I was able to have dinner with SirGawain last night after arriving home from Philadelphia. He spent the afternoon with BugGirl - she handled the feeding of our cats on Sunday, and the litter, and then was cleaning at SirGawain’s house. So he brought her back to the transition home and met me at my place, where I picked him up to run a couple of errands and then we went to Texas Roadhouse.
I was so very happy to see him, but he was not touchy-feely or affectionate much. He gave me a kiss goodbye at the end and said he was excited to have me sleep over on Tuesday night. It’s weird to me that over the course of the months that we have been back together that his PDA has dropped off to like zero. It worries me a bit. Like, is he finding me less attractive?
We did have a good discussion at dinner about him letting me know what he needs from the relationship. While I was out of town, I was contacted by a guy that DarkKnight and I used to do respite foster care for, oh, about 15 years ago? He’s VERY high special needs but does live independently with some support. This kiddo (he’s in his late 20s now lol) asked if he could stay with us during Thanksgiving break, as all of his family resources are deceased at this point.
I wanted to say yes - we strongly considered adopting this guy at one point, so he is near and dear to our hearts. I make it a priority to see him at least once a year when I go to New York to see my family. However, we quickly realized that the cheapest and quickest way to get him down here to Maryland would be for me to drive up and grab him. It’s a 5-6 hour driving trip one way, and I would have to figure out all sorts of logistics about where he’d be once he gets here, and when I’d have to drive back.
Well, when talking to SirGawain on the phone about it, he was like, wait - I haven’t seen you in a while, and if you plan this, I won’t see you in a while - this is worrisome. I actually hadn’t considered that Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK. I thought there was another span of seven days in there! So after hearing him say that, I realized he was absolutely right, and I told my respite kiddo that we couldn’t swing it this year, but I’d make sure to see him when I traveled that way in January.
I really appreciated SirGawain checking me on this. I felt good that he felt he could speak up about me over-extending my schedule and trying to do too much. However, he did bring up again how his relationship with me was secondary - that MisterMoonbeam and DarkKnight were my primary unit, and of course they take precedence in everything. I wanted to beat him in the head with something heavy! I’m like NOOOOOOOOO! Ask for the moon dude - don’t limit yourself! Don’t just assume shit like I’m not going to consider your needs. If you tell me, I can figure it out. If you stay silent, I have no idea. It’s my job to hinge! I was really bummed out by him describing our relationship as less important.
I know this is holdover from his relationship with his ex. I don’t consider him less than in the least. Did he not notice that I completely dropped my life to be there for him while he was in the hospital? I definitely love him like crazy - more so than the previous times we’ve dated. I don’t consider us less than - it’s different, but still equal in many ways. He has pull that he just doesn’t exert.
This morning I am actually writing this while in the Hagerstown Airport Parking lot. MisterMoonbeam has to go into work everyday this week, so he rented a car. I brought him over to pick it up, and he just left. I’m heading out now to go pick up BugGirl at the transition home. She’s going to spend the day with me until she has to go over to the recovery house for a shift - she’s working there part time until she starts her new job in December.