Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

My houseguests have departed and things are returning to normal here. Though, with all the changes, I think normal is in flux, so I am not sure what to say, really. lol I took my daughter this afternoon to pick up the keys to her new place, and to get electric turned on in her name. I shelled out a $100, and she just left to go change her address and order checks at the bank. Things seem to be moving quickly now, and I am bummed about that. I am going to miss my little girl!

I taught my first two safety sessions of the year, and Chemistry starts officially next Tuesday. My kids were great - both classes were positive, upbeat and silly as hell. This should be a fun year.

OMG though I am so broke. As expected, one parent did pay in full, but I am still owed $500. I'm promised payment in a few weeks, and I hope that happens. There will be no birthday trip for me without it. At this point, I am just hoping it works out!

Tonight I have my second date with Greg, but I am not sure if that is accurate either, since we dated previously. Anyway, it's the second date in this set of dates. lol I'm meeting him in Frederick and we're going to go to dinner there. He works late, so I am not sure we will have a ton of time to do much else.
 
I had a good date with Greg and we are both interested in seeing each other again. We don't have a day set up though - I will probably message him today to get that on the schedule.

I had a good first date with a different guy last night. He was a half hour late and I almost left. I wasn't too keen on him to start anyway, because he only had one photo, which wasn't the greatest. Plus, on his Fet profile, he's not really that compatible with me, with what he has listed. However, we were a 94% match, and he's been in a poly relationship with his married girlfriend for 2 decades. I am so glad I waited - I really liked him! He reminds me of a guy I dated a while back, and I felt like there was a good, free-flowing connection. He felt like a long time friend who I could easily roll into bed with and enjoy myself.

The best part is that he lives 20 minutes away, and is into me as well.

We went to the game store downtown and played a game of regular Pandemic - we lost - and then sat and talked for a while, before playing Forbidden Desert - we won. At that point it was time for the store to close up, so we walked me to my car where we talked some more. Holy crap though, when he kissed me goodbye, y'all! There were zero questions left in my head how he felt about our first date. I have never been kissed like that, honestly, by someone I just met! Lol VERY INTENSE.

We texted more later in the evening, and we now have a date set up for Sunday evening - we're going to do an Escape Room (I bought the tickets already) and he is going to cover dinner. I am looking forward to seeing him again, for sure.

He has a very curly dark Jew-fro with matching beard, and the deepest brown eyes I have ever had pleasure to look into. It's funny, but all of my serious long term relationships have been with guys that have blue eyes, excepting my ex husband.I think he was an inch or so shorter than me, but it wasn't off putting. He's not long and lanky like Daddy Magic, but he's not a large guy either. Definitely different, but in a good way.

Speaking of DaddyMagic, he was messaged me a couple of times but I have not responded. As much as I think we are sexually compatible, and how I would have loved to have him dominate me, I cannot forget that he ghosted for a week and that his explanation was depression. I refuse to start a relationship with someone with similar issues to WarMan - I will absolutely date guys who have their problems under control, but I won't allow myself to be held hostage to someone who doesn't have their shit together.

I have been very meh all week, actually, regarding OKCupid. Just not interested right now - we have a lot going on. My youngest daughter is moving out this evening and I feel very strange about the entire thing. I am excited for her new beginning as an adult, and proud of her. But I also am confused about how all three of my children are old enough to be grown up and gone out of the house. It makes me feel a little lonely.
 
I had an amazing second date night tonight with the poly gamer guy, and I think we were into each other pretty intensely. I paid for us to do an Escape Room based on King Arthur, and we lost - though we were literally less than 5 minutes from winning. The game master said she was very impressed because it was one of their harder rooms and we still had clues left, and it was designed for 6 people. We were the only two there. The truth is, what slowed us down was that we had to check the lock on every box every time we located a new key or code, and it only takes a minute for each one, it's multiple minutes, multiple times. I think just having one other person to help cut that number, would have been good. Anyway, it was a good time, and we enjoyed ourselves. When I told the game master that we were on our second date, she couldn't believe it because we worked so well together.

We went to dinner, after, and then hung out on Carroll Creek just talking and making out like teenagers.
 
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I seriously wanna fuck this guy, holy shit. Definitely knows how to get me going, not that that is something difficult. I'm feeling that we have a good connection and the energy is there. Oh, and get this - he went and got tested already! He said when we started talking on OKCupid and scheduled our first date, he figured it had been awhile and since I was poly, he knew that I would probably want tests done. So he went that very day and had a full panel taken care of at a clinic. He said it was torture too - he had a pretty big bruise on his arm, in the usual place. Apparently the phlebotomist went digging. All of his results came in on Friday.

