Hello my wife and I finally feel like it is time to expand our family by meeting a new woman for us to love. I am hoping that we can find good advice on meeting people or actually meet someone here to expand our family with. It is almost impossible to find a single bisexual woman even on dating sites and we have tried a lot of them. So any advice or anything else would be awesome.
Hi everyone
- Thread starter wesnkel
- Start date
You're looking for a unicorn. She is so rare, she is a myth.
FMF triads are almost non-existent. After all, what's in it for a single bi woman? Maybe some fun sex, for a while. There is stigma in polyamory. She'd be perceived as the other woman, a home wrecker, by many in our society. Or the three of you couldn't be "out" to anyone you know. She'd be passed off as a friend or roommate. She would be secondary.
If you want someone to live with you, "expand your family," you could never marry her. That's illegal. She would need her own room, her own ability to nest and decorate the home with her personal style. She would need special legal steps taken to protect her for her well being as the non-married partner.
There's an excellent chance one or the other of you would love her less, or never fall in love with her, or fall out of love, leading to awkwardness. Or she might only love one of you, and just like the other. Then you'd have a V, where one partner is a hinge, and the other 2 are not romantically involved.
Mainstream media paints these so called FMF triads as THE way to do polyamory. But that is because this kind of arrangement SELLS. It's the top fantasy for men, to have 2 women in bed. And if he can watch them do lesbian sex together, all the better.
But the truth is, the huge majority of poly couples date separately. Each partner finds and dates their own other partner. Say, you find another woman to date. This woman may or may not get along with your wife. They may not like each other and prefer not to meet. They may like each other a little, and be OK saying hi if their paths cross. They may like each other enough to hang out if you're there. They may like each other enough to hang out if you're not there. They may be sexually attracted to each other for a while, but not really like each other as people.
Each of these scenarios is much much more likely than the one where all 3 of you like, love and are attracted to each other equally and you end up in a lifelong equal relationship.
By the way, this unicorn wouldn't "expand your family." You and your wife's old relationship would be over. A triad is several Vs stacked up.
You+wife
You+unicorn
Wife+unicorn
Each dyad is its own relationship. Each one needs nurturing separately. Then the whole threesome needs to be balanced and operating well also.
Al99
Well-known member
Hi wesnkel and welcome to the Forum! We have a lot of experienced poly folks here who are generally helpful and friendly so please do not hesitate to share any questions and thoughts that you may have - especially if you decide to explore the larger world of poly beyond the popular concept of the FMF triad.
My best advice is to re-read what Magdlyn had to say - her post is an excellent synopsis of the general consensus of the poly community regarding the idea of adding a third to an existing marriage. This is not a simple prejudice on the part of the poly community - the issues are so profound, that despite the popular myth that the FMF triad is a common poly arrangement, the women who are willing to actually sign up for such an arrangement are indeed almost as rare as the mythical unicorn (as you noticed when searching dating sites). I would also strongly recommend this article - which is an intelligent, thoughtful explanation of the issues involved in adding a third.
https://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html
Again, welcome!
Al
My best advice is to re-read what Magdlyn had to say - her post is an excellent synopsis of the general consensus of the poly community regarding the idea of adding a third to an existing marriage. This is not a simple prejudice on the part of the poly community - the issues are so profound, that despite the popular myth that the FMF triad is a common poly arrangement, the women who are willing to actually sign up for such an arrangement are indeed almost as rare as the mythical unicorn (as you noticed when searching dating sites). I would also strongly recommend this article - which is an intelligent, thoughtful explanation of the issues involved in adding a third.
https://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html
Again, welcome!
Al
Greetings wesnkel,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
Here are some tips and resources to help you find your third.
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.
You can also google "polyamory" with the name of your state or closest major city. If you can find a poly group that meets up, then you can attend their activities, make friends, and who knows, maybe eventually develop a romantic connection.
Hopefully something in this post will help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
Here are some tips and resources to help you find your third.
- https://fetlife.com/
- https://www.okcupid.com/
- http://www.facebook.com/
- http://www.beyondtwo.com/
- https://www.openminded.com/
- http://adultfriendfinder.com/
- http://www.polymatchmaker.com/
- https://www.meetup.com/topics/polyamory/
- http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups
- Lists of local poly groups
- Meetings and Events
- Dating & Friendships
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.
You can also google "polyamory" with the name of your state or closest major city. If you can find a poly group that meets up, then you can attend their activities, make friends, and who knows, maybe eventually develop a romantic connection.
Hopefully something in this post will help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!