Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Bluebird

Well-known member
What a day yesterday was! The 3 mile hike was actually 4.3, and the inside of my tent looks suspiciously like a lower-priced chain-hotel room, but an amazing time was had. ❤️


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MisterMoonbeam overcame issues with his broken wrist, but had some trouble with nerve pain in his right leg. However, he managed to pull through even though the hike took longer than expected.

It was absolutely gorgeous out, and it made me cry, y’all. I’m quite sure my hormones were out of whack because of my period, but at the same time, the tears I was producing felt pretty real and authentic to me!

As I was taking in my surroundings, it suddenly hit me how I’ve hiked more with a partner in the past year than I have in the previous five. I’d let that part of myself go, to make PunkRock happy. And I have her back you guys!

When I was homeschooling my youngest, we were out in nature always at least once a week, but normally two or three times. Whether we were hiking, tubing, camping or just out having a picnic - it was an essential part of who I was. I would definitely describe myself as more of an indoor type of girl, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t okay with being outside.

But more than that, yesterday it suddenly struck me that when I started back hiking a year ago, it was more of an escape - and I don’t need to do it anymore. PunkRock was still up in my house and I needed to be away from his presence. Giving myself that space by taking off into the woods alone was a mental health necessity. Now, however, I can propose a spontaneous (or planned) trip out into the wild, and I won’t be on my own - I have two partners who are ready to explore with me.

That’s not to say that DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam are outdoor enthusiasts. Lol It is just that they are amazingly supportive. Also, I think in hindsight I can look back and say I lost a part of myself when I was with PunkRock - he said he walked enough at work, he wasn’t interested in sitting on a stump and sharing a pb& j or a swig from a water bottle. He didn’t want to have that be a part of his life then. So I shrunk and tailored my planned excursions to him, rather than having it be more 50/50.

I also feel more confident in myself now - if my partners don’t wanna go outside, I can go by myself! But the reason I was teary was because I don’t have to anymore. I’m not hiking to escape PunkRock. I’m under the trees because I want to be, and I feel loved because my partners join me. I might not be fit, and I am definitely not fast, but I love and I am loved.

So yeah, I cried a little bit. It didn’t slow me down. I just acknowledged what I have regained, and kept going. :)

I was super bummed that the weather was not conducive to tent camping - the wind gusts were absolutely insane yesterday! I have video where you can hear the wind sounding like a train! After we finished our hike at Seneca Creek, MisterMoonbeam and I decided to get a hotel room - especially since the forecast now had it raining the next few hours until sundown, and it didn’t seem smart to try and put up a tent in the middle of a storm!

So he found a close-by hotel, and I got us there. We ordered in from a small BBQ joint - doing our part to support local business - and cuddled up together.

After I wake up this morning (heh) we will be off to Cedarville State Forest to snag another couple of miles to mark on my butterfly map. I can’t wait.

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Bluebird

Well-known member
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This notice board doesn’t say anything, so I will tell you that MisterMoonbeam had a nice 2 mile hike at Cedarville State Forest on Saturday!

On Sunday we spent our time with friends at a retro arcade, celebrating MisterMoonbeam’s old metamour’s birthday. That was fun, though we both tired out pretty quick. We had some discussion on the drive back because metamour’s wife told me she was feeling a lot of attraction for MisterMoonbeam. He doesn’t feel the same - they tried dating like 5 or 6 years ago, one date, and she turned him down flat afterward. We had both noticed that she was getting lots more flirty, and we had discussed that previously. Now she’s vocalized it to me.

He says 1) He doesn’t want to date anyone right now, 2) He doesn’t find her attractive right now, 3) He thinks she makes terrible decisions when it comes to partners and doesn’t want the drama, 4) He thinks it’s probably due to lack of options over a pandemic span of time and 5) He’s decided firmly that he doesn’t ever want to date anyone who knew his late wife.

I am wibbly-wobbly because it makes me feel pressured to start something up with his old metamour. If we continue to travel out there frequently as we do, and they were dating, the only other place for me to sleep would be in metamour’s bed. Which, I do find him attractive and he’s intelligent and fun, but I’d rather move forward with sexual stuff because I am desiring of it, rather than have it kind of pushed on me. I could get a hotel room alone, or go camping, I suppose, but we generally go there to stay there - it makes it affordable.

That said, I told him my reservations about the being “couple-ly” and he said he could see that happening. But he said he’s not concerned because he isn’t interested. We both are a tiny bit anxious because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. We both really like the friendship we have with this couple.

