H'ok So.....

Pics and brief descriptions here and then I'll elaborate on another post so I don't have to type as much on my phone...



We bought a fire pit and Sat I spent some time burning some wood scraps and trying to burn some of the yard waste. Clearly I didn't finish...



Another pic of 1 of the "finished" bedrooms. Still needs a spot of baseboard fixed and to have quarter round laid.



The master. We quit with just a few rows left and part of my closet and all of Sudo's.ran out of staples and it was late enough that with the holiday, Home Depot was closed. Lame.



The hall at the top of the stairs. This had a set of small French doors and we ripped those out and then on a whim decided to rip out the door frame and raise the opening to the ceiling. Looks soooo much better!!
 
duplicate post...
 
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One more pic.... Our huge bulk trash pick up!!



It was actually larger than that but someone rummaged through and took some of the undamaged shelving, took the shop vac (which worked but apparently you can't get filters for it anymore so we just gave up and got a new one) and other various things.
 
So this weekend was nuts with the house stuff.

We cranked through some flooring and got almost all of it done. At the same time, we made a million trips to Home Depot and Lowes to return things, exchange things, buy more things, etc. We spent $1k at Lowes, $400 on Amazon, another $1k at home depot (half of which might get returned since it's a closet organizer for RCT and it wasn't even all of it and he didn't realize how expensive it was adding up to be). Then we went back and spent more later replacing the shop vac and buying even more crap.

We met even more neighbors and everyone is crazy friendly. People keep stopping by to say hi when they pass us and introduce themselves and all sorts of stuff. Love that we're living in such a nice neighborhood!

Oh, that pic of the doorway? OMG, it was like 7:30 at night and we were going to call it quits, and we just spur of the moment decided to rip out the door frame and then extend the opening to the ceiling. It looks SOOOO much better that way! Plus, we didn't even think about it, but the movers will definitely be happy about having a larger opening to cart furniture upstairs. We took 3 different sets of French doors out of the house and people are coming to pick them up today since I posted that crap on craigslist to just get rid of it.

The painter also comes today and will start doing work while Sudo desperately tries to stay ahead of him with laying down baseboard and quarter round and caulking. Luckily, the painter has to do some spackling, prep work, and also has to remove wallpaper from 3 walls in the master, so I'm hoping that will buy Sudo some time to get 1 room finished. If not, the last owners painted the ceiling the same color as the walls in several bedrooms and the hall bath (UGH) so the painter can at least work on ceilings then. There's certainly plenty to do!

Tonight, RCT and his friend will go to the house after work and work on moving a joist that's above our trey ceiling so that he can finish with the can lights. I REALLY want to have working ceiling lights in the master before move in. 2 holes and lights have been installed but the other 2 need that stupid beam to move a few inches so that the lights are spaced evenly. Then the wiring needs to be run. While those 2 are doing that, Sudo should be finishing up the flooring. So much to do!


In other actual poly news, Sudo and I talked about my last poly related post and the feels I was having. I reassured him that I don't have any issues with new girl (I'll probably name her soon) and am happy for him, but just want to make sure that our intimacy doesn't suffer, and he agrees and also said that with everything being as crazy as it is, he'll try to be sensitive to all the unexpected feels and such. Especially since I knew that some of my thoughts were just emotional reactions and not the reality of the situation, but I was still feeling things. So I wanted him to know it, and know I realized it and could get past it. Both of us have a lot of transitioning going on right now, so I think that really applies to both of us. It was a good conversation though and left me feeling so much better!
 
Sigh. This whole move has me stressed and irritated and has just made me nothing but pissed off at Sudo lately. I just want it over with so that I can start dealing with house things myself instead of relying on someone else. I'm way too Type A to just leave things like this in someone else's hands for this long and not be there to deal with decision making. And now that certain things aren't happening the way I wanted it to, I'm that much more irritated that I've been forced to step back because I couldn't take the time off work to be around.

The angled part of the tray ceiling isn't being painted the same color as the walls like was discussed, the master bath isn't getting painted even though I thought it would be, I'm the only one who's been dealing with the floor guy when we have questions, etc. And yes, Sudo is the one that has been at the house all week laying floors and being there to let the painters in, etc. etc. etc. and if he wasn't there things would be fucked and I'd have never gotten all that done myself. But it's irritating to me when someone else says "you don't have to get stressed, I've got this, don't worry about it" and then I'm in the dark, and then when I ask questions I find out that things aren't happening the way I think they should be.

Am I being anal retentive about all of this? Almost certainly. Do I deserve to be when I just bought a house for over $600K and just spent $40k of my own cash on a down payment and renovations? Abso-fucking-lutely!

At this point, I just can't wait to move in because I'll probably never ask Sudo to schedule house things because I'd rather just do it myself and know it's being done in a way that makes me happy. And at this point, I'm frustrated enough that I don't even care how bitchy that sounds. Yes, I'm cohabitating with my partner, but I have always been and will always be independent enough that I want my house to feel like my castle and I want that shit to run smoothly in a way that makes me happy.

At this point, I think some of this is my concern that moving in together WILL put my independence at risk and I'm not going to have the ability to easily do my own thing or get space when I need to, or not have to always be accountable to someone else. Deep breaths.... maybe this is just a minor freak out moment :(
 
Went up to the house tonight to meet Sudo and pick up some boxes. The painters were there and I snapped a few pics so I could show progress!

RCT's little girl's room is soooo purple. Lol.



I love me some purple so I actually don't mind it. Better than pink at least. I hate pink. Her closet is probably going to be turned into some cool feature or fort or something.

RCT's room is a blue-gray that i'm digging, especially since he's got cool vaulted ceilings. The pic is just of a corner because I needed the lighting and there was closet organizer crap in the middle of the room and the painter was painting his door. So paper is still taped down everywhere.



The guest room just got the same gray we're going to have the painters put in the hall after we've moved in. So that's here



I swear all these pics suck. The lighting in this house is horrible. I think the previous owners just didn't use bright enough lights. That will get fixed once we update the fixtures. Our master was getting the last of the wallpaper removed and having spots shackled and such. Not sure if they'll get that room painted tomorrow or not. Probably not, but we'll see. They're coming early and the movers will probably be ready to unload stuff from Sudo's place after lunch. Basically we're cutting it down to the wire.

