Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

[Bluebird]

I just got home from a lunch date with MisterMoonbeam. We went to Red Robin and then walked a lap around the mall, since it’s freezing here today. It was a very good spot of time together - he had a movie date (with the same woman) last night and he had some things to share. Basically he was feeling angry on his drive home, as he felt cheated in a way, out of being polyamorous by his late wife. He said he was thinking about how supportive I’ve been, and he was kinda daydreaming about what if this lady and I become friends and everything is lovely, and he thought about how his late wife would never have allowed that to happen. He said he is glad that wave of emotion hit him, because now he will have time to unpack it in therapy.

My poor sweetie.

I have to say I was so extremely happy for him last night! He called me on the way home from the date, and the joy he was radiating in his voice was infectious. I remain concerned just in general, but overall I cannot deny that polyamory works for us. The happiness he has just makes ME happy. Not sure if that makes sense, but I am glad he has found someone that is working out so far. It’s only 3 dates, but today we were discussing him scheduling another next week.

We came home from our lunch with a slap in the face for me - a letter in the mail from my insurance denying the Ozempic prescription. Not unexpected but still a jolt to see it in writing. They said I can appeal, and gave a list of tests they want to see. I know some of them I’ve had already and I qualify, so idk. I messaged a note to my doctor asking if she can schedule the others for me.

 

[Magdlyn]

I cannot deny that polyamory works for us. The happiness he has just makes ME happy. Not sure if that makes sense.

Sure, that's called compersion. We've been aware of that feeling in the poly community for decades. Surely you've noticed!

 

[ref2018]

Sure, that's called compersion. We've been aware of that feeling in the poly community for decades. Surely you've noticed!

I don't think we've had a discussion about that recently, but like 10 years or so ago there was some. I'm not sure if those parts survived the forum upgrade though.

 

[Bluebird]

Sure, that's called compersion. We've been aware of that feeling in the poly community for decades. Surely you've noticed!

lol Yes, compersion. But it’s more than that right now, I was thinking. At least, I haven’t felt it this intensely before.

 

[Bluebird]

I had a date last night with another new balding bearded man. I posted on my Facebook that it’s okay, because it’s Santa season!

Oh lord though, I have had a crush on this dude for a couple of years now! I met him at a masquerade ball - he was a vendor - and I was immediately drawn to him. My bestie was like, Bluebird! Stop being a ho! I had a conversation and just felt drawn to him. I immediate followed his company on Facebook but that was it. I moved on.

The second time I saw him, he was vending at Pagan Pride. Again, I was totally into him. Just smitten on the spot. I saw him a couple of more times at random events, but didn’t think he was open or poly or even ENM. Then he popped up at a local Geeky & Kinky event and he was like, hey! and friended me on Fet. Still wasn’t listed as available in any way, so I didn’t follow up.

Then on Tuesday night, I was randomly swiping on OKCupid and he had a profile! And he was listed as non-monogamous and looking for partners. You best believe I hit that Like button so fast! We instantly matched (he told me he had liked me a couple of weeks ago) and he messaged me in less than a minute.

I was very direct and told him straight up that I was crushing hard and wanted to have a date as soon as he could schedule one. So that happened last night. We spent 4 hours at the Silver Diner in Frederick, just talking. I feel like we are very compatible, though he is 10 years younger. Oof!

He’s heading off today for a weekend kink convention, but I told him I’d like to meet up next week before I leave for New York. My calendar is so fucking sketchy though - sharing cars makes everything so difficult! I’m hoping we can figure it out today so I see him again before I am out of town.

Imma name him YoungNorse and the other man I’ve been seeing is now dubbed TheEngineer.

Texting was spotty yesterday with TheEngineer, but we have a date night on Friday so the morning tomorrow will be spent changing sheets and freshening up my bedroom. The plan is for him to come play a board game with DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam (he’s already met MisterMoonbeam) and then we are going to build some Lego flowers together before having a sleepover. I’m a little worried because I had crazy cramps last night and if I get my period, I’m going to be bummed out for sure!