At this point though, it doesn’t really matter because we won’t be out that way again until mid-June at the earliest. He said he thinks she may be over it by then, and if not, he will have had some time to think about how to let her down. I told him that I could work out the couple-ly sort of concerns that I am worried about on my own, but he said not to bother about it. He feels friendly toward her and he loves her as a friend, but nothing beyond that. I really like her as a friend too, so I hope things stay cool.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
This week is supposed to be hella rainy, so I am dealing with both sadness and irritation over not being able to hike and add to my state park map! I was also planning to go and see some amazing azaleas at a nearby reservoir, but I will just have to catch them next year, I guess.

In a minute I need to get up and shower. I’m a teensy bit motivated, but mostly I’m snuggly in the bed and I’m not wanting to move much.

Today the Blessing Box doesn’t have a ton going on. I plan to organize a bit and clear my tabletop, and I have a meeting in the late afternoon with a rep from another organization who wants to partner up with some stuff. Personally, I have to do laundry and scoop the two litter boxes downstairs. I should also clean my living room, but honestly, I’m probably going to ignore that part of the to-do list! I have a heaping pile of camping equipment that I would like to continue to ignore until tomorrow, as that’s the day I am overhauling the camp closet and organizing all of the stuff!

Anyway, yeah, today should be low key. I have a microwave and an air fryer to post as available, and hopefully I will receive more cash donations toward the air conditioner and fan fund - I posted the start of the season yesterday. We normally sponsor 50 or more AC units each year, and to do that, donations are needed! Right now my request list has some COPD sufferers and a couple of moms with infants. Keeping cool is a need, for sure. Since yesterday’s announcement of the season beginning, I’ve had two new box fans delivered, a drop off of two used AC units (only one seems to be blowing cold and it’s already out of here and in an apartment!) and $450 cash donated.
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
I took DarkKnight to work this morning, so I could keep the car. Since it’s pouring rain, I rescheduled my weekly consignment shop pickup for tomorrow, but I needed the car to take MisterMoonbeam to his orthopedic checkup. I’m writing this while waiting in the car. Apparently they just xrayed the two breaks on his left wrist again and the thumb on his right hand. He’s waiting now for an update from the doctor.

I am super excited to go home this morning because my goal today is to organize my camping closet. My plan was to put a 3x3 cube shelf in there, so each of us would have a row for hiking boots, hiking sneakers and water shoes. Last night I went to MisterMoonbeam’s storage unit and he did have a 3x3 in there! We brought it home and I cleaned it up, and yeah, it didn’t fit. It should fit, but I can’t angle it in, as the doorway is a foot smaller than the cubby. So I had to order a new one from Target this morning - a 2x3. So the water shoes will have to find a new home in the closet! I actually emptied the entire closet last night, so there’s a huge pile of stuff in my living room. I am excited to get it all put away and looking organized!

My youngest messaged me last night and she is coming over today to borrow a cooler. She’s going camping in spite of the rain tonight. She told me she dumped her boyfriend officially. She had moved out, but he was promising to go to therapy, so she hadn’t made a clean break. Now it’s all done. I am glad because near the end he was getting extremely controlling and gaslighting her. He wouldn’t let her hang out with her friends, and kept accusing her of cheating, which she wasn’t doing at all.
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
I woke up this morning with a headache, but lots of water and Advil have me feeling better.

Some positives:

So far my summer air conditioner program is going great - I’ve gotten 4 working units out into homes, and I have one broken one on my table and one brand new one waiting for pickup. Two fans have been dropped off. I hope the momentum continues, because the waiting list is ever-growing!

I made a campsite reservation for the weekend with DarkKnight, and I am hoping to knock out two more State Parks on Saturday-Sunday. I’m excited!

I didn’t get my camping closet done yesterday, but I did get our cubby built to hold our hiking boots and sneakers. Lol We are Merrell fans here, apparently - DarkKnight’s shoes are across the top, MisterMoonbeam is in the middle, and mine are on the bottom. My boots are Timberlands though!

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Bluebird

Well-known member
Weird day today. I closed the Box and spent the morning sleeping til like 11 am. I can’t tell you when the last time I had a day off and actually spent it SLEEPING. Glorious!

This afternoon I was in front of the TV and on the couch for hours and that was great too. I finished watching The Circle season 2. So stupid, but enjoyable. I got teary at the ending because the winner was talking about their dreams and I felt briefly upset that I still have a mess of a future with nothing planned out. I’m behind on my non profit paperwork, and my day to day is spent on helping others - my family, my friends, my loves and my community. I still feel upside down. I think I made MisterMoonbeam aggravated at me because I was emotional.

