Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Bluebird

Well-known member
An update about the building-buying process: the meeting with my bank went really well. It was actually with two of the Vice Presidents! Yikes! They gave me a very clear path to follow for getting funded - which was exactly what I wanted!

1. They gave me contact info for the local Small Business Association, and a direct contact there. I called and got a zoom appointment set up for next Thursday, and I filled out an application request for their free services. Moving right along! Basically, they told me that there are some real benefits to starting with this. I need a business plan and part of their help will be to put one together along with income projections on the apartment rentals we will be making available to another organization in town. Also, we may be able to get qualified for a guarantee with them, where they would actually underwrite the loan and we would only be required to put down 10%, rather than 30%, as a down payment. If we can secure that, that makes the bank even happier.

2. They suggested that we get started on the cash-out process just as soon as possible as interest rates are climbing. We talked at length about how to pull the money that we need out of the house and I feel very positive about it.

I am now drawing an absolute blank at what else we discussed. 😂🙃 I have it all written down but that’s upstairs and I am exhausted from my hike. My brain isn’t working.

Oh, one of the things was that they are going to email me a couple of CPAs to contact about structuring the LLC & nonprofits. That hasn’t appeared yet so I will message on Monday about that.

I was told 100% MisterMoonbeam won’t qualify to be on the loan because his center score is not high enough. They want 675, and the single negative on his reports tanked his 700+ to way below that. (I just read in the news that the big 3 credit bureaus have agreed to DELETE most unpaid medical debts from reports in July! That doesn’t help us now but it will help him in the future.)

They said however, that we don’t need his income - that the business plan (that I will be writing with assistance) will offer up additional income to DarkKnight and they’ll use that to show we can afford it. The one guy sounded very confident about that.

Anyway, it was a good meeting and I left feeling really excited. But now of course, I’m overwhelmed with the enormity of it all. Again. Sigh. I’m just going to keep taking the steps I need and hope it works out! I have an email to send out still to another local lender who writes portfolio loans and get their input as well.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
More photos and some weekend updates!

Here’s another new Stitch Fix dress. I kept this one to take to Texas for the wedding this summer.

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On Friday, I met up with my youngest and we went hiking together. It was the worst. Lol I usually do low key nature walks but this was South Mountain, and we decided to climb up to Weverton Cliffs. I last did this particular trail about a decade ago - with LittleMichigan, actually. We made it to the top and the view was amazing, but damn. We both agreed we could wait another decade before doing it again. Lol

You can see three states from the top - Pennsylvania, West Virginia and Maryland. My app says I burned over 1100 calories in the climb - it’s a mile up and a mile down.

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The Wildling masquerade ball on Saturday night was epic. I had a ton of fun and danced my ass off. BugGirl entered the unseelie costume contest and arguably came in second. I was a butterfly but didn’t enter anything. Lol MisterMoonbeam and my friend also came with and it was a blast. I had a good talk with MisterMoonbeam about it and he said he is for sure my dancing partner and he loves it lots - he’s willing to go to any venue and join me in dancing! I’m very excited about this.

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On Sunday (after sleeping in because we didn’t get home from the Ball until 1 am), MisterMoonbeam & I decided to just start driving a direction and see how we could celebrate our anniversary. We stopped in Chambersburg and had Fuddrucker’s for lunch, and then decided to do an ghost tour in our car of Gettysburg. Our feet hurt like crazy from dancing all night (and mine from the hike as well on Friday!) so a driving tour seemed like a great idea.

It was funny because neither of us had ever toured Gettysburg and we live so close! Also, I taught the campaign when homeschooling in a very in-depth fashion. That said, MisterMoonbeam is more into the Revolutionary War and WW2, and I am more interested in WW2. So it was never a location we made a priority.

The tour was interesting, easy to follow, and fun. We both agree that we would be interested in returning and doing a more factually-based historical driving tour!

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We then drove to Mount Joy, PA and had dinner at Bube’s. This was significant because MisterMoonbeam had invited me there in our very first OKCupid conversation, but we never went. Like, the pandemic happened and we didn’t go anywhere. So it was super cool to finally check that off, and we were able to eat in the underground catacombs! I am hoping to go again for his birthday and do a murder mystery there.

