Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

[Bluebird]

Well, I just got the results. I was putting on my makeup and obsessively checking the app to see if anything had come through yet, when it did. MisterMoonbeam came into my room to talk to me about his dental appointment today (he works from home) and I got to have him there when I read through it.

Good: Cancer isn't mentioned in the ultrasound report at all. My ovaries and endometrium are normal. I’m not dying any faster than any regular person, I don’t think.

Bad: It says my uterus is heterogeneous.

I have a LOT of fibroids, including one that is larger than my uterus (larger than the size of a fist) that is outside pushing in at the fundus.

There are also at least two that are present, that are as big as the uterus. There are bilateral lower uterine segment fibroids. Multiple smaller ones. Some may have a "submucosal component."

I have nabothian cysts involving the cervix. Nothing more is said about those other than they exist.

What is happening: I need to schedule an MRI “with and without contrast.” I'm waiting to hear from my doctor because this is just from the written report.

Online says either a myomectomy or hysterectomy is what I can expect. Most likely a hysterectomy, given the number of fibroids and the large size of several of them.

My hope is that I can spend next year paying for tests like the MRI. We should have $4000 in 2024 in DarkKnight’s health savings account. The issue though is that I have the diabetes issues costing $$$, and I have the endoscopy in February to pay for as well. Unfortunately we have a $10,000 deductible on our insurance so anything done will be paid out of pocket 100%.

If the surgery itself isn’t immediate, we can plan to put more into our health savings account for 2025. We can swing the cost of a myomectomy then, if google is accurate. A hysterectomy, it says, is $20,000 and I don’t know if that includes the hospital stay. DarkKnight’s insurance doesn’t cover hospital stays.

I’m struggling still with the idea that this sort of expense could cause me to have to decouple legally from DarkKnight, so if the costs become too high, I won’t have to have my subsequent bankruptcy destroy our polycule. If I’m separate, my credit can be trash - I don’t have anything in my name as it is. Emotionally this is a struggle, but logically it makes sense.

I’m also struggling with the possibility of legally marrying MisterMoonbeam to access his health benefits. I’m not sure what % his insurance covers, but we all know it’s loads better. Honestly, the comments he has made about his thoughts on even being married to anyone ever again, make me want to vomit at having to contemplate having to have a discussion about it. But yeah, if a $60 marriage license saves us $30,000 in debt, we should probably look at it as an option. If this does have to happen I actually don’t know if I could handle it emotionally though.

The entire situation is fucking dumb.

I’m glad it’s not cancerous though. I’m a lot calmer but this is still going to be a slog.

 

[AlwaysGrowing]

How expensive is semi decent insurance for just you from the marketplace? Hubby and I spend less than $20/ month (both of our incomes are shit so we get discounts - this would depend a lot on how much DarkKnight makes). Our deductible is only $3500 for each individual. If we both had absolutely awful luck one year, we'd still only pay a max of $7k plus (not unreasonable) co-pays for certain office visits and prescriptions.

 

[Bluebird]

How expensive is semi decent insurance for just you from the marketplace? Hubby and I spend less than $20/ month (both of our incomes are shit so we get discounts - this would depend a lot on how much DarkKnight makes). Our deductible is only $3500 for each individual. If we both had absolutely awful luck one year, we'd still only pay a max of $7k plus (not unreasonable) co-pays for certain office visits and prescriptions.

That is a good question. I will definitely be looking into it as an option, for sure. I’m sure both DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam make too much to qualify, but I’m still going to check.

MisterMoonbeam says his deductible is $1500 and his out of pocket cap is $4000. The cap would double if I went on his plan. I don’t think DarkKnight has a max, but I’m going to ask him to check.

There’s a lot of reading and research in my future.

 

[ref2018]

What a wonderful country we live in.

 

[Bluebird]

What a wonderful country we live in.

There’s a joke in my house. If someone says “no” to a request or makes a cynical comment, the reply back is always, “Why do you hate America?” Tonight DarkKnight remarked that this isn’t as funny anymore. Can’t say that I disagree.