Here's the thing - he is HSV-2 positive. He said he had never tested positive for this before and was in shock and reeling most of the day on Friday. He said he spent the entire day listening to podcasts and reading every medical and relationship website he could locate. He said it helped a lot, but he is still kinda raw about it, understandably. He said he talked to his doctor about the results, and apparently he fell victim to the idea that having his tests done meant he was being tested for everything. His doctor always just ran the regulars, and this was the first time they ever did a panel that included herpes. His doctor just assumed that those tests aren't a huge deal - the default is that sooner than later, everyone will have an exposure.

I told him I think we have the same doctor! (We don't.) Everytime I go in for testing, I have been told that herpes' test are unnecessary and it's no big deal. Definite pushback about ordering them, but my doctor will do it. And I have always been negative for 1 and 2. I decided a while back that I personally wanted to know, but also that for me, it wouldn't be a deal breaker when it came to whether or not I was going to be with someone. However, I know have to figure out if I want to push back against DarkKnight and PunkRock, if it is a deal breaker for them.

I have had that conversation previously with both of them, but it was more of a hypothetical, as no one I've dated intimated that they tested positive for it. At that time, both of them were hesitant, but said they trusted my judgment and would be ok with things. I did date A, way back when, and though he himself was negative, his girlfriend was positive. DarkKnight again, was comfortable with that risk.

But there is definitely a difference between a metamour being positive and a metamour's metamour being a carrier. Quite a separation. Funny story though - at lunch yesterday, DarkKnight and I actually talked about STD testing and if his stance had changed at all about if I met someone that was positive. He said it hadn't, but mostly because he hadn't given it any thought at all. So I did some bouncing around on my phone, and we looked at some fact sheets together. Then he said again, that he was okay with me sleeping with an HSV+ person, as long as I used my best judgment. Like, no getting freaky when there is an outbreak, etc.

I guess I should give this guy a name so I can talk about him - uh, how about SirGawain? The escape room we did yesterday was based on Arthurian legend and the Knights of the Round Table. :) So SirGawain tells me that he has never, ever had an outbreak, or anything resembling an outbreak in his life, and he is hoping that remains the same. He hasn't had any new partners in a while, and he's let the rest of his polycule know. He said as far as he understands, they have always tested negative, though it is possible they have been getting the same panels run that didn't include herpes.

Right now his polycule includes his partner of 2 decades - let's call her Gwen - who is married, and a very causal hookup he sees a couple of times a year. Gwen at one point had two husbands, but divorced one a while back and then legally married the other, who she is still with today. Apparently they are going through a rocky patch and have teenagers, so SirGawain hasn't been seeing her as frequently. He said that he is not her primary, and though technically she is his, that term doesn't fit really either, as they aren't intertwined as much. He said he wouldn't consider himself solo poly either though, nor a relationship anarchist.

Ok, so today I am going to do more reading and talk to both DarkKnight and PunkRock. I was with DarkKnight last night when I finally got home around midnight, and I told him then and he just reiterated what he had said at lunch, that he isn't going to worry about it. PunkRock I haven't seen since yesterday morning, so I definitely need to grab him when he gets home from work today and have a conversation.

I told SirGawain that my best friend in NY is positive, and her outbreaks are a couple of times a year and consist of a small square-shaped rash in the small of her back. He said that yeah, he has a friend who actually has a patch that appears on her lower leg! All that said, it's not like I want to catch it, but I am also not willing to make it a deal breaker. From what I have read, it's a 10% transmission rate when unprotected and not being on meds to suppress it. If we use condoms, the rate is halved.

So that's where things stand with SirGawain. If the conversation with PunkRock goes well, I plan to start banging SirGawain as soon as I can schedule time. :)

Greg and I have a full date day scheduled on Saturday - I am going to drive over to Gaithersburg and park my vehicle at his house, and then we'll go to D.C. and see some sights. We haven't exactly nailed down what we'll be doing, but we have a week to figure that out. Things continue to go well with Greg.

If in two weeks, both of these relationships are still progressing positively, I will probably cut off OKCupid and change my FetLife status to reflect me not looking for new partners.
 
Exhausted tonight, so I need to make this short - I need sleep!

I talked to PunkRock, and he told me he wouldn't leave me if I later tested positive for HSV, but it is expected that I would immediately go on anti-virals if that is the case. It is my understanding that the transmission rate from women to men is significantly lower than the other way around.

