Having trouble finding another female!

V

valeriaaa_

New member
I have a boyfriend and I recently started to get curious having sex with a girl and my boyfriend is supportive of it! It’s just the apps I have and the people on there are super wishy washy and never reply once we do match 😕. I’ve tried Her, Bumble, Hinge, OKCupid and many more but I just can’t seem to find any luck. I’m very friendly and respectful and I definitely don’t push any boundaries especially if they don’t answer.

Any advice, recommendations?
I live in Las Vegas.
 
Welcome to the world of trying to date women. Once I got on the apps I saw what my partner was talking about. They don't respond at all. I find if you want to date women you need to click with them in the wild. Meetup groups, book clubs or whatever interests you have are good places to start.
 
You have to understand that many queer women are wary of women who are partnered with men. This may or may not be an extension of biphobia to some extent, but queer women do experience objectification from het couples.

For that reason, there are red flags that may be a little unfair because some of them are just a communication of information.

For instance, it's probably right that it's prominent on your profile that you have a boyfriend/you're poly, but if it seems like that's the main part of your life and you'd just like to "try" women, then a lot of women will be put off.
 
In my experience, many lesbian women don't want a man anywhere in the picture. If you do start dating a lesbian, your boyfriend will NOT be welcome to participate, watch, see pics, or even hear gory details about it later (assuming you're respectful of your new lady friend.) If he's not to be involved, you can make that clear to the women you're approaching.

There are presumably bi poly/swinger/single women (who may come with their own penis-having partners) willing throw down with you and/or you & your boyfriend. However, someone who *knows* they're bi or pan because they've had same-sex r'ships with women might not wish to be someone's experiment, or they might balk at being the first woman you've ever gone down on, etc..

I suggest you learn how to seduce women. It's a different dance, generally, & women less often approach. So I suggest you do a lot of approaching (in real life & online.) Still, you'll experience lots of rejection. Women (generally) aren't as easy to bed as men.

Once you meet your new lady friend, don't expect to lay back & she'll run the show. She may not have top energy, she might be more submissive & you will have to do the initiating. Learn your way around a strap-on & figure out if you prefer being on one end of it to another (or neither, or none.)

Possibly get specific about what you are & are not able to do for a woman. What might appeal to a queer woman about being your experimental girlfriend/secondary? Maybe get specific: You're seeking a fun potential fwb to go down on. You want a part-time girlfriend for long cuddle sessions. A unicorn for you & your bf.

Best of luck!
 
While there are female sluts out there who would be willing to be your experiment, you'll more likely meet them in queer clubs after a few drinks. If you just want sex with a woman, try that.

If you want your bf to be involved in your experiment(s), seek swinger spaces, websites, clubs, etc.

Women have to be more cautious than men when it comes to hookups, because we are (statistically) physically weaker. We learn to sus out new dating prospects very carefully. This can carry over to same sex dating, as well.

I'm a rather-femme-presenting non-binary/pansexual, and I ran into the same problem when I started poly-dating. Women wouldn't respond to my messages on OK Cupid.

It's better to get involved in the "irl" queer community, in general, and become known as a safe bet for dating first.
 
Hello valeriaaa_,

Dating apps/sites tend to be dead ends, I am sorry to hear that you have had bad luck with them. You may want to consider doing more of meeting up with people in person, maybe just making friends at first and if something more develops later, well, we'll consider that a bonus. Comic cons and indie concerts are a good place to start. Also you can join classes/clubs that feature something you're interested in. Finally, see if you can find any poly groups that are close to you. Google "Las Vegas polyamory" (and/or "Nevada polyamory") and see if something turns up. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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