We did figure out that his deductible is only $8,000, so that isn’t as bad as $10,000, I guess. We gathered some information and I talked with each of my partners. Cried some. They tried to reassure me that they’re perfectly okay with however this turns out for us financially, and that their emotions will work themselves out so we can make the best choices for us as a polycule.

Liars. But it was nice to hear. I know I am very loved. I’m nothing if not resilient. This could be SO much worse. We can restructure. We do have options. I’m lucky to have partners with resources but it’s difficult because I don’t want to put those at risk.

I saw TheEngineer today. His wife had a partner over so he had to vacate the house, and he texted me that he was in town and had two hours when he could see me, if I was free. He’s coming over tomorrow for game night so this was a nice bonus.

He went with me to the post office, and then we went to a consignment store together. He told me his wife and he decided to make a rule that they are only allowed one sleepover a month. I’m like, what? He didn’t clarify if this was one sleepover per partner or just one total. He said his “curfew” is 2 am - so I guess I should be happy that I get some time to screw him each night? Feh. Uh, I’m not sure this is going to work for me. He threw out this tidbit right before leaving, so I had no time to process until he was already gone. I’m going to have to figure this out because I think this is going to be too restrictive for me. This isn’t the type of poly partner I have time for right now.

Honestly, I was already thinking of cutting him loose. He has a lot of NRE with me and I have not one smidge. I’ve lost the knack of it. I like him, I enjoy talking to him in person well enough, but I’m not jumping for joy excited. This is how I am now.

YoungNorse messaged me today after a few days of silence. I had messaged him on Saturday when I was in Ohio and he complemented me lavishly and sent silly words. Nothing of substance. I still want to fuck him but he’s not giving me much to work with and neither of us want a relationship really. I am probably done here too.

I feel like my life is shifting and I need to circle the wagons.

I did include SirGawain on my results message, because I figured he would want to know but he didn’t say anything. I figured he wouldn’t, so it wasn’t a surprise but the whole situation has me sad. I miss his sardonic point of view right now even though he made me nuts with it.

 

[ref2018]

There is a minimally invasive hysterectomy robot called the "Da Vinci". I had mine 10 years ago and went home from the hospital the same day. I don't know how much it cost because the insurance covered it. You should find out if that's an option for you and whether that's what your estimate was based on. It was not my mother's hysterectomy, I can tell you that.

 

[Bluebird]

There is a minimally invasive hysterectomy robot called the "Da Vinci". I had mine 10 years ago and went home from the hospital the same day. I don't know how much it cost because the insurance covered it. You should find out if they plan to use that or not and whether that's what your estimate was based on. It was not my mother's hysterectomy, I can tell you that.

I read about it today and how expensive it is! I am 100% sure without checking that DarkKnight’s insurance would laugh at us for even suggesting they might cover it.

 

[Bluebird]

Today is the first day of the start of MisterMoonbeam’s Christmas break. DarkKnight has to work. Tonight we are hosting a game night, so I have to clean my game room, which is still covered in stuff from our trip. I’m also planning on going shopping for a round rug or two for my sunroom, all of the food for our Christmas Eve dinner and our quiche & scones for Christmas breakfast.

I’m definitely going to Wegmans in Frederick! Before that though, I’ve got to do budgeting for the rest of the year. Ugh.

 

[breathemusic]

One other possible thing to consider, is that if the $8K deductible is something that is affordable (also reminder that there is care credit, or hospitals can often work out payment plans) then one thing to consider is just acknowledging that you'll hit your max deductible and then decide that you're both going to cram in as much medical crap into a single year as possible to at least take full advantage of the shitty deductible situation. Of course, I assume that would depend on what your co-pays and other things are and if those are low enough that it's worth it. But just an option!

 

[Bluebird]

One other possible thing to consider, is that if the $8K deductible is something that is affordable (also reminder that there is care credit, or hospitals can often work out payment plans) then one thing to consider is just acknowledging that you'll hit your max deductible and then decide that you're both going to cram in as much medical crap into a single year as possible to at least take full advantage of the shitty deductible situation. Of course, I assume that would depend on what your co-pays and other things are and if those are low enough that it's worth it. But just an option!