So, I went and spent the night at SirGawain's house. It was pretty amazing, besides the fact that the bed needed replacing years ago and it was the most uncomfortable thing I ever tried to sleep on. And his place was decidedly more dirty than I was expecting - he is not a very good housekeeper. I had requested he have clean sheets and a path to the toilet cleared, and he had done those! He had a stack of clean towels washed as well, so I couldn't complain much. :)

Sexually, it was interesting. He is definitely more submissive than I am used to, but he stepped up and was endulging my kink. I think he did a good job switching his usual dynamic up. We had fun together, for sure. We talked a little bit more today - I reiterated that I did not want to interfere with the D/s thing he has going now with his long term partner, as I have zero desire to dominate him at all. He was ok with that, though I think being a little more assertive with me when having sex is still a submissive thing with him - I think in his head he is framing it as a service he is doing for me, to ensure I am enjoying myself. I did enjoy myself.

Also, it's been 2 years since I used condoms, so that again was an experience, but the latter didn't seem to hinder him, and he was very careful to use one every time - I didn't have to ask at all. I felt very safe and like I could trust him, which is something I was sorely lacking in my last relationship.

I need to now talk to the other guy I have been seeing, Greg, and let him know and see if he is interested in sticking around, now that I am involved with someone that is HSV positive. He himself has yet to go get tested, so we have not begun a sexual relationship, though we were together 4 years ago. I am going to text him later tomorrow, as we have a date scheduled on Saturday, and if he is not interested, then I won't waste my day driving down to D.C.

I didn't feel any NRE yesterday or today, until DarkKnight had picked me up and we were at D&D. Then out of nowhere, I couldn't stop smiling. I texted SirGawain and told him - and he responded that he had it too. I actually could tell - his emotions have been fairly easy to read and he has been very open in communicating. It is refreshing to have a partner like this. It really is a change for me - DarkKnight is always just so "whatever" and PunkRock is still like pulling teeth to get him to say anything at all about relationship stuff. And WarMan, well, half the things he said to me in the beginning was stuff he love bombed and then later said he would have agreed to anything if it meant it made me sleep with him. So yeah. SirGawain is very direct and matter of fact about himself and how he feels and operates, and he comes across as an experienced poly person. That is super refreshing.
 
So my Thursday labs went great and my Chemistry kids all received As on their first quiz of the year, so that was amazing. I am seriously looking forward to this school year - I am not sure if it's that I have these students divided up perfectly or what into their classes, but each session has been fun and entertaining for me to teach, and they are so far doing their work. Yay!

I spent Thursday night with PunkRock, shifting all of my holiday stuff out of the unfinished side of the basement upstairs into our sunporch. I sold the huge freezer we owned, so I have space for storage there, at least temporarily. We need to empty out the entire unfinished section, so PunkRock can drylock the basement walls before winter arrives. After that he is going to assemble all of his heavy duty shelving units that were in our last basement, and finally get everything organized. We desperately need a space for all of our old garage and yard tools. Not sure how that is going to work out. PunkRock has Saturday through Tuesday off, and this is going to be his focus.

PunkRock is really struggling with work lately, and he has come home a couple of times this week with his lunch uneaten. He's getting shit on and it is putting him out of sorts. I am not sure if it's just regular bullshit or if my dating is exacerbating the issue, but he is definitely unhappy with things at work. I keep trying to check in with him, and he's just so tired. I can read that part very clearly. We talked some about him finding an entirely new line of work next year - he wants to stick it out til after the holidays, so his flexible spending account is completely paid off. Then, I don't know what the next step is.

As far as dating goes, I inactivated my OKC account today. Last night I must have been featured somehow, because I suddenly got a couple dozen messages all at once from various random dudes. Terrible matches, to the last. So I talked to SirGawain, and I cut it off today. I knew he wanted to show his long term girlfriend Gwen, and when he had done that, I closed things up for now.

I spent the afternoon into the evening with Sir Gawain today. I met him at his house, and then we went to lunch at Red Robin. After that, we went out and played a couple of board games - Pandemic again (we won quickly this time!) and a card game I hadn't seen before called Pirate Loot. I really enjoyed that one and recommend it; apparently it was a Kickstarter. I won that game. :)

We had made a pact that if he won the game, he would get a blow job, and if I won the game, I would get to give him a blow job. So I was super glad I won! Lolol I started my period on Thursday, and he isn't into penetrative sex at all during that, which I am fine with. So, we went back to his house and had fun in other ways.

