Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Bluebird

Well-known member
So BugGirl’s GuyFriend is now in rehab. I dropped him off this morning with the conviction that he absolutely CAN do hard things. I hope that idea sticks.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
So much going on! I can’t keep up. I am waiting right now for DarkKnight to come home for lunch and leave me the car. I have to go to the post office today and to Martinsburg to pick up unsold consignment items. I’m planning a solo hike today. I’ve spoken with LittleMichigan this morning and BugGirl got to call me to request some items she needs at the treatment center. The Blessing Box is closed today, but a donor just brought me 5 new complete twin bed sets for some kids that got new beds last month from me. Yay! Lots of positives here.

I want to explain and get down everything that has been going on but when I start to write, it gets all mixed up in my head. I also can’t seem to find time to write. Soooon.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I did get a phone call from BugGirl this week - with her counselor on the line as well - and I was able to give her an update on everything going on. BeanBoy and I went over to where she was later that day with some tarot cards, books, clothing, her rollerblades and stamps. We didn’t get to see her, but her counselor says she is settling in well. She sounded very upbeat and positive on the phone.

My son and I went hiking together afterward - we walked part of the South Mountain State Battlefield - from Turner’s Gap to Fox’s Gap along the Appalachian Trail. It was only a couple of miles, but I was glad to give him some time - it’s been forever since I’ve been alone with him because of Covid! I think I will be spending time at his house today, as we need to start packing things up for his move July 3. One month to go!

That was Wednesday. Yesterday I was on my own with the Blessing Box, and I spent a lot of time outside on my patio, greeting visitors and hanging out while sorting donations.

I’m not sure if I mentioned it, but the new motor that was installed in our central air unit outside part wrenched itself free of its brackets and destroyed itself and the fan. So we’ve not had any cold air in the house since the weekend. We’ve had one company come and give us an estimate on replacing the entire central air system and our furnace - which is 16 years old - but the company that replaced the motor hasn’t been back. I called them on Tuesday and they said they’d call me back, but nothing. So I called again yesterday and they asked for photos, so I emailed those. Nothing else so far. They tried to say on the phone that it must have been a power surge, but umm, absolutely not - there was nothing like that going on here. I’m going to call around and get some more estimates set up for next week. The 3 proposals we’ve received have ranged from $6100 to $10440. As miserable as it is in my house, we are definitely not making a hasty decision!
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
One of our foster cats is suddenly not able to stand without falling over. Her temp is normal, she will eat and drink when we spoon feed it to her, and she’s peeing and pooping. Her owner thinks waiting and seeing what happens is the best course of action, until he can get her to the regular vet next week. I am cautiously okay with this. He came over last night and is coming over again today in a couple of hours. DarkKnight has bathed the kitty twice now, as when she goes to the restroom, it’s just wherever she is laying. She tries to move herself but things are not working to let that happen. After she got washed this morning and I fed her, she fell asleep purring in my arms. The internet says this should pass on its own after 24-48 hours and I hope that is the case!

Like we needed more stress here, gah!

I had two dates yesterday, and it was an interesting experience. One was with a guy from OKC that I started talking to pre-Covid. He has always popped in and out of my messages, but because of quarantine, nothing came of it. Now that we are both vaccinated, we decided to finally see if there was a spark in person.

There wasn’t. At least not on my end. He was cute, fit, intelligent. Seriously - I have never had a guy ask me such probing and smart questions on a first date in my life! We met for ice cream on Carroll Creek in Frederick - it was First Saturday, which means they have stores having sales, little art booths and live music. We didn’t go and see anything together though, we just sat and talked for like an hour and a half. It was too crazy hot to walk out into the sun!

Also, I was the one who suggested First Saturday and he told me no at first. So then I texted SirGalahad, my ex boyfriend, to see if he wanted to hang out. He did, but then this other guy texted me back and said he was going to go after all. I had to tell him I had made other plans! After some confusion, we decided he and I would meet up first.

So we did, and then SirGalahad messaged to ask when he should come. I told him, but the message showed as unread, so we were surprised when SirGalahad showed up. Things were quick and awkward as the other guy left - I gave him a hug and later texted him to apologize about that.

I think it was awkward because SirGalahad sort of knows him, since they both had the same FWB several years ago, and this other guy knows about the breakup SirGalahad had last year with his girlfriend. He actually told me that he saw SirGalahad’s ex and her cheating partner making out at a BBQ last Monday! So it’s weird.

