Hello from a chaotic life

Eris

Eris

New member
Hello. I prefer to go by Eris online, and I live in the South. I am getting divorced after 20 years and I have 3 teenage daughters. One in college, one lives with me and one lives with her dad.
I've known I was Poly all my life, but I married my husband and our marriage was even open for a bit. 10 years ago it all went sour and I should have ended it...but that whole, for the kids/it'll be ok thing. It wasn't ok. I was emotionally/mentally abused and it wasn't ok...in fact I'm pretty messed up and just now able to realize it. Jumping that ship was terrifying, and still is as I just did that in July. I'm going back to school, back to work and putting my life back together.
Why am I here? Well, I felt like I wanted to find a friend, so I looked on one of those dating sites...and I found some nice people that I do talk to now. I also found a guy that I am now seeing. I am Demi, but that connection can be instant sometimes...as it was with my previous lover. This go round I'm being open about who I am and not boxing myself in...so he's Poly as well, married and has another partner who lives in another state.
So, I'm looking for some advice from outside views, because part of me is so happy and part of me is terrified and doesn't know what to do.
 
Welcome, Eris.

I do not know what kind of advice you are seeking. Are there any specific questions? Are you healing from some kind of abuse and not really feeling ready to date? Or is it something else?

I also split with my husband after a long marriage. I married him when I was only 22. We were together 30+ years in total, and had 3 kids who were late teens/very early 20's when we separated.

I also always felt poly, and met my current partner soon after the split, before the divorce (which took 3 years due to various health issues one of our daughters was having).

I met Pixi on OK Cupid. She is poly too. We have both had various partners over the years. We are very very happy. I consider my marriage a "starter marriage" that lasted far too long. I learned a lot about my likes and dislikes in partners in that time. I do regret staying with him that long, but he wasn't all bad, we had some good points of connection, so it was hard to make the decision.
 
I'm still trying to get it all into words, and I'm sure I'll have plenty of questions. That was just my introduction. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who's had something like this in my life though...because it does feel so very odd to me right now, to be loved after so long without it. Thanks for telling me a bit about you.
 
Greetings Eris,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I'm sorry to hear that your ex-marriage got to be so awful. You are a good person and do not deserve to be mentally/emotionally abused. It sounds like your new lover is a lot nicer to you. I hope you can develop a nice situation with him. Be sure to communicate with him a lot, communication is vital in any poly situation. Also continue to post in this forum as your situation evolves, post your thoughts and questions as they arise in your mind. You may want to post in Poly Relationships Corner, where you can probably get more responses from a wider range of people. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
So many "realized I was Poly during a failed/doomed marriage" stories. So glad I'm not alone there. So glad none of us are alone.
 
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