Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Bluebird

Well-known member
I made a reservation for this weekend - the guys and I are taking our first ever sleepover together. It’s hard to believe, but for the almost 8 years I have been poly, I have never had a trip or overnight with more than one partner! Crazypants. That ends on Saturday night. Lol

As part of my State Parks plan, I have rented a cabin at Pokemoke State Park. It’ll have two beds (one twin and a full), so things should be relatively comfortable for everyone. The plan is to hike a trail during the day on Saturday, then relax by the river overnight, followed up by a visit and walk along Assateague Beach the next day. So I will be able to mark off two more parks for this year!

We aren’t really celebrating Easter, so we don’t have any other plans this weekend. DarkKnight did buy a ham, but we aren’t invested in having to eat it exactly on the holiday. I made sure BugGirl and my son have a ham of their own, but I am not sure what my youngest is doing yet.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I was excited that I was able to see both of my daughters yesterday. My youngest came by in the morning to show me her new vehicle. She was proud to show it off - it’s a 2013 Honda CRV, top of the line model with heated leather seats, etc. Honestly I wish she had not gone on her own - her payment is absolutely ridiculous and her insurance is now $270 a month! She has been having issues with her boyfriend lately, and I was actually thinking she was coming to ask if she could move back home for a while! Adding the amount of debt to her bottom line as she just did with this vehicle, it makes me nervous for her.

It also puts into perspective to me how my own parents were probably worrying about my own choices at her age. I didn’t have a ginormous car payment, but I did adopt a 12 year old and 10 year old at 23 - which is the same age she is now! Crazy.

BugGirl also came by in the afternoon, to pick up some crystals I had for her, and some other items. I need to see her today too - since we are leaving tomorrow on our hiking trip, I need to give her a key so she can feed our cats dinner Saturday night. My youngest has a key already, and she is coming Sunday morning to feed breakfast. I need to make a list for both of them - our cats get fed different foods, in different rooms. Gah!

MisterMoonbeam is gone this morning to get an ultrasound on his heart. He had a stress test on Wednesday and that came back fine - I wasn’t too worried because we already had a pretty good idea that it wasn’t a plumbing problem. Today though, I am hoping he gets some answers. We know he has experienced several episodes of a racing heart, and suddenly there’s a “massive” murmur that wasn’t there previously. His blood pressure spikes insanely high during the episodes. It’s scary!

I am home alone at the moment, and the Blessing Box is closed today. MisterMoonbeam and I finished season 1 of Alone before he left this morning. We watched season 6 on Netflix first, but then switched to the Hulu app to watch all of them.

I am going to shower soon, and then start laundry, and start prepping for our getaway trip tomorrow.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Pocomoke State Park! Here’s our little cabin that cost us $62 for one night. Directly on the river and cute as can be! It has electric, as well as a heater and AC. I started a fire and DarkKnight grilled up some hot dogs for dinner after the 3 of us went on a 4.8 mile hike in which we missed a turn somehow and were trudging through a muddy - and in some cases submerged - trail!

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We all now own both hiking boots and hiking sneakers! MisterMoonbeam bought himself a pair of Merrells yesterday in anticipation of the trip, and DarkKnight already owned his pair, shown in the center of this photo. I’ve owned a pair of Merrell hiking sneakers for a while, but I finally caved and got these black Timberlands yesterday as well. I would have honestly rather stuck with being brand loyal - I LOVE my hiking sneakers - but the shoe store we were in at the outlet mall had shit for women. These are waterproof, and I am liking them so far. Lol They kept my feet dry today, at least!

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Magdlyn

Well-known member
Nice getaway a trois! You've been doing lots of healthy hiking lately. :)
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Nice getaway a trois! You've been doing lots of healthy hiking lately. :)

I always have done lots of hiking and kayaking and tubing. I love it. I’ve had some years where I do a lot less, for various reasons, but I am excited with my goal this year!