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fuchka

Active member
Haha my brain went to a really weird place with this one! It took me wayyyy longer than it should have to realise that these were a montage of photos from your whole relationship rather than pics from a one big anniversary day out. I was impressed by how many costume changes you both went through, and how much you packed in...
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Haha my brain went to a really weird place with this one! It took me wayyyy longer than it should have to realise that these were a montage of photos from your whole relationship rather than pics from a one big anniversary day out. I was impressed by how many costume changes you both went through, and how much you packed in...
Hahahahaha My hair graying wasn’t a sign? I cringe, watching Covid making me go without coloring for so long, seeing my natural roots spread down and then I chopped everything off! I honestly love my hair now with my natural silver. It’s fun adding the teal, but once this fades I’m going to be white-headed for at least a short bit. I like it looking long and natural.

That’s definitely a collage of different trips and events we attended the last two years, and because of the quarantine, most are outdoors! 🤗
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
MisterMoonbeam and I went to Baltimore for the second ropes class tonight. He learned two new knots, and he was able to relearn the two from last session. We took videos of them this time, so he has a reference if he forgets the way the shank is supposed to be held or whatever. He had the one knot down perfect but the locking version he couldn’t remember from last month. I love being his bunny!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Yesterday was emotionally draining for me.

Someone I had gotten to know rather well passed away (heart attack, probably from blood clots) last week and her funeral was in the morning. I planned to go to the viewing hours, but then realized before leaving that it was in Frederick. This changed up all of my plans for the day. I ended up leaving later than anticipated.

This ended up being somewhat of a positive, as my vehicle was then perfectly placed on the highway to witness an SUV pulling a UHAUL trailer crash into the median, jackknife and then flip over. I pulled over and was second on the scene, behind the driver’s boyfriend. I have photos, but I am not going to post them here. It was really bad and my nerves are still shot. Not gory - the driver was pulled out while I held the door up (the vehicle was on its side) but it was intense. She had two dogs and I had to try and catch one before it ran into traffic, as it was thrown from the vehicle. The other was hunkered down inside and someone else passing by who stopped, bent down and extracted it.

The police arrived promptly and took my information, but I was shaking and crying after I left, all the way to the funeral home. I felt glad that I was able to help but it was a lot of adrenaline, all at once.

And then of course, a funeral is not entertaining. The mom of the deceased was very out of it and distressed, and the open casket was not kind to my friend. It should have been closed.

Her adult son, and her partner of 27 years, were not at the viewing, but behind the building smoking cigarettes and crying. I left and went to see them, walking through a wooded area to connect. They were apparently devastated by the choice in clothing, makeup and decorations of their deceased loved one. She was pagan, and her body was surrounded by crosses.

I tried to soothe nerves but I don’t think I was very successful. I have been fundraising for these two, as my friend was the only one working and they were hotel homeless. Currently paying $1400 a month for a dumpy room in the worst location downtown. The son JUST got a job but money will not be arriving soon if he gets through the training. I know my friend would be heartbroken if her loves were put in the street right after she passed. I’ve raised $450 so far, but I don’t think it will go much higher, as there is no sob story to tug on heartstrings. Just heartbreak.

So yeah, it was a tough day. I spent the rest of my time at SirGawain’s, as I was scheduled for a sleepover and with the price of gas, I wasn’t going to drive home and then back again! I had a videoconference with the small business development center in the afternoon, which was very positive, but it was still stressful.
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
I keep either waking up SUPER early, or sleeping in really late. There is no middle ground!

I am bummed this morning - DarkKnight and I had planned on a road trip to Pittsburgh but we’ve had to cancel again. This is the second time we’ve tried to make it happen! We bought tickets to the aquarium and zoo there for Valentine’s, but he got sick then and so we put it off. We were both excited to go today but then saw last night it’s supposed to rain and snow there! Uh, no. So now we are planning to go to a nearby rock & gem show. I mean, I’m excited to go to that, but it makes me feel whiny when big plans like that change. I am happy to spend time with my love though!