Yes we will be meeting the deductible easily, with just the doctor visits and meds and tests. We have that in a HSA and we are good to pay for that. But then the surgery is still potentially $30,000 after that. They don’t pay that 100%. We got confirmation that DarkKnight’s health insurance pays ZERO for hospital stays. He has an additional policy that he pays $20 a pay period for and they cover up to $1000 total for a hospital admittance. I would laugh because that is fucking ridiculous: not $1000 an overnight, but $1000 total. If we have to go to the ER, ever, they cover $100. Every other charge is 100% ours, even after the deductible.

He talked to HR today to clarify that his coverage was really that shitty.

They will cover regular doctor visits and medication they approve of, at 80/20 after the deductible.

 

[Bluebird]

It’s Christmas Eve! I’m excited. All of my children will be home tonight, with their significant others. We will be meeting BugGirl’s boyfriend’s son for the first time. He’s a teenager, so that’s a thing. Lol





I heard from my doctor Friday night. She called after 6 pm to discuss the radiologist’s report. She talked to me for a good 10 minutes so I could understand the next steps.

1. I have an in-person meeting with her on January 5. This is to go over everything about my uterus and to also discuss my diabetes treatment. More on that later.

2. My ovaries look great. My endometrium is lovely as well, so though she was concerned about its thickness initially, it’s not an issue. However, she is ordering an MRI to address other concerns. I should hear back about that next week to schedule it.

3. I need to call my gynocologist next week to set up an appointment. Ultimately, they are going to be the point person on this. I’m anxious about that, not gonna lie. I haven’t had the same person look at me in a decade. Every year I go and it’s a different provider, and last year the person was clearly not okay with me being poly and didn’t seem to understand anything. So I will have to request someone with experience and information on larger fibroids.

4. I am absolutely looking at a hysterectomy. I am probably a candidate to keep my ovaries, but it’s getting crowded up in my abdomen, and the 3 biggest fibroids are as large, and larger, than the uterus itself. Right now it doesn’t look like they’re sticking to other organs, but an MRI should give a clearer picture. It’s not a matter of maybe - it’s what she is going to recommend.

Diabetes stuff: Right now it’s completely unchecked and unmedicated. The insurance company has still not answered the appeal. They are refusing to pay for anything that isn’t Metformin, like, at all. And I can’t take Metformin since it clearly irritates all the stuff I have going on up in my parts. They also are refusing to pay for any sort of continuous monitoring device.

I can put these things on our HSA card, but they won’t count toward our deductible at all, which is crazy. The Ozempic is $800-$900 a month. My doctor said she is still feeling like this is the best option for me and they are still hoping the appeal goes through. If it does, my insurance won’t pay for it until I hit my deductible. From what I understand, they consider it a premium med or something so they don’t even pay a percentage. It’s just straight up the total price for me. Again, that’s if they allow me to count it. If they do, I have to meet the deductible, and then they will pay 80% of the cost, but not until then.

I am down 19 pounds total though, just with dietary changes. I weigh 202 pounds. I’ve gone from a size 18 to a size 14, and I’ve lost inches all over the place. Nothing fits me correctly and I generally hate how I look everyday. Sometimes I do feel cute, but mostly it’s just depressing to see my clothes not shape me the way I am used to normally. I’ve given away 90% of my wardrobe, but buying new clothes doesn’t give me the joy it normally does.

It is just sadness because the skinny jeans are baggy in places, even at a lower size, or the tops make me look like a linebacker, or my fat apron is highlighted. I’m still taking and posting my picture of the day, but it’s mostly to document the changes. It’s difficult to feel attractive. I’m not that curvy anymore. Here’s my photo from yesterday - the jeans are brand new size 14 and the sweater is like 5 years old and a size 2X.



Right now it is still looking like my best option is to legally divorce DarkKnight and then marry MisterMoonbeam to get on his insurance. His would cover everything medication-wise, and the glucose monitor. After we met the deductible, the out of pocket max is just $2000 more, and then EVERYTHING having to do with the hysterectomy would be 100% covered. With DarkKnight’s insurance, they’d cover the operation itself, but not the hospital stay at all (0%) and the follow up visits would be sporadically covered. I’m still collecting all of the numbers.