Here are a few photos from the weekend:

Me, walking along the bay -
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Assateague dune trail - this is the original island road, abandoned since 1952 -
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Oceanfront kisses
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I had a fabulous time, even though I was a little crampy and on my period. The weather was beautiful - not too hot or cold.

I can’t wait to do it again! Here’s my state park map that I am marking with butterfly pushpins. I’m done 3 parks so far. DarkKnight says he will visit another close one with me tomorrow night, after work.
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Bluebird

Well-known member
Oh! We got our first Covid vaccination shots today. Our appointments were all in a row, at the same time. We got the Pfizer brand, with the next follow up shot scheduled on the 24th. I feel so relieved. I can’t even describe it. I messaged my kids - my two oldest are eligible to pre-register now and I encouraged them to do so. My youngest lives in Pennsylvania, right across the border, so she has to wait.

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Bluebird

Well-known member
I just went through my phone and deleted a lot of old contacts. More people than I would have guessed had passed away. Yikes! I had a lot of teenagers in my list who aren’t teens anymore, from back when I was teaching. Lots of parents that won’t be contacting me that they are running late bringing their kids to chemistry class! I was doing this while I was waiting for it to be after 9 am, at which point I called and made an orthodontist appointment. I feel slightly ill now, but at least the appointment is on my calendar! My Invisalign needs to start again. Sigh. My fault this time - I am at the point where I just need it to be over!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Yay! My son is scheduled for his shot tomorrow at 3 pm, so I will be taking him to get it.
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
It rained last night and I’m just blah. I was actually having a pretty good morning but our central air seems to have given up the ghost once again and I’m just over it! It wasn’t blowing cold a couple of days ago, so DarkKnight changed the filter and we shut it down for 24 hours. It seemed to be okay last night, but this morning it was barely putting out cool air, so I looked out the window and the fan wasn’t moving. So now it’s off again. There are a fair amount of weeds sprung up around it, so I guess that will be a priority later today. I don’t know if there is any ice build-up, as I am still in my pajamas and about to go shower.

The road repaving going on this week is complete, so we have a nice new street now. That’s good news.

My youngest messaged me a bunch last night - she has decided to leave her boyfriend and wants help planning her exodus. She needs a roommate to be able to afford a place, so I have feelers out. Unfortunately she can’t move back here as we filled our foster room this week with 4 adult cats - our board game friend is trying to sell his house and we are boarding them until July 10. We just signed the paperwork yesterday.

I am STILL doing laundry from last weekend’s camping trip, but I am now working on the blankets, and after those, things will be finished. Well, other than putting away everything.

I used the last of my stimulus check to book a cabin in the woods for a September trip with my two daughters. Should be fun!

This weekend I am hoping to hike at a couple of local places - maybe go back up to Rocky Gap or Fort Frederick. Not sure yet. Just day trips. Next weekend I am headed to Fredericksburg to see our poly friends - we are staying at their place again and we have an escape room booked and planned. Just me and MisterMoonbeam are going to that.

I feel irritated today, like I am PMSing. My period is over though, so I don’t know what is making me feel aggravated. Ugh.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
MisterMoonbeam’s depression is really bad right now, and he’s sleeping away big parts of his afternoon, after sleeping in most mornings. He had let his personal hygiene go, and his beard was insane. Our sex life is almost non-existent, and his laundry mountain overtakes his space most days. He’s not reaching out to his friends or family - he’s left me to do the heavy lifting there (not that it’s difficult for me) - so it’s been worrisome.

We had a long talk on Friday night, at points both of us crying. I love this man so much - it hurts to see him struggle.

MisterMoonbeam agreed that he was letting his emotions overtake him. He said that it was helping though, that I had brought up his hygiene the other day. (He had gone and shaved and showered and cleaned up some of his living space.) He told me he felt like a lump on a log most days, and didn’t think I was being too naggy about that, and appreciated me a bunch in that regard.

This was a relief to me, because I worry about balancing concern and being a support, and allowing him time alone in his grief. But it’s clearly tipping a bit much the other way lately, and I don’t think it’s healthy grieving, if that makes sense. He’s gained a bit of weight too.