On top of that, I have to order 2 additional floor pieces. A T molding where the floor transitions into the washer dryer closet that has linoleum, and some low threshold pieces to help transition from the floor to the marble threshold at each bathroom to minimize how raised that piece is. The floor guy stained a T molding piece for us to try and match but frankly it looks like shit (not the same color) and it's not even log enough anyway. So screw it, we'll just order from the manufacturer and wait for it to arrive.

My place is mostly packed. A few more book boxes and then just packing up my closet, but I'm out of tape and need to get more in the morning. I have to return my cable equipment in the morning too. Almost outta here!

Of course, Mr. Hyde and I are gonna have 1 last hurrah in the apartment after it's been emptied. I'll leave a few blankets and a pillow or 2, and the dog pillow we use for me (so if I'm kneeling or down on the floor I'm not destroying my knees on the hardwood floors). The whole encounter will probably feel seedy and such with the apartment being so bare. It might not even have th electricity on if the building doesn't transfer it over for the last week of the month! I'm thinking it's gonna be a hot, sexy, fun night!
 
Just have not had the time or energy to post recently, but I'm on a cabin trip this weekend with Sudo, Peach, Joe, and Bug, so I've finally got some relaxing down time.

The move went well. Sudo's place was moved first. The movers brought a 27ft truck and 3 guys, hit the storage unit first and loaded that up and then went to the house and started in. They ended up having a 4th guy sent over and filled the truck to the brim and couldn't get it all. Luckily all that was left could be gotten with a van load and a few car loads at a later date. So at least all the furniture and most boxes was moved. It took a full 8 hours plus drive time with all of that going on. I spent that morning packing more at my place and then went to the new house to make sure the place was prepped for the movers. Then I helped direct them with where to carry furniture. We had 1 large piece that we were going to put in the master but wouldn't fit in the door. I think it must have been taken apart to get into Sudo's old room, but it wasn't a deal breaker piece to me, so we're just going to sell it. I'm not sure it would have looked that great in the room anyway. We also left a bunch of other pieces unloaded in the garage instead of the house since other things are being sold.... like Sudo's bedroom set, since I don't want all the dark bulky wood furniture in our room on our dark wood floors, and the set is too big for any of the other bedrooms.

The next day we went to my place in the morning to finish packing my place and be read for the movers between 12-1pm. And then it got interesting. I had cancelled my utilities and set that to be my last day, and because my move was originally scheduled for the morning, I wasn't worried when they said the electricity would likely cut off around noon. Well my move got bumped to the afternoon and I forgot about that part. So about 10 min before the movers arrived, while we were vacuuming, the electricity just shut off. FML. Being a Saturday, the electric company wasn't available over the phone to do anything, and it takes time to turn service back on anyway. So we just had to open all the blinds and make it work. Fortunately I have an end unit with lots of windows, so it went ok. It meant all the food had to be moved that day too though, so we had to pack that up and get it out when we all left with the movers!

Because I still had more cleaning to do and was supposed to have a romp with Mr. Hyde, I ended up just calling on Monday and having the power turned back on for a few more days.

Ok, so that moved happened, more directing of furniture (btw, did I mention that it rained ALL day?). Fortunately the rain stayed light during the loading and unloading of furniture so it didn't cause any real problems. So basically our 3 car garage is just overflowing with crap that we didn't want to move into the house because it actually either belongs in the garage (mower, tools, etc), is trash for bulk pick up like old shelving and carboard from boxes, etc., or it's furniture that we want to sell or just give away in some capacity. Since moving day we have paired down a bit of it as trash gets picked up, etc. But there's still a ton. No cars are going in there for a few more weeks.

As for the house, it's coming together. We've gotten more boxes unpacked but there are a million more. The kitchen is finally looking livable and has a bit of counter space, but the table is covered and there are still boxes to go through. We already have a box or 2 that is extra stuff we will store in the basement, an overflowing box of donation stuff, and a box that we're putting things in to see if Peach wants them.

The painting is now also done with the exception of the hall bathroom closet, which it appears our painter actually just forgot about and will have to come back and do. And possibly the windows in RCTs room, which seem to be missing from the invoice and probably just need to be added to the tab.

Sudo has also decided that he's just going to build out and paint his own closet system, so that will just get done at a later... but hopefully not too much later date, since right now he's eating up 1/3 of my wonderful closet!

We've also continued with other projects and are making lists. We've swapped out the can light inserts in our master and now have Wink compatible ones where we can change the color temp and brightness and just turn on and off with phones. I'm irritated though to discover that if the lights were turned off with the app, I can't turn them back on with the light switch, so we're going to have to figure out if we require a special light switch. I refuse to have to carry my phone around on me all the time to be able to work the lights! I want to have BOTH capabilities.

We also have the Ecobee thermostat, but need to get it installed. And we have a smart garage door sensor/opener but need to get that installed too.

Yesterday, Sudo and I sat down with our computers and worked on budgeting to see where things stood with the last credit card statement (how much was mine vs his since it has both shared stuff and some of his personal expenses on it) and also looked at our budget to see how much we were comfortable spending on this latest cycle to make sure we can always pay the full bill. Based on the numbers we're comfortable with buying a few more things in the next week or 2 and don't feel like we're going to drain the accounts too low or have to dip into savings. So we want to buy the rest of the exterior deadbolts for other doors so that we can have all the locks keyed to only require 1 key. We also can buy a few more lights, another shelving unit, and several other items.

We want to get an electrician out asap to install more lights, but just based on timing alone, I expect that will hit the next bill anyway.

Thurs night, after work, I mowed our lawn for the first time! I used our new electric (battery) mower, and got about 2/3 of the yard done before it died. I think it will go further next time since the grass was so crazy tall, but we still want to buy a spare battery. The weed eater we want to get would come with one anyway, so problem solved. Sudo just mowed the rest Fri morning before we left for our cabin trip and things looked pretty again.

So here I am, all relaxing with my poly peeps and trying to decompress. I actually did work this morning, which needed to get done (though not as much as I need to, but whatever) and yesterday we did the budgeting thing. So this weekend has been a nice balance of lots of relaxing, but still getting a few things done so that I don't feel like we're just wasting time getting nothing done.

