Got an eye opener with STD today..

Astirarose

New member
The girl my husband is seeing (he has had no sexual contact with her yet), her husbands partner tested positive for Herpies 2...

Its freaking us out a bit. They just found out.


Honestly it has spooked my husband and myself a bit and were trying to read up on it.

What now?

Ive been doing a lot of research. Kind of embarrassed I had never done a lot of research into specifically herpes.

Anyone care to comment?
 
Last edited:
Personally? Hsv is a deal breaker for me. If my partner becomes sexually active with someone with genital hsv, then he is no longer going to be sexual with me (beyond potential mutual masturbation - no fluids shared would be ok). If a partner tested positive for it and didn't know where it came from, I'm not sure what I'd do.

I know herpes in general is more of a nuisance than anything, however I'm not certain I'm done having children and it can be deadly for infants. So, I'll be overly cautious until I decide I'm never going to be pregnant again.

Hubby? Wouldn't care about hsv if it didn't affect his relationship with me.

Boy? Wouldn't knowingly engage with someone with hsv but wouldn't end things if an established partner contracted it.
 
I think a good sex positive way to start is ask everyone involved if they have even been tested for herpes. Most people don't know that standard STI screenings don't test for HSV 1 or 2. You only end up tested if you come in with an active outbreak. Herpes is extremely common and it might be that you, your husband, his girlfriend and her husband already test positive. It's also worth while to find out if the new person has HSV1 or HSV2. You can get both on your genitals and since a lot of people get or have had "cold sores"... again it might be that you already have it.

I test positive for HSV1 and HSV2 I've never had an outbreak that I've seen. I wouldn't have known at all if I had never been tested. You often have to fight to get tested because it's so common and stressful and low impact for the vast majority of folks doctors have decided you don't really need to know. I don't agree with that. I think it keeps the stigma and fear around. But it means you have to ask for the blood test. The Western Standard Blot Test... I think. That's what it was called a few years ago anyway.

As people who are actively non-monogamous you should get really informed about STIs. We are the last people who should be spreading stigma of a skin condition that the majority of the population has. Not that HSV can't be scary and hard and painful, and it can be dangerous for new born children of pregnant women who don't know that they have it.

Like I said I have it. I got HSV2 from a partner I was having unprotected sex with for 7 years before I started to test positive. I got HSV1 from who the heck knows... maybe childhood? I'm super out about it because I think it's extremely important to destigmatize it. My status has never got in the way of a new partner. And for me it's a good test, if someone is freaked out about it I don't want to date them. Mostly the people who are freaked and deeply uninformed which is a super careless way to be if you are a sexual person. And I don't want to be sexual with someone that careless.

The worst STI I've ever had is the flue. And no one heaps shame on people who have the flue.
 
I did a lot of research on it last night, and I agree Rose there is a stigma around it that should be changed.

They were tested, which came back negative (But ive also read they could have tested too soon as well).

Read a lot about the possibility of contracting it, if protections were used, and awareness. Its actually a very small percentage with he proper precautions.

Of course Ive read about all the big ones (STI's), but never Herpes. I did read that the majority of the population under 50, probably has H 1 And dont even know it.

So, we've decided to make sure all precautions are taken... And I agree the Stigma needs to go away, because it was pretty eye opening to realize so many people probably have it, and dont even know it because they either have a mild outbreak, or are dormant.

Anyhow thanks :)
 
Hey there Astirarose, glad you got that situation straightened out. I know some STI's are more serious than others.
 
As I've recently said elsewhere, I've known a lot about it for a long time because of a family member (and notorious oversharer, even worse than me!) who has HSV2. Those conversations started when I was 14, so I've always had a fairly candid description of what it's actually like to have it. Later as an adult, mostly because my kink community has many "out" people who are trying to destigmatize it and promote disclosure, I got more perspectives.

It's not a big deal. Especially if you don't plan to have children. But even if you do...

http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/herpes/herpes-and-pregnancy/

...it's not the end of the world. Look at the statistics. There are probably other things much more likely to cause problems, even if the mother is positive.

I have heard that the severity of symptoms can vary, but I have never talked to anyone who had anything that sounded severe. The descriptions I've heard again and again, is that it's very similar to an occasional pimple, and with good hygiene and maybe a little Neosporin (I know one woman who swears by the stuff) they go away quickly, in just a few days. And now I guess there is a presciption drug that can minimize outbreaks even more.

So yeah, the stigma is bullshit.
 
In terms of an unborn child's health, I believe there's a difference between primary and secondary HSV.

Primary HSV is when you contract HSV for the first time and get a lesion in the vaginal area. This is most dangerous for baby and even more so if you have a vaginal delivery. The danger is reduced with antivirals (aciclovir or ganciclovir) if given in time but the danger remains at a level that most first world countries would consider a high risk pregnancy.

Secondary HSV is when you have already contracted HSV, had your primary lesion a while back and then break out in the future with your second, third, fourth or fifth etc lesion. Any lesions after the primary outbreak are called "secondary" outbreaks. These are much less dangerous to the unborn child because the HSV viral load is less. I am uncertain of the specifics, but depending on the wealth of your country or the literature you read, it may or may not be cost-beneficial (from the point of view of the baby's health) to be treated with antivirals for secondary outbreaks.

In summary, if you've never had HSV 1 or 2 before, then contracting it whilst pregnant is dangerous for the unborn child. HSV 2 tends to manifest in the vaginal region and primarily for that reason is thought to be the more dangerous of the two from an unborn child's perspective. If you already have had primary HSV1 or 2 and the illness has run its course into remission, then the danger to potential future babies of yours is low, but may still require treatment depending on the guidelines your country follows.

There is the additional concern of HSV lesions popping up on parents while the child is still young (age less than 1 year, and even more so, age less than 3 months) but that is a separate topic of discussion I think.
 
I'm not concerned with pregnancy, I'm done having children. And Ive read up on the disease and the stigma of contracting it worries me more then the actual disease. It would be nice if it could be destigmatised, but with all things like this that takes time.
 
Back
Top