One thing that has taken the pressure off is that Maryland changed their divorce laws in October. It used to be there needed to be a 1-year separation with zero sex and the couple had to live at different addresses to finalize the divorce. Now it is 6 months separate if it’s contentious, but it can be at the same address, or you can just say irreconcilable differences and file immediately. So if for some reason there’s a rush for my surgery, we can get it done without damaging our finances as much.

I’m not going to do it though, unless we are truly in 5-figure territory. So I’m definitely trying to pin down the math. To sever this connection with DarkKnight is absolutely devastating to me. It’s also giving me a huge ick factor to contemplate legal marriage to MisterMoonbeam. I love him, and I would love to be his wife, but he has been adamant throughout our relationship that he doesn’t want a wife. I feel like this should be a joyous yes or a complete no, much like polyamory itself. We JUST started discussing a commitment ceremony. Now it’s like, nope, you gotta do more than that.

The only thing that has me keeping it together emotionally is that he’s very clear he is willing to do it and that he has always been clear that I’m his life partner. He says it isn’t what he wants, but saddling our family with insane debt over a principle isn’t logical and he will be fine. I pointed out that his white knight syndrome is in overdrive but he scoffs at me and says it doesn’t matter.

I do appreciate that he isn’t saying things incongruent with his statements from the past. He isn’t looking forward to this process.

We are also all aware that the sooner tests start getting scheduled, the totals will go against DarkKnight’s deductible. If we then legally split, I start over at zero with MisterMoonbeam’s insurance. So we could potentially end up paying lots more if we stall too long. I’m okay with paying for the MRI results and my initial gyno appointment. So two months out or so we need to make a decision. Maybe by then we will have more definitive costs and coverage with my diabetes medication.

I think my word for the new year is going to be buoyancy. Cause at one point I’m floating and the next I’m drowning. Gotta make sure I pop back up. Also, I am now cylinder-shaped, like a fucking fishing buoy.

 

[Bluebird]

Merry Christmas from Blackbird Manor!

MisterMoonbeam, me & DarkKnight:



Our pajamas this year are themed around our dream home, Blackbird Manor. We changed into them at the end of our family party, and then did pictures with the kids. lol Made no sense and I look silly now, but I loved having all of my children home for the evening.


LittleMichigan, BugGirl, me and BeanBoy

 

[Bluebird]

So this morning I am laying in the sunroom on one of our loveseats, trying to ignore that I have to start a to-do list today.

In the evening MisterMoonbeam & I will be visiting his parents in Virginia, as his cousins will be there for dinner, and his brother’s family is driving down from Michigan. We need to stop on the way there and buy his parents a gift card to their favorite restaurant - a local (to them) place. The plan is that we will see his brother & sister-in-law at our house again on Friday morning, when they head back home, so we will do presents with them then.

Before tonight’s festivities, I am doing some research on divorces in Maryland. Our city/county/location has a free hotline to call to get info about legal topics and it’s answered by a lawyer. Divorces are definitely covered, so when it opens up at 8:30 am, I’m going to be calling to see if this is going to be something we can do ourselves, or at least I wanna ask what’s the least expensive way to go about the process! Today in town there is also a free walk-in legal clinic, so if needed I will go to that. They mention online they have free packets for divorce paperwork available.

I feel nauseous just typing all of that. The idea that I might be divorced from DarkKnight before we celebrate our 18 year wedding anniversary definitely makes me wanna throw up. A big fuck you to my government and to my body for making this a thing we have to do!

Also today I have to go to the UPS store to send back a gift that DarkKnight bought me for Christmas. He went and bought a game I wanted in person, and BugGirl bought it for me off of my Amazon wish list. D’oh! MisterMoonbeam & I also duplicated a gift for BeanBoy, but that’s gotta get boxed up and returned through the post office. Those are definitely getting done today so we don’t forget!

I’m in the middle of a laundry mountain, so my washer & dryer are going to be on in the background!

