Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love
- Thread starter Bluebird
- Start date
Bluebird
Well-known member
My daughter and I went to visit the trade school in town that she is interested in attending this coming fall. She was actually a little more talkative than normal, though the admissions person remarked that she was quiet. What was great for me was to see my baby's whole face light up when we saw the room holding all of the test equipment and furnaces. We were told that she was currently the only female wanting to be in the HVAC program, and they only have 3 other women currently enrolled at their school - they are all in the electrician program. My daughter didn't seemed phased by it.
The plan is to apply next week and shell out the $50 application fee. The admissions person said they'd start looking for a job placement opportunity for her right away, and that a lot of the employers will pay some of the program cost. It's a 4 year course set, and it meets two nights a week. $2300 a year, payable each year in September. We will help with this, of course, though if she snags a position working then maybe we won't need to assist as much. Something else to discuss with my guys at the next finance meeting!
After the tour and talk, we drove to the outlet mall and I picked up my new bras. Yay! So happy PunkRock hooked me up at Christmas! After going there, we went to lunch at Subway and spent the last couple of hours sorting Christmas decorations. My tree is now DOWN. Thank goodness! So glad to have that off the list.
I was so weepy last night y'all. Just feeling down and depressed and overwhelmed with my to-do list. DarkKnight snuggled up and we ate oatmeal while watching a couple of episodes of Undercover Boss. WarMan was messaging all day and he was asked to again stay longer in New Orleans. I told him to do what he needed to do and make the best choices for him. When he messaged to tell me he decided to come home, I cried a bit. He told me that my happiness will always be an important factor for him.
I know I should be used to it by now, but whenever any of my guys takes my feelings into account I am so overwhelmed and surprised. Over a decade of living with and being married to a workaholic ex-husband has made me weird. DarkKnight and PunkRock always look at me like I'm crazy when I am so shocked that they want to spend time with me. I liked to think I was getting better, but apparently not. Though, they did both say overall this time away from WarMan - it was easy for them to navigate my ups and downs because I wasn't that nuts. Lol So, I guess things are better, a bit.
Anyway, WarMan landed back in Baltimore this morning, and I will see him later today. We're supposed to do our regularly scheduled game night with Zombicide, though PunkRock is having our mutual friend come over and talk to him about WarMachine terrain at the same time, so I am a little miffed about that. Though, I don't know, maybe he'll play too!
The plan is to apply next week and shell out the $50 application fee. The admissions person said they'd start looking for a job placement opportunity for her right away, and that a lot of the employers will pay some of the program cost. It's a 4 year course set, and it meets two nights a week. $2300 a year, payable each year in September. We will help with this, of course, though if she snags a position working then maybe we won't need to assist as much. Something else to discuss with my guys at the next finance meeting!
After the tour and talk, we drove to the outlet mall and I picked up my new bras. Yay! So happy PunkRock hooked me up at Christmas! After going there, we went to lunch at Subway and spent the last couple of hours sorting Christmas decorations. My tree is now DOWN. Thank goodness! So glad to have that off the list.
I was so weepy last night y'all. Just feeling down and depressed and overwhelmed with my to-do list. DarkKnight snuggled up and we ate oatmeal while watching a couple of episodes of Undercover Boss. WarMan was messaging all day and he was asked to again stay longer in New Orleans. I told him to do what he needed to do and make the best choices for him. When he messaged to tell me he decided to come home, I cried a bit. He told me that my happiness will always be an important factor for him.
I know I should be used to it by now, but whenever any of my guys takes my feelings into account I am so overwhelmed and surprised. Over a decade of living with and being married to a workaholic ex-husband has made me weird. DarkKnight and PunkRock always look at me like I'm crazy when I am so shocked that they want to spend time with me. I liked to think I was getting better, but apparently not. Though, they did both say overall this time away from WarMan - it was easy for them to navigate my ups and downs because I wasn't that nuts. Lol So, I guess things are better, a bit.
Anyway, WarMan landed back in Baltimore this morning, and I will see him later today. We're supposed to do our regularly scheduled game night with Zombicide, though PunkRock is having our mutual friend come over and talk to him about WarMachine terrain at the same time, so I am a little miffed about that. Though, I don't know, maybe he'll play too!
Bluebird
Well-known member
I wrote a long entry the other morning but my phone died mid-sentence and I lost it all. Basically, I'd been anxiously awaiting WarMan's arrival and worrying over discussing upcoming future plans with him.
We had a really nice reunion on Thursday evening, playing Zombicide and then having good sex that night. We spent all day Friday together, and we danced around the issues a little bit but did talk about me traveling with him to meet his kids. Plus, of course, how much we love each other and how awesome it was to be back together. He's leaving to go to Las Vegas on the 19th, so that is kind of sucky.
WarMan and I had a serious talk in his car, in the Target parking lot near his house on Saturday. I have no idea why he always seems to set up this sort of thing in his vehicle, but I consider it his MO now. Lol He actually was really emotional, and I could tell he really wanted to make sure he communicated what was most important to him.
He is going to be moving in with me and my guys in March or April - whenever my son gets a place. He said he feels unsafe, in that he is open and vulnerable with me in a way he hasn't been in a long time, or if ever. He loves me and though he is extremely apprehensive about cohabiting with my husbands, he is going to try it out, because it is worth it.
I am honestly not too concerned about the guys. They are all mellow and introverted - they have their routines and hobbies and the household just flows. They concentrate on their interests, come together to eat and play games when I ask them too, and then go back to their own world. I think WarMan will fit fine.
I told WarMan that I don't want him to feel like he needs to be on an escalator with me - if he wants to just keep things as they are, we will work it out. The challenge though, is that we are moving next Spring. So he and I think that if he plans to pull up shop and go with us - wherever that ends up being - he needs to know now if the living together thing will work or not. Like I said though, I don't think it will really be a problem, but since he is apprehensive, now is the time to see how it goes.
I am fine with buying a duplex, or a small apartment building (we've actually seen one in our price range with 4 units!) or just one house and WarMan could rent a place nearby. We have options. But, cohabitation will definitely be the cheaper way to go.
Plus, you know, we love each other a lot and I don't mind the escalator if that's what he wants. <3
I don't know if it was the vulnerability of this talk or just that we had been apart for so long, but holy crap y'all. I had fan-fucking-tasting sex yesterday and last night. And this morning. My vagina is irritated and puffy and WarMan had a dry patch on part of his penis. I still wanted more when I left too. We couldn't get enough of each other.
I told him I'd be sure to mention how hot it was. Apparently I write a lot about sex with the other guys and not enough about him. Lmao Seriously though - wow.
