Hi I think I'm poly by orientation

stev4181

New member
Hi everyone, yet another newbie here I have a long story to tell but probably not the best time to open up and bore you all. I'm recently(1 year) separated from my wife. We were swingers and had a short 'polyish' relationship.

I am certain that I have always been Poly. The idea of my partner having emotional needs met by someone else really makes me happy. I heard the word 'compersion' used in a documentary and suddenly realised that's what I feel. I'm convinced being Poly is an orientation, the same as sexusl preference, it can't be helped. I'm not seeking a harem of women, I seek good honest relationships with people.....multiple people. I am straight but if the woman I'm with has 1/2/3 male/female partners, I'm really open to that.

Anyway just here taking my first step to finding something new, don't know what that looks like yet. Stay safe everyone Xx:)
 
Hello and welcome to the Forums!
Glad to have you with us and to hear your story when you are ready to share it (A lot of us use the blogs section for that purpose.)

Feel free to browse, read, post, question - I hope you find what you seek.:)

JaneQ
 
Hi everyone, yet another newbie here I have a long story to tell but probably not the best time to open up and bore you all. I'm recently(1 year) separated from my wife. We were swingers and had a short 'polyish' relationship.

I am certain that I have always been Poly. The idea of my partner having emotional needs met by someone else really makes me happy. I heard the word 'compersion' used in a documentary and suddenly realised that's what I feel. I'm convinced being Poly is an orientation, the same as sexusl preference, it can't be helped. I'm not seeking a harem of women, I seek good honest relationships with people.....multiple people. I am straight but if the woman I'm with has 1/2/3 male/female partners, I'm really open to that.

Anyway just here taking my first step to finding something new, don't know what that looks like yet. Stay safe everyone Xx:)

There is a very strong theory that all humans, like our cousins the apes, are wired to be promiscuous. In fact, pretty much all animals are.

Acting according to our instincts and desires can be seen as base and "uncivilized." But there are ways to be promiscuous and still be ethical. Swinging is one way. Practicing polyamory is another.

If you like to read, I highly recommend Sex at Dawn, a layman's book with an anthropology and biology viewpoint. The authors are convinced humans are not meant to mate for life, and present very interesting research to back up their theory.
 
Greetings stev4181,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

There's some controversy over whether polyamory is the outcome of physical choices or an internal state of mind. I think it can be both/either. I even think there's a continuum, much like with straight, bi, and gay. You can be 60% poly, you can be 90% poly. And maybe that percentage can change over time, but for some people it always stays the same. Anyway those are just some random thoughts by me. You seem to be at least 90% poly, and you've always been that way, you just didn't realize it until recently. I hope you'll find Polyamory.com to be helpful for you, if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. Welcome!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Thank you so much to everyone for your kind welcomes and greetings. I am looking forward to becoming acquainted with this site, once I work out how to navigate.
I'm not sure I would describe myself as promiscuous, of course I like sex just like the next person. However for me the word promiscuous has negative connotations of cheating etc. Whilst My wife and I were swingers, I never ever cheated in our 30+ years marriage. I did however yearn for her to have other relationships both emotional and physical. Likewise I have always wanted other close intimate relationship with other females. Probably only people on this site would understand that it didn't mean I didn't love my wife.....Quite the opposite. Even now we are separated I love her more than anything and Im very happy she is with another man. I would happily move back to her and live as three, both men sharing and caring for her.
Sorry probably not the right place for this, but I've never had a place to explain myself with people that may understand me.
Thank you for your welcomes it's really appreciated Xx
 
Thank you so much to everyone for your kind welcomes and greetings. I am looking forward to becoming acquainted with this site, once I work out how to navigate.
I'm not sure I would describe myself as promiscuous, of course I like sex just like the next person. However for me the word promiscuous has negative connotations of cheating etc. Whilst My wife and I were swingers, I never ever cheated in our 30+ years marriage. I did however yearn for her to have other relationships both emotional and physical. Likewise I have always wanted other close intimate relationship with other females. Probably only people on this site would understand that it didn't mean I didn't love my wife.....Quite the opposite. Even now we are separated I love her more than anything and Im very happy she is with another man. I would happily move back to her and live as three, both men sharing and caring for her.
Sorry probably not the right place for this, but I've never had a place to explain myself with people that may understand me.
Thank you for your welcomes it's really appreciated Xx

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Yes, promiscuity does have a negative connotation due to societal programming. We try to break those social norms. Still, we do adhere to some of them, which is why we talk about ethics. It's a balance between our animalistic nature and society.