I had really great sex last night with MisterMoonbeam after I got home from my date. He had been promising to take pictures of me topless in my corset for a few weeks, and we did that first thing, which made him very excited! I actually pranced down the hall and teased DarkKnight, telling him “tomorrow” lol. But I had a real good time with MisterMoonbeam.

Today I am finally going to work on my crown for Yuletide (on the 9th) and my youngest is supposed to come over as her dryer is broken and she wants to do laundry. I haven’t had time to focus on my paperwork for the State of the Union but I hopefully will get that started in the afternoon. I want to have that meeting handled on Sunday. That’s the plan anyway!

 

[Bluebird]

Holy crap. I decided to dust my bookshelves this morning. My before-breakfast glucose reading was 224, which is on the higher side for me. Cleaning helps stop my rise. Anyway, I just got a different sort of rise, as suddenly MisterMoonbeam walked in with a hard on. OMG this man doesn’t do this sort of thing normally, but we had a good morning quickie that left my heart racing and my hair full of mess. Wonder what my reading will be at 8:30?

I’m going to finish writing this and then finish cleaning my reading nook, before checking my sugar again. I haven’t heard back from my doctor yet about the medication switch or any tests to make that possible. I don’t have much I can do right now, except keep monitoring the situation, and making good food choices & exercise a bit.

Tonight is my first scheduled overnight with TheEngineer. I’m actually not all that excited, to be honest. Like, I really enjoy my time with him but his conversation has been lacking the last couple of days. Also, the amount of jealousy I’m getting from SirGawain is elevated, and that itself is tempering a lot.

Last night I drove to Frederick to meet up with him at 7 pm, for dinner and to walk the lighted boats along the canal there. I left at 5:45, as it’s like a 40 minute drive, plus I wanted to do a stop for cat food. I asked him while leaving if we could possibly see Godzilla instead, because I fucking love Godzilla and I had forgotten it had opened that night.

He shut it down pretty hard but then while I was driving, remarked about the seating in the theater. So I was like, well are we going or not? He then waited until 7 pm to message me that he was now leaving work. Um, what? Not only would that make the movie a definite no (his commute is anywhere from an hour to an hour+30 minutes) but at that point we were supposed to be meeting right then for dinner!

I was beyond hungry, and I told him I would have appreciated a heads up that he was going to be late. He was very combative and I could tell he was mad that I was upset. I told him I was diabetic, and hangry, and I was going to go home and eat. I had zero desire at that point to hang around until 8:30 to go and find a place to eat.

So I went home. He called me when I was on the road and he thought I was being unreasonable. This seems to happen everytime I date someone else - he acts wonky and then that makes me wonky. Like, it’s a self-fulfilling prophesy - he wants me to break up with him so it’s justified.

Ugh there’s more but I have got to spend at least 15 minutes moving before testing my sugar!

 

[Magdlyn]

You just can't see the writing on the wall. No matter how "drawn" you feel, or how loyal to Sir G you want to be, good gods and goddesses and heavens above, this thing has run its course. I know you won't listen to me, but every action of his is telling you he wants you to break up with him.

 

[Bluebird]

You just can't see the writing on the wall. No matter how "drawn" you feel, or how loyal to Sir G you want to be, good gods and goddesses and heavens above, this thing has run its course. I know you won't listen to me, but every action of his is telling you he wants you to break up with him.

I definitely hear you. I see not just some writing on the wall, but a novel, no - a 3-part trilogy with an option for some prequels!

I appreciate those of you who have ”liked” that post too - Mags, it is pretty clear you’re not the only one sharing that sentiment. (As of right now that’s two other people.)

I wrote an absolutely insane-level long post here to explain more, but then just copy/pasted it into my notes file on my phone. I know SirGawain reads my journal from time to time, and sharing that much information would do some real damage, and I love him and I know his heart would be absolutely shredded if he read it.