I have a whole separate post worth of poly crap to write about, but I'll just have to do that a little later. And maybe I can throw up a few more house pics or something.
 
ok, an actual poly update:

So things are going really well right now, but the week leading up to the cabin trip was a rough one on the poly front.

Basically, I hit my limit with Sudo making what I thought were poor/disrespectful to me choices and living some pretty infuriating double standards due to him being totally lost in NRE. So he and new girl (damn, I seriously need to think of a good name for her, I'm slacking) have been dating for a few weeks now... but basically from the first date it's been constant messaging and there in the week or 2 leading up to the cabin they were seeing each other all the time. Not necessarily like take-the-whole-evening-away-from-the-house type dates, but basically every day either she was at the house for some time or he was meeting her for lunch or dinner, or going over for a bit in the evenings, etc. Generally speaking... I don't care about this. Most of the time I was at work or otherwise busy and it didn't cut into our time. Times when she was at the house when I was there, she actually talked to both of us and even helped us unpacking some kitchen boxes with RCT one evening. Cool. Great. But after a while, little things about it that hit me as TOTAL double standards were just really getting to me. He would go out to run errands and grab lunch while he was out, and I didn't realize he had lunch with her until afterwards... which then explained why he took twice as long running errands because he wasn't just chomping down a quick meal on his own. So little stuff. And while I generally don't care if he tells me before or after he's met up with a partner, because again, doesn't impact me.... what just got my goat was that I knew damn well that if *I* did the same thing, he would be SOOO unhappy about it! A while back we had this huge discussion about how it bothers him that I don't always put my plans on the shared calendar so he doesn't know about things. How I will say I'm coming home from some event at X time, but I get caught up and come home 1, 2, 3 hours later (mind you, we have no other plans so I'm not making us late to anything other than watching TV), how I don't let him know when I'm leaving places and on my way home. Basically... he wants to know where I am, which I find somewhat invasive. To him, it calms him, like he doesn't have to worry about me or something. A quirk. But then all this stuff with New Girl started happening where I'm like "wait, I get shit for scheduling and now you get to not tell me until AFTER you've already done the thing that it happened?! Oh hell no." Same thing with the frequency of dates. If he's got the free time and he's not just cancelling on me or leaving me to sit at home alone all the time (I don't have to have plans and be busy in order for him to make plans, but I don't want to be ditched all the time either) I don't particularly care how often he sees New Girl. But if *I* started seeing Mr. Hyde really frequently even if it didn't cut into Sudo's time with me, you better believe it would just be Mope City around here ALL THE TIME.

Sudo actually has a physical reaction that is visible when he happens to accidentally see that I'm messaging Mr. Hyde, which is RARE because I almost only ever message him during the work day so that he has evenings and weekends as family time. But when Sudo does see it? Instant crappy mood because he's basically psyched himself out and turned Mr. Hyde into the boogey man. But then he gets to just message New Girl ALL THE DAMN TIME while we're together? Driving, running errands, cuddling on the couch, laying in bed, etc? Seriously?! Oh hell no. Seeing the pattern here? So basically, I mostly don't want him to change his behavior with her, other than maybe back of on the texting just a smidge when we're trying to have some one-on-one time and relax. What I want is for him to realize that he does all the things that he's totally not ok with me doing and stop having a double standard and get over his shit when it comes to MY actions.

Ok, so basically all those things are sort of building up over time. And then I have date night on Tues night. And on the way to Mr. Hyde's place (his airBnB unit was free so we met there instead of my empty apt, because yay furniture) he messages me that our basement bathroom is flooded and the toilet and tub have backed up from the sewer line and he has to call an emergency plumber. Fun times.... Well, there's nothing I can do, so I go on with my date night and say I'm sorry to hear it and that it sucks. So I uber home, get home at 12:15AM on a work night, tired and ready for bed.... and New Girl's car is there. I saw a fb post earlier in the car where I saw she had a lunch date and another date later.... so I figured that meant she did lunch with Sudo and had planned to see him later in the evening, but I kinda figured that our sewer backing up might have changed those plans. So getting home I was sorta like... ok, seriously? She's here? There is sewage in my basement (that the plumber was able to clear the line since the cap near the street was missing and debris had clogged it up) and you have your practically brand new partner over to the house? During a fucking sewage emergency? I mean, honestly, I thought I was being lax enough by just being ok with having her over even though the house is a complete disaster with boxes and stuff just out everywhere and not in a normal condition that I would want guests to see. But I figured, I can't just tell him he can't have a partner over for who knows how long it will take to get the house in prder. But for real? Sewage?! Who wants to have someone else in their home, their personal domain, during that sort of thing?! So I go in, and she'd only been there for about an hour, and was just talking to him while he ran around dealing with the basement. But by that point, we end up talking until like 2am. I was at this weird point where she's still new to both of us, and to being at the house, so I wasn't really sure if I should go to bed and say "ok, see you guys later, I'm tired" and just leave, or would that be rude and seem like I was saying she had to leave? All this stuff in my head of over thinking it. Really, I should have just gone to bed, but I was SO mentally unprepared for her to be there, that it was like deer in headlights, and I just wasn't sure what to do. So I tried to play polite hostess and stay up. Dumb choice. The only thing that made it ok was that I was thinking "well, at least since he got to see her, he was distracted and hopefully won't be so sad that I had date night with Mr. Hyde." Well that went totally out the window the second she left and we went to bed. He went from being totally fine, to suddenly all sad, and wanted sex even though it was balls o'clock at night and I had to get up for work the next morning. And stupid me, felt guilty over his sads and said ok even though I didn't really want to. So we had sex, and I just felt AWFUL. It felt like he wanted to be the last one to pee on the fire hydrant. Or maybe that he just wanted to erase the thought in his head that I had just had date night, so him having sex with me would make him feel better about that. It felt like he wanted to just erase my experience and replace it with him, and I was so hurt. I was exhausted and just a little irritated and sad that night. But the next morning I was FURIOUS with myself for not setting boundaries with myself and keeping them about going to bed sooner. About not sticking up for myself and saying that no I didn't want to have sex and I was tired. And then later, every time I thought about it I just cried about how hurtful it felt to have someone try to replace my experience with Mr. Hyde.

