Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

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Heh, maybe he's like me and doesn't care much for texting. Would starting up an email convo possibly help? Does he prefer to do all his communicating live?
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Maybe. I hope that is it. I totally forgot how much dating sucks, after not doing it for a year. Lack of communication kills me. PunkRock was this way - he never initiated, it was always me reaching out, and it sucked. I was never sure if I was annoying him, or making him think I was crazy. But he always said, no, it's cool. He just never used text much to reach out to people. Course, he would tell you that's because he hates people. Lol

So I am caught in this "should I text, should I not" fugue.

Every single interaction we have had, I have initiated - texts, dates, etc. However, every response has been positive. He has given me zero reason to think he isn't interested, other than me picking apart our interactions and looking for issues. Why do I do that?


I have a million things I should be focusing on instead, but here I am, pulling my hair out.

Honestly, it's stupid because it isn't like he is the only guy I could be seeing now. I did have a couple of decent prospects on OKC before I shut it down, but I couldn't handle that site at the moment.

I am going to shower and then contemplate cutting off all my hair. I am thinking pixie cut, but I don't know if I have the gonads.
 
You know those tests you take where they say the first thought that springs to your mind is probably the correct answer? Well, that's how I would tackle this situation. Don't run with the thousandth thought after you've second-guessed yourself a thousand times. Run with your very first thought, the one that wasn't inhibited by self-doubts.

This type of approach will help you decide when and how often to text TriviaCutie. It may even help you decide what haircut to get. :D You know what I mean?

Not that you won't make mistakes, but I think mistake-making is actually one of the most important tools the brain uses. A mistake is an opportunity to gain a new gem of wisdom.

So don't let that scare you too much.
 
Yeah, PunkRock just sent me a text reminding me that it just isn't always all about me. He said he never initiated because he himself had 3 different things going on and he was waiting for time when he could have a proper conversation.

I will stick with that. TriviaCutie is hosting games 3 nights in a row and goes there right from work. So, he is busy. :)

I just need to chill a bit.
 
Sounds like a good plan. ;)
 
When wedding time draws near, you can still opt to get your hair cut then. It's not like it's going anywhere in the meantime. You'll know where to find it! :D
 
Too late! My daughter wanted her bangs cut, so I went and got my eyebrows done and then said fuck it and cut the back short. I left the front long and now I feel fabulous. :)

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I forgot to pop off my braces, so I have a glare from my teeth. They've been on for 9 months now. Time goes by so fast!
 
Hmmm, I'd say feeling fabulous is a good sign. The cut looks good to me.
 
Oh, it looks great!

My advice not to do it was just about being in a good frame of mind for it. When you said you were going to take a shower and contemplate cutting your hair, I pictured you standing in front of your bathroom mirror dripping wet with huge shears in your hand, hacking away. Been there, done that!
 
Ahahahahahahahaha! No way. I never cut my hair myself. :) I color it at home, but no way would I take scissors to it on my own.

It is way too early for me to be awake. I am supposed to teach a mythology class today at co-op and I am really hoping it is canceled due to the weather. I am just not in the mood for it. I have the materials I've purchased but I didn't exactly write a lesson plan yet. It's on Hindu gods and the birth of that religion. Just...don't wanna today! I have a crap ton of paperwork and bills to process this morning.

Counting down the days til vacation.
 
Well, not a lot of communication on his end at all, but we did set up a dinner date on Sunday. He told me he was holding off contacting me due to weather and his two jobs, waiting to see how things were going to go. Then he offered me Saturday lunch or dinner Sunday, as he knew I was busy Friday night and he was working Saturday night. (I know this because he told me, but also a mutual friend had clued me in before I spoke to TriviaCutie.)

My friend Julia says she thinks if he really liked me, he'd be texting more, instead of sending me excuses after I message him. PunkRock says he thinks TriviaCutie is trying to let me down easy by just not messaging. I dunno about that one - I figure if he didn't want to see me, he would have just ended up saying he was swamped with stuff to do instead of offering me times once he heard my availability. Though, the no messaging thing is making me both anxious and annoyed.

Our mutual friend did say that TriviaCutie is perfect for poly because his life is overwhelmingly busy and being a secondary would be perfect for him. He also told me that TriviaCutie is the furthest thing from a player that he could think of. So.

I will see how things go on the date and if I think things are going well, I will tell him the lack of communication is going to be a deal breaker moving forward for me, unless I can mentally move him into a FWB role. I am not sure if I see him in that space in my life - if I even want one right now. Maybe we are just going to mismatched in our current needs and revisit the idea when both of us are not so insane in other parts of our lives.
 