Anyway, SirGawain did not message me for a big chunk of the day today, and when I told him he needed to talk to me, he pretty much called me out as deliberately picking fights with him, and told me to break it off with him if that’s what I wanted. He wouldn’t say he loved me, and he wouldn’t say that he found me valuable.

He’s hurting and lashing out at me right now. He’s right that I have been out of sorts lately. I’ve been stressed AF over 3 major health scares that are currently unresolved and ongoing. That’s not an excuse, but I also think that I am trying to give him some grace here because I AM lacking the spoons to navigate his wonkiness when that wasn’t the case previously. And a lot of his issues have been there for a looooong time without improvement. So I just can’t right now with him.

I asked him to meet up with me tomorrow morning to talk about stuff, but apparently he has a doctor appointment for his weekly weight loss shot at 10 am. He didn’t give me another option. We’re supposed to be hosting D&D tomorrow at 1 pm. Idk.

 

[Bluebird]

I canceled D&D today after SirGawain did not attempt to contact me at all yesterday. I texted him later in the evening to ask if he was coming over today to talk to me and he said yes, he would let me know when his appointment was finished. So far, it’s been silence again.

So instead, here’s a picture of my somewhat cleaned bedroom, with my cats Harry & ColePorter on the bed. Of course, after taking the photo, ColePorter left and Harry hacked up a hair ball on the blanket and rug. Huzzah!



And here are two other pics from this morning - my photo of the day, which lists the items I’m wearing, and another one that shows off how fucking long my hair has gotten. Crazypants!





I am trying to add in my corsets with regular daily clothing because they’re all getting too big for me to wear anymore! This cropped Vixen is a size L/XL and it closes all the way, no problem. So I could definitely size down to a Large. I can’t afford to buy all new! I wanna cry, for real.

 

[Bluebird]

I had him meet me at Starbucks. I broke up with him. I’ve learned you can love someone a lot and still not be able to be who they need. Even if you really, really want to be.

 

[icesong]

I’m sorry that worked out that way but I think it will be for the best for both of you.

 

[Bluebird]

I’m sorry that worked out that way but I think it will be for the best for both of you.

I really believe this.

 

[Magdlyn]

I had him meet me at Starbucks. I broke up with him. I’ve learned you can love someone a lot and still not be able to be who they need. Even if you really, really want to be.

He's not what you need either. It just looked like you wanted to change him and "save" him, and you enjoyed this role, but he was actually resistant to it. Let him be. You've got enough things on your plate, both positive and negative. I mean, I know you like to have a lot on your plate (your life makes me exhausted just reading about it), but he was just a dead end.

 

[Bluebird]

He's not what you need either. It just looked like you wanted to change him and "save" him, and you enjoyed this role, but he was actually resistant to it. Let him be. You've got enough things on your plate, both positive and negative. I mean, I know you like to have a lot on your plate (your life makes me exhausted just reading about it), but he was just a dead end.

I definitely was under no illusions about saving anyone. Been there, done that, not interested in that sort of relationship! He’s definitely resistant to change - I refused to even come into his house for longer than the past year, as the hoarding and smell had gotten so bad. I told him straight up I wasn’t going to be a bang maid, and wouldn’t be cleaning a thing. He hired a few people sporadically, but he never made any change in his habits to fix the issue. I waited around, but it impacted our relationship a great deal, at least on my end.

I’d say if anything, my desire to not push for changes made the relationship less than enjoyable. So it’s interesting you think I tried hard to change him and save him, when I absolutely detached from anything like that. I told him what was an issue, and then sat back and watched everything deteriorate.

 

[Bluebird]

Today is sort of a catch-all day. I’m home alone and I have a bunch of things to accomplish. The last few days have been messy, honestly. My emotions are all over the place. Both of my nesting partners are reacting to me in ways that break my heart.

