Rarechild
New member
I had an interesting conversation with a man I met today who shares a mutual friend with me. Apparently he has "heard things" about me previous to us meeting and took all day (hanging around while my friend and I did a canning project) to come out with the questions he had for me about these scandalous things he had heard. I am assuming whatever was said to him about me was said by my friend, although I don't really care enough to ask.
After the canning project was pretty much done, and he had a few beers in him, he got up the guts (after flirting with me all day) to tell me that he had "heard I was open to all kinds of things", and wouldn't clarify when I asked him what the hell he was talking about.
He eventually was able to choke out that he knew I was married, but that he wondered about what else I was open to in terms of relationships. After gently making clear that I was not interested in him, I took the straightforward route and told him a little about polyamory, (what little I know through experience) and told him it was ok to ask me questions, as long as he wasn't disrespectful or seeking information that was none of his business.
We had a nice little chat after that, and I tried to answer his queries to the best of my ability over a couple of cigarettes and a drink. Once he was clear that I was not into casual sex (i.e. not going to throw down with him right then and there), the conversation became more mature and I think I educated him a bit on alternate relationship constructs.
At the end of the talk, he asked if he had offended me by bringing it up, or if I was uncomfortable and thought he was a jerk for asking, and I told him truly that I would rather that someone ask me honest questions than "hear things" and make an ignorant judgment about me.
The experience brought up another facet of something I often wonder about; how do people who know me describe me in a few words to people who don't know me and have no context other than that description? What characteristics stand out as defining to others?
I know my friend must've said other things about me besides whatever he said about my personal relationships, but it seems nothing as juicy.
I came away from this feeling good about the boundaries I had immediately put in place with this man and my efforts to give an honest answer to an honest question. This is the first time that a stranger has approached me asking such questions based on a cloudy film of gossip they have heard from my inner circle (other than on here
). It took me aback at first, but I feel I gained respect with the person I was talking to, and no longer consider him a stranger. At the same time, it was weird to have someone approach me that way.
I know there are some stories out there on the forum about how others have handled a similar situation, and I'd like to hear them if you have the time to share.
-R
After the canning project was pretty much done, and he had a few beers in him, he got up the guts (after flirting with me all day) to tell me that he had "heard I was open to all kinds of things", and wouldn't clarify when I asked him what the hell he was talking about.
He eventually was able to choke out that he knew I was married, but that he wondered about what else I was open to in terms of relationships. After gently making clear that I was not interested in him, I took the straightforward route and told him a little about polyamory, (what little I know through experience) and told him it was ok to ask me questions, as long as he wasn't disrespectful or seeking information that was none of his business.
We had a nice little chat after that, and I tried to answer his queries to the best of my ability over a couple of cigarettes and a drink. Once he was clear that I was not into casual sex (i.e. not going to throw down with him right then and there), the conversation became more mature and I think I educated him a bit on alternate relationship constructs.
At the end of the talk, he asked if he had offended me by bringing it up, or if I was uncomfortable and thought he was a jerk for asking, and I told him truly that I would rather that someone ask me honest questions than "hear things" and make an ignorant judgment about me.
The experience brought up another facet of something I often wonder about; how do people who know me describe me in a few words to people who don't know me and have no context other than that description? What characteristics stand out as defining to others?
I know my friend must've said other things about me besides whatever he said about my personal relationships, but it seems nothing as juicy.
I came away from this feeling good about the boundaries I had immediately put in place with this man and my efforts to give an honest answer to an honest question. This is the first time that a stranger has approached me asking such questions based on a cloudy film of gossip they have heard from my inner circle (other than on here
). It took me aback at first, but I feel I gained respect with the person I was talking to, and no longer consider him a stranger. At the same time, it was weird to have someone approach me that way.I know there are some stories out there on the forum about how others have handled a similar situation, and I'd like to hear them if you have the time to share.
-R
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