Help with a specific kind of relationship for my story

[Svens]

Okay, so first of all, I'm new both to this forum and to the polygamy thing. I'm not poly myself. I'm not even monogamous. I'm asexual.

I watched a TV show recently, and it surprised me, because at some point three of the characters in it got together in a polygamous relationship, which I found rather interesting. I would like to make up a story (daydream form) based on this relationship from the show. I'll explain:

Two straight male best friends (let's call them Ron and Cory) happen to fall in love with the same woman, after spending time with her separately and together (always as just friends) for a few months. And the woman falls for them both, as well. But when the two guys confess their feelings to her, and ask her which of them she loves, she says she loves them both, and the boys are left with a WTF kind of face. LOL

So after thinking about it for a while, they decide that they can't accept this kind of relationship, They think it's sick, definitely not normal. So they tell her that they will just stay friends with her. She agrees at first.

She tells them to have dinner together tonight as friends, and the boys agree. That night, things escalate to a point that they somehow start making out, but in the process the guys happen to accidentally touch each other and kiss each other once.

The next morning, they're freaking out. They spend all day thinking about their thing, but finally decide that despite the fact that they both liked it (and one of them, Cory, got an erection just thinking about that kiss with Ron, no less, lol) they're not gay, and can't be part of such a relationship. So they again express their thoughts to the woman. But she, as always, is very persuasive and strong, and basically tells them, "fuck normal." They're happy. Who cares what anyone else thinks? She's not asking them to sleep with each other, etc. So after this and other discussions, in the end, they end up in bed together. Afterwards, they decide to go for it, and Cory moves into Ron's and the woman's apartment.

Their rules: the woman can be affectionate with just one of the guys, regardless whether the other is present or not, but they can't have sex separately. They have to be together, because they want to, as the boys think that something's "missing" when the other is not with them during sex. Is that because they may be gay, or is this normal in poly relationships?

Well, this is basically a quick summary. Lots of things happen afterwards, but that's beside the point. But anyone wondering how it ends in the show: Cory decides to break up with them and leave for personal reasons, not because he's unhappy with this relationship. He tells them as much. He says that he loves them both to pieces, but that he has to move on. The woman and Ron don't want him to go, but reluctantly accept it. Then Cory hugs them both and leaves. So this is basically the story.

Obviously, my story would be different. There's no point in making up a story already told. XD But I'd like to establish the same kind of relationship dynamic, so that's why I'm asking. I'd like to know:

1. Is this kind of relationship possible-- two relatively straight guys and a woman loving each other, and being together, but with the m/m side being platonic, yet only wanting to have sex with all three present, at the same time?

2. Is the guys' relationship with each other possible? As explained, they eventually only want to have sex when all three are present. They feel like it's a 3-person relationship, not 2. They basically act like they're together, but without having sex. And when Cory wants to leave, which happens several times, Ron is heartbroken and wants him to stay. But what should he care, if he only loves the woman? He can still be friends with Cory while still in a relationship with the woman, which was what he (and Cory) had wanted from the start. I'd think he'd be glad to have her all to himself! So is it possible to be in a sexual relationship with someone, and in a platonic one at the same time, in the same relationship, but still wanting the platonic partner present during sex for some reason, and acting like he's your bf, not just your bff who also happens to be fucking your gf? Like, WTF??

3. What is this kind of relationship called? M/F/M? V? Triad? Any other terms applicable here?

 

[graviton]

This is weird. I guess it's possible, but you will never have it happen. What you are basically asking is if there is a way for you to construct a relationship in a very specific configuration with two other people. You are asking if there is a way for you to have a god-like control over the relationship and the people involved. The more people involved in the relationship, the harder it is to get the relationship precisely the way you want it to be, because everyone has free will and everyone has unique needs and desires. It is possible, but it is highly unlikely that you will get the specific outcome that you have outlined.

 

[KC43]

The OP is asking whether this would be reasonable in fiction, if I've understood the post correctly.

In fiction, almost anything is realistic, if you're able to construct it as such. I've read romance novels with a similar premise to what you're proposing; some romance publishers who do "menage romances" insist that all sex scenes incorporate all participants, even if two are purely platonic with each other. So for a story, the premise you've presented could be done, as long as you establish why the guys will only accept it if sex is always a threesome; why the woman is okay with this; and why any of them are in this situation at all, especially given that you say at first the guys are repulsed by the idea.

