of it. I don’t have a gallbladder, so when I gotta go - I gotta go!

So yeah, thanksgiving was interesting! Lol My youngest and her boyfriend picked up all of the plates from the doorway and delivered some to her siblings. I was so sad - it doesn’t feel like the holiday at all. The food was amazing though, so there’s that, at least. I suppose. I’m trying to look on the positive side of things.


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It’s gonna be one of those days - I woke up tired, hungry, and crampy. Ughhhh

I keep sleeping on my neck wrong too.


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Today was a celebration of suck. Everything that could go wrong, did. It was supposed to be my day off, but it was decidedly a shit show and not relaxing or fun.

The worst was that one of my Three Musketeers is in the hospital. They think she had a stroke. It would take too long to explain it, but it was brought on by a medication change. She called me this morning, sounding terrible. She’d been having issues all week, and she stopped by yesterday with her adult daughter, who was extremely worried.

So that was an awful way to start the day. Then I had a doorbell ring from someone who was distraught - her late father’s coat had been accidentally donated and she had been sleeping with it and wasn’t ready to give it up. Well, I never even saw it - the person who dropped it off, hung it right on the porch so it was gone as soon as it got here. I still checked everywhere inside. She understood but it was sad.

I had to make a doctor’s appointment for Friday afternoon. My left eye under the waterline is all red and angry and hurty. It might be a sty. I don’t know. I have a new doctor because my old one left so this will be an adventure. Anyway, my eye fucking hurts so that never bodes well.

I’m on my period.

BugGirl called and texted me upset because some boots the Blessing Box gifted to her boyfriend disintegrated. They were used, but no one anticipated this. They literally fell apart on his feet. Apparently they left streaks of a tar like substance on the outside stairs of her apartment, and the rentagency called in a cleaning team who failed to get it out of the rug. So she is going to be charged for the cleaning and a rug replacement - she thinks. Of course neither of them have the money for this - she still owes me $200 for the euthanasia of her kitten. So she was really upset.

One of my donors decided to back out and dump their chosen teenager this morning. Sorry, they don’t have the money. Two days before deadline! I was so upset, because the gifts were rather specific and nothing so could find easily. Thankfully, I posted up a wish list - I had to drop everything and find gifts on Amazon - and other people in the community covered the entire list within 15 minutes. That was amazing to watch happen, 1 gift at a time! So that had a happy ending, though it was stressful for a bit!

I fell apart in the afternoon when the mail came. I messaged my remaining 2 Musketeers, and they both arrived within 20 minutes. They marked food and we had about a dozen cases of size xl adult pullups come in, so they got those all squared away. Right at 4 pm my bread guy showed up and the clean table was once again full. They stayed and got it put away. How, I have no idea.

oh - what set me off in the afternoon was with the mail came an envelope from the State of Maryland, saying that it has come to their attention that I am running an unregistered charity and I needed to submit paperwork so I can be logged, including financial information. I have 30 days to respond.

Honestly it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back today. To be fair, looking over the letter, I do need to register - they’re not wrong - I just didn’t know this requirement existed. None of my mentors ever mentioned it. The state wants to know how much I took in last fiscal year, and thank goodness I have a separate bank account because I can be very accurate when it comes to cash donations. I just need to print out all 2019 statements and add up the deposits. If it’s less than $25,000, things will be very easy - it’s 2 sheets of paper, 2 sided. If it’s more than that, it’s a lot more. I think I am probably under that. Maybe $16,000? I honestly have zero clue. It comes in and goes right back out. I’m actually curious now myself!

I so didn’t need the stress of this right now though, that’s for sure. I put the paperwork away and I will look at it again after this weekend. Now is not the time! I should be able to meet their deadline though. I’m just aggravated. Why now?

My living room looks like a hoarder’s house with boxes stacked to the ceiling. I took care of my own family’s Christmas tonight - got everything wrapped and boxed up to send to New York to my mom, and to my brother’s kids, and to my sister’s youngest. I haven’t purchased for my oldest niece or nephew yet - or my nephew’s boyfriend - and I am running out of time! I need to sit and budget and figure out what to order. It’s going to cost me more to ship all these gifts than anticipated. I am also terribly sad that I won’t be going to New York to see them because of the virus. I ALWAYS go to NY in December! I was crying about it this evening while wrapping my bestie’s presents. I miss my family and friends. I miss my old life of being carefree and going out everyday and seeing everyone.