Either way, this will be another weekend when I don’t see SirGawain. He’s been shifted off of my calendar soooo much lately. I’ve felt extremely disconnected from him and it’s not really improving. Of course, not being able to see him as often would cause that, but I honestly can’t say if it’s the reason or just a symptom of other issues. We haven’t had sex in ages, and it seems every time I do go to his house, or we get together, something high stress is happening. This week I was there Thursday, and after being involved with helping with the car crash and then having to attend a friend’s viewing - there was not a single horny feeling in my body.

We have been struggling for a little while with his libido and now that his medication has changed, I think that’s improved, but now I’m in some sort of state where I just don’t feel connected. We talked about his lack of physical affection at other times, and I can tell he’s been trying to improve that. Honestly, it feels forced and fake at times and that doesn’t help.

I do love this man, but I’m not sure what is happening between us. I told him on Thursday that I really want to make sure we spend at least two days together this coming week. Not seeing him as regularly is my own scheduling issue, and if that’s causing the disconnect, well, I want to fix it. But it’s hard to make him a priority on my calendar when I have two other partners that I have positive and horny feelings for!

He’s a homebody too, so that puts us at opposites. On the weekend, I like to accomplish things and go to events and plan adventures. He doesn’t want to travel far from his location or do things like I like, so there’s not a compatibility there. I mean, we ended up not even doing anything together alone for Valentine’s Day and it never got rescheduled. When I mentioned this the other night he said that we went on a trip to West Virginia - which is when we had a threesome with his old FWB. That was last year! I’m like, you realize I do things constantly? That is super long ago in my world! Lol

Which is honestly fine. Or would be, if his house wasn’t making me feel claustrophobic! He’s not keeping up on the maintenance cleaning and it isn’t sexy or fun to come to someone’s house that is filthy. He definitely needs to find someone to regularly come in and clean. BugGirl was doing it but it’s not on a regular basis. They need to pick a day and stick with it, or he needs to hire someone else.

Gah! Yeah, I am struggling with this connection. Not everyone you date is a long term prospect, but dammit, we’ve already broken up twice in the past and I refuse to do it again unless we both are certain there is nothing happening between us anymore. I am definitely not at that point yet. I feel like I can rekindle this on my end if things get worked on. I’m just overwhelmed with a lot at the moment and I keep running out of spoons. We are coming up on our one year anniversary and when I mentioned planning something, he was sort of dismissive.
 

JaneQSmythe

Well-known member
I am bummed this morning - DarkKnight and I had planned on a road trip to Pittsburgh but we’ve had to cancel again. This is the second time we’ve tried to make it happen! We bought tickets to the aquarium and zoo there for Valentine’s, but he got sick then and so we put it off. We were both excited to go today but then saw last night it’s supposed to rain and snow there! Uh, no.
Glad you didn't make the trek here - weather was miserable mix of wet snow, ice balls, sleet and rain blown around by random gusts of cold wind. Tomorrow doesn't look to be much better. MrS is a huge fan of zoos and aquariums so we hit them whenever possible when we travel but he never tires of going. I would also highly recommend the Sloth Encounter at the Aviary - we went for his birthday year before last. He wants to go back for the Penguin Experience next time.

Anytime you are in the area and want to meet up for dinner, it would be lovely to meet you in person. (We live near the 70/79 interchange in SW PA so a lot of folks end up passing close by.)
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Glad you didn't make the trek here - weather was miserable mix of wet snow, ice balls, sleet and rain blown around by random gusts of cold wind. Tomorrow doesn't look to be much better. MrS is a huge fan of zoos and aquariums so we hit them whenever possible when we travel but he never tires of going. I would also highly recommend the Sloth Encounter at the Aviary - we went for his birthday year before last. He wants to go back for the Penguin Experience next time.