Ever since I was diagnosed with diabetes at the beginning of December, I’ve been led a bunch by fear. My numbers were bad and there was concern that some of my organs were starting to be affected. I’ve since had big anxieties about managing my sugars, and I’ve been generally terrified at how I can’t get the assistance I need because the insurance I have is trash.

Then there’s the issue with my acid reflux and my voice suddenly changing to be more gravelly and weird. I’m on hold until February to see if there’s a mass in my throat, and I’m really scared it will be cancerous. It’s a definite fear I have but I’ve kind of stuffed it down to focus on the diabetes control but it still exists and makes me crazy when thoughts of the unknown surface.

Then there’s this entire endometrial hyperplasia issue. I’ve got an appointment on the 20th for an ultrasound, and since discovering I might have a condition that could lead to a hysterectomy, I’ve been beyond upset. Again, my insurance is trash. If I am facing a major surgery like this, it’s going to bankrupt me. I’m scared about fucking dying, and I’m just as afraid of destroying my life financially. Honestly, I’m more afraid of destroying my partners’ lives financially.

Yesterday was rough for me. The entire last few months have been tough for me. I think more than anything, these issues have led to my break with SirGawain. The problems we had, the things that weren’t working between us - I no longer had the energy or the spoons to focus on him, or me as his partner. I just couldn’t, anymore. There was too much.

Yesterday was the State of the Union meeting with DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam. I was mostly prepared, but there were huge gaps in knowledge that there really is no way to further plan for. For the first time DarkKnight and I talked about getting a legal divorce.

We will NOT SPLIT - this man is my human, my person, my rock. But his insurance is terrible, and if I’m legally wed to him, my medical costs have the potential to bring his credit down into the gutter. I have no desire to destroy him financially - if we can avoid that, we should. We both cried a bunch yesterday, but it was from fear of the unknown, not fear of losing love from this.

It angers me so very much that our system is set up that I am facing three major issues that terrify me, and instead of worrying about my health, I have to worry about that AND how my financial future will effect two of the people I love most in the world.

Of course we are not making changes right now. We have money so I can afford the ultrasound. I can afford the endoscopy. I can afford to make copays on medications. I could probably make payments on the hospital stays needed if/when surgeries are required.

But the cost of the surgeries themselves - no fucking way. If it comes to that, I will decouple legally from DarkKnight, and I will also pull myself from the deed on Blackbird Manor - I don’t wish to threaten MisterMoonbeam financially in any way either. We will add DarkKnight to the deed instead.

I can’t predict the future, but my thoughts have been that whatever it brings, I do have some time to make plans. Hopefully nothing will need to be scheduled immediately, and I can take the time needed to prepare to keep those safe, that I love most. Hopefully there is a way to do that.

I plan to go to my appointments - to gather information. If things are dire, I will then sign on with a lawyer and see what can be done. To discuss the worst case scenario with my partners was tough, but they both agreed we needed to talk about it. I don’t know the process, I don’t know if there’s a waiting period for government insurance, or if I set up plans to protect my partners, if those plans would even be allowed or if they’d work out. Right now it’s not so important - it’s been addressed, and for the next few weeks, I’m planning on stuffing that down and just moving forward.

That’s like, been my mantra for a while - move forward. I can’t waste time looking back and getting caught up in what ifs. I’m also not going to waste time worrying about worst case scenarios - we’ve addressed the issue now and I don’t wanna dwell on it. We will see how the testing goes and then move forward.

Discussing it was difficult though, and so I wanted to share about it here a short bit. Keeping both of my partners financially secure in the face of my potential health crisis is important to me. Even if it hurts me emotionally to think about.

 

[Bluebird]

I accomplished a lot of little things today, and overall it was an okay one. I didn’t focus on negativity too much, even though I was home alone. I heard from both TheEngineer and YoungNorse. I’m seeing TheEngineer tomorrow during the day - he’s coming over to have a Lego-building date (we’re putting together some succulents) - and I will have an evening date with YoungNorse on Thursday, though so far I don’t know for sure what that will entail.