Set it up logically and realistically, and your readers will accept it.

If you're asking whether this would be realistic in real life, that's a different thing entirely. I'm answering purely from the perspective of writing a fictional story.

 

[sparklepop]

Hi Svens,

1. Is this kind of relationship possible-- two relatively straight guys and a woman loving each other, and being together, but with the m/m side being platonic, yet only wanting to have sex with all three present at the same time?

Of course it's possible. This kind of relationship is called a poly V, where one person has two partners, but the partners are not involved in a romantic/sexual relationship with each other. The two guys are 'metamours' (i.e., the 'love of my love'). As for the guys wanting to be present, sure, this could happen. I wouldn't say it's the norm, but I wouldn't say it's unthinkable either.

2. Is the guys' relationship with each other possible?

I think it's feasible that they would want to be in a 3-person relationship, for the 'togetherness.'

When Cory wants to leave... Ron is heartbroken and wants him to stay. But what should he care, if he only loves the woman?

Well, Ron may be in love with Cory. Or, Ron may miss Cory's presence. I think this is entirely plausible, whichever way you look at it.

I'd think he'd be glad to have her all to himself!

He might want her all to himself, but might not. Not everyone wants a person all to themselves (genuinely). Some relationships work better when they are shared with others. Perhaps he is even conflicted and is partly happy to have her to himself, and partly sad that Cory has left, or that their adventure is over.

Is it possible to be in a sexual relationship with someone, and in a platonic one at the same time, in the same relationship, but still wanting the platonic partner present during sex, for some reason, and acting like he's your bf, not just your bff who also happens to be fucking your gf?

Erm... ~laughs~

Well, it's entirely possible to be in any kind of relationship. There could be a sense of unity without the sexual element between the guys.

3. What is this kind of relationship called? M/F/M? V? Triad? Any other terms applicable here?

If the boys are not romantically or sexually involved, it would technically be a poly V. It could be called a triad of sorts. Labels wouldn't necessarily be needed.

Perhaps develop where you want to go with this story. Do you want it to be a shocker that caters to the masses, and is justified by the strong, persuasive woman who led them down the garden path? Do you want it to appeal to poly people and create a story that is more beautiful and thought-provoking than 'freaky' or 'funny'?

 

[Bluebird]

I'm in a MFM polyfi V, where we all live together - well, we are in the process of doing so, anyway. My guys don't interact sexually at all. It definitely happens in other people's relationships, though, so it isn't out of the realm of possibility for a fictional story!

I don't have a hierarchy and I can have sex with either of my guys, any time. Putting limits on love would not work for me, and I think it would cause crazy problems.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Svens,

Your hypothetical story reminds me of a couple of poly movies I have seen. One is called "Three" and was done in 2010 (it's in German with subtitles); the other is called "Threesome" and was done in 1994. Both of those films feature MFM relationships and have the interesting feature of exploring that gray area where the two men don't necessarily think of themselves as gay, and yet there is some kind of a sexual dynamic between the two men. The German movie in particular has an interesting scene where the two men are discussing the dynamic over a couple of beers and the one man says, "I'm not gay, you understand that don't you," and the other man says something to the effect of, "Maybe you just need to put aside your traditional assumptions about human sexuality."

As for the WTF moment the two men experience when the woman says, "But I want both of you," I know of two movies that have pretty much that exact dialog verbatum. One is the film "Bandits" which was done in 2001; the other is the old musical Western "Paint Your Wagon," done in 1969. Again both movies feature a (hetero) MFM dynamic, and Paint Your Wagon even ends with one of the men leaving (more or less because he's just too much of a free spirit for domestic life).

So the story you propose to tell is not entirely new in the issues it addresses; I've seen bits and pieces of it addressed in all four of those movies (ranging from 2010 to 1969).

Is the type of composite relationship you described possible? I'm sure it is, if for no other reason simply because humans exhibit such a vast range of inclinations and personalities. I can't remember having heard of an MFM dynamic exactly like what you've described, but I've certainly heard of bits and pieces of it in different poly relationships over the years. Some people do seem to have a thing about "everyone being present" when sex occurs.