Honestly, I feel really good with SirGawain. It's so great to be dating someone who is polyamorous and knows the lingo, and how things work. He much prefers kitchen-table poly, and Gwen met up with us while we were getting ready to play games. That went okay, I thought, though it was a little awkward. She and I both have red hair, but other than that I don't think we are a lot alike at all, physically, or with the type of lives we live. We might do okay because of that. :) I talked with SirGawain later about their relationship, and both of them, he says, understand that I am not looking to be his Mistress or interfere with that dynamic at all. He said she was impressed that I wasn't trying to pass myself as a unicorn to get into things with them, and yeah, NO. I guess she had that issue with a different male partner of hers, and a girlfriend cowboyed an ex husband away? No chance of that happening with me - I am definitely not interested in women and I don't see a need to start. Lol

SirGawain and I discussed terminology - he says he sees me more as a girlfriend and not just a FWB. He said he'd like to pursue that, again with the idea that we come up with a different pet name for me, rather than "mistress." Lol He said it was interesting for him right now, because I have him feeling very "switchy." I guess this is new - he says he hasn't done anything dominant previously, because he identifies as a sub. Which I knew from his Fet profile. He said Gwen commanded him to be dominant a couple of times but I guess it didn't work very well and he said it was majorly off between them when he tried. BUT, he is enjoying the D/s stuff we are doing, and he wants to continue. He's held me down a bit, and done some good pillow talk about how naughty I've been. :) He's asked some questions about boundaries, so we are getting there. Tonight he says I can call him Daddy. I feel really good when we are together, and I wouldn't attempt to call him that if it didn't feel right. It does. We definitely have a connection in that way, for sure. Sexually, I am digging him. The fact that we have to use condoms and be more careful because of his HSV status, in a way makes me feel even more taken care of, in that sense. I trust him very much.

I texted Greg yesterday about the HSV and he thanked me for letting him know, and then changed the subject. Today he didn't bring it up at all but instead asked me about my Chemistry class. I am supposed to go to D.C. tomorrow, but so didn't bring that up since he hasn't given me a clear indicator one way or the other on whether he wants to pursue anything with me romantically. I asked him straight out tonight if he had had time to do some reading and if he had thought things over, but he didn't reply and went radio silent. So who knows. If I don't go to D.C. tomorrow, I plan to go see SirGawain in the late afternoon for a bit.
 
Squeeeee! I am really looking forward to my date night tonight with PunkRock! I got tickets to a new escape room, and it's WWII themed. It's a more expensive place than we are used to, but I had trouble booking online and they gave me a coupon, which brought the cost down a smidge. Anyway, we are going to go visit my friend's new mid century furniture store, then go to the escape room, and then do dinner.

Yesterday morning I woke up next to PunkRock and we had some sexy times (it was still Blow Job Week in my household but as of today my period is done). I had errands to run in the morning, so DarkKnight treated me to lunch out at Boston Market and then we dropped off my Valium prescription - I have another dental appointment on Monday. Rather than just hang around at the pharmacy, we decided to go spend the early afternoon using the Find A Grave app at a local cemetery and filling photo requests of headstones there.

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/me9bplMz7afi6Mu7z5xWufr9nsQYzmD16NhPjAdGdQa

I was prolly a bit overdressed for tramping around in a graveyard, but whatever. I hadn't been able to comfortably fit into the little jacket in a couple of years, so it felt great to be able to wear it and button it up if I was chilly. I wasn't chilly though - lol - because the day was GORGEOUS.

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/C080mhWBuBKxK2FAjFQNBwgqYocawNuPFBzT5BBTlZo

DarkKnight actually found 3 of the 25 requested photos, and I found zero. This is really unusual - I normally find everything, but there was no luck for me today!

After we finished up and grabbed my pills - the dentist gave me 5 this time so I don't have to keep getting a new prescription for every single visit - we went home and DarkKnight wanted to chill. I still had ants in the pants and wanted to be out in the sunshine. I asked PunkRock out, but he was also feeling insular and didn't want to go out. Actually, he had been out while DarkKnight and I were Grave hunting; he went to Sam's Club to get a refill on his nicotine gum. He has decided to cut back finally and he bought a two month supply of the 2 mg gum rather than his regular 4. With his mood already being off, I am concerned about this change, but there is no argument that it needs to happen if he is ever going to be nicotine free. Hopefully things will go well with that.

Also, apparently he also made a stop at an antiques place that we had visited together the week before with my sister's kids. He surprised me with a gift. I was totally shocked and thrown for a loop. Isn't this just the cutest thing?!

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/2mXarYFmkp1i1h4wAxNISYzn4vrq0cd8zJOpdYoPR3x

I am over the moon with it and have it set up on the counter in my classroom. I wanna get it behind glass, but the cabinet holding the rock collection is full. This is amazing though - and the fact that he wanted to show me some love when he is so out of sorts is touching. I am very lucky in love with both of my husbands!

