Here is how it sounds to me. I am naming the people generic colors
Red? She's dating two other guys.
- Purple does/does not know Red sees other people.
- Yellow does/does not know Red sees other people.
- Yellow also has a wife named Orange.
- Yellow and Red are having a secret cheating affair behind her back. Orange is clueless.
Your BF Blue is chooses to get involved in that network.
- Blue starts dating Red.
- Blue knows she sees Purple and Yellow. Blue also knows about Orange being cheated on.
- Blue does/does not know if Red sees any other people?
- Blue minimizes your place in his life.
- Blue lies about how long you've been his GF because Red made a rule that they can't date anyone from the past and he wants to get around that rather than being honest with Red. (<-- So she has no past people, and Purple and Yellow are NEW? This is how she practices poly?)
- Blue and Red are taking a 30 day break.
- Blue says you have dibs on his heart.
- So if Red wants him to dump you? He'd rather break up with her and stick with you. (<--What is this? Checking you will still be around as his back up person after all this hinky?)
You have decide you don't want to be mixed up with the weird. Blue's behaviors are not things you admire. You broke up with him.
Now he's mad that he is losing access to you and all your services. So he flips it around and accuses you of being angry.
Blue is not treating EITHER of his partners with respect and dignity.
I think it's ok to be 10% angry and mostly hurt and disappointed that this Blue guy was just NOT a long haul runner for you. He just does not make the cut for what you want in a dating partner. Does not meet your personal standards. If this is all he has for dating offer? You can pass.
I validate your choice to get out. I would do the same thing. End it and not just deal in shenanigans! Who wants that?
My only question to you is...
WHY do you have to be supportive of him emotionally? Your broke up. He's your ex. Let it be over.
"This doesn't work for me. I'm breaking up. Wish you well in your future endeavors."
That's all the emotional labor this needs. Then cut contact. If he tries to connect? Play the broken record. "We are broken up. Do not contact me."
Your personal growth from the experience might be to break up and walk away without doing more than that. To realize that some people? You can try to be "good exes and friends" with. Some people? Are best "just exes" that you don't ever talk to again.
You are not obliged to keep on dispensing emotional support labor to your ex even if that was part of what you did when you were dating him as his partner. You are not obliged to do "exit interviews" with exes. You are not obliged to do ANYTHING with them. They are exes!
One is free to make one's choices. One is not free from consequences of said choices. If he keeps doing things that cause him emotional distress? Well, he can stop doing things like that so he
doesn't have to feel distress. Learn to make better choices in life. But that is HIS work he needs to do. It's not your job to do it for him.
You could be glad you got yourself out of the mess. Cuz it sounds like (messy polyfuckery + cheating) rather than (ethical and consenting polyamory) here.
Could accept it's over between you and put no energy in that direction any more.
Could thank yourself for taking care of you and removing you from hinky.
Could let yourself grieve and heal from the break up.
I think you made the right choice for your health and well being. There are better behaving people than
this to try to poly with later down when you feel ready to date again.
Galagirl