Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
I vote sleeping bag. If it gets cool at night, the air in the air mattress will also be cool. Sleeping bag will keep you warm on all sides, not just on top. Boy and I just got a set that can be used as two oversized single bags or one together that is about a queen size. It's big enough for two adults and child to sleep in comfortably and is awesome. Lol
 

Petunia

Moderator
Staff member
I think I'd get sleeping bags, too. Comforters and regular bedding don't compress down like sleeping bags, so they're not as easy to travel with. That being said, if not having regular bedding will keep you from sleeping well, then go with the comforter and blankets.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Annnnnnnd BugGirl just messaged me that she’s been relapsing all week. I am honestly not surprised - her emotions have been on the manic side and she’s been desperate for cash. Apparently she told her boss and HR found a program for her and her boyfriend to attend tomorrow morning. BugGirl asked if they could come sleep on our couch tonight, as changing environments is important. So that is definitely happening.

DarkKnight is coming home in an hour so I can snag the car and pick BugGirl up at work. I contacted my 3 Musketeers, and 2 of them are coming to volunteer this morning in a few minutes, so I don’t have to close the Blessing Box today, thank goodness. I’ve been closed all weekend, so I really needed to be open today.

I ordered everything for camping and it’s all ready for pickup at Target right now - except for the bedding. I am still torn about what to get. DarkKnight is not going to fit in a regular size sleeping bag, so I think I may just get two comforter sets and a pad to put down on top of the mattress to keep it from getting too cold. I’m not worried about space or weight - we are camping in a campground and not backpacking this stuff across a mountain. Lol

I also haven’t bought a camping stove yet. Thinking about it. The one I owned previously honestly had cobwebs on it when I gave it away, because we never used it!
 

Evie

Moderator
You can get sleeping bags that zip together to make a bigger total size. I'd recommend a bag over bedding, too.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
You can get sleeping bags that zip together to make a bigger total size. I'd recommend a bag over bedding, too.
That's what we got. I'm obsessed with it. Lol

It's similar to this (but is a bit bigger and was more expensive, but Boy is picky so we bought in person at a local sporting goods store:


You can zip together to cuddle and such or separate into individual bags.

Hubby and I used to use regular bedding, but we are both blanket hogs (and he is not a cuddler when asleep) so we switched to bags. Boy just likes the warmth and ease of a bag so we got the big one. Between them all, we can sleep in whatever configuration desired and all be comfy. The dog even has his own little sleeping bag so he won't crawl in ours and accidentally unzip us. 😆
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I looked at the ones that zip together - a lot - but I ended up buying two matching queen bed sets. I’m usually roasting next to my partners, so I figure if the mattress air ends up freezing me out, I’d just add a pad to it. I can always buy a sleeping bag in the future as well.

I took BugGirl and her guy with me to Walmart, and they were high AF. It pissed me off, but it explained some things. When I went to pick her up, she brought me in to meet her boss, and we had a sit down with him and the HR lady. They are saying they want to help and will hold positions for them both while they get assistance. BugGirl’s dude was just sitting with his head ducked, just smiling this big goofy smile, and with everyone being so helpful and sincere, it really seemed disrespectful. He didn’t talk the entire time. BugGirl was crying and responding to everything. But afterward I realized they were both coked out of their minds, so it made sense. It was aggravating to have them sitting down on the floor in the middle of Walmart, and them just being ridiculous.

They’re both passed out asleep on my couch now. My youngest is heading over to their apartment after she gets out of work today to clean it up. Apparently it’s disgusting from the drug binge this weekend. She is actually upbeat - since she is still looking for a place to stay, if BugGirl ends up in rehab, she has offered to move in and pay the bills while that is going on. I don’t know if we can get these guys into an in-person rehab, but we will see. I have an appointment set up with a specialist in town tomorrow morning.

I am seriously emotionally exhausted right now. This sort of thing brings me back to the struggles PunkRock had, and the depression I had drowning me with trying to juggle BugGirl and his issues in 2019. Two years later and I can’t seem to be free of addiction in my life. I am there for my daughter though.

I asked my youngest to let PunkRock know what’s going on, and to tell him NOT to lend or gift BugGirl money. I’m going to be sending a text or two to BugGirl’s dad in a short bit as well. I just want to go to bed and pull the blanket up over my head and cry, but there is more to do today. Sigh.

I can feel myself aging. I’m being worn down.


I had some emotional stuff I wanted to write about, from this weekend, but it just all seems so ugh right now. I don’t have anything to say about that anymore. I’m too drained.
 

PinkPig

Active member
I'm sorry, Bluebird. I'm going through something similar with a family member currently. It is heartbreaking. Take extra good care of yourself!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
My ex, BugGirl’s dad, and I messaged a bunch last night. He said she got money off of him twice. He said he suspected the second time that things weren’t good, because it’s not like her to ask unless she’s using. I spoke to some of her birth family this morning, and heard a similar story - she contacted pretty much every single one of them for many over the last week. However, none of them gave her anything.