He told me that he isn’t really dialed in at work and he’s having trouble feeling excitement in any of his ongoing projects. He actually disabled his OKC account the other day, because he felt like he wasn’t in the right head space to see anyone new.

Yeah, I am concerned!

I’m not exactly in a good head space myself. I am feeling overwhelmed with shouldering the emotional load of making sure he’s okay, combined with the work I am doing with the Blessing Box. I am worried about buying a building next year, and getting our finances in order and keeping the paperwork straight for becoming a nonprofit. All three of my kids are starting to have some issues in their lives that they need help with, and I continue to struggle with my dental phobia. I’m doing okay, but I really am climbing toward my emotional limit.

I feel like a changed person lately - I am less extroverted and find myself wanting to be more insular with my family. Now that I am on the cusp of being free from COVID, I feel a little fearful of meeting new people. Like, wtf? That’s my favorite part of being me!

I told MisterMoonbeam that I was going to impose a 3-month no-dating decree on myself, because I didn’t feel good when swiping on dudes on OKC. I’m not being poly from a place of love and joy, but instead I was feeling rejected and sad, on top of being worried about him. I really feel that dating right now would not be healthy for me. I don’t want to date from a place of sadness, when I have so much going on. Honestly, I think dating right now would impact our relationship in a negative way, and I DEFINITELY don’t want that. I don’t have the spoons.

I told him I was concerned for him, and I was really wanting him to join me in that dating hiatus, so he could focus on himself. He said that wouldn’t be a problem since he had already disabled OKC. He agreed that he wasn’t in the right headspace.

I am really hoping that both of us make some progress on things.

We talked about what our individual goals will be within the 3 months, and he said he definitely was going to get himself a therapist, and see about changing his meds. I’ve been encouraging that for a while, so I was glad to hear that.

Honestly, the 3-month thing doesn’t seem too long to me, because I still have a little over a month before my second vaccination shot, and then two weeks to wait until it’s considered fully activated anyway. I may consider extending my own 3 months to 6, which really seems crazy to me, because it’s been so long since I met up with someone new. However, I have lots of things to work on myself, and when I think about it, I don’t know that I can improve everything that I want to improve in just 3 months - I’m getting my Invisalign restarted again (I made an appointment for mid-May) and I know that will impact me. The PTSD is not a positive feature to parade around.

Anyway, I find myself in this headspace that is new to me. I love MisterMoonbeam so much, and I find myself wanting to be the best person I can, so I can be not only supportive to him and his struggle, but so I can be fully myself, my best self, both within our relationship and outside of it.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
After Friday night emotions, MisterMoonbeam and I had a full day together Saturday and it was nice. In the morning we had to stop by the post office to drop off our Stitch Fix returns, and then we went to the shelter to drop off some donations and purchase more tickets for their kitten shower. Then we drove over to the art store and bought lunch from a food truck there.

Since it was windy out, we took our pit beef sandwiches to a tiny little park nearby and scored the single picnic table there. We sat on the same side of the table overlooking Antietam Creek and snuggled while we ate. Then we headed out to go hiking.

We took in two state parks - Fort Frederick and Rocky Gap. It was interesting to visit Rocky Gap again, as we had gone there last year together for a getaway. We deliberately did the same trails so we could see the changes! I burned over 1200 calories, so I felt accomplished.

We ordered dinner from Wing Stop on the way home to DarkKnight, and when I got in the door, I had a new Stitch Fix box waiting from the mail, and the entire box was dedicated to hiking! That made me happy, and I kept a pair of moisture-wicking leggings - with pockets!! - and a hoodie.

The day ended after watching 3 episodes of Parks & Recreation as a family. (I’ve seen the entire series before, but DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam have not. We’re on Season 3). It was a sleepover night with DarkKnight, and I was out shortly after he read to me aloud from HP Lovecraft - which we have been doing for over a year.

