Hi! I’m new here

K

Kwild1176

New member
Hello.
I am here because I just recently had a conversation with an old love interest, who became a friend, but with always the memories of our past. In this conversation he confided in me that for the last several years his wife and he had become poly, and it was working great for them, and is now the way they are living. And then he dropped it-- he’s always had me in the back of his mind. Would I be with him, in a relationship, on this journey? I have always loved him and agreed.

We have yet to do more than talk at this point, but I guess I don’t want to look like an idiot. What am I to expect (other than the obvious)? I need to be challenged to see if this is what I really want, or if I’m just trying to get any piece of him I can.

I have been single for 7 years. I am okay and enjoy independence and truly being alone. So I could handle the situation more than most. Or do I have to experience this to know if it’s enough?
 
Greetings Kwild1176,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

As each one of us is a unique person, every relationship is also going to be unique, that goes for both monogamy and polyamory. So I can't possibly know what you should expect, it depends on whether this old love interest is honorable, on what restrictions his wife places on him, and on many other factors. The best advice I can think of is a) take this slowly, and b) communicate a lot along the way. You don't want to end up neck deep in NRE by the time you realize this is a problem relationship -- and I hope it's not a problem, I'm just saying take precautions at this early stage. You need time to explore your own thoughts and feelings too. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!
 
Hi, and welcome! :)

It must feel nice to be thought of romantically by your ex-partner/current friend. However, you may have jumped the gun to have agreed to try and become his partner without knowing anything (much) about what you're agreeing to get into. Right?

I'd recommend telling him that you're considering it, but really need to learn more about how this even works, what it means in general, what it means to him. Of course, you can ask him questions about how it works for him and his wife. Does he have other partners currently? Has he had successes, issues, with other people he has tried to date? What were they? How were they resolved?

But even more importantly, educate yourself using the huge amount of educational material about ethical non-monogamy available. Our Golden Nuggets section has lists of books, online articles, YouTube videos, and even a podcast which should be listened to from the beginning. And over the years, our staff has archived and consolidated threads going back to 2010 on every poly topic you could think of. I invited you to learn from our mistakes and successes in order to navigate speed bumps. :)

It does make it easier that you're single so you don't need to negotiate boundaries and agreements on both sides.
 
I have the information I need regarding his situation, I’ve even spoken with his wife, and I am not new to the poly life. I know my heart and mind well. I guess I’m looking for something to challenge myself more to make sure this is what I want. I’ve been through all the obvious situations and scenarios with in life or my mind
 
Kwild1176 said:
I have the information I need regarding his situation, I’ve even spoken with his wife, and I am not new to the poly life. I know my heart and mind well. I guess I’m looking for something to challenge myself more to make sure this is what I want. I’ve been through all the obvious situations and scenarios with in life or my mind
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Okay. It wasn't apparent from your OP that you had taken part in some polyamory, had spoken to his wife, etc. I am not sure what you're actually asking about, then. What do you want to challenge yourself with? How will you know this is what you want?
 
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