It's my theory that we are genetically programmed to breed, like all living things that reproduce sexually. That may sound heteronormative, but I don't believe that the genetic need to breed is closely linked to sexual preference. That's probably a discussion best left for another thread.

This is certainly the place to talk about yourself and your relationships. You can't bore us. Most of us are stuck at home with not much to do.
 
Thank you so much to everyone for your kind welcomes and greetings. I am looking forward to becoming acquainted with this site, once I work out how to navigate.
I'm not sure I would describe myself as promiscuous, of course I like sex just like the next person. However for me the word promiscuous has negative connotations of cheating etc. Whilst My wife and I were swingers, I never ever cheated in our 30+ years marriage. I did however yearn for her to have other relationships both emotional and physical. Likewise I have always wanted other close intimate relationship with other females. Probably only people on this site would understand that it didn't mean I didn't love my wife.....Quite the opposite. Even now we are separated I love her more than anything and Im very happy she is with another man. I would happily move back to her and live as three, both men sharing and caring for her.
Sorry probably not the right place for this, but I've never had a place to explain myself with people that may understand me.
Thank you for your welcomes it's really appreciated Xx

I used the term promiscuous since the book I mentioned only addresses sexual behavior, not polyamory per se.

If you desire sex (with whatever degree of emotional connection or commitment) with more than one person in the same period of time, you are potentially promiscuous. I'd even posit (as the book does) that the huge amount of porn, romantic novels and romantic movies out there proves that the users of such material are potentially promiscuous, even if they never actually have sex with more than one person in a given time period. I'd add in serial monogamy as well.
 
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....Probably only people on this site would understand that it didn't mean I didn't love my wife.....Quite the opposite. Even now we are separated I love her more than anything and Im very happy she is with another man. I would happily move back to her and live as three, both men sharing and caring for her.
Sorry probably not the right place for this, but I've never had a place to explain myself with people that may understand me.

Perfectly fine place for this!

(As a woman who lives with two men "sharing and caring" for me, I can tell you that such situations are not out of the question - for the right combination of people!:D)
 
Hi Stev, and a belated welcome to the Forum! We have a good number of experienced poly folks here so who are generally friendly and helpful, so please feel free to join in the conversation. We will look forward to hearing your story.

I really enjoyed your initial post - seems you already have a good feel for what poly can be at its best. There has been a lot of discussion on this forum and elsewhere as to whether poly is an orientation as sexual preference is an orientation. Many newcomers have the idea that being attracted to multiple individuals or having romantic feelings for more than one individual at a time makes one poly - but, really, that just makes us human. Virtually everyone experiences those feelings and attractions at various times - it is the decision on how we act on those feelings that makes one monogamous or non-monogamous. And, if the decision is for non-monogamy, then there is still the decision as to whether one will be ethical and consensual or simply "cheat". So, there is a strong argument to be made that polyamory (or swinging) are both lifestyle choices that we make - more so than an orientation (since virtually everyone experiences multiple attractions and romantic feelings at time). If there is an "orientation", I would guess that it is that some are more likely to choose for monogamy and some are more likely to choose for CNM - based upon their personal preference - although I strongly suspect that these preferences are more culturally (including religious influences) based than biologically based. (As has been noted in this thread already, see Ryan's Sex at Dawn for an in depth look at the human predisposition for non-monogamy).

And, I would say this is my experience. Before my wife and I transitioned our mono-marriage to poly a few years ago, I was open minded enough to not judge others for their orientations and lifestyle choices, but I did - as just an unspoken matter of course - believe monogamy to be the norm. But - when my wife challenged this "orientation" by asking me to open our marriage so she could ethically explore her resurgent feelings for an old college boyfriend - I spent A LOT of time researching and reading, and ultimately came to the conclusion that most of us were mono because society told us we should be, just a cultural indoctrination (conservative, deep southern, evangelical fundamentalist - in my case). And, I also discovered, that with sufficient work, I could de-program this indoctrination - and ultimately did so. And - hats off to you for not having to work through so much of this indoctrination!

