Honestly just need some advice.

D

Darthdaddy77

New member
So this is a weird, maybe confusing one, but I'm kinda in a stuck mindset.

My girlfriend is in a relationship with another male, cool, doesn't bother me. We actually get along very well. Great dude. We have all stayed in the same room, same bed, a few times, joked around, laughed. It's amazing. Today we woke up started both kinda doing stuff to her. Cool. Where I struggle is, by no means am I gay or bi. I have been in a multiple-person thing one time before. But as embarrassing as it is, I can't get it to stand at attention, per se. Like, I'm really struggling, because I know she wants to, and I mean, I'm not against it. But idk how to get past the mental block of another dick, I guess. And that it's not me making her feel good is in there, as well.

I love this girl with my all and I just wanna be able to fulfill her wants. I just really need some help with figuring out how to make it happen, or tips that others have used, because I know I can't be the only one. I appreciate if anyone has time to talk. 🖤
 
Darthdaddy77 said:
This is a weird, maybe confusing one. I'm kinda in a stuck mindset. My girlfriend is in a relationship with another male. Cool. We have all stayed in the same bed a few times, joked around, laughed. It's amazing. Today, we woke up, started both kinda doing stuff to her. Cool. Where I struggle is, by no means am I gay or bi. She and I have been in a multiple-person thing one time before. But as embarrassing as it is, I can't get it to stand at attention, per se. I'm really struggling because I know she wants to and I'm not against it. But idk how to get past the mental block of another dick, and that it's not me making her feel good. I love this girl with my all and I just wanna be able to fulfill her wants.
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It sounds like you want to be able to have an erection during group sex to please your girlfriend.

It's not healthy to have group sex just because the other people want it. You need to want it too, really get turned on by it. It sounds like, since you're not bi, you don't like being up close and personal with another man's naked body in this way. That seems perfectly reasonable.

I'd say you should have a good talk with your gf and just tell her that. And, if you're not entirely against having group sex with her, and you want to try again, explain to her that it's going to take some getting used to, so she shouldn't expect you to be instantly hard and stay that way, and be able to vigorously mount and fuck her.

It's okay. Really. No one should ever expect themselves to be hard during any and all newer sexual experiences. And no one should expect their (owner of a penis) partner to always be hard during any and all sexual experiences.

Just talk about it with her-- later, alone, not with the other guy there. Be open, honest and vulnerable. There's nothing to prove. Have some self-respect.
 
Magdlyn said:
It sounds like you want to be able to have an erection during group sex to please your girlfriend.

It's not healthy to have group sex just because the other person or people want it. You need to want it too, really get turned on by it. It sounds like, since you're not bi, you don't like being up close and personal with another man's naked body in this way. That seems perfectly reasonable.

I'd say you should have a good talk with your gf and just tell her that. And, if you're not entirely against having group sex with her, and you want to try again, explain to her that it's going to take some getting used to, so she shouldn't expect you to be instantly hard and stay that way, and be able to vigorously mount and fuck her.

It's okay. Really. No one should ever expect themselves to be hard during any and all newer sexual experiences. And no one should expect their (owner of a penis) partner to always be hard during any and all sexual experiences.

Just talk about it with her-- later, alone, not with the other guy there. Be open, honest and vulnerable. There's nothing to prove. Have some self-respect.
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I think that's why I'm struggling, because I do want to do it, but I'm confused, I guess, on how to make it happen. I know it's def a weird, kinda dumb question in the first place.
 
Darthdaddy77 said:
I think that's why I'm struggling, because I do want to do it, but I'm confused, I guess, on how to make it happen. I know it's def a weird, kinda dumb question.
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No, it's not weird or dumb at all. You're figuring out how your body works, the body/mind connection. Surely you know all men struggle with erectile disfunction from time to time. And I wouldn't even call this ED. You were in a new situation and consciously you felt you were into it, but subconsciously, you were struggling with a new situation. It's okay.
 
It might help if you realize that it doesn't mean you're gay or bi (not that there's anything wrong with it if you are, of course) just because you get turned on during a MFM threesome. You can be turned on by the *situation* without being attracted to every person *in* the situation.
 
Darthdaddy77 said:
I'm confused on how to make it happen.
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Penises aren't something you can control. Try to stop trying to make things happen. The more you "try," the less it will happen. The psychology of erections is real. Penis owners, as well as those who are intimate with penis owners, need to understand that it's okay when things choose not to work. It happens occasionally and is normal. However, the psychology of needing to perform, needing to get and stay erect, and needing to orgasm is harmful to that actually happening.

If your head is all worried about what is, or isn't, or could happen with your penis, then it's not focused on the pleasure at hand and will cause problems.

My advice, yes, is to talk to your partner. If you want to have threesomes, then focus on pleasure. You can pleasure her without an erection and she can pleasure you without an erection. Focus on the pleasure, and if you get an erection, bonus! FYI, this is common in the beginning, even with swingers. Let yourself be okay with what your body decides to do and you'll probably see things change.
 
Hello Darthdaddy77,

I am not into threesomes, so I don't have much expertise on the problem you're experiencing. You're not getting a hard-on when it's all three of you, which suggests to my mind that the causes are psychological, not physical. You need to wrap your mind around the idea of another guy being there, without thinking you and he have to interact sexually with each other, and I'm not quite sure how to do that. I'd probably have the same problem if I tried to do a (MFM) threesome.

With sympathy,
Kevin T.
 
Bobbi said:
Penises aren't something you can control. Try to stop trying to make things happen. The more you "try," the less it will happen. The psychology of erections is real. Penis owners, as well as those who are intimate with penis owners, need to understand that it's okay when things choose not to work. It happens occasionally and is normal. However, the psychology of needing to perform, needing to get and stay erect, and needing to orgasm is harmful to that actually happening.

If your head is all worried about what is, or isn't, or could happen with your penis, then it's not focused on the pleasure at hand and will cause problems.

My advice, yes, is talk to your partner. If you want to have threesomes then focus on pleasure. You can pleasure her without an erection, and she can pleasure you without an erection. Focus on the pleasure, and if you get an erection, bonus! FYI, this is common in the beginning, even with swingers. Let yourself be okay with what your body decides to do and you'll probably see things change.
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That's actually a really good point. I appreciate that a lot. 🖤
 
Even male porn stars can't get hard and stay hard every time they do a video. Lots of them, nowadays, most of them, even young guys loaded with testosterone, take Viagra or similar meds. I'm not recommending that here. I'm not even recommending you do another threeway with your gf. I'm just saying, men aren't performing ponies. You're human beings with complicated feelings and needs of your own.
 
No i know 🤘🖤believe me it's just really nice to know I'm not the only one. It means alot that you guys are taking time outta your day to respond.
 
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