So I spent the whole next day being grumpy and unhappy. Cue: this is then the day where while we're both home (I was teleworking) and he goes out to run errands, he happens to have lunch with New Girl and tells me after, not before, so he takes twice as long running errands when we have 82398532497825 things to do at the house. So I'm grumpy more, and later say I'm going to bed early that night and get a huffy sigh response (because he has feels about me going to bed early too because it triggers stuff from his previous relationship with Peach even though I have legitimate reasons for getting tired early... like the fact that my alarm goes off 2 hours before his). So the irritation builds. And then the straw that breaks the camel's back... we're sitting on the couch, maxed out on house work for the day, and he's messaging New Girl and asks if I mind if she comes over the next night (Thurs). So he wants her to come over the last night that we are home before we leave for 4 days on a cabin trip, RCT's last night at the house before he's gone for over a week for work, when we STILL have 23985725972 things to do around the house and are trying to wrap up some key things before we leave town AND we haven't packed. And in my brain I'm just like "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!" But... I don't want to be an ass and I don't want to have to give him permission to see other partners, but at the same time, my house too, so I take a deep breath, and I just say "Sudo, honestly, I'd just rather she not come over tomorrow. We have a lot going on." He presses it once and I stick to just not wanting to deal with the stress of having someone over with as much as we have to do, and it gets dropped. But now I'm just mad. I don't hide it well when I'm angry. And that night, when he finally asks what's wrong, I say that I can't take the double standards anymore and I'm over it and that if I did any of the crap he's done to even a smaller degree he'd be upset. But it's getting late again, and I'm not having another stupidly late night talking about this, so I go to bed.



.... to be continued....
 
... continuation...

Thurs, I message him in the morning that our conversation isn't done and I'm really unhappy. That saying "I'm sorry" and "I want you to be happy" (about the only response I got the night before other than moping) doesn't fix it, and that he needs to actually think about what I've said and either agree and think about what he can do to deal with the double standard, or disagree and have a conversation with me about that. But that me telling him what he needs to do to make me happy isn't acceptable and that there needs to be mutual agreement on things. His response is that we can talk later, or over the weekend, but that he felt like this was coming to him as a surprise. REALLY?! All the talks we've had before about him knowing that the way he feels about Mr. Hyde is a double standard and this is a surprise?

Anyway... I'm venting to some friends who are also saying "yup, all that double standard shit is fucked up!" and then I'm thinking about the sex and I'm STILL crying every time I think about it. So I get NOTHING accomplished at work, decide to leave a little early, and go home to mow the lawn to see if I can just physically work off some stress and anger. Sudo comes home, tries to act like everything is normal. He wants to be touchy, give kisses, whatever, and I just want to scream at him, so I just don't play along, because I'm angry and want to focus on house things. He then mopes the rest of the night and I continue to fume and refuse to acknowledge his moping and instead do productive things, because most of the problem is that I'm SOOO over him moping about me doing the same shit that he is now doing, only x100. So ZERO tolerance for the mopes.

We go to bed and he wants to know if I'm going to be like this for the cabin trip so I just say "I dunno, are you ready to have a conversation about things? Cause I want to talk about this, but I'm not sure I can do that without screaming at you." So we talk it out while I cry and explain in detail all of the ways I'm feeling like shit over him treating me differently than he treats himself, and about the sex thing and how HORRIBLE that felt to me (which he says that how I felt is NOT what he was trying to do, but that doesn't change that it felt like it to me). And he does at least admit that he knows it's not fair to me for him to react to my actions one way and him be able to do the same thing, and that he will work on it, and doesn't want to lose me, etc. etc. He's not going to lose me! I'm not going anywhere, I'm just over the behavior! So I explained that I'm just setting my own boundaries. That if he mopes, I'm leaving the room and not subjecting myself to it. And that when Mr. Hyde starts coming to the house on date nights and we spend our time in the basement, I'm sleeping down there as well and will see Sudo in the morning so that my headspace and date night isn't ruined by his reactions. That those are MY boundaries for ME, not him, but me.

I was so angry, but god did I need to get all that off my chest. Just saying it. No spewing it, at him made me feel 1 million times better. And now that he FINALLY gets what he was doing, hopefully, he can work on it.

I woke up feeling 1000 times better on Friday, and we were able to finish packing and do some chores before we hit the road to the cabin and the cabin trip itself actually ended up being very nice and it felt like we got a chance to actually reconnect and focus on each other. So as dramatic as this post probably sounds, the dramatics are how I was feeling at peak emotional blow-up time. And even then, I knew it was all fixable stuff... I was just, hulking out in terms of emotional rage at that point and couldn't focus beyond anger. So I needed to get rid of it. Whew, I have and things are good now.


So yeah... there was that.

Regardless, the rest of the weekend went swimmingly. Sudo spent some time focused on me, but still got to touch base with New Girl plenty because I worked some but also I didn't expect him to ignore her. So now we're back, I'm crazy busy at work and probably working long days and we're doing house stuff and still doing our date stuff and it should all be fine, I think Sudo just knows to be a bit more mindful of the double standards and to not let me feel ignored if we're trying to spend quality time together, etc. Sudo and New Girl are still be good because during this whole hot mess I emphasizes repeatedly that I had no problem with him dating her, and just needed him to be considerate that when *I* date he doesn't react differently as if I'm doing something hurtful when he does it too. So time will only tell, but I'm super positive that this was just a bump in the NRE road while we adjust to both of us actually having multiple romantic partners.
 
Yanno what it sounds like to me? Not to trivialize, but rather to say, you have described many trees, here is the forest that I see...

Overwhelmed + Sleep Deprived = Big upsets about all the things.

