A primary reason I want to get into a poly relationship is to attend community theatre plays and orchestral concerts, Renaissance fairs, wine tasting and other culinary activities that do not interest my wife.
These, of course, are not free. Money is so tight that I'm working full time at 70 years old.
My husband and I both have a spending allowance that is ours to do whatever we want with and the other person can't say anything about it. We started the practice long before we started poly, but I feel it's even more important now. I would be frustrated if he were spending part of the family budget to take his girlfriend out or to go on trips and he feels the same way when I have other partners.
Hi there,
That's a bit of a tough one. The way my life partner and I work it is we have a shared account that all of our joint living expenses come out of, and we both have individual accounts where we have our own savings. She pays for her dates with others from that, and I do the same. I don't expect the people I date to pay for both of us - we always split the bill according to who ordered what. That way, if I'm particularly strapped for cash one month I can order cheaper things and my budget isn't stretched. However, that of course assumes that I have a pot of personal money there in the first place that I can dip into. I know some men see it as their responsibility to pay for everything on a date, but I think that is, in a word, silly. If that's part of your concern here, I'd say you should only be factoring your own expenses in to whatever activity you'd like to attend, and not your dates.
everybody has their own way of doing it. Me and my husband have a system where we each have our own money. I use some of my money to travel to see my boyfriend, set up a flat with him there etc. When my boyfriend is here (before our bigger flat is set up), me and my husband split the cost of his hotel room (but husband gets to stay all summer for free in the flat me and boyfriend pays for).
And sure...everybody wants more dates and more of the fun stuff, but either you need more money or just prioratize harder. My travels to my boyfriend are so vital to me that I hardly buy new clothes anymore, or anything else for that matter that I don't absolutely need. Our only deal is that I have to have dates with my husband when I am at home too, so that not all the "fun money" goes to my other relationship.
My travels to my boyfriend are so vital to me that I hardly buy new clothes anymore, or anything else for that matter that I don't absolutely need. Our only deal is that I have to have dates with my husband when I am at home too, so that not all the "fun money" goes to my other relationship.
This. My budget is a lot higher than Mal's. And as fulcrum he needs to save enough to take Djinn out too. So I pay most of the time. I know it worries him, but it doesn't me. We each pay what we can afford.
A primary reason I want to get into a poly relationship is to attend community theatre plays and orchestral concerts, Renaissance fairs, wine tasting and other culinary activities that do not interest my wife.
The cheapest way to attend community theater and Renaissance Faires, is to volunteer. This will also surround yourself with people who are interested in similar activities as yourself.
Hubby and I have our finances set up the same as tenK: one joint account from which all household bills and expenses, and expenses related to Alt and Country, are paid, and then Hubby and I each have our own individual account from which we can spend whatever we want without having to consult the other.
Since I'm unable to work a "real" job and my writing income barely buys a cup of coffee most of the time, all of the money in the joint account and over half of my personal money actually comes from Hubby, but the idea is the same.
I don't have the issue of expenses for dates, though. Hubby and I rarely go out; when we do, either he pays or it's paid for out of our joint account. I think once or twice I've paid for the meal when S2 and I have gone out, but for the most part he insists on paying his way and mine, which makes sense since he has more spendable income than I do and has no other partner.
In our house I am the only one that brings in "outside" income on a regular basis - but I am also the cheapest of us. The boys each, technically, get a monthly "allowance" that they don't have to account to me/the household for. They can spend it on themselves or on dates (with me or whomever) - but once it is gone, it is gone. I've tried giving myself an "allowance" too - but it just sits there accumulating until I decide to invest it...
If that's part of your concern here, I'd say you should only be factoring your own expenses in to whatever activity you'd like to attend, and not your dates.
