I really appreciate all of the posts and responses here. It makes me feel less alone in the experience, for sure.
Last night in bed, MisterMoonbeam was singing little snippets and just being nonsensical and random, while scrolling his phone. I was doing the same, between bursts of reading a book. I made a comment - I can’t even remember what about - that started with “sometimes…” and he cut me off:
Sometimes you feel like dancing…
I immediately responded with:
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t
He started laughing, and then asked me, “Did we just write our vows?”
This made me laugh as well, and then I was kind of knocked into a tangent. I hadn’t given any thought at all to the idea of vows or what other parts of a ceremony would actually look like with him. I have been using my brainpower on how to avoid the whole shebang instead. I had one day a short time ago that I was on Pinterest where I was looking at dresses and outfits for Mythicon, and I was linked somehow to the Off-beat Bride website, and that sent me on an adventure of looking at elopement ceremonies and wedding dresses. However, that was short lived and after a flurry of pins, I didn’t pursue anything.
Vows seemed much more concrete and scary. I think he scared himself as well. I asked him if he saw us writing vows and he said no, because he and his late wife had decided to do that, but then he got overwhelmed at the idea and didn’t have anything prepared at their wedding, and then she forgot everything she had wanted to say, so the officiant just went ahead with traditional ones. Gah!
I used traditional vows in my first wedding - to BugGirl’s and BeanBoy’s dad - but when I married DarkKnight, I wrote my vows. He saw them and started crying, and then asked if he could use the same ones. I tried to memorize them and forgot them halfway through, but had written them on a card a minute before the ceremony started, so when I pulled it out, it was a jumbled mess and he had to prompt them to me.
With PunkRock, I also wrote my own, and he as well came up with what he wanted to say.
I did a search on this site because I knew I had written them out in my journal. When I found them, I read them out loud to MisterMoonbeam. It was interesting to me to go back through both of the ones I had written. I could see it made him uncomfortable though, and understood when he shared about his own vows.
It’s weird because we have talked here and there about what we might want in a ceremony, but it’s been sporadic and for me, it hurts because it gets me to thinking about what I might want but also what that will be reduced to, due to time. MisterMoonbeam has said he is okay with a quick thing at the courthouse, with a shared event and celebration in 2025, but I told him I didn’t see the point of spending money like that. Also, if we had something later, it would be weird to exclude DarkKnight, and we would have to do that if his parents attended.
So, no. We are going to have one thing and that’s it. Maybe a quick getaway after but whatever we do is going to be all that we do. It’s not going to be in a courthouse, but it is going to be just us.
I asked him if talking about this scared him, because he looked scared. He said, yes to being scared about vows, but he was not scared about marrying me. That I was his life partner and that hadn’t changed since he decided that a while back. That he loves me, and there is zero doubt that he is going to take care of me. This made me feel good.
Right now though I am more focused on the whole thing with my son and his overpayment! I got the paperwork filled out and now I am kind of sitting on it as I try to figure out when and how to send it. I was required to include information about DarkKnight and his income, but how does that work if we get divorced in the middle of the process? Honestly, it doesn’t matter I guess, since we already know I will get the waiver denied and be required to get a payment plan. Which we won’t use since MisterMoonbeam is taking a loan from his 401(k) to pay it.
Then there is the divorce paperwork. I should have gone and picked it up yesterday, but I deliberately didn’t keep the car because it made my heart hurt, thinking about it. Maybe next Thursday.
To not have this would be lovely!