I am still really liking TheEngineer. I have zero amounts of NRE and I have the typical Bluebird “he probably is just tolerating me” feeling. Though he is texting me everyday, is coming up with interesting date ideas, and tells me he is super excited when it’s almost time to meet up. I really don’t feel super excited, but when I do see him, I get sooo happy. But he has to be there in front of me, and then I’m like, oh you - you’re pretty great!

I really like that he is smart, and has intelligent things to discuss with me. He also hasn’t laid anything heavy on me yet. He is new to poly and if our relationship continues to be this light it might actually last okay. We did hookup a few days ago as he came over for a game night. He was enjoyable, and showered me with compliments about me being easy to bring to orgasm. At one point he made me squirt a little and he was like omg that was awesome! Lol

One thing that I particularly liked was that he did spoon with me for quite a while afterward, and instead of holding my boobs or just below my boobs, he wrapped his arms around my stomach. This was new for me. I am self conscious about my saggy baggy belly area and I can’t think of the last time ANY partner of mine has gone for that area to touch. I thought at first, like wtf is this dude doing? But then I realized that I didn’t feel weird. I felt…seen. Like, he didn’t mind that I was squishy, and in fact, he liked and accepted those parts. It left me feeling good. It was awfully brave of him though, I think!

Tonight DarkKnight and I went to the theater and saw Godzilla Minus One. I was glad to have time together. The movie was amazing, and we held hands the entire show. I felt close to him, and I felt loved. He gets me, and often we just exist in space together, and I feel content. This was definitely one of those times.

MisterMoonbeam had a date tonight with the woman he’s seen a few times - he had to go into the office today so he drove over to see her afterward. Apparently they didn’t go to dinner but he picked her up to go look at Christmas lights and have hot cocoa. So they had time to talk more about stuff. I think this was their 4th date? I dunno. I know she’s going to Disney World so he won’t see her for a bit. Which, I guess he wouldn’t anyway, since we are leaving on our own PA/NY getaway on Friday for a little over a week’s escape.

He actually just got home while I was writing this and he asked if I wanted kisses before bed but DarkKnight has already shut the light off and my 3-legged cat is laying on my arm and snoring. I do want some snuggles from him but I can see him in the morning maybe. I’m feeling content at the moment. He’s going into the office again tomorrow but he told me yesterday it would be a short day. So hopefully by the time TheEngineer leaves, he will be home shortly thereafter. DarkKnight will be home very briefly in the evening - he has practice tomorrow night.

Today my mystery bag from Damsel in this Dress arrived and I’m pretty happy with it. I got this capelet:



I’m not wearing any makeup in that photo so maybe don’t look too closely!

I also received a skull pin, a necklace, a white blouse and a pink shimmer tulip skirt. The main part of the bag though was a dark brown tweed Vixen, which is an underbust corset, and it has an attached peplum! Oh I love it all! The corset is perfect for steampunk. I threw it on quickly before heading to the movies tonight, so it’s not really styled. I put it on and then took it off to go to the movies. Lol




I’m honestly a little irritated because my bestie has my brown tulip skirt that I think would match this perfectly. Since she has it, I had to put on this Scarlet Darkness brand skirt. Oh well. I think it’s going to work amazingly for the Key City Steampunk event next summer. I’m happy with the size - I went down from a 39-41 to a 37.

 

[Bluebird]

I wore my mystery bag necklace today, while on my date with TheEngineer. He was absolutely giddy when I opened the front door - I am always amazed at how excited he is to see me! We had a lot of fun assembling the Lego succulent set together, though he was super fast and did 2 of the 3 bags in the time it took me to complete the first one! We went to lunch afterward together and then came back to my house for some sexy time.





He asked me point blank today about my medical issues, which I had just left generic previously. He was like, okay, thank you for cluing me in.