I have a pile of garb to sort and hang. Last night I spent a little bit of time trying on outfits for the private pirate play party we are going to this weekend, and it ended up being naked time because apparently I was just that hot. MisterMoonbeam was actually on the phone with his brother and he was quick to end the call and pull me over on top of him. Much fun was had! lol I did end up figuring out something to wear - I’m gonna have a blue dress as a base, then a black wench corset, fishnet stockings and then my knee-high pirate boots and tri-corner hat. I swapped the dress for a couple of options, but I liked how bright the blue was because I’m figuring not many people will have that color on.

Oh! Something to share! MisterMoonbeam’s youngest son & daughter-in-law had their baby yesterday! She’s so cute!! His daughter-in-law is always texting me - I love her lots - and this pregnancy is her first. We are very excited to go and see them in March in Arizona. MisterMoonbeam’s work will be sending him out there again then, so it will be a free trip for us, except for my airfare. It’s very exciting!

The impending divorce and the birth of this baby had us all talking last night about inheritance laws and how now more than ever it’s important for us to get our retirement and wills straightened out. The house deed will need to be amended to add DarkKnight. MisterMoonbeam’s two sons are actually his stepsons, so in Maryland they are really, really down on the list for things - his parents and brother, and his brother’s adult kids, would inherit everything before his stepsons and two granddaughters. This is unacceptable, so we have discussed legally adopting his sons to make them a priority. It might be easier to just write them into the will, but talking about it, he feels he wants the legal designation as well now.

So we will see. I’m taking a continuing education class at the local college in January about wills, so hopefully I can avoid some pitfalls and get the paperwork started. If adult adoption is the way MisterMoonbeam wants to go, we will probably talk to his stepsons in person next year. One of their fathers remains unknown, and the other has not been involved since birth. And of course, mom has passed away.

I need to read about this.

 

[Bluebird]

The lawyer on the phone was rude, extremely disapproving of polyamory and in the end HUNG UP ON ME. She actually said that it was morally wrong of me to be on the deed of a house with someone who was not my husband, and if he signs off on that in the divorce without taking it, he’s a fool. Like wtf?! I didn’t ask for her opinion on my situation, just what forms I would need.

At least now I have been reminded that polyamory is not protected in any way, and I definitely will not mention it again in any capacity in this process. I don’t want to lie at all in this, but I definitely will not bring it up. Holy shit. I figured I could at least discuss it but nope.

Thankfully it was a statewide help line so that will at least not affect me locally as I go through this. I actually cried a bit, mostly in shock at how much hate and disgust I could feel through the phone. After they hung up on me, I got a message on my phone saying they were sorry we were disconnected, with a link. Bitch was covering her ass. It was just gross.

So yeah, my day yesterday started off stressful as hell. I did get some useful information from the link. Maryland recently changed their divorce laws, and as it's written in that link, our grounds for divorce will be mutual consent. We have no minor children and are both willing to agree that there is no alimony, no child support, and all of our property will remain personal and not need to be divided at all. We have had separate bedrooms for almost a year, so that definitely adds credence to the claim.

In preparation, I will close our joint bank account and open a new one in just my own name. (He already has his own separate accounts.) I already am on none of his credit cards, and the car note is his alone.

I think sometime after I get the checking account sorted, I will go to the free law clinic in town then, to get the packet I need to fill out and complete. Hopefully it will go smoothly.

That said, MisterMoonbeam is throwing me for a loop. His entire demeanor toward me has changed. I have written before about how he says one thing and then his actions don’t match up - but always in the best possible way. Up until this point he has been vocal when asked about how he never wishes to get married again, how he doesn’t want anyone to ever call him a husband, etc. Well when I started talking about how the lawyer hung up, he told me he would actually be disappointed now if this didn’t happen.

I’m like what in the fuck. I told him maybe he was just sad he couldn’t white knight this situation, but he shook his head and sort of chuckled and said, yeah maybe. Then he told me to await my proposal. His vibe about this has completely changed from the last 3+ years. He’s been extremely positive and saying “I love you” again and again out of nowhere. It’s definitely making me feel really good. I told him he needed to unpack that in therapy.