Technically the three-person unit you're describing is an MFM V. The men could be called the legs of the V; the woman could be called the hinge of the V. I would note however that the men have a particular (almost sexual?) intimacy with each other, and for that reason, you might be able to call the three-person unit an "emotional triad." All three people aren't "quite" all sexually involved with each other, but the legs of the V are really really close and that has emotional (if not sexual) elements of a triad.

Other than that, I like KC43's and sparklepop's posts and particularly agree with KC43 that the important thing is to convey *why* the different characters in your story want what they want. As a painter tries to paint in such a way as to somehow communicate with the viewer in a compelling way, you, as a writer, want to paint your story in such a way that the reader can get lost in the story and even suspend disbelief for the sake of the story. Your challenge would be getting some reader to say, "I don't know whether this type of thing would be possible, but I like the idea of it and I like the way he tells it."

Just some thoughts, and I'll be glad to discuss the subject more if you want.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[Svens]

Wow! Thanks everyone. I didn't expect so many responses and help! I haven't even read them all yet. Thanks a lot. I'll answer appropriately with more info once I get back from school in a few hours.

I just wanted to say that I wanted to know if this kind of relationship dynamic could be reasonable in real life. I know in fiction everything is possible. This story is from a TV show, so yeah, it's already been done that way. But I'd like to know if it would be realistic IRL, even if unusual, because the story I want to make up (a fictional one-- this is not about me-- I'm not into sex, let alone poly sex XD) is about the same dynamic: two male best friends and a woman together, but with the two bffs being uninvolved sexually. But considering the relationship the guys from the TV show had (ambiguous, at best), I just question if this is even possible. Yet again, they might as well be romantically/emotionally, but not sexually, involved. Is this even possible? I'm aromantic as well as asexual, so I'm kinda lost here.

Also, another question I forgot to ask is, what would they call each other? Would the woman say she's got two boyfriends/partners/lovers/friends, or something else? And the guys, would they say they've got a girlfriend and a boyfriend, even if it's not true? Or is it? Can someone actually say they've got a boyfriend despite not having sex with him? I thought only romantic asexuals did that. A girlfriend and a best friend who's also fucking her? LOL

 

[Vixtoria]

It sounds as though the show you saw was that late night MTV show where they do small vignettes based on three different periods, high school, college, young adult. I remember those episodes. It was definitely fiction. Yes, it's totally possible in fiction.

If it hasn't already been mentioned, it's not polygamous, because there are not multiple marriages going on. It would be considered a form of polyamory-- multiple romantic relationships.

As far as what they would call each other, that would be totally up to them. You'll find if you read enough that what to call your multiple partners and partners of partners is a rather intense subject. Some people say SO (significant other) and OSO (other significant other). Some say boyfriend and girlfriend. Some say lovers. Some call their relationships by terms such as primary, secondary, tertiary, anchor, hub-- all kinds of things.

When referring to your partner's partner, most often the term used is metamour, e.g., My husband is my boyfriend's metamour. They have no relationship to each other, intimate or otherwise. They are on friendly terms, and comfortable with joking and all of that, but not friends exactly. Just mutual respect.

My suggestion is if you want to write this as realistically as possible, and not just a cute vignette of OMGcollegelife! like the MTV version, read up! You can check other threads here, the Golden Nuggets section, the blogs, and you'll see that there are all kinds of ways to have multiple relationships. Depending on if the story is more about the relationships or more fluff, short story, longer fiction, etc.

Side note: go to Ralan.com and you will find many places that publish short stories. I'm not suggesting you are looking to publish, but one of the things they do is break down ezines by interest, and there are those out there that publish stories geared to realistic and respectful alternative relationships of all kinds. It might also give you ideas on how to write fiction for the audience you have in mind.

 

[KC43]

Svens, your characters would call each other whatever feels right for those characters. While there are terms that are fairly common for poly relationships, there are also poly relationships where labels aren't used at all (see my signature), or where they make up their own labels. I refer to Guy as my boyfriend, but I don't really like that term; we just haven't managed to come up with another yet. He just refers to me as "his." Hubby and Guy sometimes refer to each other as "bro-hubs," because Hubby was being a wiseass one day and referenced the show "Sister Wives," and Guy found it entertaining. (Hubby and Guy have no relationship with each other; they consider each other friends, but don't really communicate, other than through me-- which is a whole 'nother subject.)

