Thanks PinkPig and Kevin for the advice on counselors.
starlight1, that sounds like great advice, but I have no idea how to do either of those things - fix things inside myself or build a stable community. I've tried and failed at both so many times. How would you go about starting to do those two things?
I created a meet up for awhile that was a painting class at my house... eventually I didn't need the meetup group as the group sustained it's self outside of meetup.
My female friend started a women's feminist book club with other home school mothers. In the Bible Belt i feel you. I am currently in WV in a small town. I think here would be an uphill battle but perhaps start with something not related to poly, but attracts open minded people.
For example in my arts network, I met my best friend who previously had been poly and never has a word for it because it was before polyamory existed as a word in the UK.
A popular thing in the area is festivals for folk lore, which might also happen In The south that attract different crowds, so might be easier to access people outside the Bible Belt.
Also just because you meet or hold a meeting at a church doesn't mean the other people are going to automatically reject you or community with you. Others may also be attending church and secretly wishing to meet different minded people too. Or are poly and religious. (Came across that with Mormons...not a far leap from polygyny to polyamory as a conversation topic and in research).
You could volunteer for an animal shelter, help a hospital or community organisation. It doesn't have to be poly orientated, but it does have to be something you love and nourishes your soul.
For my boyfriend Trip it's work and sailing.
For me it's poly, my kids, my arts network group I help with loosely, and my friends in the poly network. Also here. I love writing here, talking here, being a part of the larger group. The women and men here are fantastic. I have learned so much...
As for my inner work, I read
A Woman In Your Own Right
Non-violent communication
Tribes
Venus index.com blogs and programme for weight loss / healthy lifestyle and connecting with other women (who are largely based in the USA, and many in the Bible Belt.)*
Polyamory.com (of course!)
I also went to support groups, therapy, etc for almost ten years until I felt I was stable enough in my life, and feel good internally. After five years I thought I wouldn't be OK ever, but I can, and I am. It took a lot of times feeling like "I have failed so much." so you failed, now you know many ways not to do it. Keep trying, keep going, you can get to a place you like, and even love yourself, no matter what life throws at you.
*Bear in mind these books were for where I needed to learn and grow and may not be applicable to you at all.
Just to give you hope, I am currently seeing a man I met on OKC from the area, and he is Christian devoutly so, but fine with me being poly and having a casual fling. He even teased saying after our "sexy fun times" we would have to get on our knees and pray for forgiveness. He was completely joking..but you see what I mean. People can surprise you.