That said, both guys have gathered up more information regarding their health insurance plans, and instead of mid 5-figures, it looks like the out-of-pocket cost of all of my upcoming medical procedures will be low 5-figures. This makes me pause, because divorce becomes less of an issue the lower this number goes. I mean, it still sucks, but financially the disaster can be mitigated easier.

However, the amounts that are the biggest issue are all about my diabetes. Out of pocket on the medication my doctor has now insisted on twice, and has been denied by my insurance (we are still under appeal), will be almost $12,000 if DarkKnight’s insurance won’t cover it. With MisterMoonbeam’s insurance, it’s listed as mostly covered, with a cost of $2,700, AND it’s applicable to the deductible. This is a recurring annual cost, so moving forward it would definitely be an ongoing issue.

However, maybe we will win the appeal. I have an appointment with my doctor on January 5, and maybe they will attempt to write me a different prescription to try. She seemed to think that other alternatives to Metformin would probably affect my fibroids just the same, but maybe not. I would want to try other options - just to be really sure.

Right now this is the largest $$$ amount we are concerned with, but definitely not the only. The deductible itself is double with DarkKnight’s insurance, and that amount is not in the least bit small either. I have a file just full of numbers that make my head throb. It’s also scary AF because I can’t believe a damn thing that the clinics tell me! Like, I called and spoke to the surgical center about my endoscopy that’s scheduled, and she said that my out of pocket initial cost will be $600, payable the day of the procedure. But that doesn’t include the anesthesia cost, and she can’t tell me that amount or even guesstimate, other than it will be less than the $600. They’ll bill me. And that there may be an additional facilities use cost that’s probably $400? that will be different depending which room is used for the procedure? What in the fuck. I can imagine once the hysterectomy is scheduled it will be the same nonsense.

What’s really stressing me is that this is scheduled for February - I will probably need to reschedule. One thing I need to be sure of is that we don’t move forward with procedures and have them apply to DarkKnight’s deductible and get that all used up, only to them be switched to MisterMoonbeam’s deductible, because we’d have to then max that to get everything else covered. It’d cost us so much more that way.

This is such a clusterfuck.

As much as MisterMoonbeam now seems to really want this, I cannot give up my legal connection to DarkKnight easily though. The thought of it hurts me in so many ways emotionally. I love him. I love him. I love him. Trying to approach this in a logical way is helping, but it still fucking hurts.

My emotions are in overdrive. I go from being devastated at the thought, to being excited and wanting to be married to MisterMoonbeam so much! Especially now that he seems to have done a big switch on me and wants this very much. It’s a yo-yo.

 

[Bluebird]

So yesterday I spent the evening at MisterMoonbeam’s parents’ house in Virginia, as his brother is down from Michigan. He and his wife & youngest are going to stop by to see our house on Friday morning. We had a turkey & ham dinner and talked to two of his cousins for a bit.

When we got home, it was dark and rainy, which was the perfect backdrop to the letter I received when I checked the mailbox. Apparently social security says my son has received too much money over the years, and needs to repay the overage. Since I’m his rep payee, I actually need to repay it. How much? $23,000.

For fucking REAL. I looked online and for this much, I am definitely not going to be given a waiver. I’m shit out of luck. Basically the last few years, his wages were being reported by a local social agency that gave him wrap-around services. Apparently they stopped at some point, and I had no idea. To be given a waiver, I have to 1) prove it’s not my fault and 2) prove I can’t afford to repay it.

The agency he was with actually was bought out at some point by a different agency, and they say they don’t have records. I say bullshit but I can’t really do anything because I don’t even have a timeline of which workers were assisting my son. There were so many! So I’m fucked there.

And yeah, $23,000 is insane, especially now with my health stuff I am worried about paying.

I was just kinda like, okay, well, I will at least file for a waiver to delay things. I can make an argument, even if they deny me forgiveness. At least that will give me some time to figure this out. I have 30 days to send in the documents, and they’ll take 30-60 days to respond with the rejection. Online says the next step is they will make an in-person appointment to discuss the appeal, deny it then, and request I set up a payment plan over 36 months.