Again, Welcome to the Forum!

Al
 
Thank you all for your kind replies. I read your messages and look at the data on your profiles showing the various people in your life. I would love to be part of a group relationship. I would also like to be open about it to, I think being open and honest to society about who I am is as important as the relationship itself. Only one of my closest friends knows about my swinging life and I only told him during a drunken night out. Anyway below is a quick life story of mine, I wrote it a week or so ago and have just read through it again. Don't really like the way it's written but here it is anyway. Many thanks x

Well if I’m not going to bore people, I’ll write a little about my story and fast forward over some parts where nothing of any consequence happened. I met my wife both of us aged 18, she had been going out with a friend of mine a few months earlier. We started going out with each other and fast forward a year or so and we were living together. My job required me to regularly be away from home for a few weeks at a time. When I’d come home we’d go out to friends parties, where it was obvious she’d been while I’d been away. Not that I had a problem with this, but one lad in particular obviously fancied her and made no attempt to hide it. He would sometimes come around our flat when I was there and instead of sitting in a chair, he’d sit on the sofa with us, my then girlfriend in the middle. She’d flirt with us both but nothing sexual ever happened, certainly not between the three of us anyway. I remember having fantasies that she would be with him whilst I would be away and started a conversation to bring up the subject. BIG MISTAKE…..She accused me of trying to push her into the arms of another man and accused me of wanting to be with other women: neither of which were true……fast forward 10 years…. We are married and have two young children, life was normal we were happy and just a regular couple. We were open minded compared to a lot of our friends, we would watch porn together and read contact (swingers) magazines, although we never actually contacted anyone. It was no secret to my wife that I wanted her to sleep with another man and also have him as a regular boyfriend. However she’d laugh it off but sometimes tease me with it if she wanted to turn me on……. Fast forward another 10 years…. and our youngest child turns 18. I’m working away (again) and my wife calls me and tells me she would be open to a threesome with me and another man!!!! I thought all my Christmas’s and birthday’s had come together. Within a couple of weeks we’d had a 3sum with a friend of a friend. He told us about a swinging website which we joined. I encouraged my wife to have sex with this man again while I was away, which she did. Unfortunately it didn’t turn into an emotional relationship between them and it petered out. Within a couple of months of joining the swinger website we met a couple (T fem & D male). I suppose this was my first taste of a relationship with more than one female. The agreement was that as two couples we’d be exclusive to each other, no sex outside of the four of us. My job still required me to work away a lot, I rented a flat where I’d live during the week and go home at weekends. Between us we organised that my wife and D would spend the night together, which they did. Then T came to my flat during the week and we spent time together. All was good until D got jealous of T being alone with me. He was fine when we had a 4sum but not when I was alone with his wife. (A point to note, my wife and T were both Bisexual, so also had a relationship). Over the following months we’d message each other, meet up, chat, have sex and generally have a great time. I felt for the first time that I was fulfilled and living life. That was until my wife felt that D was not giving her as much attention as I was giving to T. I felt immense pressure to curb my relationship with T, who started to ask questions why aI was being cold towards her. Both T and I would have happily carried on but my wife and D seemed to grow apart. It eventually ended with a big argument, it wasn’t pretty. However, I did then get to become a ‘real swinger’ and we attended many parties and clubs. Our friendship group changed and a normal night out down the pub became very boring. We just wanted to spend time with our new sexy friends.
Fast forward a year and we had become involved in the BDSM scene. We met many lovely people. Learned all about D/s relationships and also encountered many poly relationships which seemed quite normal. There was definitely more acceptance of poly relationships in the BDSM scene, far more than the swinging scene. We ended up as a D/s couple, me being Dom and my wife sub. It wasn’t 24/7 but we really enjoyed learning new skills and having sex with lots of people at the same time…… Fast forward 5 years……. and swinging had ground to a halt as had our BDSM life. We kept our profiles on the websites but never went to any parties, even though we still had a few swinger and kinkster friends. I accepted that my wife had tired of the scenes and tried to be ‘vanilla’ for a few years. However, my old urges came back stronger than ever and I knew I couldn’t live a ‘normal, life. Following deep soul searching and many tears I decided to leave my wife. Not because I don’t love her, but because I really really do love my wife. Weird as it sounds, I made the decision to separate so I wouldn’t ruin what we’d had for so long. I wanted to protect it and also protect my wife. I needed to have other people in my life, other partners, I didn’t want to be my wifes exclusive, I didn’t want to be totally reliant on her for my happiness nor did I want to be her only crutch, I wanted us to have multiple people in our lives for emotional and physical needs. I lived on my own the whole of 2019 without dating or having sex with anyone. I wanted to be on my own, to find myself and maybe to realise I’d made a massive mistake. I did however re-engage with my swinger and kinkster mates purely for messaging and a catch up. 2020 came and I decided it was time to move on and satisfy my sexual needs. I set up a single profile on a swingers site and have had a couple of 3sums, I have also been on a couple of social dates and chatted to females that have been in poly relationships in the past. I advertise myself as actively looking for a poly relationship on the swinger site. Although I think I’m more likely to meet poly people on the BDSM scene which I’m also involved with.
My wife has met another man in 2020, and I’m very happy for them. I would honestly be back like a shot if she invited me to move in with the both of them. I love her, I want her but not as an exclusive.
 