I took DarkKnight to work this morning so I can take BugGirl to the intervention specialists or whatever it is called. He’s very out of sorts. We got Starbucks together and promised to give each other lots of hugs later tonight.

Last night I was with MisterMoonbeam, and I really didn’t feel very safe. What he says and how he acts is very different. Right now this stuff with BugGirl has put me in a bad headspace, I just keep having echoes from when we first got together, and him telling me that he wasn’t looking for anything serious and he doesn’t want the responsibility of a partnership. He doesn’t want to ever be anything but a boyfriend, in spite of being nesting partners. Yet, his actions are the absolute opposite - in every single way.

It makes me want to throw up, because I need to lean on him, but I can’t trust myself not to push outside that boundary. I talked to him about that last night a little bit.

Honestly, it’s difficult right now because my natural inclination is to fold in and hunker down and just handle things as best as I can by myself. But I did a year of that in 2019 and it was the worst year of my life, and it pushed PubkRock and I apart. I don’t want that to happen again.

At the moment it’s a moot point. Today is going to be all go and no quit with the appointment and hopefully getting my daughter into an inpatient rehab. Until we get a plan established, I won’t have to opportunity to fall apart.

I’m afraid that dealing with addiction in others is just going to keep happening again and again in my life.
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Internet hugs, BB... <3
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
I dealt with my daughter's addiction issues (drugs and alcohol, self-harm, bulimia, unsafe sex, hep C, etc.) for 12 years. She finally found a way to stay clean and get healthy about 5 years ago. You are not "doomed" to always be dealing with addicts and their addictions.

I don't know if BugGirl will find the strength to battle her disease any time soon, of course, just because Jesus helped my daughter. My thoughts are with you. Good luck getting her help, again. It's so scary!

I am not sure about your wonky feelings of mistrust for MrMB though. How do his actions not match his words? Are his actions more reassuring than his words, or vice versa?
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I dealt with my daughter's addiction issues (drugs and alcohol, self-harm, bulimia, unsafe sex, hep C, etc.) for 12 years. She finally found a way to stay clean and get healthy about 5 years ago. You are not "doomed" to always be dealing with addicts and their addictions.

Congrats to your daughter for 5 years of recovery! That’s great! I know I sounded fatalistic, but I dealt with my father’s addictions and demons growing up, and made a pact with myself to never date a smoker, or be involved with anyone with alcoholism or drugs in their past. All of that came out with PunkRock after we had started dating. :( Now I have my daughter’s struggles. I’m still waiting for that stretch of time where it isn’t in my life. It feels pretty terrible. These were/are all people that I love, and yeah, it is scary. It sucks.

I am not sure about your wonky feelings of mistrust for MrMB though. How do his actions not match his words? Are his actions more reassuring than his words, or vice versa?

His actions are more reassuring. It’s the opposite of what I have ever dealt with before. We’ve talked about it a few times over the course of our relationship. He says one thing, then spends his time showing me opposite behaviors. One example, saying outright he wants to live solo poly in the future, and get his own place. Okay, fine. But then he offers to combine more finances and pay for repairs around our house and long term projects (which I turned down) and he is emptying his storage unit and getting rid of stuff he’d need in his own place. Like, everything. When I point it out, he’s like, yeah, I guess that is opposite and then is vague about why he’s making those choices. I’m not sure, most of the time, if he even knows why. Depression? Grief? Fear? He says he’s changed his mind, but he doesn’t know what he wants.

This is just one example.

A lot of times, he talks about ambivalence - in things all across his life - but then does zero to make a firm decision. He just lets stuff happen through inaction. We’ve discussed this, as it is disconcerting to me. I want our relationship to be a joyous yes and an active choice. He says that it’s a holdover from his past marriage - he hasn’t had options or the ability to have opinions. But now that he does, his depression holds him back.

He’s actually starting therapy on May 3, and he says he needs to work with someone on this. I am very glad he is going. Apparently he had a good rapport with one at some point, but this is his first attempt at setting up an appointment here after moving in.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Holy shit, what a day.


THE GOOD: I got my daughter into a rehab facility! I drop her off tomorrow morning before 10 am. It’s a 30 day program. Her boyfriend got in to a different location, for a 21 day program. It’s an hour away, so I will be dropping him off a little after 8 am.

The place that they had an appointment at this morning was not at all what they needed - it would have been great if they had been worse off, but they didn’t need assistance with food, clothing or housing payments, so after about an hour of getting registered, we left with a folder full of online resources. Ugh. I was pretty pissed that it was no good.