Oh, the other shitty thing that happened is that the little boy we are personally sponsoring for Christmas, the kitten we were adopting got fixed today. It was discovered it has a fucking heart murmur. This could be okay or it could be devastating. We can’t take the risk - this kiddo is 7 and his mom died in May. No way are we giving him a kitten that could up and die. Icing on the cake for today. I was in shock to hear it. Thankfully the foster mom has another kitten that looks similar and we are going to take that one instead. The boy hasn’t seen the kittens or anything so that is no issue, but it’s still like wtf else was wrong with today!

It’s actually tomorrow now as I post this. Whatever. I’m going to read until 1 am and then pass out.


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I had a doctor appointment Friday afternoon, and it went really well. My regular doctor had left the practice, so it was good to finally meet the new guy they paired me up with.

The doctor was young but really nice. He took a good amount of time to go over my history and discuss everything in detail. I really felt heard, and I feel good about him as a doctor.

First off, I was there to get my eye looked at. Apparently I have a cyst there, and that’s what is causing the pain I am feeling. He said it actually seems to be on its way out, and I should just continue the warm compresses I have been doing while in the shower. I figured there wouldn’t be anything he would do for it, but I didn’t know it was a fucking cyst. Can I just say that I hate my skin, and my immune system?

We talked about my hidradenitis and how my sweat sensitivity fuck with each other. He said I am very lucky to still be at level 0 with the hidra for so many years. He also said I should lose weight because it would help. I was like, I don’t disagree, but seriously - I have had this since I was 18, when I weighed 120 and was not even remotely overweight. If it hasn’t progressed even though I am a fat ass, 25 years later, don’t you think my weight isn’t doing anything to it at all? He said he couldn’t argue that.

However, I have gained 15 pounds since PunkRock and I split, which has me feeling not so good this year. I have to say though, I was really surprised it wasn’t more. I don’t feel good and I don’t like how I look. The nature walking is not doing much except improving my peace of mind. Which I know, of course. I need to change my diet.

We talked about my last set of full blood tests, which were done 3 years ago. At that time my A1C was high, and my old doctor was like, oh you’re diabetic. But then I went to Johns Hopkins for a combination diabetes and sleep apnea study and they said I had neither and I couldn’t participate. 🤷‍♀️ This new doctor said he thought the number was high for normal but not high enough to diagnose diabetes. He said pre-diabetes but even then not really. I wish I could remember the number. Anyway, he wants me to get retested. I have never been on medication for it or anything, as usually my sugars when tested are all normal. However, since I have been eating trash all year, I am sure my numbers are trash as well right now. I am still going to do it - a fasting blood test next Wednesday. He wants to test my thyroid function as well.

He asked about my mental health and I told him briefly about my deep depression last year due to BugGirl’s drug addiction and PunkRock’s alcoholism. Now that I am not dealing with either, I am doing fine with that. I have zero days when I feel like I can’t get out of bed, or eat, or shower due to feelings of hopelessness and despair. I mean, I have days when I want to stay sleeping, but that’s something different!

I did talk about previously being a polygamist, and currently polyamorous. I don’t feel like I will be adding any new partners anytime soon due to Covid, but he is going to have me get some more std testing done since I am having blood drawn anyway. I don’t have any symptoms of anything, but I suppose it won’t hurt to have up to date tests, so I said okay.

He wrote me a prescription for two yeast infection pills. I don’t feel like I need them now, but since I am going to sit in a hot tub in a few weeks, I will probably need them when I come home from vacation. He said that it isn’t uncommon to have that issue and figures I know my own body by this point. So I was happy to have him say that.

What else? I think that was it.


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The Blessing Box Christmas programs have taken over my life lately, but it all has an end in sight! Yesterday was our giveaway of holiday decorations and trees. We gifted out 31 Christmas trees, and an entire room full of ornaments, wreaths and decor. Like, stacked to the ceiling full. This is my 3rd year doing this particular giveaway, and at some points we had visitors in line down around the corner! Everyone was great - people wore masked and followed the rules about social distancing. Another service group picked up the boxes and totes we had left over, as well as one tree. So my house is empty of all of that now!

I’m also doing a daily drawing for Random Acts of Amazon. I have all of the cash in the account, so it’s fairly easy to manage, thank goodness. People commented on one big post on my Facebook page with their Amazon lists, and every day I use a random number generator to choose one of them to win. I have an Advent calendar packed with dollar amounts, so I pull that day’s winner and the amount I’m spending, and then I go purchase things from their list. It’s fun for me and it’s not a whole lot of work so that’s a plus.