Anyway, I am thinking that I will keep chatting with this dude and hopefully schedule a second date to see if I was wrong. If there’s no spark, I’m going to let it go. I’m not really searching for anyone to see right now since my life is chaos.

With SirGalahad though - whew! We literally talked the entire day. We discussed our past relationships (since I dated him twice), our most recent breakups, our lives, our disappointments, our dreams. It was like the best reconnection I could hope for, and I wasn’t even really reconnecting for dating reasons.

He bought me a nice lunch, and we walked around First Saturday briefly. I was able to visit my friend’s vintage furniture business, which had moved recently. It was good to see her! We talked a little bit - we hadn’t seen each other because of quarantine but kept up with each other on Facebook.

Afterward, we went back to SirGalahad’s house. I had brought a bunch of kitten supplies for his new little one, and a name was finally decided on (we had been messaging about it, and MisterMoonbeam suggested MadMartigan, and that has now stuck. Picture of Marty is below!) SirGalahad actually had a conference call for work at 6 pm, so when he went up to his office to do that, he grabbed my hand to stand me up, and then he kissed me passionately, before going upstairs. (The kitten is quarantined in the basement at the moment from the other cats.)

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Like 20 minutes later, SirGalahad comes back and the call was canceled. So we talked some more and then went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Again, more discussion, and then back to his place because we hadn’t gotten enough talking done. Lol Honestly, I am not sure there is a subject on the planet we haven’t been over!

At 10:15, I told him he should walk me out to my car now, if he wanted to take a while to say goodbye. There we made out like a couple of teenagers until a neighbor pulled into the parking lot, so then I left. (He owns a townhouse, so there’s a shared parking lot.)

I am definitely feeling butterflies and glitterbrain. I am horny AF for him and that feeling is mutual. He told me he is going to urgent care today to get an STD panel run. Lol However, my life is still chaotic, so I am not sure when we will be able to see each other again. I will write more later, so I can get down everything we talked about.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Today is gross. So hot out! I had one volunteer over, but I sent her home after two hours. It’s just too yuck to do much. Thank goodness my friend let us borrow two AC window units - the foster room is nice and decent now, and the other we stuck in the kitchen, which is doing okay, but really needs to be bigger. I have a box fan positioned so it’s blowing air around.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I had to put the foster kitty to sleep tonight. This was so hard for me, especially after having to say goodbye to my daughter’s cat last week. I was alone, so that made it even worse. The vet believes she had a brain tumor. We did some low level testing, and the cat was effectively blind and grossly anemic. She said there was something terribly wrong with the neurological system - and there really wasn’t anything to be done. Bye Bye Bitty girl.

SirGawain called me on my way home - that meant a lot. He asked me what he could do and the fact that he did that made me feel really supported. I came home and my partners had ordered in pizza for dinner, and had chocolate chip cookies waiting. All of the cleaning was done too, thanks to my youngest daughter. How amazing it is to be surrounded by such love.

You might have noticed that I’ve been calling my ex boyfriend SirGalahad here lately, but I was reminded by him tonight that I had actually named him SirGawain years ago. Lol I’m not sure if he’s been reading and following along all this time, or just decided to pop back in. He asked me if I preferred he didn’t read, or if he should read. As always, I’m meh about it. I think other exes may take a look now and then but I don’t focus on anything when I write here other than what I’m feeling. If I had to mince words or think about what I was saying, I’d be paralyzed here. So I just ignore that audience. Still will. Funny though - I think I am going to go back and re-read my entires on SirGawain.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
OMG Bluebird, when you said your husband and bf were off sex, I said maybe you needed someone for sex, and you bit back at me, saying you didn't need a bf. And yet here you are making out like a teenager and horny af. Thanks for proving me right. ;)
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
OMG Bluebird, when you said your husband and bf were off sex, I said maybe you needed someone for sex, and you bit back at me, saying you didn't need a bf. And yet here you are making out like a teenager and horny af. Thanks for proving me right. ;)
Oh! I’m sorry if it seemed I was being abrasive. It was abrupt. But I was just throwing it out there that I didn’t feel I needed a new partner. I meant it to come off short, but not like emotionally short with you. I apologize if it read that way. I still think I don’t need a new partner right now.

That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy making out like a teenager and being horny AF. 😂 It’s been an interesting distraction, that’s for sure! If anything, I believe it HAS been good for me, in many ways.

