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Pluto_oct2

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What do you do when you are in a poly relationship, and one of your partners tells the other partner to break up with you, because they are unhappy, and now all you wanna do is cry and be alone, but you can't, because they want to be by your side, and you can't cry in front of people because then you feel weak?
 
So Partner A is telling you to break up with Partner B? But which one is unhappy, and why? And why would one tell you to break up with the other one? Does one have veto power over the other one? I am a bit confused. Can you elaborate so you can get some support from the community?

The crying issue-- you should feel free to express your feelings regardless, and tears don't make you weak. They make you strong because you are in touch with your feelings.
 
Let me repeat back what I understood in my own words, using pretend names, to be sure I got it how you meant it. You correct me, ok?

  • You're dating Apple and Banana in a poly V. You are the hinge.
  • Apple told Banana to break up with you because Apple is unhappy. Basically, Apple is trying to run Banana off and get to you themselves.
  • Now you just want to cry and be alone.
  • But Apple wants to be by your side. You can't cry with them there, because you prefer to cry in private.
Is that how it is? If so, I think this:

Short term, tell Apple to go home, so you can cry on your own. If you live together, go elsewhere to cry on your own-- in the shower; at a friend's house; a study room at the library on a quiet/discreet floor; at a park in your car. If affordable, get yourself a hotel room for a few hours. Or give Apple a big shopping list and send them out for groceries. Whatever is doable.

Longer term, reflect if this is a healthy relationship. Decide if you want to break up with Apple over this behavior. Trying to run Banana off sounds possessive. Not leaving you alone when you want to be alone sounds disrespectful.

Galagirl
 
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... you get angry?
 
Hello Pluto_oct2,

I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through this. It sucks that your partner told your other partner to break up with you. I don't think this is your fault, just that alas you still have to suffer from the consequences. Hang in there.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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