My other two programs ARE a lot of work! Teen Christmas has 71 sponsors, and each bought 5 or more presents for a registered child, ages 13-19. I have a couple of kids that are 3, or 7 - ones that missed the deadline for Toys for Tots and Salvation Army Angel Trees. So I am actually up to like 83? Anyway, as soon as the gifts come in, I check them on the spreadsheet and if everything is there, I tell the parents to come and pick up. My living room is chaos right now because the deadline for this was last Friday. Today my focus is getting all of these organized in bins in my foster kitten room (since we don’t have fosters right now). This room was filled to the brim with Christmas giveaway decorations, but I just swept it since it’s empty now, and at the moment it is waiting for me to move stuff over! It will be nice to have my living room back!

My fourth program is Senior Santa, and I am happy to say we had 55 individuals ages 60+ sign up this year. These gifts are all in my living room as well. Now that my overflow room is empty of Christmas trees (I swept that out last night!) These bins of gifts will be arranged along the table in there, waiting to be wrapped. I’m hoping to get some of these out of the living room today, but my focus is Teen Christmas, so we will see.

I have to take the car from DarkKnight in the afternoon today, so he will come home from work at 11:30 or so to pick me up. I am happy because that means we will have lunch together! I was asleep last night at 7 pm, so I missed him coming home last night at 11 pm. It was the last day of Elf: The Musical, so I didn’t get to see him until this morning. Anyway, today I have to pay my son’s rent and pick up meds from Walgreens. I need to buy a few things at the grocery store and mail out my Stitch Fix from this month. (I only kept one item.)


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Oh! I also wanted to post about seeing Elf: The Musical on Saturday afternoon. I have always encouraged DarkKnight to expand his horizons and get out more. He’s introverted, but over the years he has joined numerous theater productions with my urging, and he’s not only a member of a local choral group, but on the Board of Directors now as well. I love him dearly, and I don’t think staying home all the time while I am dating and seeing others is very healthy. Like, it’s okay, but I always would like my other partners to have other outlets. Since DarkKnight identifies as monogamous, I try to encourage him to become involved with activities.

Now, with Corona being a thing, he’s avoided being a part of local productions. His choral group shut down for everything the entire year. He’s been invited to perform in some plays, but he turned them down. However, he said yes to Elf: The Musical.

This was difficult for me. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t. I worried about him, even though all of the practices were masked. Several members of the cast caught Covid (these were ones that traveled in the same car together and lived together) and it freaked me out. I never gave him an ultimatum though, and he offered to sleep separately during quarantine, but it worked out okay.

So MisterMoonbeam and I went to see the play on Saturday. DarkKnight told us the seating was spread out and we’d be safe. This was not the case when we arrived - people were sitting wherever they wanted - but we sat in a distanced spot ourselves, so it worked out. He told me that if we had asked, the ushers actually would have put us into VIP seating. Lol Oh well. The Maryland Theater holds over 1270 people, and each performance was limited to 100 tickets. They were sold out for each run, but it really was empty in there!

I am really glad I went. This sort of activity is really missing in my life, and I could tell that it’s a vital part of who DarkKnight is as a person. He was amazing in his role, and several people - including MisterMoonbeam - said that DarkKnight’s featured song “Nobody Cares About Santa” was the best number in the entire show. He starts it out with a strong solo, and I was so proud of how amazing he sounded!

Anyway, I don’t think he’s going to be signing up for another performance anytime soon, but I hope the vaccine is available so life can get back to normal.


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Not sure if I posted these or not. A few days ago I finished another cabinet project - I believe I may have shown the after pics of the spice drawer before. However, I wanted to show off my oil organization!

This was the BEFORE photo. It’s the tallest cabinet in my kitchen, which isn’t saying much. It was a hot mess.


I cleared out two junk drawers previously, and edited and organized the spices:


I finally got in the turntables I ordered from Amazon, so I can share this AFTER picture:


I need to go back and see if I shared any other pics of my kitchen cabinets. I have one more food cabinet to finish, and I am still waiting on the storage pieces for that. I will share more pics when those arrive.

DarkKnight and I have been talking about the cabinets underneath the main counter where we store the pots and pans - I think we are demolishing the shelf under there, and buying some sliders that let you actually hang your pots. It’s going to happen after Christmas though.


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Today was my day off but I was feeling kind of blah. I woke up at 6:30 this morning and went to work on organizing Teen Christmas & Senior Santa gifts. This is an ongoing process, but everything is looking great at the moment. I have two people coming over tomorrow to wrap senior gifts.