Yeah, I’m teetering on the precipice of NRE. I’d say I was all the way over, except that I still have anxiety surrounding how quickly SirGawain might throw me over in case his ex returned. We had some good talks, which made me feel secure at first, but that isn’t just going to disappear easily. At the same time, it isn’t something I want to focus on, because there’s no way for SirGawain to prove he wouldn’t do that except time, or his ex actually coming back and him refusing to take her back.

Also, SirGawain hasn’t said much about labeling what we are doing right now, moving forward. He hasn’t said he wants to be my boyfriend. I feel I have been completely transparent about my current situation and headspace, and how I am not going to be able to put him into a FWB space. So he is aware of that. But he also hasn’t said, “fuck yeah, I wanna be your boyfriend.” However, the stuff he has been sharing with me doesn’t come across as baggage you share with a FWB.

I put myself in this position, not feeling like I needed another partner. However, I very quickly realized I do want him as a boyfriend. Want, need - the verb doesn’t matter. I feel like he’s meant to be in my life. And dare I say it, I feel more strongly about that than the other two times we’ve dated.

That doesn’t mean you’re not right. For me the good sex will just be a bonus. Honestly, if he suddenly pulled back and said he wasn’t in a good headspace for a relationship or sex, I would be disappointed, but I would still try and be there for him as a friend.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I just spent a few hours re-reading my old journal entries, to completely go back through my entire relationship with Sir Gawain. Wow. I wish I had done that earlier.

My first reaction was kinda confused, not gonna lie. I had a few entries where I was gushing about what an amazing kisser he is. This threw me for a loop, because I don’t remember that at all. Like, I remember his intelligence and his arms and his smile. I know the sex was really, really good. But reading about the kisses - what? But it’s funny, because his kisses are part of what started me buzzing on him again. Fuck, he *is* amazing at it. Lol I wrote him and told him I was dumb to forget this, which made him laugh.

The second thing - here it is, copy/paste:

“And then there is SirGawain. Sometimes when I am with him, I’m like REALLY? Other times it couldn’t feel more right. I had him go through a list of questions I asked my husbands (and my daughter) a few years ago, just to see where we stood, and his answers were very informative. (I will have to write a second post about that later.) He said he felt the thing I liked most about him was the sex we have. That isn’t even remotely true. I mean, I love the sex we have, as it’s completely different than any other dynamic I am involved with right now, but I don’t see that as the main focus of why I care about him. I think some of it is the way I catch him looking at me, and the way I catch myself looking at him. It’s like, we are both excited that the other even exists. It’s kinda cool. He’s astonishing.”

Yeah, consider my NRE switched on. 😆 And he didn’t even do anything - this was me reading what I wrote about him years ago. Now I just have this fear - the first time we dated he was WAY more into me than I was into him. I was afraid of him because of it. The second time was a sweet reciprocation of love - until he couldn’t hold a boundary with his other partner. This time, I think I may have it bad and he’s just kind of bemused and going along with it. Like, he’s not in a headspace to date me right now, maybe. I know he’s in therapy, but I am not sure how long that’s been going on. I’m wary of being discarded. If that’s the case, I need to step back because this is going to hurt me, and it is going to be terrible.

I am an idiot. :(
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Whew! Today was busy with the Blessing Box, but luckily we finished up with clothing outside yesterday, so today my volunteer and I were able to stay indoors. The overflow space has its own separate AC unit, so we stayed nice and cool, clearing the table of food donations. We did a lot! Here are two areas that I was working on - the first picture are food items that only go on the top shelf of the Box outside, and the second photo is of the baby food & formula we currently have in stock. Looking good!

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The formula, visitors have to ring the doorbell to ask for, but everything else is restocked outside multiple times a day. There are lots more shelves in my overflow, but this was me today. My volunteer had another pair of shelves (dedicated to the second shelf of the Blessing Box) and she did some stuff with toiletries, but we mostly just focused on food today.

I’m glad it’s over because I am pretty tired.