Sigh. I promised DarkKnight that I’d have the house clean when he got home after 4 pm, and all I have done is the litter boxes upstairs - well, most of them, anyway. I did start a load of laundry, but that’s MisterMoonbeam’s laundry. I put stuff on the grocery list too. But that is so not everything that I was supposed to do. I want to cry again because I just want to do nothing for once.

BugGirl called from rehab last night and we talked about what her coming out plan was. She actually said that if I wanted, she would go to a sober living house, but she had talked to the workers at her rehab and she was in the works of having group meetings 3x a week and being drug tested once a week. She says she needs and wants accountability, which is so good to hear. She says she wants a ride to work because she is afraid of buying drugs, as her workplace is on a busy street for drugs. I told her she should talk to her boss about maybe having a partial work from home.

We also talked about the situation with her sister living in her apartment and how that is going to work. It’s still up in the air.

I am doing SO much emotional labor for everyone lately.

I need to actually do cleaning labor right now or DarkKnight is going to be super disappointed.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
So my youngest came over this evening and had a pineapple mimosa with me. She says she’s coming over Sunday night after work for DarkKnight’s birthday and Mother’s Day. It was nice to have her come over and just hang out. We used to be two peas in a pod when she was younger because I homeschooled her and she needed to be glued to an adult after her adoption. Covid really pulled us apart, so its been nice to have her pop back into my everyday now that we are all vaccinated.

DarkKnight brought me some flowers, which was a surprise. He also brought home lemon cream canolis and gave me a big hug. He also tried to grab my boobs and pull on my nipples. LOL It was nice to have him try and give me a boost, when I was feeling down. ❤️

We had spaghetti for dinner, and as always, we watched 3 episodes of Parks and Rec while eating. I love this show, so I am excited to share it with my guys. We are halfway through season 6. We have agreed to watch the new Netflix show Shadows and Blood, after we finish this show. It looks interesting, and my youngest recommends it.

I actually ordered the trilogy it’s based on, for my Kindle while she was here. I also bought Andy Weir’s new book, Hail Mary, and borrowed something called Atropos. I’m determined to get some reading done this month - last month I read only 5 books, and 3 were terrible smut ones about a supernatural dating series. Lol Gotta do better!
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
We had spaghetti for dinner, and as always, we watched 3 episodes of Parks and Rec while eating. I love this show, so I am excited to share it with my guys. We are halfway through season 6. We have agreed to watch the new Netflix show Shadows and Blood, after we finish this show. It looks interesting, and my youngest recommends it.

I actually ordered the trilogy it’s based on, for my Kindle while she was here. I also bought Andy Weir’s new book, Hail Mary, and borrowed something called Atropos. I’m determined to get some reading done this month - last month I read only 5 books, and 3 were terrible smut ones about a supernatural dating series. Lol Gotta do better!

Artist and I are 4 episodes into Shadow and Bone too. I’m not sure what I’d think about it if I hadn’t read the books, I feel like I spend a decent amount of time footnoting things they didn’t quite explain so I don’t know if it’d be good without that. On the other hand, it’s pretty and in a lot of ways a good adaptation, and I really enjoyed the books. (Hail Mary is on my list too.)
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Oh good! I almost always prefer reading the book before watching a series or a movie, so I am glad to hear I will find it worthwhile to do so.

Because of weather, DarkKnight and I had to cancel our planned hikes and camping sleepover. I’m pretty down about it. I spent the day reading, but I focused on and finished Atropos. I can’t say I recommend it. The story was original sci-fi, which I normally love. I just couldn’t get into the characters or immerse myself in it. I was pretty disappointed by that. I did enjoy the plot but I wish I had read something else!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Happy birthday to DarkKnight! This picture was taken the night I first met him. ❤️ I was 27 and he was 29!

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Bluebird

Well-known member
Yesterday was a good day - DarkKnight and I were able to get out and hike a couple of miles. This time we went to the Torrey C Brown Rail Trail, so it was really just an easy walk. I wore my new SmartWool boot socks and they are the best! I purchased other lengths and a different brand (Darn Socks) and there’s no comparison. They’re the best wool blend socks I have experienced yet! Lol

I’m hoping to be able to get out again tomorrow, maybe to the South Mountain Battlefield, or Woodmont.

I saw both of my kids last night, and BugGirl called me from rehab. I had a good Mother’s Day.

My youngest has issues with her oldest cat now, she was in tears at a couple of points last night. She thinks he needs to have a bunch of teeth pulled for like $1000. She’s still technically homeless, as she is staying at BugGirl’s place until later this week. Then it looks like she will be couch surfing at my house until our family friend closes on his place next month. She’s going to be renting from him when the paperwork is finished. He had an offer accepted, so things are moving forward. She is anxious though - she really wants a place of her own, but she really will be stretched thin financially if she does that. Now that her cat is having expensive issues, she REALLY can’t afford it.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I was sick most of the afternoon yesterday - I think my lunch was bad, though it tasted good. I went to bed at a regular time but then I couldn’t fall asleep last night for anything. I think I got a total of 1 hour of sleep. Ugh.