Some people are just not into texting. Personally, I hate it but do it begrudgingly. Also, he might be kinda like me in that if I am busy I just don't reach out to people automatically, or regularly. That doesn't mean I am not thinking of them, but just that making contact with someone I am thinking of is not an automatic response I have. I also sometimes have thoughts like, "Oh, I don't want to bother them" or "They don't want to hear from me."

If it is someone I just met and am trying to get the relationship started, or someone I had sex with once or twice, I would not expect to be contacted more than one or two times in a week or ten days. I see daily or frequent texting for people who are in fully committed relationships. Maybe he sees it similarly. Plus, he already told you he was waiting to reach out until after he knew what was going on with the weather and his jobs, which seems perfectly reasonable to me. He wanted to know what his availability would be before telling you -- and he probably figures you are plenty busy with your hubs and bf already, so how would he know you were impatiently waiting to hear from him? Also, most guys I know aren't going to text without something substantial to say; they're usually not into just saying hello or making small talk, especially when it is new, in my experience.

But this has been an issue with you before. You seem to like a lot of contact and get easily disappointed when people do not get intouch as often as you prefer - but in the beginning stages, I think you might want to let up on that need because you are still just getting to know each other and this is a period of discovery and seeing if it's a fit. So, lots of contact right away might be too much to expect at this point.

If he wasn't interested in you, he never would've shown up at that event to look for you.
 
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I agree with nycindie said.
 
Perhaps he would prefer email to texting? (I would.) Also I get the impression that his time management skills might not be honed enough to keep up with everything on his plate. He rushes from fire to fire with a pail of water, rather than planning ahead so there's no fires in the first place.

Or at least, that's one possibility, and the first thought that popped into my mind. I wouldn't scare him with talk of deal breakers yet, I would just let him know you like lots of contact even if it's just chit-chat and ask him if you and he can work out a compromise.

Not to say I know he's a winner; he could still turn out to be a dud. But my vote is don't give up on him just yet.
 
OMG! I love you all so much! What sweet things to say. I am still hopeful. :)

But this has been an issue with you before. You seem to like a lot of contact and get easily disappointed when people do not get intouch as often as you prefer - but in the beginning stages, I think you might want to let up on that need because you are still just getting to know each other and this is a period of discovery and seeing if it's a fit. So, lots of contact right away might be too much to expect at this point.
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Yep, I know it is an issue for me. You are right.

If he wasn't interested in you, he never would've shown up at that event to look for you.
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Squee! This is what I keep thinking of - he likes me. I know he does. But damn, I overthink things in then it turns negative in my mind.
 
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I have been with Murf for 3 years now. I used to get all wound up if I didn't hear from him everyday or at our designated times. Now if I don't hear from him I do not hear from him I chalk it up to he overslept, is sleeping, lost track of time, is busy at work or etc.
 
Ugh. Switched my Invisalign aligner tonight and I can't sleep. The pressure sucks. Still, I'm on set 23 of 30, so things are moving along.

Today, er, yesterday, was a fairly wonderful day - where I split my time fairly well between my loves and felt whole, understood and cared for.

I woke up snuggling PunkRock, but went downstairs to eat breakfast with DarkKnight while we watched the Yul Brenner version of The King & I. It was very cuddly being on the couch with him, and he was bright-eyed and looking forward to his callback audition at noon. After the movie was finished and DarkKnight left, I went back to find PunkRock and had some incredible sex.

DarkKnight returned around 1 to pick me up for a lunch date, and we spent about an hour doing this online intimacy exercise where we asked each other increasingly personal questions and then stated in each other's eyes for 4 minutes without speaking. It was really intense and quite wonderful. We were both teary at certain points.

After going back home, DarkKnight fell asleep on the loveseat and I did some reading and dozed a bit myself on the couch. Around 5, I went hunting for PunkRock and found him snoring away in his basement bedroom. I guess everyone had good naps today! Anyway, I woke him up and we went shopping together for our vacation (yay Monday!) - groceries and such. We had dinner out and then returned home with all of the goodies. We then spent an hour or so with the intimacy app together and then he went off to bed again, as it was near 10 pm.

DarkKnight came for his sleepover and we had some great sex ourselves before he went to sleep. That brings me full circle to my Invisalign swap over and now I can't get to dreamland with all the annoying, painful pressure. Ugh.
 
That sucks (the Invisalign pressure). Does Aspirin help, anything like that?
 
I got a message from TriviaCutie this morning, telling me he didn't feel the spark, so we are done in any sexual sense. I am glad he finally told me - I really am fine with it, I just wish he had told me earlier. Actually, I kinda feel like I did when A and I broke it off over a year ago, a little bummed but not emotional in the least.

That said, I am now free tonight, which is good because I need to pack for vacation.
 
Well, sorry about the letdown; I know I was hoping TriviaCutie would turn out to be a keeper. Not that he's a bad guy or anything, of course.
 
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