Like you cannot wrangle head-squirrels when you're in that state, because hey, who can?? So the cabin trip and your emotions about your partners, and Sudo's emotions, and New Girl, and the 897451132132 house things and the stuffstuffstuff... Those squirrels were like running amok and without basic physical care (enough sleep) you were not tops to even run triage on all that, figure out what deserved a big reaction, or not. Sudo is lucky you didn't blow up a lot more explosively than what he got, there...and as much as the double standards and other stuff should be talked about, boundaries drawn, and so forth, the #1 thing is to make sure that first, your basic physical needs are met. So, not staying up until balls o' clock (I love that phrase, and I'll be using it, thank you!) and #2, if you are tired sometimes and need to go to bed early, then Sudo had best learn to deal. Peach also ate food and breathed air. So what??
 
oh, I completely agree. And I did say to him at some points that I realize that my reaction was probably stronger than the situation really called for, but for serious, he knows that my work is at absolute peak stress time, the house is in shambles, I've not been getting enough sleep, etc, etc, etc so that isn't exactly a good time to basically disrespect me and my needs as a partner because he's lost in NRE. So I was like "Yes! I'm super pissed over this stuff, but this is how you're making me feel right now given the weight of all the things I'm dealing with! So how about putting yourself in my shoes and actually thinking about that before you do things?"

Basically, I'm over the whole not getting enough sleep thing, so unless I'm up late because of work stress, I have no intention of staying up crazy late for other things right now, I don't care who gets upset.

Fortunately, the absolutely worst of the work stress should calm down after another 2 weeks or so (I hope). And my weekend schedule this weekend is now totally clear, so I'll be able to focus on both work, and maybe knocking out a house project or 2. Progress on those 2 things alone will make life more manageable and make me less likely to blow up over things.

In the meantime, I'm going to try not to hold thing in until the point of blowing up too.
 
Moving in together for the first time, and buying a house are HUGE relationship stressors. So Sudo being lost in NRE right now is shitty. Add in your work issues, and the sleep deprivation - you're looking at relationship breakers. Definitely something has to give. Don't hold things in - communication is even more important now!
 
Yeah... I would imagine that the tone of my post probably makes the situation sound like it was more hurtful to our relationship than it really was. I mean, yes, I think if those things went on for months, it would be extremely damaging to our relationship. But given that I brought it up after just a few short weeks... it was really just frustrating. But because of all of the other stress going on, became an explosive situation. I think had there not been so many other stressors going on, his behavior would have just irritated me and I'd have been like "dude, are you serious? You need to chillax because you're pulling some kind of ass-holey behaviors without realizing it. But I'm telling you BECAUSE I realize that you're just not seeing it."

Anyway, once I can actually get my feelings out and know the other person actually sees/hears/understands me, I usually feel loads better, and I do. I mean, I'm still stressed as all get out from work, and I'm still exhausted and feel like I could just sleep for a week. But I feel good on the relationship front. Heck, Sudo is even going to New Girl's place on his way home from work to hang out before she has a meeting tonight. I'm working late, so he'll still probably beat me home. And it doesn't bother me one bit. And now that we've talked about the things, I think in the future if we're having some one-on-one time, if I feel like he's getting interrupted too much with messaging her, I think I'd be pretty comfortable just being like "you're doing it again. Can you please just let her know you'll talk to her later and lay off the texting?" and I know he'd be fine with it (which, to be clear, when I know he's with her, I make it a point to not message him unless I need to ask him something or whatever, and I don't expect a response right away, so I feel like my request is pretty reasonable).

As part of our cabin weekend of getting back in touch with each other and actually paying attention to each other, we've also been having more discussions/negotiations about the D/s stuff, since we'd like to move it more into the realm of 24/7.... ish? Like a base level of dynamic on the regular, but have other times where if we want to have an all day or long scene then that's more intense and would be more in depth vs just the everyday dynamic that we'd like to have. Honestly, it's been weird but interesting, and yet good to transition things so slowly. I feel like that doesn't work for most people. But for me, I'm kind of liking the slow movement toward a more serious dynamic. It allows me to make sure we're truly on the same page, but also respect each others wants in the relationship and our poly dynamic. I want us to really make this our own and what is right for us as a couple and not just fit it into some generic idea of what D/s is "supposed to be."

It will also be careful/tricky to negotiate our dynamic and boundaries in a way that still allows him to explore D/s or top/bottom kink with New Girl. Because of the power exchange in D/s, it really does result in a sort of ownership of one party, so there tend to be "rules" and "protocols" and yet since we are poly, I don't want to necessarily be setting rules about his other relationships. It's weird. Like, I want him to be MY sub, so if he's subbing to any other D type he's basically on loan and still mine, so our agreements are still in place. But at the same time, I don't want to be placing a boat load of restrictions from a poly sense. Like I would never want veto power, etc. And I wouldn't ever expect him to cancel a date or ignore a partner because I messaged him with some task, or whatever. But I do think it would be nice if we both agreed to a thing or few that was "our" thing, so that to him it really emphasized that he does that with his Domina (which is the term that I think I've decided I like enough to actually use. I really don't like the idea of being called Mistress. I can't take it seriously). I want those rules and such that we agree on to have more to do with his mental state and continuing to feel like my sub and nourish that want of his, not to just lord it over anyone else he dates. So I think we'll have to have some long discussions and negotiations about that. And when the time comes, New Girl and I, or all 3 of us, can negotiate those things together as well, since I do think her opinion and boundaries matter as well. But at this point, she's still learning the from scratch the ins and outs of BDSM in general since she's super new to kink. So we have time for all that!

It probably sounds crazy to think that we just had this big thing with boundaries and double standards and crying and all that, and then turn around and are working out more details of growing D/s and how that will play into poly. But I guess for me, that just emphasizes how strong I think our relationship is, but also how confident I am that the whole ordeal really wasn't some huge disaster and was just a blip in the road. Even just knowing that makes me feel good!
 
Work is still crazy, but the end is near. I had the WORST scare yesterday at work where a spreadsheet that I have spent months working on in prep for a huge negotiation got messed up. My intern did a copy past function with filters on that should have only pasted into the filtered cells, but he used a "paste special" function so it pasted into all the hidden cells do and deleted a shit load of data. Didn't realize until I looked at the file later after he'd saved and left for the afternoon. So thankful the helpdesk was able to restore an older version where a few minutes of work brought it back up to current status. Whew! :eek:

I'll probably do a little work this weekend, but am hoping I don't have to spend too much time on work. I really want to focus on house stuff, and Sudo and I would like to actually get a little QT for once.

Last night I didn't stay late at work and we got some house insurance stuff squared away, I planted some veggie plants in a tucked in area of one of my flower beds (tomatoes, grape tomatoes, red peppers, Serrano peppers, sweet pepper, sweet onions, sweet basil, stir fry broccoli) just in time before some rain started, so those should be some happy little plants now!