We had a really nice reunion on Thursday evening, playing Zombicide and then having good sex that night. We spent all day Friday together, and we danced around the issues a little bit but did talk about me traveling with him to meet his kids. Plus, of course, how much we love each other and how awesome it was to be back together. He's leaving to go to Las Vegas on the 19th, so that is kind of sucky.
WarMan and I had a serious talk in his car, in the Target parking lot near his house on Saturday. I have no idea why he always seems to set up this sort of thing in his vehicle, but I consider it his MO now. Lol He actually was really emotional, and I could tell he really wanted to make sure he communicated what was most important to him.
He is going to be moving in with me and my guys in March or April - whenever my son gets a place. He said he feels unsafe, in that he is open and vulnerable with me in a way he hasn't been in a long time, or if ever. He loves me and though he is extremely apprehensive about cohabiting with my husbands, he is going to try it out, because it is worth it.
I am honestly not too concerned about the guys. They are all mellow and introverted - they have their routines and hobbies and the household just flows. They concentrate on their interests, come together to eat and play games when I ask them too, and then go back to their own world. I think WarMan will fit fine.
I told WarMan that I don't want him to feel like he needs to be on an escalator with me - if he wants to just keep things as they are, we will work it out. The challenge though, is that we are moving next Spring. So he and I think that if he plans to pull up shop and go with us - wherever that ends up being - he needs to know now if the living together thing will work or not. Like I said though, I don't think it will really be a problem, but since he is apprehensive, now is the time to see how it goes.
I am fine with buying a duplex, or a small apartment building (we've actually seen one in our price range with 4 units!) or just one house and WarMan could rent a place nearby. We have options. But, cohabitation will definitely be the cheaper way to go.
Plus, you know, we love each other a lot and I don't mind the escalator if that's what he wants. <3
I don't know if it was the vulnerability of this talk or just that we had been apart for so long, but holy crap y'all. I had fan-fucking-tasting sex yesterday and last night. And this morning. My vagina is irritated and puffy and WarMan had a dry patch on part of his penis. I still wanted more when I left too. We couldn't get enough of each other.
I told him I'd be sure to mention how hot it was. Apparently I write a lot about sex with the other guys and not enough about him. Lmao Seriously though - wow.
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Bluebird
Well-known member
The thought of everything I need to do this week is daunting. My Chem class starts at the beginning of February and it's full now, with a waiting list. I will NOT be adding a second class. I'm repeating that. I will not be adding a second class. Let that be my mantra, please. I need it to stick. I just don't have the time!
WarMan and I had a discussion about my schedule the other day and he is really worried that just the one class is going to be too much. I have to say that I am a little apprehensive, but the good news is that with the exception of one - all of the kiddos are children I have known for a while. 4 of the are moving over from Biology, so I just taught them for a semester and feel I have a good handle on their learning styles. They're all brainiacs.
I have 2 boys and 4 girls. Should be interesting!
I have no idea why I am awake again this early. Buh.
I played D&D yesterday, first time in a month, since they had switched to Saturdays to accommodate the DM's Christmas work schedule. Oh! I had missed it so much. Everyone was glad to see me. Apparently my character's castle had been overrun by zombies and everyone scattered. I spent the time having unprotected sex with another party member and praying to my god in the woods. (I'm a level 11 human Druid.) Anyway, I am now pregnant because the DM rolled low. My God says I have to keep it, and the father is a half-elf, half-human sociopathic wizard who believes that the baby is going to be a powerful sorcerer, so he's totally stoked. Sigh. The good news is that I am joining a new WarMachine campaign that might be meeting on Sundays beginning in February for the next 6 weeks, so my character in D&D can take time off to gestate. So if that happens, my storyline should still continue ok.
WarMan and I had a discussion about my schedule the other day and he is really worried that just the one class is going to be too much. I have to say that I am a little apprehensive, but the good news is that with the exception of one - all of the kiddos are children I have known for a while. 4 of the are moving over from Biology, so I just taught them for a semester and feel I have a good handle on their learning styles. They're all brainiacs.
I have 2 boys and 4 girls. Should be interesting! I have no idea why I am awake again this early. Buh.
I played D&D yesterday, first time in a month, since they had switched to Saturdays to accommodate the DM's Christmas work schedule. Oh! I had missed it so much. Everyone was glad to see me. Apparently my character's castle had been overrun by zombies and everyone scattered. I spent the time having unprotected sex with another party member and praying to my god in the woods. (I'm a level 11 human Druid.) Anyway, I am now pregnant because the DM rolled low. My God says I have to keep it, and the father is a half-elf, half-human sociopathic wizard who believes that the baby is going to be a powerful sorcerer, so he's totally stoked. Sigh. The good news is that I am joining a new WarMachine campaign that might be meeting on Sundays beginning in February for the next 6 weeks, so my character in D&D can take time off to gestate. So if that happens, my storyline should still continue ok.
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PinkPig
Well-known member
Lol. Idk why, but I found this hilarious...maybe because I have no experience playing D&D or any of the games you mention?
I'm glad things are going ok for you, Bluebird....and that your chem class is fun and not too stressful
Bluebird
Well-known member
Ha! There's nothing happening except for me being curled up on the couch and blowing my nose every couple of minutes. I love this one show - I think it's called Chef's Table? I've watched 3 episodes and enjoyed every single one. Today I watched a marathon of "Salvage Dawgs" which I tolerated with some issues - I hate shows that misspell words like that on purpose. The show is ok.
WarMan is going to spend the night at my place tonight - or at least stay until I pass out. I had no choice but to go out earlier today and take my daughter to the dentist, and the cold air was a shock to my system. I don't think it helped. My husbands have been great though, PunkRock hooked me up with NyQuil last night, and petted me until I passed out, and today he brought home the Kleenex with lotion in it to soothe my Rudolph face. He also snuggled me on the couch and watched a couple of the salvage shows with me. DarkKnight has been bringing me hot tea.
Gah! I just feel so weak and tired and I need to DO things, dammit.
WarMan is going to spend the night at my place tonight - or at least stay until I pass out. I had no choice but to go out earlier today and take my daughter to the dentist, and the cold air was a shock to my system. I don't think it helped. My husbands have been great though, PunkRock hooked me up with NyQuil last night, and petted me until I passed out, and today he brought home the Kleenex with lotion in it to soothe my Rudolph face. He also snuggled me on the couch and watched a couple of the salvage shows with me. DarkKnight has been bringing me hot tea.
Gah! I just feel so weak and tired and I need to DO things, dammit.
Bluebird
Well-known member
Thanks. I still feel terrible though.
I ended up canceling the game club meeting I was hosting on Thursday, so when WarMan arrived at my house Wednesday night, he suggested we head over to his house instead of him crashing at my place. So we did, though I had just taken some NyQuil and passed out soon after we made it to Chambersburg. I slept fitfully, and so he didn't have a very restful night either. I felt bad about that.