In my MFM romance novel, the heroine refers to one of the heroes as her boyfriend, because they're living together in a committed relationship before the other M comes on the scene. I don't think either hero refers to the other as anything, and I don't think the heroine gives a term for the second hero either, nor does he label who she is in his life. (It's a 3-year-old book, and I can't remember everything I wrote...) And they don't have a label for their relationship; it just "is what it is."

So again... even though I understand you wanting to make this as true-to-life as possible, there is no one "right" way to do that. There's variety within the poly community, because no two people are identical, so they don't look at things in identical ways. As long as you make your characters as fully formed and truly human as you can, however you create their relationship and the labels they use will be realistic.

 

[Dagferi]

I am in a MFM V.

I consider both my guys my husbands. I have homes with both, two separate households. My children travel with me between the two if Butch is working.

I share financial responsibilities with both. I'm planning retirement with both.

They are separate but equal relationships.

My guys get along just fine. They help each other out. We do holidays and kid stuff together.

They call each other by their first names.

 

[Svens]

Fuckkkk, I had answered a lot of responses and then when I tried to post it, the page said I had to log in first again and when I did then it said I had to go back because I had logged in? and then all I had written was gone! wtf?! Thank God I saved some of it, as I'm too mad right now to rewrite it all again. T_T I'm very sorry, for the people whom I didn't answer. I'll try to write it all again when I'm in a good mood again. lol

So for a story, the premise you've presented could be done, as long as you establish why the guys will only accept it if sex is always a threesome, why the woman is okay with this, and why any of them are in this situation at all, especially given that you say at first the guys are repulsed by the idea.

This is precisely what I need to figure out. In the show, it's made pretty clear why the woman loves the guys and why the guys love the woman (I mean, who wouldn't? XD), but what is not really shown is why the guys want to include each other in this relationship, when at first they weren't okay at all with the idea. Ron says something's "missing" when he's with the woman alone, without Cory with them, and that if one of the three leaves, then the whole thing is broken. But why?

Ron says that just when Cory is about to give up his involvement in this relationship in favour of Ron/Woman.
I can understand why this would upset the woman, but why Ron?
Why wouldn't he want the woman to himself, when that's what he wanted at first?
Why would he break up with the woman if Cory were no longer with them?

In the show, I honestly think they were sort of gay for each other. But I don't want that in my story; I want my two male characters to love each other only emotionally, even romantically is fine, just not sexually, and that being the reason why they want the other to be in this relationship. So what I'm asking is:

Would this be feasible for a poly relationship IRL?

Can 2 members of a 3-person poly relationship want to be together, along with the 3rd person, but not sexually with each other? I don't mean, them being fine with the woman having another boyfriend, I mean the boyfriend needs to be with both the woman (sexually and emotionally) and with the other guy (emotionally only). And not just that, but they have to have sex only when all 3 are present.

LOL. The whole thing seems just too much, but I really want to create such a story.

My suggestion is if you want to write this as realistically as possible, and not just a cute vignette of OMGcollegelife! like the MTV version, read up! You can check other threads here, the Golden Nuggets section, the blogs, and you'll see that there are all kinds of ways to have multiple relationships! Depending on if the story is more about the relationships or more fluff, short story, longer fiction, etc.
Side note: go to Ralan.com and you will find many places that publish short stories. I'm not suggesting you are looking to publish, but one of the things they do is break down ezines by interest. There are those out there that publish stories geared to realistic and respectful alternative relationships of all kinds. It might also give you ideas on how to write fiction for the audience you have in mind.

Thanks a lot for the suggestions! I'll definitely check it out, as I want to know as much as possible about poly relationships.

It sounds as though the show you saw was that late night MTV show where they do small vignettes based on three different periods.