This morning I had to get up early and take my youngest daughter’s cat to the vet. Stuart is 16 years old and unfortunately, this may be the end for him. He’s lost 3 pounds since January, and he’s got a bad upper respiratory infection. He was really dehydrated so they gave him some fluids and sent me home with an antibiotic. They’re checking his kidney function, but they aren’t optimistic. We adopted Stuart two days after my daughter came home - we told her she could have a cat, a dog or a horse. (At the time we had acreage and a barn.) She chose a cat and we adopted him from the local shelter. I hope he pulls through. He’s such a good guy!

I really want to go to sleep now but instead it’s time to fill the Blessing Box. I hope we aren’t busy.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I was up early again today, this time for an orthodontist appointment. Today is day 1 of my 5th attempt at Invisalign. I was anxious because it was either going to cost $80 or $1000. I still had aligners #4-26 from my last attempt, and they said if I couldn’t reuse them, they’d have to charge $1000 for the new ones. Fortunately, the new #1 they ordered fit perfectly, so they only had to reissue 2 & 3. So that was a big load off of my mind. I’ve been not spending our health savings account cash because I wasn’t sure what the cost on this would be. Guess now I can schedule my eye exam!

I feel so blah lately, with my weight, my white hair, my missing tooth. I am so happy to be focusing back on the tooth issue, because that will change my mental health as well. I was really hoping to get my hair done next week, but at $150, I really need to prioritize new bras first. But having my hair done with the teal will definitely improve my happiness, so Idk.

That said, I am eagerly awaiting Friday’s payday, because MisterMoonbeam said he will order me my new Renn Faire dress then. I’m super excited about it - it’s been 15+ years since I owned one! His birthday is on the 30th, and he bought tickets for us to go to the NJ location that weekend, along with a hotel stay. It should be lots of fun. I’m hoping the parts of the I want are still in stock on Friday! I thought I might have posted pics, but maybe not? Anyway, I’m getting a tulip skirt like this:

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And this shirt and corset:

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Keeping my fingers crossed that it’s all still available in my sizes! But see, I think having my hair done with the teal panels would really make everything pop. I will have to budget and see.

Tomorrow I am going to go and pick up BugGirl’s boyfriend/not boyfriend from rehab. He’s getting out an entire week earlier than her, which is an issue. He hasn’t really spoken about what his plans are once he gets here. I hope he has set up some group therapy, and if not, that will be our first order of business. He needs to get a job as well. I think the plan is for him to come stay on our couch for this one week, since now my youngest has medicines to be giving to her cat. If he refuses to stay and work on his issues - I don’t think BugGirl is going to take him back. I hope she calls me tonight so we can talk about it.

Now that my dental appointment is done, I am waiting for it to be noon so I can take DarkKnight back to work (he has a half day because he had fillings done at the dentist). I am waiting for my anxiety to decrease - I feel dizzy and achy. My plan for the afternoon is to go solo hiking at a state park that I haven’t visited yet, but if I’m still feeling overwhelmed, that wouldn’t be a good idea. I’m hoping that if I work on the Blessing Box overflow room for a bit, things will calm down in my head, and then I can snag lunch with my two favorite guys before heading out for the rest of the day.
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
I’m getting a lot of flak from friends about hiking solo. Depending on the day, I can sometimes feel a little anxious, but normally it isn’t a big deal. I feel okay because I have the AllTrails app, so I know where I am, and so use the lifeline feature - so my partners know where I am too, in real time. They’re good about messaging me if I seem to stop too long or if I am way off course. I told DarkKnight today that they’d be able to find my corpse! But then he said the thing is that they don’t want to find one. Well, yeah.

I’m not sure if I am being stupid about this. I am more worried about running into a bear, and that sort of thing wouldn’t really be made better if one of my guys was with me. I mean, I don’t want them to be attacked by a bear either!

To be fair, it is a new thing for me to hike alone. In the past, my youngest always went with me. It’s not a super common thing, but it happens sporadically. I kind of like it, which is weird because I don’t like being home alone much at all. But out in the woods, it’s okay.
 

Inaniel

Active member
I’m not sure if I am being stupid about this. I am more worried about running into a bear, and that sort of thing wouldn’t really be made better if one of my guys was with me. I mean, I don’t want them to be attacked by a bear either!

