Have you always known if you are mono or poly?

This makes me think of when I was studying music. You need to learn the rules to know how to break them. I think labels are similar. When you're first coming out and exploring all the different options there are-- gay, straight, queer, poly, trans, asexual, pansexual, mono... oh my goodness! It helps to have a label to have something to identify with and to find similar people. Once it all becomes old hat, the label starts to matter less and you're just comfortable being YOU.
Click to expand...
EXACTLY! that makes loads of sense.

Wow guys, thanks for all your insight and sharing your personal experience with how you came to identify yourselves, or how you decided not to do so. This is really eye opening. I didnt know polyamory existed either, but I don't see it as the answer or explanation or best solution for my ways or feelings, because I lack experience, really. I never even "crushed" on boys or girls, growing up. Strange. But still, I understand polyamory and why it works for people, and think it could work for me too. But it wouldn't be natural. More so, it would be a huge learning process. Even just being with someone who calls himself poly is a huge learning process and challenge, as it's all new to me!
 
Last edited:
P is actually 11 years older than me.
Click to expand...
Hah. Interesting. Well, there's physical age and emotional age. I'm thinking he might have some maturing to do. Then again, I know 50-year olds who have the emotional maturity of a 16 year old. So it takes all kinds. ;)
 
glowinthedarkstars said:
I think maybe labeling just isn't for me as I can clearly put myself under any label.
Click to expand...

Remember, the labels are there only to describe what you do. More than one label can apply to what you do.

There are folks who do poly who ALSO swing. They can describe what they do as poly and swinging.

You can say you do relationships of sort X while being curious about relationships of sort Y. So you can be hetero and bi-curious or gay/lesbian and bi-curious. You can be mono and poly-curious.

Remember that "labels" are useful only if they describe what you do, and if you describe what you're doing, then the labels will fit.

So, if you don't know that you can do poly, that's cool. You do mono and are curious about poly, curious enough to try it. There's nothing in those labels that keep you from changing them as needed. You can decide later that you're happy doing poly and remove the mono description.
 
crisare said:
Hah. Interesting. Well, there's physical age and emotional age. I'm thinking he might have some maturing to do. Then again, I know 50 year olds who have the emotional maturity of a 16 year old. So it takes all kinds.
Click to expand...

I've met a lot of adultolescents. When I worked as a bouncer, most of the folks whom I had to handle professionally qualified as such. That whole 40-going-on-17 dynamic in action!
 
I think I've always known

I just didn't know it was okay-- the aftermath of a Southern upbringing.

When I started looking back on my unsuccessful career as a monogamist, one relationship really started to stack up for me-- my first. It was high school, and we were both really busy people. We both wanted a weekly date and found one another very attractive and appealing. So she and I pretty much laid down groundwork on how that relationship would work. Yet she did not get that it was okay for her to see other people, as long as she was open about it. Unfortunately, when she was, she'd lie about it. But when I did, I was out in the open. What she did not understand was that there was never any jealousy from me about these other guys-- what upset me was the deception.

From there, for some reason, I looked again for a monogamous relationship, and after stumbling around for several years, I, thankfully, ultimately wound up marrying a wonderful friend of mine, and our friendship really is what made our step into polyamory comfortable with me.
 
By default, I accepted the cultural norm of sexual-emotional monogamy for most of my life, but have identified as polyamorous for the last, let's call it twelve years. I've been with my partner, Kevin for fifteen years, but it took us a while to get around to mutually embracing a fully open-n-honest approach to loving together.

I actually had a really fine person I cared about, and had a brief sexual relationship with, ask me to be one of his several boyfriends. This was long, long ago, before I met Kevin. I turned him down because I had my head stuffed up my arse and believed at the time that true love is exclusive. Wow! It's amazing that I believed that, looking back.

I'm not sure it would have worked out with this guy, anyway. But he really did like me, and maybe.... But I was in love with another guy round that time, though he wasn't available. That would be the Derek I mentioned in my bloggy thingy.

Ah, youth!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top