No, I don't know what show you're referring to, but it's not the one I watched. I'm completely sure, because the show I was talking about is a Spanish one. That's mostly why I didn't even bother to mention the title. But if anyone's interested in watching it, just say so, as I think there are English subtitles. I'll probably make a fan video about this relationship of the show and I'll upload it to YouTube in a few days. So if anyone is interested, I could share the link here, so that you guys can see for yourselves what the relationship dynamics I am talking about are like.

When referring to your partner's partner, most often the term is metamour, e.g., My husband is my boyfriend's metamour. They have no relationship to each other, intimate or otherwise. They are on friendly terms, and comfortable with joking and all of that, but not friends exactly. Just mutual respect.

Hmm... but this is not exactly the boys' situation, either in the show, or the one I want for my story. They are not just friends, or the partner's partner, they are all three together in a relationship. It's just that two of the members don't have sex with each other. If it's not metamour, then what is it? Not exactly a V, not exactly a triad... Maybe an "emotional triad," like someone here suggested. :S

As far as what they would call each other, that's totally up to them. Your characters would call each other whatever feels right for them.. As long as you make your characters as fully formed and truly human as you can, however you create their relationship and the labels they use will be realistic.

I see. Well, I tried to think how two heterosexual guys would think of each other while in this kind of relationship. I don't know, They would still say they're just friends, in my opinion, just like in the show, even though that's not true. But I think that from their POV they would think that. I mean, I don't know. I'm a guy, but I'm not straight or sexual or poly, so how would I know?

But the woman would probably say they're both her boyfriends/partners, as there's no hierarchy here. So... yeah. I'll think about it. Thanks!

I am actually really trying to make my characters realistic and human. I don't want to make a superficial/funny story. It will be a drama. Also, the story won't be just about the poly relationship; I'll focus a lot on other stuff too, like the characters' own personal problems, family issues, financial issues, secrets and traumas of the past, etc.

kdt26417, thanks a lot for the films suggestions! I'll definitely check them out. TBH, I want my story to be more original than that-- I just don't know how. At least the fact that the story won't be erotica/porn would qualify as "new," though! XD

 

[kdt26417]

Pro tip: Whenever you log in, always check the box labeled "Remember Me?" That way you will stay logged in and won't lose your pending posts.

In fact I also have a folder full of text drafts, and I start a new text file almost every time I start to write a new post. That way no matter what happens -- even if there's a power outage and my PC konks out -- I'll have most or all of the post I was writing because I save obsessively, probably once per sentence at least. When I finish composing the post, I select all and copy to the clipboard (Ctrl+A then Ctrl+C), then paste (Ctrl+V) to the post compose window on the website. No matter what goes wrong I then still have the post saved in the text file. More steps? Sure. But nobody likes to lose all the work you put into that would-be post you wanted to post. Why take any chances?

Re (from Svens):

"Just wanted to say that I want to know if this kind of relationship dynamic could be reasonable in real life; I know in fiction everything is possible but I'd like to know if it would be realistic IRL, even if unusual, because the story I want to make up is about the same dynamic: two male best friends and a woman together *but* with the two bff being uninvolved sexually, but considering the relationship the guys from the TV show had I just question if this is even possible. Yet again, they might have as well been romantically/emotionally involved, is this even possible? I'm aromantic so kinda lost here."

Just reiterating what I said in my earlier post, but here it is, short and sweet: Yes, I believe the relationship dynamics you propose would be possible, realistic, and reasonable IRL. (In fact they might not even be as unusual as one would think.)

Re (from last post):

"Ron says something's 'missing' when he's with the woman alone, without Cory with them, and that if one of the three leaves then the whole thing is broken, but why?"

Which reminds me of yet another movie, "A Small Circle of Friends" (1980). Coincidentally yet another MFM story, one of the two men gets killed, and as a result, the woman and the remaining man feel like they have to break up. It just doesn't work without that second man.

In the movie, the "Why" question is mostly answered just by the excellent way the actors play their parts. In written form, you need to engage the reader in that dynamic without the help of actors. Sometimes you can tell the story without answering the "Why" question, but you do have to address the question somehow. Perhaps leave little thoughts or clues that might help the reader answer the question on their own.

Sometimes I think that virtually every kink the mind can imagine has probably been embraced IRL somewhere. Maybe it's a "thing" (a "kink") for these two men to share this woman, so much so that they want to share her as up close and personal as possible. Doesn't even have to be a "physical kink," can be an "emotional kink" (even though it concerns sex which is physical).

