Hello from the UK

B

Bexinterrupted

New member
Hi all, I'm new to being poly, I know I've been poly forever but had no idea it had a name /lifestyle etc I've been married to my husband for 12 years and only recently bought the topic of me being poly up. Can anyone advise me how to reassure him and stop him freaking out and introverting. I guess I'm asking how do I get my husband who I love to accept who I am? Help!

About me I'm a nerd, book mad, female, I battle with bipolar and anxiety. Also cat mummy. I'm really looking forward to learning from you all.
 
Hi, from the UK also :)

My back story is similar to yours - we've been poly for over 5 years now, and it's mainly been straightforward, but my husband did take some persuading in the beginning. One thing that resonated with us is that all the things that can be a worry when opening up your relationship - your other half falling in love with someone else etc. etc., can happen in a closed relationship, and this way at least everything's out in the open.

Not that we ever have because things are pretty backward down our way, but maybe going out to a poly group together if they have such things in your area would help? Meeting people who have had similar experiences and are making it work - so he can see how it actually looks in practice. Or getting him on here to read about other people's stories?
 
Greetings Bexinterrupted,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You are in a difficult situation, I am thinking you'll have to be patient with your husband, and just introduce poly to him a little at time. The thing is, he may be monogamous through and through and if he is, he may never accept poly no matter how slow and careful you are about it. Right now we don't know whether that's the case.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful than that ... maybe hearing more of your story will give me some more ideas.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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Welcome aboard!
 
Just a quick update, on my previous post. My husband is happy for me! 😄 he is firmly mono but is comfortable for me to explore, he says we will discuss rules etc if/when I find someone I connect with. I'm so relieved and happy! Yay for polyamory!
 
That's good news, I'm glad to hear it.
 
Yay, Bex, that's great.

Have a search around the forum about rules and how they often hinder more than help and many people let them dissolve as they get used to everything. Makes one think it's better to not start off with too many.

When I was a teenager, my parent's (mum, really) attitude was 'let us know where you are, that's all, then if something happens we know where to start trying to find you'. I think even in this day of cell phones, this applies, because they aren't infallible, especially in actual crises (big earthquakes etc).

So that's the place I'd aim for with hubby. The only rule is that he needs to know where, in case of earthquake etc.

All the best
Evie
 
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