I’m loving my candle blow molds on our front stoop. The guys promise to have the lights up soon, but we need to get gutter hooks! This will be it for decorating outside this year. I spent too much on the tree!

 

[Magdlyn]

Hey, I have 2 vintage candle blow molds too, for my front stoop! I feel you need a second wreath for your other door, for symmetry.

 

[Bluebird]

Hey, I have 2 vintage candle blow molds too, for my front stoop! I feel you need a second wreath for your other door, for symmetry.

Agreed! I’m hoping to buy some matching sets for all seasons. I just literally can’t spend money right now on decorations. I leave for vacation on Friday and it’s costing us a lot, and I found out last night that BugGirl’s boyfriend’s son will be at our family Christmas, and now I have to make sure he has some gifts to open. I haven’t finished shopping for MisterMoonbeam’s adult kids or my niece in NY. Ahhhhh!

Honestly though, if there are any for sale at any of the places we stop at this next week, I will probably buy a set of wreaths.

Today I have the worst blood sugar that I’ve had since diagnosed with diabetes in September: 290. I’m usually highest in the morning, but this is definitely not good. I’m scared and feel really helpless. I’m still waiting on my prescription to be approved by the insurance company. Just thinking about it gets me teary. Like wtf! I will definitely be walking after lunch.

I ended up swapping sleepovers last night so I got extra time with DarkKnight when he got home from practice. MisterMoonbeam was falling asleep our entire date night, and canceled our plans. I eventually told him he needed to go to his room, and get some shuteye on his own!

Well, he had asked me to let him know when I was upset, and yeah, I was. It wasn’t like anger or anything, just a bit of worry. I told him I had concerns that he was up late and coming home late from a date the night before, and then now canceling plans because of that on my night.

We were supposed to be having sex and he didn’t tie on me - we did nothing at all. I had already told him the plans he suggested (going to an arcade) didn’t have to happen - instead we were just going to play a board game. He was happy to switch things up but then even that was a fail.

So I told him to go get some sleep and to please make sure this didn’t become a regular occurrence, because I wasn’t going to be happy if our time together was downgraded again. He said he understood and then went and crashed.

I’m feeling a little depressed about it again today, but it’s hopefully handled and me just asking for some consideration is okay.

 

[Bluebird]

Yesterday was pretty much a low point for me - I spent the whole day moving from room to room and just being depressed. I did take my after lunch walk with MisterMoonbeam, so that was nice. My sugars have not improved and I’m pretty much just laying around being terrified of dying and feeling like everything I’ve been doing is hopeless. Everyone I talk to says “it’s a marathon, not a sprint” and to just hang in there because I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing. Nah, I’m scared as shit and I need to see that things are working!

Since coming off of the Metformin, I feel better, but my weight loss has stalled and my waking glucose is really high. Breakfast has the worst numbers of the day and it’s just awful to begin each morning feeling demoralized and like everything is hopeless. I’ve still not had any word from my doctor or the insurance company about the appeal to cover the new medication, other than the initial message from my doctor saying they appealed it immediately, because the documentation requested was the stuff they already sent!

I’m honestly not a hypochondriac but I feel like I have become one. I’ve had cramps the last couple of days and I’m afraid of my period coming and being insanely heavy again, even though the Metformin has been stopped. I am literally counting the days until my ultrasound so I know for sure what I am dealing with - I just hope they get back to me quick so I have answers before Christmas. The appointment is on the 20th though, so who knows?

Last night was better - DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam were both home and we watched the last two episodes of Loki season 2. OMG so good! I’m glad we took a break from Strange New Worlds to squeeze it in! Though I have to say I am excited to start season 2 of SNW as well. Lol

After the show, MisterMoonbeam and I had snuggle time and that was much needed. He had a therapy appointment yesterday and we talked about how it might be beneficial for him to go more often. Not sure if he will pursue that idea or not. I told him I was still feeling out of sorts a little bit about having to talk to him about his exhaustion level after dates and he said he actually brought it up at therapy.

