Hi - not sure if this is for me but...

I

InsertWittyNameHere

New member
Hi there 😊

27, no children.

I am completely new to 'this world' and the possibility of the same.

I seperated from my husband last year and over time have grown close to two of my best friends. They have both expressed deep feelings for me and choosing - even the thought of choosing is horrific. I love them both in such unique ways.

I was having a chat with one of them and I said 'it would just be easier if I could be with both of you'... as a 'joke'. He turned round and was like 'Look at this' - he had literally sent the same to a mutual friend a few days before! & had really thought it out... so we gots to talking and I asked the other guy and even he was open to the idea.

I have my doubts but I'm also curious.

I guess I'm here to see if anyone can offer any tips? Guidance? So that I can try and decide if this option would work for us.

I'm not sure if this would work for me, any of us, I'm a chronic overthinker and I worry way too much about everything - opinions, people's feelings.
 
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My recommendation is to read around this board. You can see what the common topics and concerns are with polyamory. There are blogs in our journal section written by people with more than one partner that show what day to day poly life is like.

Read the book Opening Up. Read the website morethantwo.com. Get to know the basics about how to love more than one in an ethical way. We are all programmed to be monogamous, so it takes a big mind shift and some new ways of going.

It's great your 2 friends are open to the idea! If they are both men, it's often found that 2 men can be great at sharing one woman, if she is a kind and skillful "hinge" partner.
 
Greetings InsertWittyNameHere,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Polyamory does not come with a guarantee that it will work when you try it, however a great many people have tried it and had it prove to be very worthwhile. Do look around on this site and see what calls to you. Post often your thoughts and questions. You may find the Poly FAQ page helpful, also "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino is a great book.

I am in an MFM poly-fi V relationship, and can answer any questions you may have about that. Bluebird is in a similar setup, I believe, as is Dagferi, and both can talk to you about it from the woman's point of view.

It sounds like you have the perfect makings for an MFM V. Both of the men are willing, and consent is everything in poly. I would encourage you to move forward, albeit slowly, don't rush into poly, but don't be afraid of it either, it won't bite. Good luck and I hope we can help!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
The two main tips I have are it's better to over-communicate than under-communicate, and like all new things even if you know every single bit of theory there will always be trial and error. But that's okay because you're learning more about what works for all of you.

I also struggle a lot with overthinking and worrying. I mostly cope with it by asking when I think I've upset someone. It's scary, but it's better to ask straight away than after you've built it up in your mind. This is a work in progress for me.
 
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