I for one do NOT think you are being stupid... Hiking is a safe hobby. The National Forrest Service can be a resource for safety tips, and your local or State Parks can let you know what you need to look out for in your specific area, and what gear you should have.

You can also get bear spray which should be effective against most animals including dangerous humans... My friends who do more risky activities like mountaineering will typically invest in something like an ACR beacon.

As long as you aren't hiking in Grizzly territory, and staying away from snakes, and generally all animals (including dead animals). I think It is a very safe and healthy activity...
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
No Grizzlies here, and there are only 2 venomous snake types in Maryland. I like snakes, so I know how to identify those. I’m not stupid about them. :)

MisterMoonbeam and I are trying again at this camping thing; I’ve rented the last tent site in Susquehanna State Park for tomorrow. I’m hoping to hike in at least 2 parks - Susquehanna and maybe Palmer - but I would love to grab 3 if we have the time. I’m hoping that this 3rd attempt will work out. The state park service has been making money off of me with all of my unfilled reservations!

Today I am taking BugGirl’s guy to get his second Covid shot, and to pick up his final paycheck at his old job. He had a meeting with a counselor yesterday evening, and he’s in a program where he gets drug tested every week. He’s on our couch for the next week.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
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Gosh I love this guy completely! I can’t explain how loved he made me feel this weekend on our quick escape to the northeastern part of Maryland. MisterMoonbeam and I had two very nice hikes in two state parks, and a successful tent camp!

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That’s me with the tent that I got up almost completely on my own. The air mattress was a bit of a mess - it only inflates by plugging it in, and we were on a non-electrical site. Thankfully I had packed an extra air pump that connects to the car lighter! Anyway, I felt accomplished and it was snuggly in there with my guy, and we had a nice trip.

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We went the wrong way on our second-day hike, but it was gorgeous and perfect and we saw a ton of herons. I think we both felt the time away was well spent.

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I had to share this pic of the grist mill - isn’t it just lovely?

Meanwhile, tomorrow starts the new week and I am exhausted just thinking about it. I have to take DarkKnight to work in the morning to keep the car to take BugGirl’s guy to work (he’s staying at his old job after all), and then rush MisterMoonbeam across town to his MRI. They wanna look at both his wrists and see how the breaks are doing. I have a full Monday at the Blessing Box to look forward to - meaning it’s going to be crazy busy. Then I have to run around and pick everyone up. I HAVE to call the vet, I have to figure out how to pay the internet bill at my kids’ place, because they suddenly can’t afford it (my youngest has a big vet bill of her own, plus another vet bill coming due next week) and I gotta send a check out to DarkKnight’s life insurance, which we pay yearly on. Ugh. The rest of the week just gets uglier. However, I think I will continue to float on the positivity and love I feel from the last couple of days. That sounds like more my speed!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Oh for fucks sake. Second night of insomnia. I didn’t fall asleep until 4:30, now here I am up at the ass crack of dawn. I’m wearing booties, my capri pajamas and a jean jacket. Fucking hell. Ugh. I am trying to stay awake while DarkKnight feeds the cats. I need to take him and BugGirl’s guy to work again. Ugh. As soon as that’s over with, I’m coming right home to go to sleep again. Ugh. DarkKnight handed me a mug of hot chai but I’m not sure I have enough energy to drink it.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I slept, showered and tried on my latest Stitch Fix. They sent me a pair of jeans that fit perfect and I decided to keep them, in spite of being broke. They looked that good! I was sent two jumpsuits as requested, but they made me look like a potato so those are going back. They also sent me a tshirt but I don’t really need another shirt. I showed it to MisterMoonbeam and I wasn’t wearing a bra under it. He stared at me for a bit, bemused. He said he thought it was perfect. 😂 I’m thinking I will send that back too, but maybe not.

Gosh it’s gorgeous out today! I need to do laundry but I am just sitting on my patio enjoying the weather instead. We’re supposed to grill out steaks tonight and I can’t wait!

I’ve already been back out to pick up BugGirl’s guy and I bought him some Burger King and took him to his first group session. He has really unwound a bit and is talking more with me. He told me his first job was Burger King and he worked there for 8 years, but then he made bad choices and that ended. He’s a good kid - I think he’s 26? - but he grew up in gangs and in the inner city with not a lot of options. I’m hoping he can stay clean. His license is currently expired, so he couldn’t file his taxes, so I told him his next paycheck to let me know and I will take him to get that done. It’s $50 to renew.
I’m supposed to leave here in a half hour to go pick him up, and then after I bring him back home here, it’ll be time to pick up DarkKnight from work. Sigh. Being a chauffeur is getting old fast.
 
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