I also got a few more kitchen boxes unpacked. That's probably misleading since in some cases it just meant more stuff went on the counters. But we sort of have all the pots and pans out and stacked around because we need them all unpacked to figure out what we're keeping and what we're getting rid of. We did start another donation box that a few things went into. And more pantry things were unpacked. So it's getting there. Slow as molasses, but getting there.

This weekend my main project I want to get done is the rest of the electrical. I want to have the light switches and outlets replaced and the covers painted and put back on. I think realistically, I can get the regular ones done, but the GFCI outlets and the outlets we want to install that have some USB plugs will take longer, so they might have to wait. We also DESPERATELY need to go buy blinds for our master bedroom. Sudo gets woken up by the slightest light, so he's dying with no curtains. I could care less about the light, but we have ZERO privacy in our bedroom! Last night we opted to use my bed down in the basement for some sexy times so we could play with all our gear and not just be on display for the neighborhood. LOL.

We're hoping we can get out to the new dungeon that finally re-opened in the city this weekend. Sudo is going tonight with New Girl for their Dungeon 101 so that she can just learn about the things, but he and I would like to go for open play night tomorrow and or a Sunday afternoon event that is for Dommes and their admirers.

If the rain lets up and the grass dries, the lawn is really due for another mowing too. Phew, so much to do! And still so much to unpack! We're both feeling pretty drained though :(

Carpet people did go to Sudo's place yesterday though and the carpet was stretched and re-secured so no more bubbles and wrinkles. It looks like it's in good condition still for renters, so all that's left is painting and a general cleaning and it can be rented! Well, the roof needs to be replaced, but that's going to take time since we need to get estimates and will probably do that later this summer.

I'm really wanting to get more of the house together so that it's not in total shambles and I can feel good about the first time I have Mr. Hyde over for a date night! Plus, I just want to start having family and friends over already. Le sigh. It will get there.
 
Well.... didn't meet my house project goals for the weekend, but progress was made at least.

Friday night Sudo had a date night with New Girl... I think I'm going to call her Dancer. She does capoeira, which is technically a martial art, but to me, it looks more like dance based on martial arts. I'll bet it's a hell of a work out for sure! I just struggle to see how anyone trained in that style would necessarily beat someone with basically any other form of martial arts training! Not knocking her achievements, cause like I said, I'm sure it's still physically very challenging. I just tend to have some head scratching moments when I actually see it in practice. Anyway, she loves it and has a great time, which is what matters. And capoeira is a bitch to spell, and Dancer seems like a nice name and seems to fit her overall happy personality.

So where was I? Right, Sudo had a late date night with Dancer where they went to Dungeon 101 at the newly opened play space so that Dancer could check out all the demos and explore new stuff. I had a friend over, that coincidentally works for Sudo since I pointed him in the direction of the job posting when Sudo was looking to hire (I think I talked about that here some). So we just chilled out on my couch after I gave him a tour of the new house and caught up on life. I did discover though that I sleep like shit when I'm expecting Sudo to be home. I thought he'd be home between 12-1 am but wasn't home until like 3. Not a big deal, but I guess my brain was expecting him or something and I swear I just could not fall asleep! I think this is just going to be one of those new parts of living together that I'll eventually get used to.

Saturday, we spent the whole day in D/s mode, even while we went out and worked on house stuff. I will say that it's pointing out my own need to remember to keep on him with discipline if I say I want X done, or whatever. Even if it's more of a funishment type thing. The more everyday our setting becomes, the easier it is for both of us to slip out of the dynamic and easily revert to just a typical couple out running errands. So mental note to self. That's also on me to just keep up with the discipline and training. But while we were doing the D/s stuff, we also managed to get some house stuff sorted and things of that nature.

Sunday though, we wanted to have a big push to work on house stuff. We went to Sudo's old place and took pics for listing his rental, picked up more things to bring back to the new house, and put out squirrel traps to try and relocate the squirrels that are damaging his roof. We also went to the store to return some electrical stuff and pick up other items we needed (mainly blinds for our master bedroom, finally!). Once home, we listed some items both for sale and for free on Craigslist, and Sudo started hanging the bedroom blinds while I started working on replacing more electrical sockets and light switches. Of course, 1 of the blinds wasn't cut quite short enough, so that one has to go back to get a smidge more trimmed off :rolleyes:

Of all things, I ran out of 2 way light switches (we returned a ton a while back because we bought all 2 way switches and needed some to be 3 way) and found out that we also need a few 4 way switches. Argh! The whole process was frustrating and we didn't get as far as we wanted to. On top of that, Sudo and I had yet another spat about his balance of dating vs our other priorities. He wanted to see Dancer for a little while on Sunday and we talked earlier and the conversation indicated that it would depend on how our to-do list went. Well to my mind, we were way behind and didn't get nearly enough done, so I was pissed when he wanted to abandon progress and go out to see Dancer. I thought the discussion was over and that he agreed not to, but all he did was power through getting the blinds up and then think that meant since he was done he should go. And it's his choice, so he went, but I wasn't happy about it. There were several things that I thought were really impeding our house progress that I had wanted done that night, and I felt like Sudo was being a bit selfish and prioritizing fun over responsibilities. It would be 1 thing if we weren't living in chaos, but at this point, I'm tired of there still being boxes and disaster everywhere I look, and while I understand Dancer was leaving town for a week, they just had a nice long date night knowing that Fri might be there last get together before her trip. Anyway, I was pissed at Sudo's poor communication of the whole situation so I kept working and just did the project that I wanted him to do myself (with the help of RCT who returned home from travel that night). So that resulted in us getting the door spice rack hung in the pantry and all the spices moved out of the cupboards and into the rack, so now we can use those cupboards to hold pots and pans that are spread out all over the counters. I also washed more dishes from all the unpacking so things could actually be put away in a clean state. I realize that I'm probably being not very sensitive to the whole NRE thing, but for reals... we're still dealing with moving and buying a house. There's a time to enjoy the NRE and let it flourish, and there's a time to adult and keep it in check and get down to business.