So we are going to use that time to figure out what to do. MisterMoonbeam says he’s willing to take a loan from his retirement. “You’re my family, and you’re going to be my wife.” He already has a loan he’s paying back though, which was his down payment on our house. He could have taken that as a lump sum dispersement, but he wanted to not decimate his retirement, so he did it as a loan.

He’s allowed to have two loans out at a time, and a second one that he’s had for a while is at $5700. So if we pay off the $5700, they will allow him to withdraw the $23,000 needed with a 10-year pre-tax payback.

So now we need to use the next few months to come up with $5700. My son has readily agreed to sign over his tax return toward this, and DarkKnight & I will pass ours to this as well. MisterMoonbeam has his tax return taken every year by the IRS as he misfiled and screwed things up years ago with his late wife. However, he said he’ll put his bonus check toward it in March, and March is the next month with an extra pay period in it. So we should be able to scrape it together.

A lot of that was supposed to be us paying down our credit cards though. And that was some money to file for the divorce. So now that plan is in shambles.

We are kind of stuck though. It is what it is, I guess. I can’t begin to explain how upset I am, but also as always, I’m going to just focus on solutions.

 

[Bluebird]

We had a visit from Enzo M. Tiger last night! (The M stands for monarch butterfly.) DarkKnight’s bestie from his college days - who we lived near in Texas - came to visit us yesterday, and he showed us his fursuit. It’s amazing in person!





It was great to see him again, and we spent the entire day just hanging out. He crashed here last night - I’m in DarkKnight’s bedroom since the Tiger took my master suite. I actually don’t know if he’s still here or he left early. lol

This morning I need to take two of my cats to the vet, including our 3-legged boi, Albus, who is in the first photo. He’s due for a shot and he’s still wheezing really bad in spite of constant medication. He has a chronic condition, poor baby.

No other plans for today - tomorrow though is going to be a little nutters. We’re hosting a game night, and MisterMoonbeam invited his dating partner of one month to attend. I’m excited to meet her! However, I also invited my dating partner, TheEngineer, and he’s bringing his wife along to meet me then as well. TheEngineer has come to a couple of game nights and slept over before, so my dudes are comfortable with his existence, but I don’t know how this is gonna go with two new metamours here at the same time! I guess I hope they get along and it’s less awkward because everyone is just chill.

 

[Magdlyn]

That's a beautiful fur suit. I run hot and I would never be able to be a furry. I could wear that outside if the temps were under 20 degrees F. That's it. haha

 

[Bluebird]

That's a beautiful fur suit. I run hot and I would never be able to be a furry. I could wear that outside if the temps were under 20 degrees F. That's it. haha

Same! He has two cooling vests that help him lower his body temp, but still - gah!

 

[Bluebird]

I’ve had another emotional day. I’m not sure how my partners can deal with me - I am a mess.

I’m now scheduled on January 11 for a pelvic MRI. I was told it will take about an hour, and the purpose is to check out around the back - my ultrasound gave a good look at the massive fibroids above and below the uterus but it’s not the greatest at showing everything, and an MRI will do that. Also, there is concern at whether some of them might be sticking to other organs.

Since my next doctor appointment is on the 5th, I’m hoping we will get clarification by then if DarkKnight’s insurance is going to pay for my diabetes medication. If we hear in the negative, we will be canceling the MRI, because it makes no sense to charge that to his insurance, when the cost portion being charged to us for that is actually more than MisterMoonbeam’s total deductible!

My biggest cause of anxiety right now is doing the wrong thing. What if I go through this emotional and costly divorce process, blowing up my legal marriage with DarkKnight, having a ceremony and signing paperwork with MisterMoonbeam, only to have things not be as dire, or the medication ends up still not working? Like I need to know what to do. I feel like it’s so out of control and I could make a very wrong decision with this.

DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam both said at different times today that we can only make the best decision that we can at a given point in time, given the information that we have. I know this is true, but I’m afraid of delaying things too long just as much as I am as possibly doing things too quickly.

I feel like if I have my doctor appointment and then schedule my gynocologist appointment, and then make a decision, I will feel better about it. January 5 is really fucking soon. I just need to breathe.