Anytime you are in the area and want to meet up for dinner, it would be lovely to meet you in person. (We live near the 70/79 interchange in SW PA so a lot of folks end up passing close by.)
OMG I had no idea about the aviary sloth encounter being a thing! Now I wanna go in the worst way! DarkKnight and I did a penguin encounter in Atlanta 6 years ago and it was the best! If you go and see penguins, I suggest wearing something with black & white stripes or zigzags. They will fixate on you and you’ll get a better experience than the others in your group. The penguin we had to share with 8 others kept coming back to me to the point where they had to get a second penguin to share. Lol I was unapologetic.

I would love to meet up! I don’t head up that way often but I will send a PM whenever we do.

Yeah I was bummed to miss out because of weather, but our tickets are good for a year!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Cramps. Fuuuuuck. Ugh. Got my period today. Not a fun feeling, and it’s brought me a big bunch of down and depressed feelings. Yay.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Annnnnd I’ve bled through DarkKnight’s sheets. All I can say is thank god for the mattress protector. Everything is in the wash right now but ugh. I went to bed with a midsize tampon in and next-to-no discharge and then woke up to a fucking murder this morning. Sigh. Probably would have been okay if I had woken up overnight to pee as per usual, but nope. I was OUT last night. So this morning started with us stripping the bed, and I now have the washer going after spraying everything down.

Did I mention that MisterMoonbeam got his van back on the road last week? We’ve been operating with just one vehicle all throughout the pandemic, so it’s been nice to have a second vehicle again. We used both cars yesterday to pick up our semi-annual donation from a local consignment sale, and now my overflow room is full to the brim. My living room has some spillover as well - car seats, a kids’ bean bag chair & ottoman, boppy pillows, bouncers - more clothes than I can ever possibly sort alone. Gah! Thankfully this is our last big giveaway before we move this summer.

I will have an Easter basket giveaway in April too though - I have two big totes with lids in front of my fireplace right now, full of brand new toys. My shed has Easter baskets, and the storage unit has the plastic eggs. I feel motivated to get that stuff set up, but I can’t move it until this baby stuff makes an exit first.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Today was absolutely exhausting. Stick a fork in me because I am done. I ran out to the thrift store today at noon and was gone an hour, thinking it wouldn’t be busy, but MisterMoonbeam stress-ate a bag of Doritos while I was gone because people wouldn’t stop ringing the doorbell, poor guy.

I need to get out of this recliner and start cleaning up because it looks like a bomb went off and I need to get ready to go to SirGawain’s tonight. I can’t move at the moment though. I really just wanna put my feet up and take a nap. If this place looks this terrible when DarkKnight gets home from work though, I’ll feel like a jerk.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Finally got in to see the cardiologist.

1. The doctor was lovely. She spent an hour with me, explaining everything.

2. They are going to call me to make another appointment. I need an ultrasound to get clear pictures of my heart.

3. They want me to wear a heart monitor for 48 hours and they will be calling to set that up as well.

4. My EKG results from February were concerning, but the cardiologist said that it was a lot of information that might not be accurate. She said the concerning number was pointing to something called a “left bundle block” with the interventricular delay, but she couldn’t be certain and neither could they, which is why they listed it as nonspecific. She said I had big boobs and sometimes the leads aren’t set right so that probably wasn’t it. So we redid the EKG.

5. The EKG results done in-house today looked nothing like the results I had at Johns Hopkins. However, they showed other issues, in addition to the previous abnormalities.

6. I’m stressed to the max and I had my first ever high blood pressure reading while there. 139/94. I seriously am always like 124/80. Like clockwork. I had a headache and I felt dizzy. I’m guessing that’s all just stress though.

7. Now that I am writing all of this, I am forgetting everything that was said. Sigh. Anyway. This is not fun and it’s scary. The doctor said until we get the next results to just live my life and keep the appointments they set up and try to lower my stress. Right.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I had an eventful weekend - MisterMoonbeam and I left on Friday to hike almost 2 miles in Martinak State Park. I rented a cabin overnight, and this was the 32nd Maryland state park in my collection. :) Saturday we set out for Rehoboth Beach in Delaware and had some yummy lunch and a short time on the beach.