Since both DarkKnight and PunkRock didn't want to go out any more, I drove over to Frederick and spent the rest of my Saturday with SirGawain. His morning was scheduled with running a Shadowrun game, and we actually both happened to end our afternoons at about the same time. Unfortunately though, we missed the big festival in town and when we arrived to walk the closed streets, there was a mass exodus of people to navigate. It was still a beautiful day though, so we walked up the road, talking and sharing and enjoying the weather. Eventually we stopped for dinner, and then decided we would go and play some bar trivia. He had never done this before, so it was a fun activity to share with him. I haven't played in forever myself! I didn't know the host, but team Blue Milk Mustache did okay. :) I actually got a sports question correct, and I knew that the two presidents assassinated in Washington DC were Lincoln and Garfield. Go me! We didn't come close to winning against the teams who had 7 people, but we didn't come in last. So go us!

After trivia we headed over to his game club and watched 3 episodes of Robotech - the Macross Saga, and then he drove me back to my car so I could get home. No sexy times, but that was perfectly fine. I enjoyed the time we spent together, for sure. :) I gave PunkRock some kisses when I got home, but DarkKnight was a little out of sorts because it was after 11 pm. He doesn't like being up late, ever. So I rolled into bed with him and fell asleep quickly myself.

I was disappointed to have not had my date day with Greg in DC, but if he's not sure if he wants to continue things with me due to SirGawain's HSV status, then I would rather not spend the cash and time prolonging something that is going nowhere.

I woke up early this morning because DarkKnight has a 12 hour Sunday shift today. I am hoping to fall back asleep in a bit. My baby Leonard came up on the bed and he's sleeping soundly beside me at the moment. I do have some things to get done before my date day starts with PunkRock though, so I can't sleep in too late! He moved some house hardware - windows, doors, etc - upstairs onto the front porch, and I need to go through it and decide what we are keeping and what we are selling or donating. Then my friend that did the grinding job on my patio is coming over - he is meeting with PunkRock to discuss working together to recoat the existing cement and apply a sealer, and how much he would charge us. He has some WarMachine models to trade, and wants some of PunkRock's WarHammer 40k stuff, and may want some painting done on his armies. So I think they are going to do some bartering. PunkRock says he doesn't really need more WarMachine models right now, but this guy has already done so much work for us, he is kind of obligated to give him a really good deal. The models aren't worthless, at any rate.

So, yeah, today will be busy, but I think it will be fun!
 
PunkRock and I finally beat an Escape Room - with 4 minutes to go! The Blitzkreig room at ClueIQ was done REALLY well, and the puzzles were way better than the ones I have had to do at the other company in Frederick. I can't wait to do another one!

We stopped in to see my friend at her new storefront and had lunch at Beef n Buns n Paradise.

After the room, we walked around a bit near Carroll Creek together, and then had dinner at Flippin' Pizza.

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/ihT0UWWvsy1SLDUzc1EeJphfCVQ2MEbk10zCJWBtErn

Gah! My roots are already growing out. White hair, don't care! I'm going to be 40 this month!

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/JnPLsyHCey4rshIrri2W8mSAh8oRTsl46jjszKBz6l4

We ended the evening with some ice cream from the shop at the end of our street, and now we are going to watch some Robotech.
 
Yesterday was fairly terrible. PunkRock was completely out of sorts, and I had a dental appointment that left me in tears.

PunkRock continues to be upset about his job. They want to promote him, but he's been resistant because he feels it is more bullshit and responsibility with not enough compensation to make it worthwhile. He is unhappy with the work and wants to leave. However, he's not sure what he'd like to do instead. So, he is experiencing a rather large amount of stress and it's leaking out all over our relationship. His uncertainty breeds anxiety with me, and since he doesn't communicate well, I am frustrated and confused about what is going on with him.

I talked with him about his options, and discussed him going back to school part time, or even full time if that is what is warranted. I just need to know so I can plan for it in the budget next year. We'll be having our State of the Union meeting next month, and I can run all sorts of numbers in the meantime. It's important that he internalize the idea that he isn't stuck - we can make any number of scenarios viable, if he just communicates with DarkKnight and I about what he'd like to do!

