I’m supposed to hang out with SirGawain tonight and I thought I might have to cancel again this morning, but I am doing okay. I’m cramping pretty bad but I’m surviving. It’s raining and gloomy outside, so I went downstairs and I spent a couple hours in the craft room again, unpacking and decluttering.
This space is much improved! I still have a pile of bins and boxes, but they’re all jewelry-related and I can’t put them away until I paint the other wall and buy furniture. That’s next week. Yeah, I’m proud of the progress.
Here’s a before and after:
Whoo hoo! Yep, just two hours in the craft room and I am done now until next Monday. I unpacked and organized the remaining boxes, and trashed a whole bunch of stuff. Now all of the walls are accessible and ready to be cleaned & painted next week.
Check out all of the bags of garbage! It’s sad to know we were storing so much junk for three and a half years, but MisterMoonbeam is loading it into the van to go to the dump tomorrow. A lot of items were damaged by animal urine at his old house, so it sucks even worse that I had to sort it all. Ew.
The gym has seven sorting bins that I am going to work on sporadically this weekend, individually. Three are full of various organizers and little metal shelves that I will probably be donating; one is full of unearthed cleaning supplies. The others are all photos and artwork that I need to move through and decide what I need to put in scrapbooks, what I can offer to family, and what to dump. It should go pretty quick.
The pile of bins and such on the left of the little hallway (next to the trash) is all mostly jewelry-making items such as beads and cordage, and I can’t put any of that away yet. Once I get all the walls painted, the following week I will be figuring out furniture to store that stuff.
I am definitely on track for my one month goal of making this room usable!
As the day progresses, I am feeling a little less agitated about MisterMoonbeam’s upcoming date. Last night I was a little teary, because we started doing our Intimacy cards, and he was being abrupt and actually really kind of cruel. I told him we needed to talk about that and we did, and he admitted he himself was feeling agitated because his head was full of negative things that happened in his past with his late wife. He was being short with me because he was imagining conversations with her and yeah, that shit isn’t any more fair than me being worried about him leaving me to go be monogamous like PunkRock did. We agreed we were a mess, but we love each other and both believe that doing hard things make us better. And we need to move past the past, even if it’s hard.
But like, I don’t really think it will be that hard. The actual moving through the experiences, I mean. Like I said, my stress level has actually been going down as the hour gets closer, and I’m just thinking more and more that dating will do a lot for MisterMoonbeam and his self-esteem, confidence and just his mood in general. He needs to see I’m not the only one who will find him amazing! And hopefully his partners in the future will be value-added to the polycule, but if not, as long as he’s happy in those relationships, I’m gonna be cool with it.
He said he is scared about being a good hinge but I told him I won’t hesitate to tell him when he’s not. I expect my partners to be honest about shit like that, and I will definitely be honest as well. lol No worries about me being passive aggressive or holding shit back. That’s not ever how I have operated.
I will always carry the scars of the lying and cheating and bullshit that PunkRock put me through. It definitely affects me more because of my attachment disorder, but holy fuck, the therapy I’ve had at least has added up to enough to know what I need to do to face it full on. Healing isn’t really in the cards for me, with that shit piled on top of all the years of abuse in my childhood, but being able to function, and recognize it as bullshit is definitely doable.
My declutter group event officially starts Monday so I will deal with that then.