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Today DarkKnight and I had tickets to a Silent Film event where we got to see three silent movies with the Maryland Symphony Orchestra playing live along with them. We had lunch ahead of time and made it a whole date day together. My husband was looking fine too - he’s now lost more weight and is down two whole pants sizes, so we went clothes shopping in the morning and bought a bunch of new stuff for just him.

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We are home now and the plan is to order in dinner and the three of us are going to watch Murder on the Orient Express, as yesterday evening we watched Death on the Nile together. (I had seen this previously with SirGawain in the theater.)

I am feeling pretty good at the moment.

I should mention that BugGirl has now moved in with us as she has finished her time at the transition home! She’s busy arranging her room and unpacking right now. Hopefully this will be the last move for a long while for her, as the plan is for my polycule and I to move out when we buy our building this summer, and she will take over paying the mortgage. It’s much cheaper for her to do that than rent in our city!
 

aarlow

New member
I've tried to start a blog here quite a few times, but always get distracted before hitting submit. Hopefully by beginning with a bit of cut and paste from my already existing threads, I can at least get the first entry here off into the ether, finally!

My husband and I started talking about opening up our marriage at the beginning of July, after about 8 years of being together as a mono couple.

I was married once before for almost 10 years, and it ended in divorce for many reasons, but one being that my ex-husband was happy with having sex once a month, and I wasn't.

My husband now is happy with sex about once a week, but my drive has always been much stronger - I would prefer once a day, or more, if I could stop chaffing. :) Over the years, we've struggled with our mismatched needs and he has been very accommodating with both helping me masturbate and trying to increase his libido to keep up with me. When we do have sex, he is giving and caring and very attentive to my every need - the only complaint I have is the quantity, not the quality.

I have never wanted my husband to feel inadequate or that there is something wrong with him. I actually see it as more as a deficit within myself, to be honest. I've done a lot of reading about sex addictions and nymphos, but I don't believe I am at that level of horny. Lol i'm not addicted to porn or cheating. However, I was able to recognize in my first marriage that once a month was woefully inadequate for my needs. So this has been an issue from the very start of our marriage together - my husband knew that I need some sort of sexual release once a day, and we've worked really hard on communicating about how this effects our relationship. It has really put a strain on us in some ways because sometimes I feel he is just going through the motions, to make sure I'm happy. I don't want pity sex. That isn't sexy, or satisfying to me. We have had tons of talks about this, for years.

So, to sum all that backstory up, right now he is wanting to remain mono, himself, and has been feeling lots of compersion as I move forward as being poly. Neither of us is bi, and we aren't interested in 3somes or swinging. Though I am continuing to encourage my husband to think about it, he so far is ok with being mono.

I started out trying to put together a relationship with a mutual single guy friend of ours, which lasted a couple of weeks and was, quite frankly, torturous for me emotionally. This guy was extremely mono, and was all over the place with his feelings for me. In the end, he told me he was never really attracted to me at all and though I don't believe that - he did some damage to my self esteem while we were together.

Regrouping from that, I put up a profile on okcupid and then went on two dates with a guy, B, who was single and said he was open to poly. I enjoyed going out with him, but I cut him off soon after meeting M, who is my current boyfriend.
I can relate, from a different prospective. I'm the husband (44-SWM), my wife (38 SWF); seven years ago, after the birth of our son, she found her libido significantly ramped up. I simply couldn't give her all she wanted, even though it was several times a week. I have a good buddy, SWM, single, same age as my wife. He and I have been friends many years...he lives in a different city. So, one night he and my wife and I all went to bed together. Turned out, he's a VERY powerful performer. Ever since then...seven years...we all get together for long weekends every couple months, or so. My wife insists we all sleep together.

At first, it bothered me, because my friend out-does me in bed. I saw a sex therapist who said that this arrangement probably saves our marriage. My wife gets a super-shot of sex often enough to satisfy her, and that keeps her from getting involved in a potentially destructive affair closer to home. She and I love each other very much, and our relationship is great. She loves sex, but considers it purely recreational. She and I have plenty of sex ourselves...enough to keep me happy!