Hmmmmmm.....Not sure where my post went from yesterday. I spent ages on it too :confused: never mind, luckily I had written my story on a word doc and so t was saved. Here it is again :) Xx

Well if I’m not going to bore people, I’ll write a little about my story and fast forward over some parts where nothing of any consequence happened. I met my wife both of us aged 18, she had been going out with a friend of mine a few months earlier. We started going out with each other and fast forward a year or so and we were living together. My job required me to regularly be away from home for a few weeks at a time. When I’d come home we’d go out to friends parties, where it was obvious she’d been while I’d been away. Not that I had a problem with this, but one lad in particular obviously fancied her and made no attempt to hide it. He would sometimes come around our flat when I was there and instead of sitting in a chair, he’d sit on the sofa with us, my then girlfriend in the middle. She’d flirt with us both but nothing sexual ever happened, certainly not between the three of us anyway. I remember having fantasies that she would be with him whilst I would be away and started a conversation to bring up the subject. BIG MISTAKE…..She accused me of trying to push her into the arms of another man and accused me of wanting to be with other women: neither of which were true……fast forward 10 years…. We are married and have two young children, life was normal we were happy and just a regular couple. We were open minded compared to a lot of our friends, we would watch porn together and read contact (swingers) magazines, although we never actually contacted anyone. It was no secret to my wife that I wanted her to sleep with another man and also have him as a regular boyfriend. However she’d laugh it off but sometimes tease me with it if she wanted to turn me on……. Fast forward another 10 years…. and our youngest child turns 18. I’m working away (again) and my wife calls me and tells me she would be open to a threesome with me and another man!!!! I thought all my Christmas’s and birthday’s had come together. Within a couple of weeks we’d had a 3sum with a friend of a friend. He told us about a swinging website which we joined. I encouraged my wife to have sex with this man again while I was away, which she did. Unfortunately it didn’t turn into an emotional relationship between them and it petered out. Within a couple of months of joining the swinger website we met a couple (T fem & D male). I suppose this was my first taste of a relationship with more than one female. The agreement was that as two couples we’d be exclusive to each other, no sex outside of the four of us. My job still required me to work away a lot, I rented a flat where I’d live during the week and go home at weekends. Between us we organised that my wife and D would spend the night together, which they did. Then T came to my flat during the week and we spent time together. All was good until D got jealous of T being alone with me. He was fine when we had a 4sum but not when I was alone with his wife. (A point to note, my wife and T were both Bisexual, so also had a relationship). Over the following months we’d message each other, meet up, chat, have sex and generally have a great time. I felt for the first time that I was fulfilled and living life. That was until my wife felt that D was not giving her as much attention as I was giving to T. I felt immense pressure to curb my relationship with T, who started to ask questions why aI was being cold towards her. Both T and I would have happily carried on but my wife and D seemed to grow apart. It eventually ended with a big argument, it wasn’t pretty. However, I did then get to become a ‘real swinger’ and we attended many parties and clubs. Our friendship group changed and a normal night out down the pub became very boring. We just wanted to spend time with our new sexy friends.
Fast forward a year and we had become involved in the BDSM scene. We met many lovely people. Learned all about D/s relationships and also encountered many poly relationships which seemed quite normal. There was definitely more acceptance of poly relationships in the BDSM scene, far more than the swinging scene. We ended up as a D/s couple, me being Dom and my wife sub. It wasn’t 24/7 but we really enjoyed learning new skills and having sex with lots of people at the same time…… Fast forward 5 years……. and swinging had ground to a halt as had our BDSM life. We kept our profiles on the websites but never went to any parties, even though we still had a few swinger and kinkster friends. I accepted that my wife had tired of the scenes so I tried to return to ‘vanilla’ life for a few years. However, my old urges came back stronger than ever and I knew I couldn’t live a ‘normal, life. Following deep soul searching and many tears I decided to leave my wife. Not because I don’t love her, but because I really really do love my wife. Weird as it sounds, I made the decision to separate so I wouldn’t ruin what we’d had for so long. I wanted to protect it and also protect my wife. I needed to have other people in my life, other partners, I didn’t want to be my wifes exclusive, I didn’t want to be totally reliant on her for my happiness nor did I want to be her only crutch, I wanted us to have multiple people in our lives for emotional and physical needs. I lived on my own the whole of 2019 without dating or having sex with anyone. I wanted to be on my own, to find myself and maybe to realise I’d made a massive mistake. I did however re-engage with my swinger and kinkster mates purely for messaging and a catch up. 2020 came and I decided it was time to move on and satisfy my sexual needs. I set up a single profile on a swingers site and have had a couple of 3sums, I have also been on a couple of social dates and chatted to females that have been in poly relationships in the past. I advertise myself as actively looking for a poly relationship on the swinger site. Although I think I’m more likely to meet poly people on the BDSM scene which I’m also involved with.
My wife has met another man in 2020, and I’m very happy for them. I would honestly be back like a shot if she invited me to move in with the both of them. I love her, I want her but not as an exclusive.
 
