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A

ACappellaSoprano

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Hi! My name is Barbie. I've been married for a little more than 5 years and I've been in a relationship with my husband for 8. I've always been polyamorous, but just had not acted on these desires for fear of hurting my husband. Now, I know this was silly, because he feels the same way, and we both want to have fulfilling lives with multiple loves.

I've been having success meeting people, but my husband has had some difficulty finding women interested in a man who is married. Any advice to assist with this imbalance would be helpful. He says he is not jealous of the guys and girls who I've been talking to and dating, but rather, he is jealous of ME for receiving more attention than he has.

Edit to add: We live in Columbia, SC Area
 
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Greetings Barbie,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Alas I don't know of any way to correct that imbalance. Men in general find it harder to find people to date than women do, much less married men (versus married women). Your husband will have to be very patient.

That said, what resources have you used so far? OKC? FetLife? Do you have any local poly groups in your area? any alternative groups you might be interested in such as goth, indie music, sci-fi conventions, Ren faires, that sort of thing? These are possible routes your husband can take in looking to build friendships (some of which may eventually grow into romance).

Hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

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There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
 
That's good, that's a good place to start.
 
Hi, ACappellaSoprano,

ACappellaSoprano said:
I've been having success meeting people, but my husband has had some difficulty finding women interested in a man who is married. Any advice to assist with this imbalance would be helpful. He says he is not jealous of the guys and girls who I've been talking to and dating, but rather, he is jealous of ME for receiving more attention than he has.
Click to expand...

I'm in a very similar situation to your husband's - right down to the fact that my wife is a soprano! - and I have come to think there is no way to address or alleviate the imbalance.

I honestly suggest your husband find a hobby that engages his attention and imagination and settle in for long years of semi-monogamy.
 
Women get hit on, on OKC, much more often than men do. It's just a fact of life. Men have testosterone and are more sexually assertive. Women are more picky and are not going to spam hundreds of guys a week.

That said, and maybe you've experienced this, 90% of OKC messages women receive are gross or boring. So we have to wade through all that dreck to find the quality people.

Another problem is the scientific fact that women are more skilled verbally than men are. The messages and profiles we write are better.

But I do know a few poly men who are good writers, and have great friendly looking attractive profile pix, and an engaging alluring non-threatening way of messaging online, who have no trouble finding dates!

Maybe your h needs help making his profile essays, and questions and answers, and photos more appealing. From you, or from another platonic woman friend or two, who can be more objective. Maybe he will get better at messaging over time. Practice makes perfect!

If he is no good online, then he needs to work on irl meetings. Some people enjoy meetups.com for this. Any hobby group. Poly or kink munches are also useful, if you have them in your area. You can find those by googling or by looking on Fetlife.com.
 
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