The worst that could happen would be that I spend $3000 of our HSA on testing with DarkKnight’s insurance, only to have to spend another $1700 to get past MisterMoonbeam’s deductible later. That’s not horrific. For some reason I keep thinking it is. I mean, it’s a lot, but it’s not the end of the world.

 

[Bluebird]

I weighed myself on Thursday and I gained 3 pounds. That’s one pound a week over the holidays. I’ve been eating like crap while traveling so I am not surprised. I’m back and doing better now though. Still 205 pounds isn’t terrible, comparatively. I did get a new Stitch Fix box and the size 14 pants are sliding on and off with zero difficulty or having to undo the zipper/snaps.

Two of my cats had a vet appointment Thursday, and my 3-legged baby is on new medication for his chronic breathing condition. Our jerkface, Milton, had an exam and shots and is perfectly healthy. All told it was around $300 so that sucked but at least all of my cats except for one are now up to date on everything.

Yesterday morning MisterMoonbeam’s brother from Michigan & part of his family stopped by to see our house for the first time. It was good to see them again. I love his SIL so much. She always gets me laughing. We did find out that MisterMoonbeam’s mom knows that his one niece is trans. Apparently she was writing checks for Christmas presents to her grandkids, and asked what name she should make it out to this time. They all kind of froze but it went okay. His mom snoops on Facebook a lot. We are pretty sure she knows I am married to DarkKnight but so far nothing has been said.

I had a lovely get together last night with my new metamours! TheEngineer and his wife arrived first. I hadn’t even seen a photo prior to the meet up so that was a little anxiety-inducing, but she was super cute and I loved her instantly. She was swearing a bunch while playing the game, so I thought she was awesome. It was funny to me, because TheEngineer has never sworn in front of me.

MisterMoonbeam’s dating partner arrived an hour after TheEngineer, and we ended up eating without her, though we made effort to save some room in our stomachs so she wouldn’t feel awkward when she arrived to be eating by herself. She brought some wine and food that no one sampled, but she left two bottles of wine that we will bring with us this weekend. We had a charcuterie spread with finger foods and noshes, so it wasn’t weird. I got along with her okay - I would not mind hanging out with her again. I think MisterMoonbeam had NRE-head when she arrived, and I actually found that sorta sweet. Similar to his comet partner, I am a bit surprised that he is attracted to her, but that is how this goes apparently - I see nothing but bearded dudes while my partners actually date different sorts of people.

We played Quest 5 of Zombicide Green Horde and both ladies picked it up super fast, which impressed me a lot. It was an absolute blast with us cheering and clapping as we progressed. We ended up winning after a nail-biting finish, which really made it fun.

I got like 5 hours of sleep last night but I feel tired this morning. I’m going to shower in a minute. MisterMoonbeam and I are heading to Virginia today for a pirate-themed play party, hosted by a past sex partner of his that he saw a couple of times before they decided to move on. I have met her and even been to her house before, but for a non-kinky event.

We got a hotel room for overnight in Richmond, and it actually ended up being free due to all of the traveling we’ve been doing!

We are supposed to be meeting two of our VA triad-friends there - MisterMoonbeam’s prior metamour and that metamour’s partner. (The third member of the triad once again isn’t interested in attending anything.) They have said they aren’t sexing up anyone tonight but plan to both be voyeurs. They went to the Baltimore Playhouse previously with us and did the same thing - only playing with each other. So no worries.

I am looking forward to being spanked and tied on, and just having generally good sexy times with MisterMoonbeam. He has said he might have some people play with me a bit under his direction, but he’s said that before! It gets me going, but just having him take care of me and then talking about doing that is exciting. He’s a very gentle Dom and I know a lot of people attending are more hardcore and edgy. He will keep me safe and not push me to hook up with anyone. I am not looking to add to my body count tonight, but just fooling around is fine. He said there will be some intense Doms there tonight, and riggers with much more rope skills than he has, but I am okay with just being with him. If he ties me up and lets some people fondle me, or use my mouth, that’s hot and I am fine with that. I am sure we will talk on the drive over. It’s 3 hours that way!