When I left him last night (it was a sleepover evening for DarkKnight) I think he was mulling over the idea of machining, specifically programming some sort of tooling machines? Initially he was interested in welding, but after speaking with one of his close friends, he switched over to this other idea. I think it may be CNC or something like that - I didn't catch the initials. Anyway, DarkKnight's cousin that helps us all the time does that sort of work, so if PunkRock is interested, we have a guy he can network with. :)

The important thing for me is that he is happy. I am still uncertain about what I am going to do once my Chemistry class is over next May, and that will hinge off of what PunkRock is doing. I may need to get plugged into something less than optimal just to turn over some cash to pay for his schooling. Which is fine, but we will need to get that sorted. I have certainly been in that role before - my ex husband was taking courses for a while and I worked to support us both. Though he was working too at the time, my paycheck was more than double his.

I am actually looking forward to getting back into the workforce and being a more involved partner financially with both of my guys. My focus has been homeschooling our youngest for so long - I absolutely don't regret that decision, to be clear - but now that she has graduated that goal is gone and we've redefined what is important to us long term. I want to contribute to making our dreams come true as much as I can. And if that means getting into a dead-end position for a while just to have income ticking over so PunkRock can afford to get new education - I will do it.

Dental stuff - ugh. I had just a regular cleaning this time, and this was a rescheduled appointment. I had such bad anxiety last time that I had to postpone it - I couldn't take my Valium because there was no one available to drive me. This time, PunkRock did the transporting. The night before I didn't take anything, and I managed to get some sleep without needing to medicate. I actually ended up not taking anything yesterday either, which had mixed results.

I wasn't too hyped up for the cleaning, and we were out prior to the appointment, so I decided to skip the meds. I did have to meet with the orthodontics team because I was being fitted for my
Permanent retainers. That part was ok, though it set off more anxiety. I did ok in the chair until the hygienist started to touch where the implant was and I started crying. Ugh. Honestly, the aftermath of the appointment was worse than the appointment itself. I had a big shift in emotions after, and I just cried. They let me sit for a short bit to get myself together, and then I went out to the waiting room and PunkRock wasn't there. That cranked up my anxiety even more, and then when I went out to the car, he wasn't there either. He had gone to the restroom, so he found me soon after, and he gave me a good hug to calm me down.

Seriously, I fucking hate feeling this way about the dentist. It sucks. I have to go back in a month to have the retainers checked. I swear I am taking the Valium. As much as I resist taking it, it definitely does allow me to not have the emotional upset. It just feels wrong to me. I don't want to have to medicate for something that shouldn't be an issue, and I feel...weak and fragile. Those are not positive attributes/adjectives. I don't want to internalize those as descriptions of myself, you know? PunkRock says he'd like to see me get in a couple of therapy sessions to maybe find ways to manage my Trauma more effectively. I can't say it wouldn't be helpful. I will see where I am with it after the start of the new year - my flex account is maxed and once I am just going to the dentist twice a year for cleaning again, maybe things will right themselves without further intervention.

The evening ended yesterday with a date night with both my husbands. We went to Film League and saw City Lights, which is a silent era Charlie Chaplin film. I had seen it previously in college, but it was new to the guys. It was enjoyable to see it again. :)
 
Tuesday I had my Chemistry class, and it continues to be awesome. The kids are great and I am really enjoying this semester so far. I had a make-up lab to hold, but when it was complete, SirGawain picked me up and we had a fun evening together, as is becoming our norm. We spent most of the day Wednesday in Frederick as well. Yesterday evening though, I was with DarkKnight, playing D&D and doing some much needed grocery shopping.

That's the last two days in a nutshell. :) Today I have two back-to-back lab sessions to host, and quizzes as well. My daughter is coming over after class and we are going to do some organizing and decorating in her upstairs loft area, and she needs to buy a couple of things, like a can opener and some blinds. :) Then the two of us are meeting SirGawain at the local game store for some open board gaming - the plan is to play Mysterium.

Some things I want to mention: I had a really good overnight with PunkRock last night. He seemed back to his old self, and I had surprised him with a decorative cat skeleton I found at a craft store. He was happy and silly, and back to being my sweet goofy husband. He woke me up in the middle of the night to fuck my brains out, so there's that too. :) I had a serious texting conversation with him yesterday morning - he told me unequivocally that his being out of sorts was 100% based on his job and nothing at all to do with SirGawain or the HSV issue. GAH! Students have arrived. Will have to type more later.
 
Unfortunately, PunkRock has the absolute worst work schedule the next few days - he's on a 9 day stretch with no days off at all. Today is great for us - he works until 1:30 - and then he is going to go get his Flu shot. I bought tickets already for us to go see It, and have plans to go eat at the Hibachi buffet after. Last night DarkKnight bought a ticket as well, so this will be a group date now.:) Anyway, PunkRock and I had talked about going to the Frederick fair this weekend but there is zero chance of that happening - he works a midshift schedule both Saturday and Sunday. Bummer.

