Hi guys! Looking for advice.
I'm a bi female with a male long-term partner that I share kids with. We are both poly but new to it.
We are each looking to date someone separately -- particularly, he is looking for an exclusive girlfriend. I am looking for an exclusive (different) girlfriend for me as well.
SO..
I am needing help figuring out when and how to tell this girl I'm talking to that I'm poly.
I started talking to this girl I used to know back almost 8 years ago. We haven't talked since then. We had a bit of a dicey history: we met through a class we had together in HS, and I had a crush on her.. we started talking through facebook and eventually we set up a date. She ended up cancelling our date, then was really flakey about when we can reschedule for. I got upset so I gave up the idea of dating her and dated a boy that had been interested in me instead. She got mad at me that I gave up on her so quickly and we never really talked again.
So now 8 years later, I see her on facebook again (she didn't have an acct until just recently) and I couldnt help but add her. She accepted my request right away, but i was too scared to message her for a couple of days. I'll note here that she is fully lesbian and has just recently gotten out of a long-term relationship.
Finally I message her and she did respond kindly. One of the first things she did was ask me about my family situation since i share it publicly on my page, "so you have kids" "how is married life". I was honest, told her a little about my kids and told her that my relationship with my partner is good.
We still talked and we did get a little flirty even, and she of course asks me at some point a little jokingly why I was so curious to get to know her again. I told her honestly that I guess I just wondered what it would have been like to have gotten to know her more back then.
She did seem to accept the answer and moved on, we have talked now about 3 days and she's still flirty towards me and although she hasn't asked further, I feel she's of course confused still as to why I'm talking to her.
The thing is... I don't really know her anymore. She doesn't really know me. So to tell her about myself being poly feels strange. We are essentially strangers again and to just throw out to her that im poly and explain my situation feels like too much when I don't even know if she's still interested in me and vice versa. There are hints but I don't know...
But at the same time, I feel like I need to explain soon. She is obviously going to remain confused until I clarify.
I also feel strange about telling her over text. I feel like before I tell her this I should see her in person, like go out on a date with her and really see each other for the first time in 8 years before I start making things more confusing and complicated. But it feels too soon to ask her out to a date...
AH! I'm sorry this is a lot and maybe sounds even childish to worry about. I just am not good at speaking to women and I really liked her in the past and it's really the first time I have gotten remotely anywhere with a woman.. please be kind <3
Thank you all so much xx
I'm a bi female with a male long-term partner that I share kids with. We are both poly but new to it.
We are each looking to date someone separately -- particularly, he is looking for an exclusive girlfriend. I am looking for an exclusive (different) girlfriend for me as well.
SO..
I am needing help figuring out when and how to tell this girl I'm talking to that I'm poly.
I started talking to this girl I used to know back almost 8 years ago. We haven't talked since then. We had a bit of a dicey history: we met through a class we had together in HS, and I had a crush on her.. we started talking through facebook and eventually we set up a date. She ended up cancelling our date, then was really flakey about when we can reschedule for. I got upset so I gave up the idea of dating her and dated a boy that had been interested in me instead. She got mad at me that I gave up on her so quickly and we never really talked again.
So now 8 years later, I see her on facebook again (she didn't have an acct until just recently) and I couldnt help but add her. She accepted my request right away, but i was too scared to message her for a couple of days. I'll note here that she is fully lesbian and has just recently gotten out of a long-term relationship.
Finally I message her and she did respond kindly. One of the first things she did was ask me about my family situation since i share it publicly on my page, "so you have kids" "how is married life". I was honest, told her a little about my kids and told her that my relationship with my partner is good.
We still talked and we did get a little flirty even, and she of course asks me at some point a little jokingly why I was so curious to get to know her again. I told her honestly that I guess I just wondered what it would have been like to have gotten to know her more back then.
She did seem to accept the answer and moved on, we have talked now about 3 days and she's still flirty towards me and although she hasn't asked further, I feel she's of course confused still as to why I'm talking to her.
The thing is... I don't really know her anymore. She doesn't really know me. So to tell her about myself being poly feels strange. We are essentially strangers again and to just throw out to her that im poly and explain my situation feels like too much when I don't even know if she's still interested in me and vice versa. There are hints but I don't know...
But at the same time, I feel like I need to explain soon. She is obviously going to remain confused until I clarify.
I also feel strange about telling her over text. I feel like before I tell her this I should see her in person, like go out on a date with her and really see each other for the first time in 8 years before I start making things more confusing and complicated. But it feels too soon to ask her out to a date...
AH! I'm sorry this is a lot and maybe sounds even childish to worry about. I just am not good at speaking to women and I really liked her in the past and it's really the first time I have gotten remotely anywhere with a woman.. please be kind <3
Thank you all so much xx