You could use that explanation in your story, but don't be too quick to use it. It's your story, your creation; you are the author. I don't know about you but I'd feel kind of funny writing your story for you. This is what the creative process is all about, is forumulating your own answers to the "Why" questions. It is the test of your skill as a writer and an opportunity to level up as a writer using the tool of experience. You could use my explanation (in the above paragraph) as a demonstration that answers to the question "Why" do exist. I only offer up one answer as an example. See what you can come up with if you run with that bit.

I should probably point out that however you choose to address the "Why," you're generally dealing with a society that's programmed to think monogamously. Polyamory isn't a concept that most people hear about, especially as kids. So some kind of a thing for sharing might lie below the surface, and yet both men might be unaware of that thing at first, due to how foreign it is to monogamous thinking. They would have to have some kind of an "aha" moment where they discovered that repressed part of their subconscious.

Re:

"I want my two male characters to love each other only emotionally, even romantically is fine just not sexually, and that being the reason why they want the other to be in this relationship. So what I'm asking is, would this be feasible for a poly relationship IRL?"

Yes, I believe it would be. And by the way, it sounds like you have the beginnings of your own answer to their "Why." It's emotional and it's romantic. Run with that. Flesh it out, little by little.

In your thread here, I hear you expressing a fear that you won't be able to tell this story, and yet in the same breath you seem to be telling the story (convincingly enough) right here in this thread. Seems to me you just need a bit more writer's confidence. The skills and the ideas are already present.

Re:

"I'm a guy but I'm not straight or sexual or poly so how would I know ..."

See? You're unwittingly second-guessing yourself. "But, but, I'm not qualified to know the reasons why these guys would have this relationship ..." Being a writer is all about exercising the imagination to put yourself inside the minds of each of your fictional characters. You are qualified, because you're the author!

I mean yeah, definitely read and interact on a lot of the threads here on Polyamory.com; learn as much as you can about what poly is all about -- what pitfalls and what rewards are common. But at the end of the day, have the faith you need in your own abilities to tell this story. The abilities are there.

Re:

"I'll probably make a fanvideo about this relationship of the show and I'll upload it to youtube in a few days so if anyone was interested I could share the link here so that you guys saw for yourselves what the relationship dynamics I am talking about is like."

Sure, share the link; I'll watch the video. I'll need those subtitles though!

Re:

"They are not just friends, or the partner's partner, they are all three together in a relationship, it's just that two of the members don't have sex with each other. If it's not metamour then what is this then?"

Still metamours, I should think, but with some qualifying adjective. Loving metamours? Multimours? If this was "Stranger in a Strange Land," we could call them water brothers.

Come on man! Tap into your writer's creativity, and think up a good word for these two men. Part of the plot in the story could be the problem of them trying to think of what to call themselves. There could be a scene where they have a conversation about it.

Which makes me think that these two men and this one woman must be concerned about "doing it right" and are probably researching polyamory on the web. There could be scenes where they are talking to each other about what they are learning, or where one character peeks over another character's shoulder while that other character studies a particular web page.

By the way, there's a thing called "relationship anarchy" in which people hardly use any special labels at all. Like, the only label they like to use for anyone in their life is a "friend." The details of anyone's relationship with any one "friend" of theirs need not be mentioned in their label, they can just talk about the details on the details' own merits when the need arises.

That doesn't tell you what labels *you* (or your characters) should use, it just casts a different light on the subject.

The best piano teacher I ever had, used to tell me, whenever we'd talk about composing new songs, that it's like it says in the Old Testament: There's nothing new under the Sun. Every composer obtains inspiration from the musical ideas of previous composers, and all artists "steal" each other's ideas to a certain extent. Heck, a scientist, too, builds on the theories that have already been formulated by previous scientists. We all borrow ideas. It's actually part of the creative process. Making something new out of something that has come before. So watch those movies I mentioned, be inspired by them, and use that inspiration to add new ideas as you tell your own story and make it your own.

Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[Eponine]

Hi. Fellow asexual here.

I didn't read through every post, but just wanted to comment on the label of the relationship and how they refer to each other. I don't think there's a standard answer to either question.