Still, he was still in good spirits last night, and he got to meet SirGawain, as after the game store, we came back to the house to grab some ice cream and watch Netflix. I have started watching Swird Art Online, which is an anime that reminds me a lot of the book Ready Player One. I am soooo not an anime sort of person, but I went to a "Bad Anine Night" with Sir Gawain and we watched an episode of it there and now I want to see what happens. Lol It actually wasn't bad, so I am unsure why it was part of the schedule, honestly.
 
Sword Art Online. Gah! Caught that typo after the edit time had passed.
 
I'm back to eating carbs. Did I mention that already? I reached my goal and I am going to go back to eating like crap until October. My birthday is next week so I am taking a break. :)

I won a medium-size Cassie skirt so I figured I would see if it fit, and I actually like it. Here I am wearing it with one of PunkRock's t-shirts. :)

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/H0V7vh77fW9DgoxtDExEXCLfZ3hs2TiefskELCepghq

According to my doctor, I should lose another 60 pounds to hit the top of my normal BMI range, but he can fuck off. I know he's right and all, but I refuse to starve myself when I am ok with my jiggles now.
 
Glad to see things are going well with everything, BB! And Macross AND SAO? Squeeeeee!

(The kids have gotten me sucked into SAO... I don't know if I can show them Macross without the sheer '80s-ness of it making their eyes bleed :D )
 
Another 60 lbs? What in the holy hell! You look tiny and you're a medium!

That's just bollocks.
 
No, just a medium in a LuLaRoe Cassie skirt. They're stretchy. �� On top I'm a 2XL - my stupid boobs are too damn big. I'd be an XL shirt if not for them. I carry all of my weight in my abdominal area though, so that's where it all is. My arms are flappy too. I am not small. I am 5'9" and that helps hide my biscuit rolls, but they are definitely there. I have been at the weight the doctor is recommending, but I didn't like myself there - I wasn't curvy and my boobs were non-existent.

I do wish I had less of a lumpy middle, but I have never had any issue attracting male attention at any weight, and I am happy with my curves, so I am not complaining.

If I could change physical things about myself:

1. A smoother abdominal area.
2. Toned arms.
3. Thicker, more proportional ankles.
4. Teeth whitening.

I actually have some zoom whitening stuffs that the dentist gave me, but I have held off using it due to my other teeth problems, and I am probably going to hold off for at least a year before dealing with it due to my current dental anxiety. My ankles are something I will suffer with for the rest of my life, as I know of zero ways to fix them.
 
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DarkKnight and so had some good sexytimes together yesterday, and it had been a while, so I really enjoyed the closeness it fostered between us. As always, it was joyful and he made me feel wonderful. <3

I spent last night and most of the day today with SirGawain. I continue to enjoy our time together - on Sunday night, we attended a surprise birthday party for a friend of his, and played two games of Red Dragon Inn with 6-7 people. I own this game, but haven't played it in a very long while. It was super fun. There was a guy sitting across from me who I was seriously digging, but other than some back and forth in the game, nothing came of it. :) I wasn't there to get involved with SirGawain's friends! Anyway, we had a good time.

Today we went on a trip to visit a local sex shop and check out some toys. We didn't buy anything, though it turned me on to be looking at that sort of stuff with him! I like the connection we have together and he makes me laugh a lot. (Always a plus.) Sexually he was amazing last night, and he managed to turn up the Dom side more than he has, so that was an experience. We talked about what I was needing from him and he was coming up aces on it all.

I am still feeling a bit squicked out by his house. He owns a townhouse but it is seriously messy and dirty. He isn't a full blown hoarder - I've looked at some sites and he's about a level 2. Just dirty with garbage piled up. It's a real mood killer for me, honestly. He did a tad bit more cleaning but I think he is overwhelmed by the cleanup needed. He promises to have more done each time I come over. We will see!

I had to leave in the early evening to come home and go to a party at my friend's house - another Murder Mystery get-together. It was a blast and it was fun hanging out with friends I hadn't seen together in a while. My character was not the murderer, but it was still a fun event.

Currently I am home and about to watch some more SAO - I am with PunkRock tonight but he is organizing his paints at the moment.
 
Today is going to be busy. I have class starting in about an hour, and it's lab & quiz day. Immediately following, I need to color my hair because my roots are turning terrible. Then DarkKnight and I are going grocery shopping - there is seriously nothing left to eat in my house at the moment! I also need to finally mail out my 13-year old niece's birthday present - I made her a lei made out of cash and paper. Every year my nieces and nephews get cash equal to their age from me, and I try to be creative with it. Here's a pic!