However, after we got into the car, I started calling around and I quickly realized that they weren’t going to get any help without health insurance. So we went home, had lunch, and then instead of filling in the online state insurance forms, I called the number and finally got a person on the line. I told them we didn’t have internet access. So everything got filled out, and both BugGirl and her boyfriend got approved for Medicaid. Only, they won’t have a written approval until 15 business days.

I called a rehab facility directly here in town, and the rep there said they could label the insurance as “pending” and then back date the treatment once the card comes in. He said they have a department that will check everyday and be able to handle that - it’s a normal thing. Thank goodness.

So yeah, she got lucky - they had zero beds but then while we were on the phone, it updated to show one no-show for today, so she got that space for tomorrow!

THE BAD: I finally got my central air fixed. $500 on a credit card, to replace the motor outside. Apparently it is working now okay. I dunno. I haven’t been paying attention because it’s nice out and we don’t need it on. That was first thing this morning.

THE UGLY: After we heard the good news about the rehab admissions, MisterMoonbeam came out to say we needed ice cream to celebrate! So we went outside to walk to the ice cream shop on the corner of our street. He wasn’t watching where he was going, and he fell down the step at the end of our walkway. He caught himself on his hands and knees, and was a little scraped up.

After he got back up, he decided he should prolly sit down for a minute in a patio chair - he was a little shaken up. I went inside to get Neosporin for his scrapes, and he asked BugGirl for some water. I came out, unscrewing the cap to the ointment, and I asked him to show me his hands. He didn’t move, so I was like, what the hell dude, and I grabbed his hands. He didn’t move.

Then I looked up to his face and he wasn’t there. His eyes were rolled back into his head and there was foam on his mouth. While I watched, he started shaking and went into a seizure! His head lolled back so I reached out and held it still, watching his lips turn blue. I grabbed my phone and dialed 911.

As they answered and started taking my information, the seizure stopped and MisterMoonbeam looked at me and said, “Hey there.”

I was like, “I’m on the phone with 911!”
He said okay, and then asked why. He had no recollection of having had a seizure at all!

BugGirl came outside with the water and was like, damn, your lips are blue! I freaked out then and said he had a seizure!!

When the ambulance arrived, they took his vitals and did a scan of his heart and said every single thing was dead normal. They checked his sugar, and that was fine too. They said he could turn down a trip to the hospital, and yeah, we thought it was okay if he didn’t go - there was nothing to check after that.

What’s crazy is that he’s been wearing a heart monitor for the last week and he took it off last night because it was uncomfortable. I’m like, holy shit dude.

It was so intensely scary and I was crying a little. He seems to be okay now but this sort of thing has me freaked out. I love this man so much, he needs to stop it!
 

Evie

Moderator
I trust you are off to his GP asap. Could be a stroke.

My ex had a seizure and no memory of it, but we knew why.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
The EMS thought not a stroke or heart attack. He had zero symptoms of a stroke. He sent a message to his doctor but they just did a full physical and blood workup on him last week. His numbers when the ambulance arrived were dead center normal, perfect.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
If it's a TIA instead of a full stroke, there often aren't any noticeable symptoms once it's over (other than fatigue, but even that isn't guaranteed). It can be a sign of future risk of stroke or other issues though. Seizures are no joke, I'd think his care team would want to do a ct.
 

Evie

Moderator
TIA was Adam's thought, too.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
If it's a TIA instead of a full stroke, there often aren't any noticeable symptoms once it's over (other than fatigue, but even that isn't guaranteed). It can be a sign of future risk of stroke or other issues though. Seizures are no joke, I'd think his care team would want to do a ct.
🤷‍♀️ We assume he will hear from his primary care doctor tomorrow morning.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
BugGirl and her boyfriend were both safely delivered to their respective rehab locations this morning. The traffic wasn’t too bad and I got them there in plenty of time. We found out that BugGirl would have a complete phone blackout, the entire 30 days. Her taxes came in this morning, so she spent most of the ride paying friends back cash she owes them. Apparently PunkRock lent her money during the drug binge. I’m pretty pissed about that, but there’s nothing to be said at this point.

MisterMoonbeam was in contact with his doctor this morning, and they have no openings over the next few days, so they told him to go to Urgent Care. His left wrist is swollen up and he’s pretty sure something is broken. When we got to Urgent Care, they told us to go to the ER, so here we sit. So far he’s had bloodwork taken, and a series of x-rays.

In the middle of this chaos, my youngest is in the process of leaving her boyfriend. I was supposed to go hiking and do some prep work for her upcoming move, but yeah, that was all canceled. She did come to town and rent a storage unit. I think we are moving her out of the shared apartment on Friday. Her plan is to move into BugGirl’s place over the next month, while waiting to see what places become available for her to rent.
 

Evie

Moderator
Thank goodness for more testing.

I'm sorry this is such a hard week for you, BB.
 
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