I know you said you don't want a threesome, but I can just say this arrangement works for us. I'd be glad to answer any questions you might have.
 

powerpuffgrl1969

Active member
I can relate, from a different prospective. I'm the husband (44-SWM), my wife (38 SWF); seven years ago, after the birth of our son, she found her libido significantly ramped up. I simply couldn't give her all she wanted, even though it was several times a week. I have a good buddy, SWM, single, same age as my wife. He and I have been friends many years...he lives in a different city. So, one night he and my wife and I all went to bed together. Turned out, he's a VERY powerful performer. Ever since then...seven years...we all get together for long weekends every couple months, or so. My wife insists we all sleep together.

At first, it bothered me, because my friend out-does me in bed. I saw a sex therapist who said that this arrangement probably saves our marriage. My wife gets a super-shot of sex often enough to satisfy her, and that keeps her from getting involved in a potentially destructive affair closer to home. She and I love each other very much, and our relationship is great. She loves sex, but considers it purely recreational. She and I have plenty of sex ourselves...enough to keep me happy!

I know you said you don't want a threesome, but I can just say this arrangement works for us. I'd be glad to answer any questions you might have.
Bluebird is actually an OG member of this group and successfully manages to navigate multiple loving relationships concurrently.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I can relate, from a different prospective. I'm the husband (44-SWM), my wife (38 SWF); seven years ago, after the birth of our son, she found her libido significantly ramped up. I simply couldn't give her all she wanted, even though it was several times a week. I have a good buddy, SWM, single, same age as my wife. He and I have been friends many years...he lives in a different city. So, one night he and my wife and I all went to bed together. Turned out, he's a VERY powerful performer. Ever since then...seven years...we all get together for long weekends every couple months, or so. My wife insists we all sleep together.

At first, it bothered me, because my friend out-does me in bed. I saw a sex therapist who said that this arrangement probably saves our marriage. My wife gets a super-shot of sex often enough to satisfy her, and that keeps her from getting involved in a potentially destructive affair closer to home. She and I love each other very much, and our relationship is great. She loves sex, but considers it purely recreational. She and I have plenty of sex ourselves...enough to keep me happy!

I know you said you don't want a threesome, but I can just say this arrangement works for us. I'd be glad to answer any questions you might have.
lol This was my very first journal post. A lot has changed since then! I still haven’t had a threesome with DarkKnight and I still have no desire to do so. He and I are in a wonderful place in our relationship though. Keep reading if you have the stamina - my journal is looooong. Lol
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I’m on the couch this morning - I have some pain in my left arm and my left thigh feels bruised like someone was up all night punching it. Clearly I have slept wrong! I am going to shower in a short bit so hopefully that will help ease my aching muscles!

I feel like I need to give a short “state of the Union” post on each of my relationships, if nothing to keep an accurate journal. Also some updates on my life in general.

Health:
I have 3 appointments later on this month for my heart: to pick up the 48 hour monitor, to return that and get an ultrasound, and the last to talk to the cardiologist about what to do next. My EKG showed that my left atrium was hella big, and that I have an interventricular delay on that side as well.

I’m supposed to have an eye doctor appointment tomorrow but that is getting scheduled our further. I have my new glasses (progressives) but I’m still showing some optic nerve enlargement in my left eye so they want to get some better pictures so if it continues to get worse they have a baseline.

I’ve continued my weight loss by doing absolutely nothing. I’ve lost like 8 pounds total since last Fall. I’m still fat, but I don’t care right now enough to do anything.

I’ve completely stopped my Invisalign because I’m still struggling with PTSD surrounding the dentist. I have too much going on to be able to handle anxiety with that thrown into the mix.

Finances:

DarkKnight and I have an appointment on Friday afternoon to complete the paperwork at the bank, to secure our down payment for a building. If it doesn’t work out, we’ll be selling our house to get the cash that way. Keep your fingers crossed that we don’t have to sell - we are hoping that our older two kids will be able to take over our current home mortgage and have a secure base.