It was an amazing day. Having the time together was good for us to reconnect in a positive way. MisterMoonbeam had purchased a new camera bag - a backpack - so he was able to take along some lenses he hadn’t used before. A lot of photos turned out blurry, so he’s going to take a class soon, I think.

Ugh, some of the photos he took of me weren’t so great. Not that he snapped them wrong or something, I just hate how red in the face I get with physical exertion, and I am not liking the weight I am at right now.

That said, here’s a photo of me in a hoodie I kept from my Stitch Fix box that just arrived:

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This was after kicking off my hiking boots! My hair is long enough to put in pigtails now, but I hate it and I can’t wait to get the teal color put in it!

This is getting long! Some quick points:

I have plans today to be solo with DarkKnight - we are going to do 5 miles on the Western Maryland Rail Trail together. I can’t wait! He’s snoring beside me at the moment. Lol

I need to order something blaze orange for all of us to wear, as I am getting concerned about safety in the woods.

I am looking into buying a tent, but I haven’t 100% decided if I wanna go down that road yet! All of the cabins everywhere are booked up, and it would be the cheaper option, as opposed to renting hotel rooms every time I travel to a different state park. I haven’t decided yet.

My oldest daughter is coming over at some point today to do some cleaning and organizing. She owes me over $350 right now!

I’ve been talking to my youngest a lot and we plan to get together Wednesday for a walk together. She wants to leave her boyfriend - things are not going well and I am helping her look for a new apartment and roommate situation.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Right after I posted this, my phone chimed and my bread delivery guy sent me a pic - he unloaded 8 pallets of products on my patio. So much for staying in bed on a rainy Sunday morning!

I’ve got bread, hot dog buns and hamburger buns in flush supply now. Took me about a half hour to unload it and clear shelving so I could find spots to put it away.

I decided to fill the Box a bit while I was up, and I came inside to sit a minute, when I heard people on the porch. Checked out my camera, it was a couple who looked strung out and stressed. They were joyful though, because they were able to grab a huge box of pancake mix, a bottle of syrup and 2 6-packs of cinnamon applesauce. The guy crooned, “That’s breakfast for everyone!” as they went down the sidewalk.

Best morning ever.

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Bluebird

Well-known member
DarkKnight and I went up to the Woodmont area of Maryland today, and walked part of the Western Maryland Rail Trail together. This was state park #6! We started at the Pearre parking lot and went down to Poly Ponds, because the name amused me so. It was about 4.2 miles, round trip.

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I am tired now!
 

SarahD

New member
DarkKnight and I went up to the Woodmont area of Maryland today, and walked part of the Western Maryland Rail Trail together. This was state park #6! We started at the Pearre parking lot and went down to Poly Ponds, because the name amused me so. It was about 4.2 miles, round trip.

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I am tired now!
This is my first reply or comment to anything ever on this forum, but I thought that you would appreciate that as I caught up on your blog my three year old in my cuddle said “they look like cocomelon” lol
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
This is my first reply or comment to anything ever on this forum, but I thought that you would appreciate that as I caught up on your blog my three year old in my cuddle said “they look like cocomelon” lol
I had to look up what that even was. 😂

I am always amazed to read that people read this journal. I mean, I know they do, but it’s super cool to get comments. Thank you! I’m scared to ask whether you see it as entertainment, as a warning, or just an interesting way to pass time!

Once in a while I will get a message from someone that they’ve read the entire thing. I wish I could give them a sticker or something that looks like a bluebird. 🤣 There was a time, once or twice, that I went back and read it all over from the beginning, but I am not sure I have the stamina to ever do it again!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I was supposed to go hiking this afternoon with my youngest, but it’s supposed to rain, and she picked up some overtime hours this morning. So that was canceled. She’ll probably still come over. This worked out though, because BugGirl asked if I could take her to the free clinic this morning, so I am writing this from the car, as I wait for her appointment to happen.