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/fDNVViFYicQfHHXzI4Mp8yIDbRsVroNfBXFz2PQi0dt

I am having some mild anxiety about my own birthday tomorrow, as always happens. All of my guys have the day off. DarkKnight is making me French toast for breakfast, and as always, a scratch carrot cake. I can't wait to eat! Lol I swear, I have eaten so much garbage this week that I am going to gain back the 30 pounds I lost in just these few days! Anyway, the plan is for SirGawain to join my husbands and I at my favorite restaurant for dinner, and then to go back to my house for cake and presents with my kiddos. The gifts part has me slightly on edge, but so far, so good.

Things seem to still be going well with SirGawain. Today is our 3-week mark. We had some good conversations yesterday about poly and I found out some things that I didn't know, which surprised me a little. SirGawain had told me that when he first told Gwen (his long time girlfriend of 20 years) that he was going on a date with me, she was ok with it, but told him that as long as she continued to get what she needed, things were fine. However, yesterday he told me that they hadn't had any intimate alone time in about 9 months! I was like, uh, what is it that she needs from you? He hasn't been alone with her, period. I guess this is where I really differ, because I wouldn't consider that a primary relationship at all! He said it has definitely not been easy but things have been kind of dead the last couple of years for various reasons. I guess relationships do ebb and flow, but damn. If I had gone even a tiny fraction of time without being with either PunkRock or DarkKnight, I would be booking a romantic hotel overnight immediately!

This makes me feel a little unsettled, and slightly worried about if SirGawain will start pressing for more time with me to fill that gap. I start thinking about WarMan and how quickly things ramped up with him, and it makes me feel like pulling back, hard. I get anxious about things going terribly off the rails and being asked to be a primary again. However, SirGawain hasn't made any declarations or moves in that direction. We've been pretty consistent with Tuesday overnights and spending all day Wednesday together, and then usually seeing each other for a non-sexual date elsewhere over the weekend. I am certainly happy with that.

It also gives me pause because I was assuming that he was getting his own subby sort of needs met regularly by Gwen. Now I see that is not the case, and that makes me sad. He has been doing amazing as a Dom for me, though his switch is definitely apparent. He does ask me an awful lot what he can do for me, rather than just taking it, when we are together. This slows down my transition into subspace. I did mention that to him, and he says he will work on it. Now I feel like I am being selfish, because I am getting what I want, but now that I know he isn't getting his needs met with that, and it's a shitty feeling. I don't have a dominant personality in the bedroom at all, so I am not sure how to help with it. Though, I suppose that should be between him and Gwen. I will try not to worry about it.
 
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Oof, that is worrisome info about SG.

I would pull back if I were you. One 24 hour overnight date a week, if I am reading that correctly, plus another activity date, seems like a lot for only being 3 weeks in. Now he's hanging out with your husbands too, for your birthday?

Too much too soon?

I'm in a new relationship. We are about 6-7 weeks in. I had him over for an evening date about every 5 days at first, but since he seems to like to spend like 6 or 7 hours when he is here, I drew back to one date every 7 days and that seems more manageable for me. And I don't have 2 other partners, just one.

Now, if he's misled you about his r'ship with Gwen... hm. Is he too needy? Is he faking the dom stuff to please you? Questions questions...
 
No, he isn't hanging out with my husbands on a regular basis. It's just my birthday, is all. I don't see him frequently making trips out here so we can do things as a group. PunkRock much prefers one-on-one dates anyway, even when we're talking just DarkKnight. We did talk about it ahead of time, as it sucks that my birthday popped up right at the beginning of our relationship. It went ok.

I am absolutely fine with the way our schedule has shaken out. The Tuesday-Wednesday date day works great and I need the second day later on to feel connected. The second day is like 2-3 hours. This is exactly how I always operate, honestly. If you flip back to the very start of my journal, it's what I was wanting with M, even years ago! :)

Actually, I would not describe him as needy at all. He seems to have a lot of gaming events and activities on his schedule. I never feel any pressure with him to offer more availability. He hasn't love bombed me in the least. We text a little bit each day, but it isn't excessive or annoying. I like hearing from him.

The stuff about Gwen does make me feel unsettled, but mostly it's concern for his sexual needs. He hasn't made me feel like I need to take her place at all. It's a mild anxiety I feel when I think about it, and it really isn't anything he has said or done to make me feel that way. He isn't faking Dom stuff. In his very first message, he told me it isn't something he normally does, and his fetlife profile is definitely very honest and matches what he has told me about his likes and such.
 
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