I spent all day Thursday resting and watching episodes of "Married at First Sight." WarMan took care of me all day, feeding me Sudofed and Thermaflu. Oh my god, Theraflu is fucking gross. Gah!
At my encouragement, WarMan took in his first semen sample post-vasectomy to the lab yesterday. I am hoping he hears that he is all clear. Apparently we have to wait until he has two zero-sperm samples before he is officially shooting blanks. So, if this one comes back clear, he'll do another in two weeks or so. Then it's bye-bye birth control! I am excited about that.
Edited to add - WarMan is sick now, and PunkRock just messaged me to tell me he is also not doing well. I think I am spreading a plague. Keep my fingers crossed that DarkKnight keeps clear!
I ended up canceling the game club meeting I was hosting on Thursday, so when WarMan arrived at my house Wednesday night, he suggested we head over to his house instead of him crashing at my place. So we did, though I had just taken some NyQuil and passed out soon after we made it to Chambersburg. I slept fitfully, and so he didn't have a very restful night either. I felt bad about that.
I spent all day Thursday resting and watching episodes of "Married at First Sight." WarMan took care of me all day, feeding me Sudofed and Thermaflu. Oh my god, Theraflu is fucking gross. Gah!
At my encouragement, WarMan took in his first semen sample post-vasectomy to the lab yesterday. I am hoping he hears that he is all clear. Apparently we have to wait until he has two zero-sperm samples before he is officially shooting blanks. So, if this one comes back clear, he'll do another in two weeks or so. Then it's bye-bye birth control! I am excited about that.
Edited to add - WarMan is sick now, and PunkRock just messaged me to tell me he is also not doing well. I think I am spreading a plague.
Keep my fingers crossed that DarkKnight keeps clear!
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Bluebird
Well-known member
I'm still sick, but other than my red Rudolph nose, I don't have much to complain about. Yeah, I'm super happy!
I don't know how to explain just how terrific it is to have such 3 wonderful men in my life. I feel so loved, so supported, so cared for and special.
Things are going so well for me right now. I'm all over flush with happiness. I can't say enough positives, about how wonderful each relationship I have is.
I don't know how to explain just how terrific it is to have such 3 wonderful men in my life. I feel so loved, so supported, so cared for and special.
Things are going so well for me right now. I'm all over flush with happiness. I can't say enough positives, about how wonderful each relationship I have is.
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Bluebird
Well-known member
I did taxes last night for PunkRock, actually. His W2 was surprisingly already available online, so he printed it out and brought it home. I'm not sure if I've talked about it much, but for me, I am always really sort of hesitant to talk about finances. Money, for me, is somewhat of a stressful topic. Let me back up.
My ex was always so unsupportive when it came to discussing our budget, and he hated long term planning. For a good part of our marriage (we were together for 12 years), I was the primary breadwinner. I actually brought home less in my paycheck than him, but that's because I socked SO much away into the retirement and savings plan options that my company had on offer. I also paid for our health care, and had some other direct withdrawals going on that were to the benefit of us both. Honestly, I was making almost double the hourly rate that he was.
That said, when we adopted our two older children, it became very apparent that a stay at home parent was going to be needed, and almost a year after we met our kids, it was decided that I would be that person. He had zero interest in staying home and I was all in. So, I made that change with his full backing and support. As a trial run, I was able to actually take the maternity leave I could have had when my kids were placed - I stayed home for a full three months. My company paid me my full paychecks during this time, and I used it to take care of my car note and then banked the rest, to be sure we could survive on my ex's sole income.
We could. It was pretty great at first, but over time, he became more and more upset that he couldn't use his paycheck to buy car stereo equipment, and resented that I needed it to pay the mortgage or the electric bill. He was very immature and would give me the money, but begrudgingly. At no time was I being frivolous though, and we were able to buy a house together during this time.
In the year pre-dating our divorce, however, he actually decided to withhold several hundred dollars each week from his paycheck, because it was HIS and he had earned it, and wanted to spend it the way he wanted. This had a huge impact on our finances, because as a one-income family, every dollar counted. Some weeks I couldn't pay for the heating bill, but he'd be out buying himself a new speaker or amp for his car. Our son wouldn't have shoes, but my ex would try to justify a complete rebuild of his sound system. It was stressful, exasperating, and quite frankly, I saw it as irresponsible and childish.
I wanted to mention all that, so what I am saying here has some context.
Anyway, PunkRock is one of the hardest, most dependable workers I've seen. I am proud to be building a life with him by my side. Unfortunately, the job he has now just isn't paying him the wage he deserves for such dedication. So, there is a big inequity between his salary, and DarkKnight's. DarkKnight, however, isn't bothered much about this so far, and says that he has always been somewhat of a socialist, and he doesn't mind sharing. So that's where we are at now.
I have mentioned before that both guys maintain separate checking and savings accounts, where their paychecks are direct deposited, and then they share a checking account with me. Each paycheck, they do an online transfer of a set amount into the joint account, and then I pay the bills.
When I break that down, that makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed. PunkRock has been 100% forthcoming about his financial situation, and every single time - without fail - that I have asked him to transfer me extra cash, or pay more on a particular date to cover a bill, he has done it cheerfully and without hesitation. He participates fully in our long term plans and annual budgeting discussions, and has never made any crazy purchases that have caused our household to have any issues. In all honesty, he's a terrific team partner in all respects.
Yet, I have this hesitancy when I need to discuss financial matters with him.
So, anyway, I did his taxes last night. Since he was unemployed for a chunk of 2013, his 2014 annual income was abysmal. This year, he made like 4 times as much, at least. So that was awesome. Last year, he had to pay on his taxes, as well as some back taxes he had neglected to pay, since they came due originally when he was unemployed. This year, he is getting back WAY more than I think either of us had anticipated.
Great, right? At our annual meeting earlier this year, DarkKnight, PunkRock and I collectively agreed that after we received taxes, we would use the amounts to pay for our March vacations this year - PunkRock and I are taking my youngest daughter to Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg for the third time; and DarkKnight and I want to take a cross country train trip for our 10 year wedding anniversary. All well and good.
When I saw the amount that PunkRock was getting back in taxes, I was surprised and happy. But I also caught my breath a little bit, and was instantly stressed. This made me have to stop and wonder why. I was caught a little bit off guard by my reaction, and it's resulted in this long, rambling journal entry.
Anyway, I let PunkRock know the amount, and he was happy, of course, and I told him when to expect the direct deposit from the IRS, so he could then be ready to transfer it to my account so I can spend it on the vacations. (I've actually already paid a bit on the reservation to Great Wolf.) When he later came up to bed, he was engaged in planning our trip and looking for new activities for us to do together while on vacation. It was a positive thing, and there were zero issues.