I think there's a grey area between a V and a triad, and which label to use depends on your criteria for an intimate/significant relationship. Some people think sexual behaviors mark a significant relationship, and others think the emotional component is more important. I'm in a triad that some people may categorize as a V, because not every two-way connection among us is romantic, not to mention sexual. We're all on the asexual spectrum. But to us, triad is a more accurate label, because the emotional intimacy is equal among all three of us. We don't think whether our feelings are romantic or not is very important.

As for how to address each other, that's even more flexible. The labels we use in our triad include SO, romantic friend, and affectionate friend. We also simply refer to each other as friends under some circumstances, because we're the relationship-anarchist types Kevin mentioned above.

I'd say the two guys in your story are friends or "special friends." But as Kevin said, don't let our answers restrict your creativity!

BTW, I like the idea of having the two guys have a non-romantic, non-sexual, yet still highly intimate relationship. It's also possible for them to love each other romantically, but not sexually, because one's romantic orientation and sexual orientation don't have to be the same.

 

[KC43]

It's important as a writer to remember that you do not have to have personal experience with everything you write about.

I wrote bout a V-triad before I even knew the term, and included a threesome sex scene in that novel, not something I'd experienced.

I write romance novels about gay men. I'm neither gay nor a man.

I write teen fiction about teenagers who are gay, lesbian, or transgender. I've been a teenager, but not any of the other things.

On a slightly silly note, I write romance novels about werewolves. I'm not a werewolf.

All of these things have been published by various publishers who pay me for my work and have pretty strong quality control as to what they put out for public consumption. My lack of personal experience/knowledge has not kept me from writing authentic, realistic characters and situations.

Writers frequently hear, "Write what you know," but I think that's phrased poorly. It should be "Know what you're writing." Do your research. Read. Talk to people who've been there, if you can.

It doesn't matter whether you're sexual or asexual, romantic or aromantic, what your orientation or gender identity is. You aren't writing about yourself. If you take the time to learn-- as you seem to be doing here-- about the types of characters and situations you're writing, plus use your brain, and your knowledge of human beings in general, you should be fine.

 

[kdt26417]

Heh, amen Eponine and KC43.

 

[Svens]

Thanks for your answers, everyone! You're all absolutely right: I need to have more confidence in myself. There's nothing stopping me from writing this story if I get to know what I want to write about. I guess it's just such a new thing to me that I have too many doubts and questions, but I'll sort it out.

You've all been really helpful. I love this forum. In other ones, there are so many nasty people, who even start insulting me personally just for the sake of it.

I'll take my time to respond to everyone. I will do so as soon as I can, since I'm quite busy these days with exams, and also I'm working on my fanvid about the TV show I told you about. But yeah, I'll be back! Thanks again for everything. It's a pity that I can't stay on this forum. haha

 

[Nadya]

One more comment about labels... Other people have pointed out that the characters should choose the labels they use. It is also entirely possible not to use any labels at all.

I have two partners myself. CJ is my legal husband, so I refer to him as such. Mark, on the other hand, on this forum I use the term "partner," but IRL we really do not have any label for him, other than "friend." Normally we just use his first name. The missing label does not mean he is insignificant to me, or to CJ, for that matter.

I had the same labeling problem with CJ before we got married. I did not like any of the labels available, so I chose not to use them, and used his first name instead, or called him "a friend."

 

[kdt26417]

Yeah, since Snowbunny is not my wife (Brother-Husband is her legal husband), she often introduces her relationship to me as, she is a "friend of the family." Heh, she could call herself my "poly partner" but she is not ready to out us to the world.

 

[KC43]

The reason Hubby and I got engaged when we did was because I complained that when he called me his girlfriend I felt like I was only a temporary part of his life. So he proposed and said, "There, now you can call me your fiance."

I call Guy my boyfriend when I'm talking to people who know the situation, but I don't really like calling him that. We just haven't been able to come up with another term. As stated in my signature, he prefers to avoid labels, but I need a term for him because that's how I am. When I'm talking to people I'm not "out" to, I just call him my friend.

And he and hubby call each other "Bro-hub."

 

[kdt26417]

You could call Guy your heart-husband? Just brainstorming out loud here.