Giving Support - Broken Triad

L

Lea

New member
So, A month ago my now ex broke up with me, and basically broke up our triad in the process, but was still dating my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I, in my opinion, have gotten stronger in the last month, worked hard on our relationship and recovering from what happened, because he lost a relationship as well (triad) and went from being the top of a triangle to the V between two people who don't like each other (well at least from my side, I want NOTHING to do with her based on how events went down. I'm still angry and hurt and working on that.)

Well yesterday she broke up with him.

That of course leaves me with mixed emotions. ON the selfish side, it means she's not longer someone I have to share him with. I don't have to hear about her as much. She left our group activity (we played a MMORPG together online) and other things. It's better for ME.

But at the same time, he's hurting and I didn't want that for him or wish that on him. I empathize because I'm sure he's getting hit with all the emotions I did, that I'm still processing and going through, and still venting out myself and yet I don't want to make it about me - he listened to me when I would vent to him, always supportive of me, although I also tried not to as much as a BFF since they were still together.

Anyone given break up support when you're both broken up from the same ex but different times, so you're not in the same place?

And how to handle the 'happy?' side with the 'not happy' side?
 
Hi Lea,

I suppose my advice would be to keep the "happy side" under wraps for awhile, when talking/interacting with your boyfriend. You don't have to shed crocodile tears for him of course, just exercise a sober demeanor for the most part. Wait and see what he needs, who knows there may be times when he needs a little cheering up. On the other hand he's likely to need a listening ear, which is not the same as cheering up. And you'll need to be patient, it might take him awhile to recover from this.

Hang in there,
Kevin T.
 
I'm sorry to hear about the break ups causing so much pain.

I think "comfort in, kvetch out" might help here in the initial stages. Not that you and BF can never talk about it... just that maybe agree not to talk about it with each other right this minute. Give each one time and space to heal first.

Which means you comfort each other, but you leave the venting/kvetching for people OUTSIDE the system. Maybe here, a close friend, a relative, a counselor, etc.

http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

Galagirl
 
Thank you both. So far we've actually been doing fine, and I've been focusing more on just spending time with him. He's much more introverted and less emotional than I am, so he handles things way differently than I do.

But we had a great day yesterday with some friends. I'll just keep being me and doing what he needs :)
 
Sounds like a plan. ;)
 
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