Anyway.... both this morning and then later this afternoon Sudo got a lecture about priorities and communication. From now on, if he wants to make plans and they're that important to him, he needs to say so from the start and we can plan our day around said plans. Not have them mess up the day because they were presented as not a big deal but then are made a big deal at the last minute when they're no longer convenient to the events of the day. A big part of this just deals with how all these things fit into our D/s dynamic. If he's not communicating his wants and needs to me, then I can't make sure that he's taken care of. And if he's going to fight me every step of the way on this stuff then I can't properly be his Domme unless he intends to just live a life of punishment because he's made me unhappy all the time!

We've talked about it more today, and communication does seem to be the big issue here. Sudo is not used to having a partner that he is able to really communicate his needs to and be heard, so I think he just.... doesn't. So then when our actions don't mesh with each other's priorities because we weren't on the same page that we thought we were.... well, it's a problem. He feels like having a more solid D/s dynamic will help him because it will better ground all the expectations, boundaries, etc. If that's what he needs, I'm happy to do it, but he's going to have to learn the hard way then that then not following those rules and boundaries is going to have more consequences than just me getting frustrated and us having a discussion. But such is the training of a sub :p

At least now I feel like in the past few weeks as we've been talking more about our dynamic I feel like he's opened up more about what he wants and needs and he is getting better at communicating when I actually prompt him and ask questions. I think in time he'll learn that he can comfortably express himself to me without that prompting as well, and that in fact he must do that. It's hard to undo a decade of learned behavior from a probably not so healthy dynamic had with previous partners though. And let's be real.... I don't have the patience of a saint, and I'm stubborn, and set in my ways, and I'm type A. So there are things about me that can make me a difficult partner for sure. Especially now in this high stress time where my default is to just want to make a unanimous decision that brooks no argument so that the things are done and no longer something that requires being stressed about. So I probably also need to stop and take a deep breath, step back and think about Sudo in all this.

Oddly enough, when we were on our cabin trip I did order a surprise for him that I'm now realizing I can't freaking even talk about here because what if he reads this before he gets it (drat! lol!). And I've had a gift for him sitting wrapped on the counter (well now that we moved, on the bedroom dresser) for weeks waiting for the time when he was just extra good to give it to him. I was going to give it to him after our all day D/s day if he was well behaved... and then Sunday just went downhill. Le sigh. Maybe I'll give him the gift anyway and have a little talk to make sure that he knows even with all these upsets we've been having recently, I still love him to death and appreciate him. (I just need him to pay attention!). Hmmm... I did JUST buy him a new dog pillow, choker collar, and leash over the weekend though (I don't do puppy play, the pillow is just nice and big to make kneeling on hard floors easier on the knees and my other one doesn't have as much padding as I'd like. The collar and leash are more for breath play and just general objectification/humiliation play). So maybe the other gift will be for once we finalize a trial period contract. Much to think on.
 
Holy crap! We have a kitchen counter!!

It's almost entirely cleaned off at this point now... finally! Pots and pans have all been put away and found a home for. Looks like my set of nice pots and pans are going in a box in the basement since RCT and Sudo both have plenty that are also nice. We do still have a random assortment of junk cluttering the kitchen table, but that has also been slowly dwindling. I'm working from home today since my intern also requested to telework, so I'm thinking every time I walk away from the computer I'll grab something and put it away or do 1 little thing around the house to try and keep the progress alive.

Last night, we got the front door knob and 1 of our deadbolts replaced. We had already replaced our front door deadbolt a while back with a keypad lock that can also be controlled with our phones (it does have a traditional key too) but we ordered a new door knob as well to match it. Part of that whole replacing all of the ugly brass with brushed nickel stuff. Well the front door knob had it's own distinct key, so now we're able to drop 1 of the keys from all of our key rings! We have 2 more external deadbolts to replace and then we can drop the other key. We specifically ordered all the deadbolts to be keyed to match our keypad lock so that the same key works on every door. Yay! Currently, the front door is the main door we use though, and we only use the deadbolt, so no one really has to carry keys other than as an emergency back-up.

We also talked a bit about a summer trip that we're all supposed to go on around July 4th for a wedding in Austin. Sudo is worried though with how much money we've spent on house stuff and what he still needs to spend to replace the roof on his townhouse. Plus, he still needs to list the house to rent, so as of right now he's got 2 mortgages. So he's not ready for us to sink money on the wedding trip. I'm ok with that since it's his friend's wedding, so we're going to wait a bit longer and take another look at the finances. I know very well we can swing it, but Sudo hates the idea of dipping into savings. He and I are both fiscally conservative like that <3

We also talked about the contract stuff more. I'm going to take my good old time to get it right, since Sudo also needs to show me that he can handle balancing a D/s dynamic that is more like 24/7 with being poly but also still take care of house business. Honestly, I think if he would just make a point to schedule better instead of just trying to squeeze in dates here and there given how in flux things are due to all of the constant to-do lists, then it would be fine. But even if we don't sign a contract right now, going through the things that would be in it is helping us get our goals and priorities aligned, so it's been a really good exercise. The more we do it though, the more he really appreciates it and seems to feel like this is something that he's really needed in his life but just not had. And hey, if obeying me is what he thinks he really needs... who am I to complain :D

Either way, we had a nice talk last night and I also make sure to tell him that regardless of the recent arguments and upsets and my short temper, that I love and appreciate him and that I have never during this time felt like we weren't still solid or like our relationship was in jeopardy. It's important to me that he not think me getting upset on occasion means I'm questioning us as a unit. And I think reassuring him of that is a big help to him too since that is clearly a fear of his given the fact that he's currently in the process of working toward a divorce already.
 
My teeth hurt again :(

New set of trays now that I just had another dentist appointment to pick up the next batch. Only about 2 more months until I should hopefully *fingers crossed* be done with all the moving trays and onto the retainer.... which means no more buttons! OMG, I will be thrilled to get these stupid things ground off of my teeth!

After that, I'm going to just not do anything with my mouth for a while and let my teeth settle... but eventually I'll need to decide if I want to get an implant where my back upper right molar was pulled years ago. After hearing Bluebird's fiasco it definitely has me doubting...

I'm not in a huge rush since I have plenty of other things to spend money on and I think I'd also just like to give my mouth a break.


