Getting started in a Poly family

Opal

New member
I have been with my partner in a LDR for seven years. Now that I am retired I can spend more time with him and we do intend to marry. I can move from Canada to be with him in the US! He has always had other kink partners and it was understood from the beginning of our relationship that he very much wanted a poly lifestyle. We affectionately call ourselves his harem. A year ago one of the "harem" came to live with my partner full time. She is monogamous with him, as am I. Last year I was able to spend 6 months with them, and it hurt my heart to return home. I hope to be heading back soon. I am here to learn about ways to handle poly when it is up close and personal, with my partner having two of us living with him and two-three others that he is seeing occasionally,
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Greetings Opal,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I am glad to hear that you will soon be able to live in the States with your partner. LDR's are so, so hard. It sounds like he is a good match for you in every way. It doesn't seem like you need advice yet, your heart is already in this and you are handling it well. Do visit Poly Relationships Corner, let us know what questions that raises for you, and keep us posted as your situation evolves. I'm glad you're here.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
I have been with my partner in a LDR for seven years. Now that I am retired I can spend more time with him and we do intend to marry. I can move from Canada to be with him in the US! He has always had other kink partners and it was understood from the beginning of our relationship that he very much wanted a poly lifestyle. We affectionately call ourselves his harem. A year ago one of the "harem" came to live with my partner full time. She is monogamous with him, as am I. Last year I was able to spend 6 months with them, and it hurt my heart to return home. I hope to be heading back soon. I am here to learn about ways to handle poly when it is up close and personal, with my partner having two of us living with him and two-three others that he is seeing occasionally,
Congrats, and good luck with your move and new living arrangements. You will be living in a FMF V kitchen-table poly arrangement, to use the lingo. Generally it seems to be a good idea for everyone to have their own space, such as a bedroom, office or studio space. Adult roommates can get annoyed with each other if they don't have a personal space to retreat to for rest and hobbies.

I take it you get along with your metamour(s) OK? Is this other woman OK that you will be the legal wife? Will she/does she have other legal protections in place?

I suggest reading at morethantwo.com, if you haven't already.
 

Opal

New member
Congrats, and good luck with your move and new living arrangements. You will be living in a FMF V kitchen-table poly arrangement, to use the lingo. Generally it seems to be a good idea for everyone to have their own space, such as a bedroom, office or studio space. Adult roommates can get annoyed with each other if they don't have a personal space to retreat to for rest and hobbies.

I take it you get along with your metamour(s) OK? Is this other woman OK that you will be the legal wife? Will she/does she have other legal protections in place?

I suggest reading at morethantwo.com, if you haven't already.
Thank you for the welcome! I did order the book More than 2.... I am a reader and absorb information best that way.

I do get along with my metamours, some better than others.... some I am a Mom to (she calls me Mom even though there is only 10 years between us) .... some I am sister to.

Kay was super upset when she heard that B and I were getting married, she fears that she will be left behind. We spent days reasurring her..... but she is still having meltdowns every other week or so. My partner B has shouldered all that stress as he is there and it is his reassurance that Kay wants. I hope when I get back home that I will be able to show her that she is part of our poly family on a permanent basis.
We are all in our 60's .... a permanent home is what we are all looking for.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
OK, so Kay is very upset that you are planning to marry B. It's too bad you have started 2 threads, since some readers may not see both with all of the pertinent information.

It's good you're waiting a year to get married. B needs to make firm plans for protecting Kay. Since you are all in your 60s, and will all be having health issues as you age (I'm 65, believe me, I know how it is), it seems like even if B can only marry one woman, he should get a lawyer to set things up for Kay so she will be just as protected as you will be. Weekly meltdowns are happening despite B's "reassurances." Unless there are actual legal arrangements in writing, I imagine Kay will continue to freak out, as far as medical issues, financial support, hospital visitations, etc. In FMF Vs, the "odd woman out" (the not legally-married wife) has much less social status, as well.

I assume the arrangements and relationships that B has with his other subs is more casual, and no one else is freaking out.

Does B know that you and Kay are quite against him moving any more women from his "harem" into the house?

Are you going to sell your house?
 
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