So tomorrow I have a coffee date set up with a guy - not sure if I mentioned him - he’s been flirty with me for YEARS. He’s a friend of DarkKnight’s, and he owns a gym here in town. He sells like supplements and stuff. He’s absolutely shredded, a short and sexy dark-skinned muscle man! Like, his muscles have muscles. My friend says she’d be intimidated to date someone with zero percent body fat and such a cute face! Lol 8 went to his gym for a short time before my immune issues popped up and had to stop. I am not caring that I am a potato in comparison, because, you know, he knows what I look like. He’s been in my DMs on and off over the years, and consistently since a couple of weeks ago. I want him on my Board of Directors, actually. Lol He agreed after I agreed to “hang out” tomorrow morning. 😂 Now HE might make a good FWB, but I don’t want to mess up our working relationship before it even gets started. I really do want him for my board - he’s well connected. But yeah, we’ve never really hung out before, and he was careful not to call it a date, but dude be asking me all sorts of sexual questions! Like, who are you trying to play with, with this nonsense? 🤣😂 He’s fun to banter with, though. I haven’t sent him any nudes or anything. 🤣😂

The other guy I had a date with last Saturday has been consistent in messaging still. He got tested on Monday. No pressure with that. Lol He still seems nice enough but our schedules are impossible. And right now, I’d rather give my weekends to DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam, and hopefully SirGawain. I’ve only had one 2-hour date with this guy, so we definitely need to grow that relationship more. I feel like SirGawain has some distain for him, having heard stuff from their mutual FWB in the past. So I don’t know what will happen with that. I am completely neutral with how I feel about him. He’s kinda just “this dude.” He definitely likes me. I don’t dislike him.

I feel like I should shut down my OKC profile at this point. I’m definitely wanting to focus on my relationship with SirGawain due to glitterbrain and stupidsquees. But, that’s on my end. It’s exciting to have NRE again - I missed it with MisterMoonbeam. I’ve had that conversation before with him, and he said he did have it with me, but I never noticed it, and mine was just a couple of spurts. I had too much going on emotionally with PunkRock moving out. Anyway, I really hope SirGawain can feel the NRE too. The more I think about it, the more anxious I get. It sucks to be mismatched with that.

Oh well. It is what it is.
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
I’m in a mood this morning.


“Low” by Flo Rida is constantly being sung or played over the Echo Dot network in our house. It’s gotten so bad that I am seriously going to gouge out my ears, even though I’m not doing much to slow the spread. Last night, MisterMoonbeam & I were debating whether it was too late to blast it at DarkKnight, who had retired to his bedroom to sleep. MisterMoonbeam said the best thing was, that if he played it, DarkKnight would blame me. He wasn’t wrong. 😆

Anyway, this morning I bought some slipper boots with fake fur, so clearly I am susceptible to earworm marketing. After I dropped DarkKnight at work, I came home and canceled the order. It’s summer and 90 degrees out. I don’t need the BOOTS WITH THE FURRRRR right now, omg.

Today is my day off but I have a lot to do. 9-9:30 I have another company giving me a price quote on replacing our central air unit. That said, the company that installed the faulty motor has said they are going to fix it but they are waiting for parts. So maybe we won’t have to replace it yet after all. Here’s to hoping! Anyway, I have that appointment, and then the coffee date with the gym guy.DarkKnight and I talked about that on the way to his work - he is tickled that his friend has the hots for me. I think he’s kind of proud of the fact? Lmao

In the afternoon I have to go to Martinsburg to snag this week’s consignment donations. Yesterday I seriously finally got a handle on everything stacking up in my overflow room, so it’s slightly annoying that these are going to make things impossible again. I can’t get caught up with just one volunteer! I also have a donation to pick up nearby of farm fresh eggs, and someone else is donating two 40” flatscreen TVs.

I won’t have time to hike today, so that makes me sad. I only got one in last week due to the extreme heat, and this weekend isn’t looking better. Though, I am looking forward to the weekend - and dreading it at the same time.

Friday both DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam have off. Our kitty Olivia is going to the vet, and unfortunately, I think this may be the end for her. Which is fucking terrible, since I euthanized Little Michigan’s cat last week, and one of my fosters this week already. It’s so much fucking bullshit. I’m both angry and sad and horrified. But she’s disappearing at an alarming rate - just so much bones right now. She’s got kidney disease, and she’s refusing to eat any extra food - we have to feed her this special stuff that’s costing us $200+ a month - and over the last month her weight loss is really showing.

We just took her to the vet not long ago for blood work and they said she wasn’t bad yet - but something has clearly changed recently. She’s also deaf, FIV+ and had a cancerous tumor removed earlier this year. She’s happy though, and loving. It’s breaking my fucking heart. DarkKnight is her person, and he is already having a rough time. It’s just so unfair.

