Good morning everyone.
Great advice from you guys. I do know one thing about Blue. She has had flings with guys in the past without the kink and also had tryed to dste many. The only one that even began was due to the kink. She needs it in any form of relationship other than with her friends. Its something that makes her feel completely different and im sure would much prefer that kind of experience rather than an "adult date". She responds so well and it really lets her open up. The kink is far from just sexual play but i can also say that it can be very sexual depending on the circumstances. During a date it would just get her into little space where she responds much better and is less shy because she can be her trueself without being judged. I like being able to make her feel like its not weird. Shes submissive in day to day life.
All i need to do is stop trying to be a better daddy and just do it regardless of how shy i feel to say certain things. Its kind of like when youre a terrible public speaker and you have to just get past the anxiety. They have even told me theres not really a wrong way to do it to reassure me that i shouldnt be nervous at all. I need to trust that and go for it more full fledged. (They arent forcing me to do this and wouldnt - i would have left red a long time ago if i didnt have some interest in it. I love seeing their faces light up
) ive been getting more and more into aspects bdsm and would have never thought id get to even this point.
Red is also this way too so ive been playing the daddy role as much as I thought for awhile but I want to be better for her. She has never had the chance to be dominant so she has been the mommy for Blue and enjoys that as well. She also has told me she prefers when im in charge of both of them. Sometimes i can really get into it and that is so important for red as it is a big part of her, i love fulfilling what she needs. Theyre both adorable though so its hard not to smile. I think they just want me to be the role more and play more.
Its not me disliking it, i want to be daddy for them both. im just still embarassed a little after all this time and it makes me shy. The whole point is so i can be dominant which i do like i just get shy. Another thing i need to work on. These girls are pretty kinky in otherways too which im enjoying (this is coming from an original very vanilla mono).
I do need friends. I know there are sites for meetups and such, but any recommendations? Its hard to make long lasting friends. The initial omg lets be best friends after spending days together at festivals they always turn out to be once a year relationships because of distance and everything. I dont go to bars or wherever people go to meet people but i do drink lol. Will never drive or get in the car with anyone, thats just a plain death wish on your part and everyone else on the road. Ive never put myself into a situation where i had to use an uber.
I can talk to people after being around them for a bit and i like to believe im a very likable person. Initial first impressions can be weird but i always turn things around after i relax. Even if i just had one honest friend to talk to id be a much happier and less stressed person.
Thanks for reading my ramblings gala and endusai, youre both very helpful and i know a lot of what youre telling me im aware of. i just need to get things drilled in my brain by having someone else tell me so i stop running negativity through my head.
Endusai - the JSG is helping so much in general. Im feeling more comfortable with my jealousy and envy. Its there obviously but im handling it better already. With all of your support and this piece its so relieving. Ill check out the other journal that you had mentioned, it also sounds like a great idea.
So summary - anyone thats been in a similar situation as me (friendless) have any suggestions on sites, etc. To help me find someone. If i could find someone experienced that i could talk to on a personal level about this often it would make a huge difference. I cant imagine anymore what its like to have steady friends that i can talk to on the reg. Ive had so much emotion bottled up and joining this forum the other day has been my only outlet ever. Im also not saying they need to be my guide, anyone would be a big improvement on my life.