Every night this week I have financial work to do in preparation for this meeting with the bank - printing out tax returns, bank statements, that sort of thing. I’m tired just thinking about it. Honestly it does look like we will qualify for this but it’s scary and big and it’s only the first step.

I’m also working with the Small Business Administration Development Center to write a business plan. At least, I’m supposed to be doing that. I hope to start that on Wednesday, on my day off. Lol I’ve had one Zoom meeting with my contact there and he’s eager to help me start step 2 of this process. Apparently there’s a program that we can work on together, so I have to subscribe to that.

My daughter BugGirl has completed her time at the transition home and is now 10 months into her recovery! She moved home this past weekend, and the plan is that she will be living here permanently as I will be moving out this summer with my partners into our building. So she’s now contributing rent and that should give me a little bit of a bump each month.

I’ve also been actively paying off credit cards and they will all have a zero balance as of May 1, except for the biggest one, which is always close to maxed out. However, its not hurting us too bad as DarkKnight’s credit midscore is like 740.

DarkKnight:

He’s actively working a weight loss plan with the hospital to prevent diabetes. He has a weekly Zoom meeting, a food diary, and he has been going to the gym or walking the neighborhood every night. He’s lost 20 pounds since January, and 2 pants sizes. I took him shopping and refreshed his wardrobe on Sunday. I’m so proud of him!

We’re down on week 3 of our Hello Fresh ordering for dinner and all of us are loving the portion sizes and menu.

Our sex life is infrequent at best. Maybe once a month? I am in an okay place with this, as I love him dearly and just snuggling up to him at night is enough to keep us connected. He reads to me each evening we are together, and I fall asleep rested and feeling loved.

Right now the only thing on our calendar is a birthday excursion for him in May, which I still have to purchase tickets for - we want to go in a dinner train ride trip.

MisterMoonbeam:

He has gained a LOT of weight over the two years we have been together, and he’s not happy with it. However, he continues to stress eat - he will go out and buy a whole bag of chips or eat a cake. This isn’t healthy, and feels shamed about it. He hides it, which makes me sad.

His depression is ongoing. The past month he was back to sleeping during the day. BugGirl remarked to me yesterday that he seems to always be sleeping, and my BFF actually asked last night if he was okay, because when she comes over he says hi and then goes to bed. Sigh. This is not inaccurate.

MiaterMoonbeam is still seeing his therapist regularly, but I am not sure about his medication. BugGirl and I gave his bedroom a makeover, and it’s no longer a mess - and he’s kept up with the cleaning since we did this a couple of weeks ago. It’s actually the cleanest room in the house! His office is horrendous though and he says that is adding to his stress. He moved a couple of bins into his van to go to storage, but it needs a concentrated effort. BugGirl says she will work on it soon.

Over the course of our relationship, we’ve had a couple of serious discussions about how his depression has effected his libido and our sexual contacts. The medication shuts things down, but so does his past experiences and religious shame indoctrination. I’ve told him at least three times that we really need to switch things up as I am not okay with where we are at, and each time he promises to focus and improve things. Each time he fails.

I told him AGAIN last Saturday that I am really not in a good headspace with things between us and I am not okay. He promised again to make some changes in his head, and then proceeded to dick me down three times since then. Like, wtf?! We’ve had more sex the last few days than we have since September! I don’t think that rate is sustainable but I hope he has finally taken my statements to heart because as much as I love him, he is adding to my own stress.

We are attending monthly rope classes and he is practicing knots on me whenever I ask. That definitely helps foster closeness and calmness for me, so it’s a weird connection going on. I love him as my Dom and rope continues to be completely nonsexual, but a very emotional connection for us. He says he does want to transition it to a sex thing, but he has to work on that in therapy. I’m okay with whatever pace that takes.

We have a lot coming up on the calendar - a Beltane event & trip to a cat cafe in May, a trip to Virginia to visit friends and go to the Virginia Renaissance fair in May, and his son’s wedding in Texas in June.

Fuck I will have to continue this with SirGawain in a bit. He’s actually texting me and trying to lock me down on a hiking trip this weekend, which I am actually the one scheduling it. So I need to do that!
 
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