Hi Stev,

Thanks for sharing your story, it gives us an idea of where you are coming from, and what your background is. Have you talked with your wife about your desire to move back in with her, with the other man? Perhaps she would be open to it if she knew about it. In any case, you are pursuing your dreams, and that is a wonderful thing. Carry on!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Steve, the first 5 posts of a new member are moderated before they appear on the board. I'm glad you had it saved in a doc, but it did appear, as you can see.

I haven't read it yet, because it is a huge wall of text, and overwhelming. Next time, please add paragraph breaks. You'll get more readers and responses that way.
 
I haven't read it yet, because it is a huge wall of text, and overwhelming. Next time, please add paragraph breaks. You'll get more readers and responses that way.

Magdlyn, i'm really sorry and you are absolutely right, I'm not sure I would read it either to be honest:) However in my defence, it was in paragraphs in word doc but not with a line in between. Point taken though and I'll make more effort for my next edition of war and peace:D Xx
 
Hi Stev,

Have you talked with your wife about your desire to move back in with her, with the other man? Perhaps she would be open to it if she knew about it.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Hi Kevin, no I haven't spoken to my wife about moving back in. To be very honest, I'm scared of the rejection. I have been with my wife since we were 18and I know what she's thinking and what she's about to say before she does it. The reason I chose to leave, was due to her not wanting to be part of the 'scenes' or more my need to go back to the scenes.

She knows that I am part of a swinging site and that I attend BDSM parties. She however is happy going walking and romantically dating her new man. She has more or less cut ties with her 'old life'....... She has a new phone and number with only people from her present ilife within it. I have no wish to rock the boat, I love and respect her too much to expect her to return to something she doesn't want to do. I also have a fear that she may say yes, but not because she wants to, but because it's the only way we could be together. My difficult choice is to let her go, wish her well and for me to move on with my new life. I just need Corona virus to disappear so I can actually meet some ladies:D
 
Thank you all for your kind replies. I read your messages and looked at the data on your profiles showing the various people in your life.