So, where am I going with this narrative? Nowhere, I guess. Except it seems to me that I still have some emotional work to do. I had a brief hesitancy that made me ask in my mind if PunkRock would actually be ok with having all of his tax return spent on our vacations - especially if DarkKnight doesn't get much back this year, which it looks like it might not be as much as on previous occasions, as we've had some changes on deductions. There was no direct reason for me to have had this thought pop up, and I felt really awful afterward. Would I have had this same thought, if the situations were reversed - would I have wondered about DarkKnight being upset that his tax return was paying the majority toward the vacations? I don't think I would have.
That's upsetting to me.
I feel like such a shitty person to even post this, but I am going to, because it's a good reminder to me that my past experiences are still there and trying to impact my future. I also want to take some time and think about why my brain only seems to want to make me question PunkRock, and not DarkKnight. I am sure it is unmasking some further insecurity I have. Also, I think finance matters are more in my face lately due to us planning to buy a house together, and with WarMan's impending move in to our space, and discussions we haven't had yet about that.
My ex was always so unsupportive when it came to discussing our budget, and he hated long term planning. For a good part of our marriage (we were together for 12 years), I was the primary breadwinner. I actually brought home less in my paycheck than him, but that's because I socked SO much away into the retirement and savings plan options that my company had on offer. I also paid for our health care, and had some other direct withdrawals going on that were to the benefit of us both. Honestly, I was making almost double the hourly rate that he was.
That said, when we adopted our two older children, it became very apparent that a stay at home parent was going to be needed, and almost a year after we met our kids, it was decided that I would be that person. He had zero interest in staying home and I was all in. So, I made that change with his full backing and support. As a trial run, I was able to actually take the maternity leave I could have had when my kids were placed - I stayed home for a full three months. My company paid me my full paychecks during this time, and I used it to take care of my car note and then banked the rest, to be sure we could survive on my ex's sole income.
We could. It was pretty great at first, but over time, he became more and more upset that he couldn't use his paycheck to buy car stereo equipment, and resented that I needed it to pay the mortgage or the electric bill. He was very immature and would give me the money, but begrudgingly. At no time was I being frivolous though, and we were able to buy a house together during this time.
In the year pre-dating our divorce, however, he actually decided to withhold several hundred dollars each week from his paycheck, because it was HIS and he had earned it, and wanted to spend it the way he wanted. This had a huge impact on our finances, because as a one-income family, every dollar counted. Some weeks I couldn't pay for the heating bill, but he'd be out buying himself a new speaker or amp for his car. Our son wouldn't have shoes, but my ex would try to justify a complete rebuild of his sound system. It was stressful, exasperating, and quite frankly, I saw it as irresponsible and childish.
I wanted to mention all that, so what I am saying here has some context.
Anyway, PunkRock is one of the hardest, most dependable workers I've seen. I am proud to be building a life with him by my side. Unfortunately, the job he has now just isn't paying him the wage he deserves for such dedication. So, there is a big inequity between his salary, and DarkKnight's. DarkKnight, however, isn't bothered much about this so far, and says that he has always been somewhat of a socialist, and he doesn't mind sharing. So that's where we are at now.
I have mentioned before that both guys maintain separate checking and savings accounts, where their paychecks are direct deposited, and then they share a checking account with me. Each paycheck, they do an online transfer of a set amount into the joint account, and then I pay the bills.
When I break that down, that makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed. PunkRock has been 100% forthcoming about his financial situation, and every single time - without fail - that I have asked him to transfer me extra cash, or pay more on a particular date to cover a bill, he has done it cheerfully and without hesitation. He participates fully in our long term plans and annual budgeting discussions, and has never made any crazy purchases that have caused our household to have any issues. In all honesty, he's a terrific team partner in all respects.
Yet, I have this hesitancy when I need to discuss financial matters with him.
So, anyway, I did his taxes last night. Since he was unemployed for a chunk of 2013, his 2014 annual income was abysmal. This year, he made like 4 times as much, at least. So that was awesome. Last year, he had to pay on his taxes, as well as some back taxes he had neglected to pay, since they came due originally when he was unemployed. This year, he is getting back WAY more than I think either of us had anticipated.
Great, right? At our annual meeting earlier this year, DarkKnight, PunkRock and I collectively agreed that after we received taxes, we would use the amounts to pay for our March vacations this year - PunkRock and I are taking my youngest daughter to Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg for the third time; and DarkKnight and I want to take a cross country train trip for our 10 year wedding anniversary. All well and good.
When I saw the amount that PunkRock was getting back in taxes, I was surprised and happy. But I also caught my breath a little bit, and was instantly stressed. This made me have to stop and wonder why. I was caught a little bit off guard by my reaction, and it's resulted in this long, rambling journal entry.
Anyway, I let PunkRock know the amount, and he was happy, of course, and I told him when to expect the direct deposit from the IRS, so he could then be ready to transfer it to my account so I can spend it on the vacations. (I've actually already paid a bit on the reservation to Great Wolf.) When he later came up to bed, he was engaged in planning our trip and looking for new activities for us to do together while on vacation. It was a positive thing, and there were zero issues.
So, where am I going with this narrative? Nowhere, I guess. Except it seems to me that I still have some emotional work to do. I had a brief hesitancy that made me ask in my mind if PunkRock would actually be ok with having all of his tax return spent on our vacations - especially if DarkKnight doesn't get much back this year, which it looks like it might not be as much as on previous occasions, as we've had some changes on deductions. There was no direct reason for me to have had this thought pop up, and I felt really awful afterward. Would I have had this same thought, if the situations were reversed - would I have wondered about DarkKnight being upset that his tax return was paying the majority toward the vacations? I don't think I would have.
That's upsetting to me.
I feel like such a shitty person to even post this, but I am going to, because it's a good reminder to me that my past experiences are still there and trying to impact my future. I also want to take some time and think about why my brain only seems to want to make me question PunkRock, and not DarkKnight. I am sure it is unmasking some further insecurity I have. Also, I think finance matters are more in my face lately due to us planning to buy a house together, and with WarMan's impending move in to our space, and discussions we haven't had yet about that.
Bluebird
Well-known member
I am very sorry to those of you who read my journal on a regular basis for sort of disappearing for the week. I went from being at the highest point in my life and feeling very happy to experiencing an unparalleled low point. The worst night and day of my life took place this week, and I am still in a shell-shocked sort of recovery phase that I am unsure will end any time soon.
Holy fuck.
