AwareManNYC
New member
After experimenting and finding a way to a happy life, it is now time to say hello to the NYC poly community. I’m looking for people who want to share their stories about what they’ve learned and how the growth process that is poly has worked for them. I’m not working on a book or doing research. I have just found that deep conversations over lunch or dinner are a rewarding way to spend time. I want more such conversations.
I’m a 60 year old, cis, het man, divorced with two grown kids. I run as a solo poly person, and don’t give a run down of who I’m seeing until I know people better.
My poly experience was enriched by a gay friend’s comment that, “being gay was about being exactly who you wanted to be.” I’ve found that my curiosity, desire to love and explore, and appetite for intimacy have always been larger than could fit into one relationship. If being honest about that is poly, then that’s what I am, and exactly who I want to be.
I feel at peace when I survey my life and know that the people I chose to love also have chosen to love me in a complete and honest way, accepting multiple partners. My stability is seasoned by the excitement that comes from the ever present possibility that I may meet new people along the way.
Polyamory is not a simple way to live, but the burdens and complexities are so worth mastering. Being poly is a life skill that remains challenging because people always change and offer up new ways to love and live. But at its core, poly ethics are infused with kindness and concern for supporting others. Working, as one must, through poly relationships has made me a better person. Having the difficult discussions builds lasting intimacy.
As a cis, het man, I am so grateful for the poly, cis, het women who have made my life so deeply intense and interesting. Thank you for being so articulate, for telling me exactly what you want and what is working in every dimension, and for listening precisely when I do the same. Thank you for planning, being organized, and negotiating ways to live together and committing to the deals made. Thank you for letting me know when things have changed, when your heart, mind, or body has transformed, and new arrangements must be made. Thank you mostly for the way you seek to fit my desires for emotional, sexual, spiritual, and religious intimacy to your own and for jumping in with both feet when we have shared interests. You so gracefully find what fits, celebrating the connections, leaving behind the differences when possible, and navigating them when attention is required. Thank you for your kindness, for loving me as who I am and wanting me to be happy. You know I want that for you.
So, that’s a bit of who I am. My profile has a few more details. Like many poly people, I love to talk. I’ve read most of the interesting books on polyamory and have intricate, bizarre, and also run-of-the-mill opinions about our way of life. I’m also quite deeply into writing and food and theater and music. I look forward to meeting others who share this delicious path.
Here are a couple specific questions I’m struggling with:
<) What are your ethics of managing change? When things start to change in a relationship, how early do you talk about it? When do you blow off an uneasy feeling and wait and see what happens? What are your triggers that indicate a real problem is rising up that needs to be discussed?
<) What meditations or other practices work to wash away your jealousy? How can jealousy be an on ramp to growth and learning? I’ve gotten better at handling such feelings, but I they still appear and I’m trying better to understand them.
There it is.
-AwareManNYC
I’m a 60 year old, cis, het man, divorced with two grown kids. I run as a solo poly person, and don’t give a run down of who I’m seeing until I know people better.
My poly experience was enriched by a gay friend’s comment that, “being gay was about being exactly who you wanted to be.” I’ve found that my curiosity, desire to love and explore, and appetite for intimacy have always been larger than could fit into one relationship. If being honest about that is poly, then that’s what I am, and exactly who I want to be.
I feel at peace when I survey my life and know that the people I chose to love also have chosen to love me in a complete and honest way, accepting multiple partners. My stability is seasoned by the excitement that comes from the ever present possibility that I may meet new people along the way.
Polyamory is not a simple way to live, but the burdens and complexities are so worth mastering. Being poly is a life skill that remains challenging because people always change and offer up new ways to love and live. But at its core, poly ethics are infused with kindness and concern for supporting others. Working, as one must, through poly relationships has made me a better person. Having the difficult discussions builds lasting intimacy.
As a cis, het man, I am so grateful for the poly, cis, het women who have made my life so deeply intense and interesting. Thank you for being so articulate, for telling me exactly what you want and what is working in every dimension, and for listening precisely when I do the same. Thank you for planning, being organized, and negotiating ways to live together and committing to the deals made. Thank you for letting me know when things have changed, when your heart, mind, or body has transformed, and new arrangements must be made. Thank you mostly for the way you seek to fit my desires for emotional, sexual, spiritual, and religious intimacy to your own and for jumping in with both feet when we have shared interests. You so gracefully find what fits, celebrating the connections, leaving behind the differences when possible, and navigating them when attention is required. Thank you for your kindness, for loving me as who I am and wanting me to be happy. You know I want that for you.
So, that’s a bit of who I am. My profile has a few more details. Like many poly people, I love to talk. I’ve read most of the interesting books on polyamory and have intricate, bizarre, and also run-of-the-mill opinions about our way of life. I’m also quite deeply into writing and food and theater and music. I look forward to meeting others who share this delicious path.
Here are a couple specific questions I’m struggling with:
<) What are your ethics of managing change? When things start to change in a relationship, how early do you talk about it? When do you blow off an uneasy feeling and wait and see what happens? What are your triggers that indicate a real problem is rising up that needs to be discussed?
<) What meditations or other practices work to wash away your jealousy? How can jealousy be an on ramp to growth and learning? I’ve gotten better at handling such feelings, but I they still appear and I’m trying better to understand them.
There it is.
-AwareManNYC