It’s supposed to be a good weekend, though with Olivia being so awful I am not sure how it will turn out. I think the plan was to go to an escape room in Frederick - the 3 of us - and hopefully have SirGawain join us there. The guys would leave me for an overnight, which I think I have clearly posted about how excited I am for that! Just typing all this now, I have gone from being depressed AF to squeeee, which is crazy. That’s NRE, I guess.

Anyway, SirGawain would have to bring me back home the next day, though we could hang out too. There’s an art fair on the canal on Saturday we could check out. I know DarkKnight wants to attend Shakespeare in the Park Saturday night, which is a tradition for us. MisterMoonbeam seemed less thrilled at the theater idea, but he might go. It’s a live action FREE outdoor performance - this year it is A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I didn’t mention this yet to SirGawain, but of course he would be invited too. One great thing is that he’s used to our dynamic and is chill with DarkKnight. I think I mentioned they stayed Facebook friends after our breakup. Anyway, if he came to that, I might be able to do a second night sleepover, but I am not sure of his schedule.

Sunday I really need to spend some time in the afternoon working with MisterMoonbeam on emptying out his van. We need to get it ready to be sold. No hurry, but we keep putting it off!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I’m so upset right now. I’m shaking. One of the little girls I have grown to know and love through my Blessing Box ODed tonight. She got into her dad’s medicine and said she didn’t want to live anymore. She’s 9. I am sad and angry and all of the emotions right now. I haven’t seen her in a year due to Covid, and now I might never again. Over the years, I’ve gotten her entire family Christmas, winter coats, a bike, and numerous trips with me to see children’s plays. Freeze pops galore. I took her out one on one for Burger King milkshakes, a trip to the arcade. I bought her brand new shoes when she showed up wearing these:

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I am just a mess.

Apparently they got her heart going and she’s now on a helicopter in her way to DC. I hope for so much right now. I can’t even.
 
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icesong

Moderator
Staff member
That’s terrible. Holding her - and you - in my thoughts.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
She died. I am devastated.
 

Evie

Mod
Oh Bluebird, that's must be so very hard. Thoughts with you.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I can’t even today. LittleMichigan is here cleaning. I just finally showered and I need to get dressed and started on the donation pile this morning. I am hoping that throwing myself into sorting will help my mood.

DarkKnight called me this morning and he is coming home at lunch to hug me. He was crying on the phone. He knew her family and he is wanting to hold me. I can’t wait.

MisterMoonbeam held me quietly all last night while the messages flew back and forth. I appreciated that more than he knows. Or maybe he does know. He’s perceptive like that. I am worried because he doesn’t do well with death and this came out of nowhere. Meanwhile we are planning on Olivia probably getting euthanized tomorrow. He is going to be overloaded and I don’t know what to do about that. Hold him as well, I suppose. He started a new depression drug this week. I hope it helps him not to dip too low throughout this.

SirGawain called me last night late, and it was nice to hear his voice. He’s got to be thinking that my life is a hot mess, but he’s showing up as a support.

I am so very lucky.

I don’t know where to put this grief. I cry a few sobs and then move on. My weekend is planned up with activities and I think it will be good to just shut it out and try to be happy. This child has been in my heart for several years and now I will turn her into a light there.

Her mom reached out to me but there’s nothing to be done at the moment. I will help if I can.
 

politeme

New member
I’m so upset right now. I’m shaking. One of the little girls I have grown to know and love through my Blessing Box ODed tonight. She got into her dad’s medicine and said she didn’t want to live anymore. She’s 9. I am sad and angry and all of the emotions right now. I haven’t seen her in a year due to Covid, and now I might never again. Over the years, I’ve gotten her entire family Christmas, winter coats, a bike, and numerous trips with me to see children’s plays. Freeze pops galore. I took her out one on one for Burger King milkshakes, a trip to the arcade. I bought her brand new shoes when she showed up wearing these:

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I am just a mess.

Apparently they got her heart going and she’s now on a helicopter in her way to DC. I hope for so much right now. I can’t even.
I am sure she will be cured and soon will back. I feel your heart beat, may God bless and keep you alive Do not think more because of palpitation and heart failure.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I am sure she will be cured and soon will back. I feel your heart beat, may God bless and keep you alive Do not think more because of palpitation and heart failure.
She passed soon after that post. She is gone.
 
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