All 3 of my musketeers are down and out due to illness. One had a stroke last week - I think I wrote about that - but she is actually doing better. She wants to come over tomorrow and just sit while we wrap, which I am fine with if she is feeling up to it. (She was tested for Covid twice and no issues.) One of them is congested and she went and got tested for Covid today around 1 pm. She said she doesn’t have any other symptoms and is actually feeling better, but she is staying home until we find out the results.

I actually am dealing with a terrible cough right now, but it’s not sickness, it’s my fucking acid reflux. Last week while DarkKnight was at Tech Week, I skipped taking my med and now it’s like I am starting over from step one with it. I am angry at myself for having this happen, because I am fucking miserable with the cough. I can feel the acid tickling and laying down is the worst.


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So my volunteers all tested negative, so that’s good. Last night DarkKnight popped a fever of 99.4so that was making us freak out. He went to bed early and then when I finally felt tired, I took my own temperature - 99.9! This morning DarkKnight was back to normal, 97.9 and was feeling better. My temp dropped to 99.4 and I am just exhausted.

We both decided to go and get tested, which we did this morning. I closed the Blessing Box, just to be sure. Because we have symptoms, they let us do the rapid result tests. DarkKnight heard back and his was negative, but they didn’t contact me for the longest time.

I was asleep when they called, and when I called them back, they said my results were invalid and I had to come back and get reswabbed. They told DarkKnight to come back as well, even though he had a negative answer. 🤷‍♀️ They didn’t make us wait in the long line, thank goodness, plus they said they would move our tests to the front so we wouldn’t have to worry any longer than needed.

So now we wait. The nurse said that in most cases, either they didn’t get enough of a sample to test, or someone messed up the test. I was glad to hear this because my mind is thinking I have like super space Covid or something.

We just got back home so now we wait again.

The nose swab was most terrible, but not as bad as I had imagined it would be. I wasn’t enthusiastic about doing it a second time, that’s for sure.


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99.4 today - I was really hoping I would wake up without a fever, but I can hope tomorrow things will be better. I’m pretty much down for the count and have been over the past week. Tylenol is controlling my temps, but if I miss a dose, I’m still sick.

I have a cough if I move too much, and if I cough, I pee myself, so laying still is what I do most of the day. The cough is a million times worse at night right as I go to bed. It brings up all sorts of gunk.

These are pretty much all of my symptoms. I’ve had zero appetite the last six days, so we are talking maybe 150-200 calories a day, and gallons of water. Last night I actually ate half a plate of noodles and some salad from Outback, so I was encouraged and was really hoping I’d not have a fever this morning. However, when I woke up I could feel it still there...bummer.

My temps have ranged from 99.2 to 100.9 but never any higher. Tylenol has me on a roller coaster, but at least my body responds to it!

MisterMoonbeam isn’t sick in the least little bit! DarkKnight seemed to get better the first night but then he’s just like me now. Both guys are working from home.


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No fever today. My doctor called first thing in the morning and told me not to bother with getting retested. He said I will probably have the cough for a while so to avoid others and just try to keep my body calm. I asked him about the 50+ people’s Christmases I have in my back room and he said as long as my fever doesn’t come back, that Saturday I should be fine to give stuff out. He said to stay masked and they should be masked.

I looked online and the internet seems to agree. I found several sites that said if you do have Covid, you’re good 10 days past symptoms onset PLUS 24 hours fever free. So Saturday would def be safe. The doctor said he doesn’t think we had Covid though, but it doesn’t really matter.

DarkKnight still had a fever today. Oh! The doctor said we could probably blame MisterMoonbeam - he said the people who don’t get sick are usually the carriers. 😆

I am just sitting back today and feeling sad, mostly. I messaged my daughters and my youngest said she will come over before the weekend to clean. My house is a pit of horror from us being sick and not cleaning. MisterMoonbeam has kept up with the litter boxes thank goodness. I asked him to pick up all the laundry in the upstairs bathroom and he started that today. If so feel better later I might spray foaming bubbles everywhere in there. I need to shower anyway.


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So it actually seems like you have COVID even though you tested negative? That's very scary!


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I don’t think we had Covid. I just had a low grade fever and this fucking cough.


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My sister had covid despite many negative tests (10ish?). She had a little annoying cough for a couple of weeks then a fever for a few days. Then she had pneumonia (she honestly gets it every year though) that antibiotics couldn't touch. Lasted a few months with covid tests happening weekly and always negative.

Once she finally got better and got an antibody test, she had them. Her doctor was pretty certain most of the time that it was covid but the tests never did show it.

I don't trust the tests much. She's not the only person I know who has had less than trustworthy results from them.