He said he’s been worried about the issue himself, and he felt that I addressed it in a very caring way. He explained how he was frustrated and upset a lot by his late wife (which I knew) as she would always find reasons why his potential partners weren’t working out, but her complaints were about how he was fucking up, or like that he was being blind to things, etc. He said he was actually happy that I had brought up my concern and had it not be an attack against him.

Uh, that’s the minimum there, my dude! I guess sending him off to his own space and having him go to sleep was the best thing I could have done for him. So he was glad I had helped him out with that, even though I was really worried about it being a difficult thing.

He also told me he’s really thinking a lot about whether this person will be someone who will work out - they like each other, but the long distance is not serving the needs of either of them. He only can commit to a few days a month and he doesn’t think that fosters enough of a connection. At least he doesn’t feel that yet.

We are leaving for vacay tomorrow and he’s happy that she is going to Disney World with her kids during the same timeframe - that way they’ll both be able to come back and see how they feel about each other. His thought right now is that he likes her but he’s not getting as strong of a connection in the 5 dates or so that they’ve had, that he was hoping for.

Apparently he had some other matches on OKC that he did not pursue because he only wanted to date one person at a time, and now he’s questioning that choice because the other women were closer to us and he didn’t even bother to message them after matching, and now they’ve disappeared from his inbox.

He said he is going to reevaluate going into the new year, and maybe start attending local munches, even though he’s not really comfortable in that space as an introvert. He liked when I attended with him - but I had to ask him to give me some space to meet and talk with others because he was kind of territorial and smothering. To be fair he did back off at the following munch after I called him out on it, but then he spent time with DarkKnight instead - and DarkKnight is monogamous and only wanted to attend to play the board games. Lol

Hopefully he can figure something out. I am happy to listen to him, for sure. We have a play party we are attending on the 30th at someone’s house that he has dated and hooked up with before once, but pretty much every person in attendance will live even further away! We’re going to introduce our triad friends to their local scene, not to get new partners ourselves. We also are planning on going to the Kink 101 in Baltimore with these same friends in January, so we will see how that goes. TheEngineer has said he would like to go to that with us, so that could be exciting for me, but that’s not really an event for him to meet new people either.

That said, I canceled my date tonight with YoungNorse. My excitement with him went from insane levels of “omg I need to fuck you” to “I am literally just done with dating, sorry.” I mean, I still want to get to know him better but between the holidays and my health issues, I have reached my limit with what I can juggle.

Same with MisterMoonbeam and his dating stuff - I love him dearly, and I’ve always kept myself out of his extended love life (his last girlfriend, I didn’t even know they weren’t talking anymore for months!) - I don’t have the energy to change that much now. Just like with SirGawain and his FWB. He would sometimes tell me he had a date or they went to dinner or they were at dinner, but I didn’t insert myself into that dynamic on the day-to-day. I just don’t have the time or desire, I guess. lol Even though she and I hooked up once and we do chat from time to time.

Oh I should probably message her about my break up…we’ve known each other as metamours for as long as SirGawain and I have known each other. Six years? She’s always had my back.

Anyway, I’m concerned for MisterMoonbeam and I want him to have an amazing connection with someone else. I just don’t have the energy to be hip hip hooray right now, and if what he is doing takes away from our time together, I will definitely mention it again. It felt good to have him tell me he was okay with how I handled it the other night.

I’m going to get up now and get dressed. I have to stop at the bank and then see my son & pay his bills for the month (he’s disabled and I’m his rep payee). I am meeting my bestie at 1:30 to snag some garb she has in her car that I need. lol Since I’m leaving she won’t have time to see my new stuff so she wants me to bring the pink shimmer skirt so she can drool over it in person. lol I also need to go to Hobby Lobby and buy some more stuff for my Christmas crown. I HAVE to complete that today. Oh, and the van is still in the shop. Ahhhhh