Um, I don't even know how to start this. This is so much to talk about, yet not much to say. I discovered that my husband PunkRockAwesomesauce had broken his 12 years of sobriety and had kept it a secret from me. At this point, the wagons have circled and we have a plan in place, but I have never felt so devastated, so full of despair and guilt, and anger and sadness and fear.
My father was a recovering alcoholic. My sister is one, as well as being a cokehead and married to a pothead and abusive husband. My brother is in recovery after several years of heroin use. My best friend is recently divorced from an alcoholic. Because of my past history and current experiences, I have always had a hard limit of dating someone with this sort of past. My kneejerk reaction/response when meeting an addict or someone in recovery is to disappear and have nothing to do with them. Though, I can be friendly, never in a million years would I date them, or allow them in to my inner circle, where they could damage my life. I've had to be this way since my family of origin is so dysfunctional. The possibility of making things more chaotic because of substance abuse is untenable to me.
So of course I chose to date, and then marry, and love intensely, without hesitation, a man in recovery.
This entry is going to be a million words long, so I am going to save and continue as I type. So you're going to see this edited along the way.
Of course, this is all about PunkRock. I am 100% supportive of him in this struggle, even though I have no idea how to be so when parts of me want to curl up and disintegrate. I am not going to write about his struggles, his desires and issues and challenges. I am sure they are legion. No, this is my journal, and its about my struggle. I am aware this may seem self-centered. It isn't about YOU Bluebird, you might be thinking. What a egotistical heartless bitch.
But this journal is about me. And I need somewhere to dump all of this.
I have no idea how to even keep this narrative flowing smoothly. I know I am always a sort of stream-of-consciousness sort of writer, but this is even beyond what I can keep in any sort of order.
Um, ok - where things are at now. DarkKnight, PunkRock and I had a crisis meeting with my kids' mental health counselor yesterday afternoon. The result of that is I now have an intake evaluation meeting next Tuesday afternoon, so I can start seeing a therapist regularly. (I am sure many of my readers are now pumping their fists and cheering.) WarMan and DarkKnight have told me, and no doubt PunkRock may even feel this way, that in some small universe, they believe that this disruption happening will be good in at least that now I can get help in addressing lots of different issues. Unfortunately, we found out today that PunkRock's insurance isn't accepted by this health group and we now have to find him an addictions counselor outside of this particular agency. That shouldn't be difficult, but it does slow things down slightly.
Anyway, PunkRock feels like he can deal with this on his own, but he is amiable and willing to do what is necessary to calm me and my other two guys regarding this lapse. So he has agreed to attend some individual sessions with a substance abuse specialist or a chemical dependency counselor or substance abuse therapist - whatever they are called. I think my intense and visceral reaction to the discovery alarmed him and he is scared of losing me. I am just as scared, if not more so, of losing him. Honestly, I don't know how to keep him if this continues to be an issue. Every inch of me is straining to leap up and run from him. Yet, at the same moment, my cells sing out their entanglement and my heart is so entwined. How could I possibly let go? This disparity is terrifying to me. More than anything, the recognition that I would stay with someone that has an issue of this magnitude, that could leave behind such a wide swath of destruction in my heart and in my life, horrifies me. I should be strong enough to say no, and every inch of me says I will ultimately say yes.
Is this co-dependence? I don't know what sort of label to stick to it, but the recognition that I would allow myself and what I've built over the years to be destroyed by this is greatly troubling and devastating to me.
WarMan has told me that I should look at it like this: suppose he were on a diet, and he cheated and ate a candy bar. He didn't want to tell me about the candy bar, because he was ashamed of his inability to stick to the diet, as he knew I would be disappointed and think less of him. This resonates with me on one level. However, this is so much more serious than a candy bar! On the same note, WarMan has also said it greatly troubles him that PunkRock didn't tell me this was happening, that I had to stumble upon it and discover it on my own.
So what happened is that I was super horny, and PunkRock ignored my text telling him I needed to fuck. So I went down to his bedroom and found him awake. He had not answered because he had been drinking and he didn't want me to smell it. Of course I smelled it. We had sex though, with me questioning in my head if this was reality - was I really smelling alcohol? I went back upstairs and laid in bed, even googling what smells like alcohol, not wanting to believe this new revelation. I then texted PunkRock to ask if I could have another hug, hoping, hoping hoping, he would not answer, but he said yes, so I went downstairs again. I then hugged him and then started stammering about being sorry to be accusatory but had he been drinking? He answered yes. And so, that is what happened.
PunkRock says that he has had two nights of drinking, total. Both taking place alone, in the basement, with him feeling like he still couldn't get out of his head like he had intended, and going to sleep after feeling shitty. On one hand, I am really very glad that it was only twice, and no damage was done to our family. On the other, I am depressed and down that he did it twice and never decided to come discuss things with me.
The therapist we saw yesterday said that recovery is a life-long thing and that basically some people can be strong and resist and have no relapses, but the great majority will have issues. For me to believe that PunkRock would never have an issue is unrealistic. And for me to say something like, if this happens again, ever, I will leave - that is also unrealistic. Because it very well may happen again. This doesn't mean that PunkRock is a bad person, he is just struggling with this, in a very normal way. That is to say though, that there needs to be limits, and yes, everyone has them. Maybe my limit is just one time. And that is ok. But realize that it is very possible, and probable, that one time will happen again.
This also resonates as true to me. So then I am left with what? That I love this man. So completely and so fully. Yet I hate myself for doing so, because if I were stronger, I would be able to set my limit and leave. But I don't feel like I can. I told PunkRock yesterday that one more time and we would split, but in the same breath I told him I knew that was not the case. And he can just look at me - anyone can - and know that this is not the case. So I told him I will work with the therapist to figure out how to set a healthy limit for myself. My goal in therapy is to get strong enough so I could leave him.
Which sounds absolutely fucking awful. But everyone seems to agree that this is healthy for me to work on, even me.
At the same time, I want to be supportive of him. This is the case of someone who has maintained sobriety for over a decade. He has done well and done self-care and had success. Relapses now are difficult, but not life ending. They were small cases. I am trying to not minimize them, but in the same breath I am. Dammit. You know what I mean. He wasn't violent or unsafe. I don't feel worried that he will become either of those things, really. However, this relapse has completely destroyed a whole lot of progress I have made previously with trust and being able to believe in someone.
WarMan told me today that last week he could look at me and feel like we had made such a strong connection, that I had passed over a point and that I trusted him. He said today he feels like I have slid so far back - that he sees and senses my wariness and he is just saddened by this. PunkRock has caused such ripples in my life. I know exactly what WarMan means. I feel that in me. I am trying to fight against that, but every part of me is saying to slam on the brakes and pull back from everyone, because things aren't true.