I would love to be part of a group relationship. I would also like to be open about it. I think being open and honest to society about who I am is as important as the relationship itself. Only one of my closest friends knows about my swinging life, and I only told him during a drunken night out.

Anyway, below is a quick life story of mine. I wrote it a week or so ago.

If I’m not going to bore people, I’ll write a little about my story, and fast forward over some parts where nothing of any consequence happened.

I met my wife when we were both aged 18. She had been going out with a friend of mine a few months earlier. We started going out with each other, and fast forward a year or so, we were living together.

My job required me to regularly be away from home for a few weeks at a time. When I’d come home we’d go out to friend's parties, where it was obvious she’d been while I’d been away, not that I had a problem with this. But one lad in particular obviously fancied her and made no attempt to hide it.

He would sometimes come around our flat when I was there, and instead of sitting in a chair, he’d sit on the sofa with us, my then girlfriend in the middle. She’d flirt with us both, but nothing sexual ever happened, certainly not between the three of us anyway.

I remember having fantasies that she would be with him whilst I was away, and once I started a conversation to bring up the subject. BIG MISTAKE. She accused me of trying to push her into the arms of another man, and accused me of wanting to be with other women, neither of which were true.

Fast forward 10 years: we were married and had two young children. Life was normal, we were happy, and just a regular couple.

We were open minded compared to a lot of our friends. We would watch porn together and read Contact, a swingers magazine, although we never actually contacted anyone.

It was no secret to my wife that I wanted her to sleep with another man and have him as a regular boyfriend. She’d laugh it off, but sometimes tease me with it, if she wanted to turn me on.

Fast forward another 10 years, and our youngest child turned 18. I was working away from home again, and my wife called me and told me she would be open to a threesome with me and another man!!!! I thought all my Christmases and birthdays had come together.

Within a couple of weeks we’d had a 3some with a friend of a friend. He told us about a swinging website, which we joined. I encouraged my wife to have sex with this man again while I was away, which she did. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn into an emotional relationship between them and it petered out.

Within a couple of months of joining the swinger website we met a couple, T female, and D male. I suppose this was my first taste of a relationship with more than one female. The agreement was that as two couples we’d be exclusive to each other, no sex outside of the four of us.

My job still required me to work away a lot. I rented a flat where I’d live during the week and go home at weekends. Between us we organised that my wife and D would spend the night together, which they did. Then T came to my flat during the week and we spent time together.

All was good until D got jealous of T being alone with me. He was fine when we had a 4some but not when I was alone with his wife. (A point to note, my wife and T were both Bisexual, so also had a relationship).

Over the following months we’d message each other, meet up, chat, have sex and generally have a great time. I felt for the first time that I was fulfilled and living life.

That lasted until my wife felt that D was not giving her as much attention as I was giving to T. I felt immense pressure to curb my relationship with T, who started to ask questions about why I was being cold towards her. Both T and I would have happily carried on, but my wife and D seemed to grow apart.

It eventually ended with a big argument. It wasn’t pretty.

However, I did then get to become a ‘real swinger’ and we attended many parties and clubs. Our friendship group changed and a normal night out down the pub became very boring. We just wanted to spend time with our new sexy friends.

Fast forward a year, and we had become involved in the BDSM scene. We met many lovely people. We learned all about D/s relationships, and also encountered many poly relationships, which seemed quite normal. There was definitely more acceptance of poly relationships in the BDSM scene, far more than the swinging scene.

We ended up as a D/s couple, me being Dom and my wife sub. It wasn’t 24/7, but we really enjoyed learning new skills and having sex with lots of people at the same time.

Fast forward 5 years, swinging had ground to a halt as had our BDSM life. We kept our profiles on the websites, but never went to any parties, even though we still had a few swinger and kinkster friends. I accepted that my wife had tired of the scenes and tried to be ‘vanilla’ for a few years.