I actually forgot to keep the car - DarkKnight was going to come home at lunch to give it to me, but I had to text him and ask him to bring it back earlier because I had forgotten my promise to BugGirl. D’oh! I was woken out of a sound sleep this morning by BugGirl at 8 am, asking me if I had kept the car. Sigh. So now I am in a parking lot, just half awake. I look a fright, I am sure! I can *feel* the dark circles under my eyes!

Did I mention that I paid to have the car detailed the other day? Well I did, and it’s nice to sit in it. Lol

My list of stuff to do today is ugh. It’s my day off, so that means I have a long list. I’m going to do a meal giveaway through the Blessing Box tomorrow, so I have to go buy some things. It’s meatball subs and French fries. I have the meatballs in the freezer already (2 lb bags) and I have the buns (delivered Sunday by my regular bread guy). I need to buy the sauce, some cheese and the bags of fries. I have a couple hundred in gift cards set aside, so I am going to dip into those to buy the stuff needed today, and then do the giveaway tomorrow, unannounced. Those are fun, because instead of having people sign up, I just give the meals away to people who happen to be visiting, randomly. That way I can help individuals who might not have computer access.

I also need to go to the bank. I am buying medically-necessary shoes for a visitor. She gave me cash to pay for them, and I need to order them for her. She’s in a wheelchair and her one foot is in a permanent brace, and she needs these shoes to keep her foot from twisting. It’s already pretty bad. I tried to order them for her yesterday but I ended up having to remeasure both of her feet and get more information. So, to the bank to deposit that money and then I will have a phone call to the company in California.

Also at the bank, I need to move some money around for my son. I need to pull out cash and pay his electric bill, and his cell phone. All 3 of my kids are together on a phone plan, and I need to transfer his portion of it over.

What else? I have to drive to Martinsburg and pick up this week’s donation from a local consignment shop. They give me 6-8 big black trash bags full of merchandise each week, that’s been abandoned or donated because it didn’t sell. Which is amazing, as it’s so far been really good quality stuff. But it’s a 30 minute drive, and for some reason, every single week when I go, it’s raining. Lol Which it will be, again today!

I also need to drop off my latest Stitch Fix rejects at the post office. I will probably do that on the way to taking BugGirl back to work after this appointment.

And I have to figure out something for dinner.

I wanna curl up and sleep instead of doing all of this. Sigh.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I accomplished everything I had in my to-do list yesterday, so that was good. Today I will be hosting the meatball sub giveaway, and I really should be out of bed already to start getting prepared for it. I just need to bag up all the ingredients - recipients will be getting a 2 lb bag of meatballs, a jar of spaghetti sauce, hot dog buns, a bag of French fries and a package of sliced mozzarella cheese. I’m thinking I might add a 6-pack of applesauce, as I have boxes and boxes of those at the moment.

I need to shower first though, and figure out what I’m wearing today.

I did get to see both of my daughters yesterday, and I hope to see BugGirl again today. I offered them both $20 if they’d go get their COVID vaccination - they’re just so meh about it. I want to be able to know that they’re safe, and since they’re both broke, I’m hoping this will motivate them.
 
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Magdlyn

Well-known member
Looking strong.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Looking strong.
Thanks! I don’t feel strong. Two miles is about my limit before I start getting winded and need a rest. A 4 mile hike is my max so far, before I really want to quit! Honestly, I am excited about pushing it and doing 6 mile hikes, but neither of my guys are in shape enough to attempt it. I’m not in the greatest shape either, so I am okay with what we are doing!

I am planning on buying a tent and a ton of overnight gear today. DarkKnight and I are going to try roughing it this weekend! I am super anxious about buying the right stuff, as my budget is limited. I’m getting a 10x10 Coleman tent with rain fly, a tarp to go under it, extra stakes and a camp hammer, 2 18” high air mattresses, an LED lantern...and I am torn between ordering 2 queen-size sleeping bags or 2 bed-in-a-bag comforter & sheet sets. I’m only ever going to use this stuff in a state campground.

The last time I went tent camping, we ended up in a hotel the next day. 😂
 
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