I look at PunkRock and can't help but think that if he loved me he would have told me. What else is he hiding? What else is going to come out? I had a two hour period where I was intensely terrified that maybe he had cheated on me, and that IS a hard limit for me, and I just kept crying, thinking about it. This drinking feels like not only a betrayal of trust, but a betrayal of my heart as well. He has not been forthcoming in the past about things that make him feel hurt. Maybe he is lying about the reasons he was drinking now, trying to spare me guilt. Maybe he is lying to me about other issues. How can I heal things? How can I fix things if I am trying to move forward from incomplete information, or a flawed premise?
Holy fuck.
Um, I don't even know how to start this. This is so much to talk about, yet not much to say. I discovered that my husband PunkRockAwesomesauce had broken his 12 years of sobriety and had kept it a secret from me. At this point, the wagons have circled and we have a plan in place, but I have never felt so devastated, so full of despair and guilt, and anger and sadness and fear.
My father was a recovering alcoholic. My sister is one, as well as being a cokehead and married to a pothead and abusive husband. My brother is in recovery after several years of heroin use. My best friend is recently divorced from an alcoholic. Because of my past history and current experiences, I have always had a hard limit of dating someone with this sort of past. My kneejerk reaction/response when meeting an addict or someone in recovery is to disappear and have nothing to do with them. Though, I can be friendly, never in a million years would I date them, or allow them in to my inner circle, where they could damage my life. I've had to be this way since my family of origin is so dysfunctional. The possibility of making things more chaotic because of substance abuse is untenable to me.
So of course I chose to date, and then marry, and love intensely, without hesitation, a man in recovery.
This entry is going to be a million words long, so I am going to save and continue as I type. So you're going to see this edited along the way.
Of course, this is all about PunkRock. I am 100% supportive of him in this struggle, even though I have no idea how to be so when parts of me want to curl up and disintegrate. I am not going to write about his struggles, his desires and issues and challenges. I am sure they are legion. No, this is my journal, and its about my struggle. I am aware this may seem self-centered. It isn't about YOU Bluebird, you might be thinking. What a egotistical heartless bitch.
But this journal is about me. And I need somewhere to dump all of this.
I have no idea how to even keep this narrative flowing smoothly. I know I am always a sort of stream-of-consciousness sort of writer, but this is even beyond what I can keep in any sort of order.
Um, ok - where things are at now. DarkKnight, PunkRock and I had a crisis meeting with my kids' mental health counselor yesterday afternoon. The result of that is I now have an intake evaluation meeting next Tuesday afternoon, so I can start seeing a therapist regularly. (I am sure many of my readers are now pumping their fists and cheering.) WarMan and DarkKnight have told me, and no doubt PunkRock may even feel this way, that in some small universe, they believe that this disruption happening will be good in at least that now I can get help in addressing lots of different issues. Unfortunately, we found out today that PunkRock's insurance isn't accepted by this health group and we now have to find him an addictions counselor outside of this particular agency. That shouldn't be difficult, but it does slow things down slightly.
Anyway, PunkRock feels like he can deal with this on his own, but he is amiable and willing to do what is necessary to calm me and my other two guys regarding this lapse. So he has agreed to attend some individual sessions with a substance abuse specialist or a chemical dependency counselor or substance abuse therapist - whatever they are called. I think my intense and visceral reaction to the discovery alarmed him and he is scared of losing me. I am just as scared, if not more so, of losing him. Honestly, I don't know how to keep him if this continues to be an issue. Every inch of me is straining to leap up and run from him. Yet, at the same moment, my cells sing out their entanglement and my heart is so entwined. How could I possibly let go? This disparity is terrifying to me. More than anything, the recognition that I would stay with someone that has an issue of this magnitude, that could leave behind such a wide swath of destruction in my heart and in my life, horrifies me. I should be strong enough to say no, and every inch of me says I will ultimately say yes.
Is this co-dependence? I don't know what sort of label to stick to it, but the recognition that I would allow myself and what I've built over the years to be destroyed by this is greatly troubling and devastating to me.
WarMan has told me that I should look at it like this: suppose he were on a diet, and he cheated and ate a candy bar. He didn't want to tell me about the candy bar, because he was ashamed of his inability to stick to the diet, as he knew I would be disappointed and think less of him. This resonates with me on one level. However, this is so much more serious than a candy bar! On the same note, WarMan has also said it greatly troubles him that PunkRock didn't tell me this was happening, that I had to stumble upon it and discover it on my own.
So what happened is that I was super horny, and PunkRock ignored my text telling him I needed to fuck. So I went down to his bedroom and found him awake. He had not answered because he had been drinking and he didn't want me to smell it. Of course I smelled it. We had sex though, with me questioning in my head if this was reality - was I really smelling alcohol? I went back upstairs and laid in bed, even googling what smells like alcohol, not wanting to believe this new revelation. I then texted PunkRock to ask if I could have another hug, hoping, hoping hoping, he would not answer, but he said yes, so I went downstairs again. I then hugged him and then started stammering about being sorry to be accusatory but had he been drinking? He answered yes. And so, that is what happened.
PunkRock says that he has had two nights of drinking, total. Both taking place alone, in the basement, with him feeling like he still couldn't get out of his head like he had intended, and going to sleep after feeling shitty. On one hand, I am really very glad that it was only twice, and no damage was done to our family. On the other, I am depressed and down that he did it twice and never decided to come discuss things with me.
The therapist we saw yesterday said that recovery is a life-long thing and that basically some people can be strong and resist and have no relapses, but the great majority will have issues. For me to believe that PunkRock would never have an issue is unrealistic. And for me to say something like, if this happens again, ever, I will leave - that is also unrealistic. Because it very well may happen again. This doesn't mean that PunkRock is a bad person, he is just struggling with this, in a very normal way. That is to say though, that there needs to be limits, and yes, everyone has them. Maybe my limit is just one time. And that is ok. But realize that it is very possible, and probable, that one time will happen again.
This also resonates as true to me. So then I am left with what? That I love this man. So completely and so fully. Yet I hate myself for doing so, because if I were stronger, I would be able to set my limit and leave. But I don't feel like I can. I told PunkRock yesterday that one more time and we would split, but in the same breath I told him I knew that was not the case. And he can just look at me - anyone can - and know that this is not the case. So I told him I will work with the therapist to figure out how to set a healthy limit for myself. My goal in therapy is to get strong enough so I could leave him.
Which sounds absolutely fucking awful. But everyone seems to agree that this is healthy for me to work on, even me.
At the same time, I want to be supportive of him. This is the case of someone who has maintained sobriety for over a decade. He has done well and done self-care and had success. Relapses now are difficult, but not life ending. They were small cases. I am trying to not minimize them, but in the same breath I am. Dammit. You know what I mean. He wasn't violent or unsafe. I don't feel worried that he will become either of those things, really. However, this relapse has completely destroyed a whole lot of progress I have made previously with trust and being able to believe in someone.