Work is kicking my butt. I'm only taking the time to write out this because I need to rest my brain and just focus on something else for a few minutes. Then back to it.

Last night I had drinks and dinner with a friend that lives at a metro stop that I go right by on my way home, but is getting ready to move since she changed jobs. Still within visiting range, but out of the way. I still had a travel mug of hers and some dog stuff for her dog, so we did the exchange and then just hung out for a bit. It's interesting because she's actually one of my brother's BFFs from college (and was one of his groom's women) but over the years I have hung out with their little group enough that I've become friends with those friends too.

OMG, of course I'm forgetting to post the biggest news of all. Speaking of my brother... I'm going to be an Aunt! The only reason I'm saying it here is that this is anonymous, cause otherwise they're not telling people yet since it's only been about 5 weeks. But I'm happy for them! I mean, kids aren't my thing, but I know they want kids, so yay to them. And my mom is thrilled since she wants grandbabies and I'm not going to give her any. She's been waiting ever so patiently since my brother and his wife have been married for a decade (actually almost 11 years)... but they married young so they were in no rush. So yeah, of the 3 girls from high school that I get together with to try and do a somewhat regular Girl's Night.... I'm the only one not currently pregnant. HA! I will just have to drink all the drinks for them. Their loss, my gain :p
 
Soooo tired!

I stayed up way late every night over the weekend and yet still woke up not all that late just because of being used to getting up.... so basically I'm sleep deprived. I didn't even stay up crazy late last night because Sudo had Saundra over, so I just went to bed on my own and left him to his date night. But I'm still just DRAGGING today. Bleh.

On the plus side, I think my big report at work will be wrapped up today, or worst case, tomorrow morning. So that will be a big weight off my shoulders. Not that I don't have a shit ton of other work do to that has been put off because of this report.... but still.

House stuff is coming along. I *THOUGHT* that I finished the last of the outlet and switch replacements last night, but we since found a few switches/outlets that still need to be replaced. And there are 2 bathroom fan timers that I can't seem to figure out how to get working... even though I installed them exactly the same way as another one that works perfectly fine! But the BIG kicker is that I finally got the plate covers painted white! So at least now we can go ahead and put the covers back on all the outlets and switches! They were drying last night, so tonight we can get the covers back on and see how we feel about them. Worse case, we hate them and just go buy new ones for around $100 (seriously, we have about 100 covers to replace and they'd be about $1 per). We also organized the garage a bit so that we can start actually parking cars in 2 of the spots and leftover crap is only taking up the 3rd space. That means we moved some stuff into the house that needed to go there anyway, and started selling other stuff that we knew needed to be listed. The remaining stuff that will stay in the garage was sorted and condensed a bit so that everything wasn't so spread out.

This means my kitchen just backtracked a bit because some boxes made their way inside, but that is going to be tonight's main project. Get things to the basement and organized down there that need to be stored, and get the kitchen table cleaned off and things put away!

Sudo also finally mowed the lawn after us having so much rain that we just couldn't get it done. So at least my yard looks all pretty now. I seriously need to put down another round of broad leaf killer though while it's sunny and nice and kill the patches of clover that have been sprouting up :mad:

RCT is also home all week so he's going to help with a few minor things.

I REALLY want to get a few pics up here!

In poly-land all is well. I have another date night tomorrow with Mr. Hyde but it will be over his way, so he still won't have seen the new house yet. But since it's still a bit messy I'm cool with that. I think Sudo is going to try to have a date night the same night. He and Dancer have still been talking about D/s, and her and I even talked about it a bit today. I'm feeling better knowing that she doesn't want to do anything that would get in the way of his and my dynamic, and she's feeling better knowing that I would never veto their dynamic down to road or try to use him spending time with her as either a reward or punishment in the event that he was "mine" from a D/s standpoint and sort of "on lease" to her as a sub. I tried to make sure she understood that my goal for that was more to do with the language and perception of the flow of authority from a D/s standpoint, and not any sort of ability to dictate their actual poly relationship. Ideally, we'll have some conversation in the future to just ensure we minimize complications and any possible conflicts as all of this stuff grows. But so far we're all happy with the way that it's working out.

I, for one, was just happy that I didn't lay in bed awake while they were down in the basement having date night time. With that being the first time he's had a partner in our shared space, I wasn't worried that it would bother me, but just because it doesn't bother me doesn't mean my head doesn't play stupid tricks where it just doesn't let me sleep because I'm waiting for him to come to bed... even if I'm not/don't want to. I was also tired, so that helped! I can only hope that the first time Mr. Hyde comes over, that it doesn't go too poorly for Sudo. At this point, I think he'll probably try to have date nights as much as possible when I do to keep himself distracted. Maybe that will help with the transition.

Anyway, it's taken me all day to write this while taking little breaks from work and I need to get back to it. One day those pics will happen.....
 
Feeling burnt out. Burnt out on work, on house work, on plans, on poly. I mean, no on poly in that I'm done with poly, but on the emotional labor of doing so much relationshipping given I now have a nesting partner, and a new meta, and my nesting partner is having to deal more with my other partner.

It's not that things are going poorly, they're actually going quite well. But frankly, I'm used to smooth sailing in a relationship and bits of drama or the need to "talk things out" is generally rare. But between navigating the escalation of our D/s dynamic, and navigating the logistics of an additional partner in the polycule, I'm just fucking drained! I feel tired all the time even when I get decent sleep. I need a beach vacation or something....
 
Compersion is failing me so hard right now. Had a great dinner last night with Sudo and Dancer, then went to an event with Dancer and had a blast. And then this morning based on some conversation with Sudo about growing dynamics and stuff I bit the bullet and asked if they'd exchanged "I love you"s cause I was suspecting maybe they had but no one has said to me... And they have. First time happened around a week ago. Some part of me is happy for him, but that part can't see past the part of me that feels like my insides fell out. I wish I hadn't had to ask, and the whole relationship has just progressed faster than I thought it would. In my head I know it's not a bad thing and it's no faster than my relationship with Sudo progressed, but it has just continued to catch me off guard over and over.

I know it will all be fine. Sudo still loves me more than ever and wants to be with me all the time. But my heart still irrationally hurts.

I wish I hadn't had to ask to find out a week later.
 
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