However, my old urges came back, stronger than ever, and I knew I couldn’t live a 'normal' life. Following deep soul searching and many tears I decided to leave my wife. Not because I don’t love her, but because I really really do love my wife. Weird as it sounds, I made the decision to separate so I wouldn’t ruin what we’d had for so long. I wanted to protect it and also protect my wife.

I needed to have other people in my life, other partners. I didn’t want to be my wife's exclusive. I didn’t want to be totally reliant on her for my happiness, nor did I want to be her only crutch. I wanted us to have multiple people in our lives for emotional and physical needs.

I lived on my own the whole of 2019, without dating or having sex with anyone. I wanted to be on my own, to find myself and maybe to realise I’d made a massive mistake. I did however re-engage with my swinger and kinkster mates purely for messaging and a catch up.

2020 came and I decided it was time to move on and satisfy my sexual needs. I set up a single profile on a swingers site and have had a couple of 3somes. I have also been on a couple of social dates and chatted to females that have been in poly relationships in the past.

I advertise myself as actively looking for a poly relationship on the swinger site. Although I think I’m more likely to meet poly people on the BDSM scene, which I’m also involved with.

My wife met another man in 2020, and I’m very happy for them. I would honestly be back like a shot if she invited me to move in with them. I love her, I want her, but not as an exclusive.

There. Readable. That's quite the story! :)
 
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Wow, thank you so much Magdlyn, that's very kind Xx

No worries. I do editing for a living and I just kind of enjoy it. I'm a bit weird that way lol

How old are you? I reckon you must be about 50 after all this time? It's not surprising your wife got tired of the whole social scene, whether swinging or kink clubs.

We all change and grow. And sometimes our health starts to suffer and we don't have the spoons for so much socializing, or some people's sex drives slow down. It was very kind of you to move on so your ex wife could have the freedom to pursue the monogamy she now wanted.

I hope you can find something long lasting and real with someone, or someones, soon.

Oh, one thing. After so many decades of having an Open relationship, it's interesting you've only told one of your friends (outside the swinger/kink milieu). You now want to be more open about it and tell everyone you know? Regular friends, all your family? Are you going to Come Out soon?

Were your kids ever aware that you and their mom were swingers or in a D/s relationship? If not, will you tell them now?
 
No worries. I do editing for a living and I just kind of enjoy it. I'm a bit weird that way lol

How old are you?

It was very kind of you to move on so your ex wife could have the freedom to pursue the monogamy she now wanted.

I hope you can find something long lasting and real with someone, or someones, soon.

Do you now want to be more open about it and tell everyone you know? Regular friends, all your family? Are you going to Come Out soon?

Were your kids ever aware that you and their mom were swingers or in a D/s relationship? If not, will you tell them now?

Hi Magdlyn, regardless of your job it was still very kind of you so thanks again.

You are right I am in my 50s, in fact I'm 51 but still think I'm 21:D

My wife's happiness means everything to me, I would never want to make her unhappy. I have spent my whole life protecting and providing for her. I know find it very difficult to not be there.What if she needs me? what if she's sad?What if her new man treats her badly? these are all constant thoughts that go through my head but I have made my choice and must live with it.

I have always loved the idea of telling everyone that we were swingers and kinksters. We told a number of strangers we met once, whilst on holiday. All of their reactions were negative and my wife insisted that we never tell anyone at home.

My parents are elderly and I wouldn't want to cause them any embarrassment, so I have no intention of 'coming out' anytime soon, at least not in my home town. If I moved away, I would have no problems at all 'coming out'.

I think our kids knew what we were doing. Our youngest once came home arly from work and we had a couple around for some afternoon fun. Luckily we hadn't started anything but he knew it wasn't normal for us to have pople around at that time. Especially dressed in short skirts, heels and not much else. He asked us outright when he was drunk whether we were swingers. I didn't deny it but neither id I confirm it.

I think that's why I love to be at parties and hang out with people in the scene. The sex and play s only a very small part of it. For me it is about being my true selfwith people who understand. It's very much like being on this site.

Hopefully one day, I can walk down the street being myself with the people I am intimately and emotionally attached to without being judged. That will be a good day :) Xx
 
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