WarMan told me today that last week he could look at me and feel like we had made such a strong connection, that I had passed over a point and that I trusted him. He said today he feels like I have slid so far back - that he sees and senses my wariness and he is just saddened by this. PunkRock has caused such ripples in my life. I know exactly what WarMan means. I feel that in me. I am trying to fight against that, but every part of me is saying to slam on the brakes and pull back from everyone, because things aren't true.
I look at PunkRock and can't help but think that if he loved me he would have told me. What else is he hiding? What else is going to come out? I had a two hour period where I was intensely terrified that maybe he had cheated on me, and that IS a hard limit for me, and I just kept crying, thinking about it. This drinking feels like not only a betrayal of trust, but a betrayal of my heart as well. He has not been forthcoming in the past about things that make him feel hurt. Maybe he is lying about the reasons he was drinking now, trying to spare me guilt. Maybe he is lying to me about other issues. How can I heal things? How can I fix things if I am trying to move forward from incomplete information, or a flawed premise?
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Bluebird
Well-known member
New post since I filled up the other and reached the word limit.
PunkRock says that his drinking had nothing to do with my poly. It had nothing to do with DarkKnight or WarMan. That it had everything to do with looking at himself and feeling like a failure professionally, financially and in his job. That he doesn't feel like he is where he expected to be in life, and that his depression is something he will never get past. That everything about me is his happy halo and I'm everything he wanted and needs in his life. That I am his person and we should be together and he wants to be together for always.
So part of me says that I am just being an idiot. That I need to calm the fuck down and just get shit on a checklist and move forward with fixing things. I'm so at war in my mind.
But I am doing that. I set up my appointment, and we're going to set up one for PunkRock ASAP as well. We've removed all alcohol from our house, even though PunkRock didn't touch any of that. Everyone knows what we are doing, where we are going, and what the goals are.
But still. Things are raw for me at the present time.
I can't trust anyone.
Fuck. I thought I was done with writing but I guess not. Listen, I have to say that I have never felt as supported or as loved in my life than now. DarkKnight has reassured me in every way that he could that he loves me and that he cares deeply for PunkRock's well being. He isn't going anywhere, and he will continue to be supportive. WarMan has gone above and beyond what I consider prudent or wise in his position. In fact, I am astounded that he hasn't backed the fuck up and ran away from this circus. He held me for 10 hours of crying and raging and absolute insanity and yet tells me he wishes to do more for me, and will do more, if I need anything. PunkRock himself seems open and bare and willing to love me no matter what. Honestly, I am blessed beyond belief in my men.
PunkRock says that his drinking had nothing to do with my poly. It had nothing to do with DarkKnight or WarMan. That it had everything to do with looking at himself and feeling like a failure professionally, financially and in his job. That he doesn't feel like he is where he expected to be in life, and that his depression is something he will never get past. That everything about me is his happy halo and I'm everything he wanted and needs in his life. That I am his person and we should be together and he wants to be together for always.
So part of me says that I am just being an idiot. That I need to calm the fuck down and just get shit on a checklist and move forward with fixing things. I'm so at war in my mind.
But I am doing that. I set up my appointment, and we're going to set up one for PunkRock ASAP as well. We've removed all alcohol from our house, even though PunkRock didn't touch any of that. Everyone knows what we are doing, where we are going, and what the goals are.
But still. Things are raw for me at the present time.
I can't trust anyone.
Fuck. I thought I was done with writing but I guess not. Listen, I have to say that I have never felt as supported or as loved in my life than now. DarkKnight has reassured me in every way that he could that he loves me and that he cares deeply for PunkRock's well being. He isn't going anywhere, and he will continue to be supportive. WarMan has gone above and beyond what I consider prudent or wise in his position. In fact, I am astounded that he hasn't backed the fuck up and ran away from this circus. He held me for 10 hours of crying and raging and absolute insanity and yet tells me he wishes to do more for me, and will do more, if I need anything. PunkRock himself seems open and bare and willing to love me no matter what. Honestly, I am blessed beyond belief in my men.
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Bluebird, I am sorry this is happening to you. For what it's worth, I agree with the idea of giving PunkRock another chance, and even keeping in mind that recovering alcoholics will probably fall off the wagon from time to time. I would be more alarmed if PunkRock was violent or crazy when he was drunk. I assume that's not the case?
Of course, only you can decide whether staying with PunkRock is the right thing. As matters stand, he is willing to get professional help and try to do better, so my vote is to keep him in your life. That's based on what I know of the situation of course.
Of course, only you can decide whether staying with PunkRock is the right thing. As matters stand, he is willing to get professional help and try to do better, so my vote is to keep him in your life. That's based on what I know of the situation of course.
IndieSolo
Active member
Maybe it will help if you remember that alcoholism is a disease, and the default for an alcoholic is to drink. Every 24 hours that an alcoholic doesn't drink is a victory. Sometimes, the will is weak and the addiction takes over, obliterating common sense. It's hard to be vigilant every damn day. A close friend of mine has been sober for over 20 years, and sponsors about 10 people in AA, and still has to work at it. She recently even had a period of being bulimic because, with so many years of sobriety and so many responsibilities with her sponsees, she knew how to stay sober and would not fuck that up, BUT she will always have an addictive personality -- so when she needed a crutch to lean on during a difficult, challenging time in her life, she stuck her fingers down her throat and kept it to herself for a fairly long while because she was ashamed. She knew better but couldn't fight it (she eventually recovered from that). It's like a diabetic who needs insulin every day letting it slack off for whatever reason.
Sometimes all the hard work just feels like too much, especially if some tough emotions have arisen. For a man to feel he is a failure in his work is a huge crisis - all of Western society teaches men that their identity and sense of self comes from their work. Right now, he needs some acknowledgement for being one or two or whatever days sober again - it is a major accomplishment.
Sometimes all the hard work just feels like too much, especially if some tough emotions have arisen. For a man to feel he is a failure in his work is a huge crisis - all of Western society teaches men that their identity and sense of self comes from their work. Right now, he needs some acknowledgement for being one or two or whatever days sober again - it is a major accomplishment.
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Bluebird
Well-known member
I've scheduled solo float sessions for me and PunkRock next week, right after my therapy appointment. I've never done sensory deprivation stuff before, but PunkRock and I have been talking about it for several months. I hope it helps relieve some of my stress and anxiety lately.
I feel really super clingy now, with PunkRock, and incredibly anxious and sad and fearful. Whenever he's with me, I can't seem to calm down or focus. Things have just gone...off. I love him so much but I can't seem to not be weepy. I am afraid it's going to start aggravating him, but so far he seems to be taking it in stride.
This weekend is supposed to bring a terrible snowstorm and so my schedule is in flux. Normally I spend all day Saturday and have a sleepover after with WarMan, but we decided to flip things around. I am going to go tonight to his house, and then hopefully the roads will be clear so I can head home Saturday night and be with DarkKnight then. This is a little bit stressful because if I get snowed in, I'll miss out with my overnight with DarkKnight. However, DarkKnight says it's more important that I don't miss time with WarMan, in light of what has happened. Sigh. Things are confusing. On top of this I feel my edginess and worry about being away from PunkRock. I just want to have him curl around me and be ok.
I want my happy back.
I feel really super clingy now, with PunkRock, and incredibly anxious and sad and fearful. Whenever he's with me, I can't seem to calm down or focus. Things have just gone...off. I love him so much but I can't seem to not be weepy. I am afraid it's going to start aggravating him, but so far he seems to be taking it in stride.
This weekend is supposed to bring a terrible snowstorm and so my schedule is in flux. Normally I spend all day Saturday and have a sleepover after with WarMan, but we decided to flip things around. I am going to go tonight to his house, and then hopefully the roads will be clear so I can head home Saturday night and be with DarkKnight then. This is a little bit stressful because if I get snowed in, I'll miss out with my overnight with DarkKnight. However, DarkKnight says it's more important that I don't miss time with WarMan, in light of what has happened. Sigh. Things are confusing. On top of this I feel my edginess and worry about being away from PunkRock. I just want to have him curl around me and be ok.
I want my happy back.
Bluebird
Well-known member
It's SnowZilla! So I am currently snowed in at WarMan's apartment. My last measurement at 2 pm yesterday was 27" and it was blowing, so the wind prolly took some inches away! I have discovered that WarMan does not even own a snow shovel, so we may be here for a while! DarkKnight informs me this morning that our road back in Hagerstown has not seen a snow plow in 2 days, so even if I could get to the car, I could not bring it home. Sigh.
I am missing both my husbands dreadfully. Things are wonderful here at WarMan's but I can't help but want kisses from my loves at the same time.
We've played 6 games of Pandemic and won 1. We've emptied, cleaned and re-arranged the living room, so WarMan now has space for a couch and TV. (I think I've mentioned before how his house is not set up as a functional space for anything but chaos?) We've had amazing sexy times with some brand new toys (purchased prior to the blizzard). So, we've had a lot going on and it's been great.
I had a nightmare so that's why I am up early this morning. I dreamed I was back attending high school and I had missed my science class and was sitting in the wrong class that afternoon with no recollection of where I had been or where I was supposed to be. I think this is a stress dream associated with the fact that I am sooooo not prepared for my upcoming Chemistry class! I've only finished up through Lesson 8 and there are 25 weeks PLUS labs to type up. Gah! The safety and set up class is Thursday. I brought my curriculum with me here to WarMan's, so I need to not be lazy and start banging this shit out today.
That said, tomorrow is the due date and I am missing 3 payments. 2 of the parents made payment arrangements, so they are only paying me half the cost tomorrow and the other half in February. The other parent is a family I don't know, so I am unsure if they are just waiting til the last minute or truly flaking out. I did order the lab supplies already, but I am worried that those won't show up in time because I like to be anxious about things I can't control. Feh.
This week - once I get back home - is shaping up. I have to clean bunches Monday because Tuesday is our annual property inspection by the house owners. We have a repair list but there's nothing major on it. I am not anticipating any issues because my house isn't gross, but I still hate these things. After the inspection Tuesday morning, I have my intake therapy meeting, followed by the flotation appointment for me and PunkRock. Wednesday I am hosting a strategic Board Game Club meeting in the afternoon, and then I am scheduled to go play trivia with my friends. Thursday I have my previously mentioned Chemistry intro class, and in the evening I am scheduled to go to a "swap party" at a friend's house, though that is my regular Zombicide night with my guys. I have a crap ton of stuff to take to the swap party though, so I think I might go to that after all, if no one minds skipping Zombicide this week. Though, now that I think about it, WarMan is going to Las Vegas next week, so it'll be canceled then too. I will have to think about this! On Friday there is an Activities Club to take my daughter to in the afternoon, and for date night, DarkKnight and I are attending the dinner theater production of Deathtrap.
I am missing both my husbands dreadfully. Things are wonderful here at WarMan's but I can't help but want kisses from my loves at the same time.
We've played 6 games of Pandemic and won 1. We've emptied, cleaned and re-arranged the living room, so WarMan now has space for a couch and TV. (I think I've mentioned before how his house is not set up as a functional space for anything but chaos?) We've had amazing sexy times with some brand new toys (purchased prior to the blizzard). So, we've had a lot going on and it's been great.
I had a nightmare so that's why I am up early this morning. I dreamed I was back attending high school and I had missed my science class and was sitting in the wrong class that afternoon with no recollection of where I had been or where I was supposed to be. I think this is a stress dream associated with the fact that I am sooooo not prepared for my upcoming Chemistry class! I've only finished up through Lesson 8 and there are 25 weeks PLUS labs to type up. Gah! The safety and set up class is Thursday. I brought my curriculum with me here to WarMan's, so I need to not be lazy and start banging this shit out today.
That said, tomorrow is the due date and I am missing 3 payments. 2 of the parents made payment arrangements, so they are only paying me half the cost tomorrow and the other half in February. The other parent is a family I don't know, so I am unsure if they are just waiting til the last minute or truly flaking out. I did order the lab supplies already, but I am worried that those won't show up in time because I like to be anxious about things I can't control. Feh.
This week - once I get back home - is shaping up. I have to clean bunches Monday because Tuesday is our annual property inspection by the house owners. We have a repair list but there's nothing major on it. I am not anticipating any issues because my house isn't gross, but I still hate these things. After the inspection Tuesday morning, I have my intake therapy meeting, followed by the flotation appointment for me and PunkRock. Wednesday I am hosting a strategic Board Game Club meeting in the afternoon, and then I am scheduled to go play trivia with my friends. Thursday I have my previously mentioned Chemistry intro class, and in the evening I am scheduled to go to a "swap party" at a friend's house, though that is my regular Zombicide night with my guys. I have a crap ton of stuff to take to the swap party though, so I think I might go to that after all, if no one minds skipping Zombicide this week. Though, now that I think about it, WarMan is going to Las Vegas next week, so it'll be canceled then too. I will have to think about this! On Friday there is an Activities Club to take my daughter to in the afternoon, and for date night, DarkKnight and I are attending the dinner theater production of Deathtrap.