I used to be a hardcore supporter of monogamy. Ever since I was a kid though, I wanted more than one woman. I had a crush on Velma from Scooby Doo then Daphne. Finally, I thought it was best to just like both of them lol. I also wanted to go to Japan and impress Japanese women.
As I got older though, I became an extreme supporter of monogamy. I was completely against any non-monogamous relationship. I thought people who were non-monogamous were the scum of the earth. They weren't serious about relationships so they shouldn't be taken seriously. They disgusted me. I thought I was better than them. I took monogamous relationships very seriously. I chased women very aggressively.
Nonetheless, I slowly realized I wanted monogamy for the wrong reasons. When I was a teen, I wanted a monogamous relationship to control my partner. This stemmed from my traumatic childhood. Underneath it all, I had a lot of insecurities. There was a more dangerous side to me. If my girlfriend cheated on me, I felt I would probably kill her and the other man in a rage. Therapy helped to process a lot of unhealed trauma so I resolved a lot of emotional problems.
I began exploring my sexuality more. I'm a hardcore Christian. I grew up in a strong Christian community where monogamy was seen as the norm. Anything outside of monogamy was seen as sinful. I researched the Bible thoroughly and found things such as masturbation along with pre-marital sex were not sins. I also realized people like King David and Solomon were polygamous. That struck me as very odd. I thought "why are Christians preaching polyamory is a sin, but no one's condemning people who had polygamous marriages in the Bible?" Some objected and said "we do! They sinned!", but couldn't give any Scripture that explicitly forbade polygamy. God also did not punish them for it either.
I started exploring polyamory by having talks with family and friends. I was very close-minded at first. I thought monogamy was the only way to have a stable relationship. Recently though, I began having tons of questions. I began to rethink my approach to relationships. Why am i monogamous? How do I know monogamy is the only way? What if there's a better way? How do we know there's such a thing as the "right one"? How do we know the right one will make us happy? I had exes who were single moms. If I was willing to accept their kids and accept they had exes, what would be wrong in accepting polyamorous relationships?
I did more research and I was surprised to find humans aren't hardwired for monogamy. For many centuries, people were polygamous. Monogamy is a recent modern invention. I was also surprised polyamory was not just about sex. There's rules to it just like there are rules in monogamy.
Eventually, I did the unthinkable. I decided i might do better getting to know many women before picking one to form a relationship with one. Surprisingly, It worked. When I focused on just one woman, I felt very anxious. I obsessed over her. When I was with many women, I felt less anxious and more relaxed. I was in a much better mood. It was easier for me to reject women if they didn't fit my standards when I had other women around me. We flirted, sexted, and had a good time.
While I developed a more healthy view of relationships later, I felt like monogamy was an obligation rather than something I wanted. I did not want to a relationship that had a "have to" mindset. I wanted to love and be in a relationship of my own will with the person I loved one. I realized though people are not one dimensional. They have different sides of themselves. Some women were afraid of intimacy, but very sexual. Others were emotionally intimate, but not very sexual. I had to ask myself honestly "if my wife was almost perfect but couldn't make me happy in certain areas, could I live with that?" The answer was "no." I would break up eventually. In fact, I almost always wondered what it would be like to be with other women in every monogamous relationship I've been in.
That's what got me interested in polyamory. I loved beautiful skinny and curvy women. I loved women with tattoos and others without. I loved women of different races. I don't want to live life not knowing what it's like to be with women who have these features. That kind of life is sad. I also loved how relationships in polyamory were very flexible. If someone can't meet all of your needs, you can agree to fulfill unmet needs elsewhere in polyamory without breaking up. You can't do that with a monogamous mindset. I realized there might be a way to make everyone happy without having to go through break-up after break-up just to find someone you're content with.
As I got older though, I became an extreme supporter of monogamy. I was completely against any non-monogamous relationship. I thought people who were non-monogamous were the scum of the earth. They weren't serious about relationships so they shouldn't be taken seriously. They disgusted me. I thought I was better than them. I took monogamous relationships very seriously. I chased women very aggressively.
Nonetheless, I slowly realized I wanted monogamy for the wrong reasons. When I was a teen, I wanted a monogamous relationship to control my partner. This stemmed from my traumatic childhood. Underneath it all, I had a lot of insecurities. There was a more dangerous side to me. If my girlfriend cheated on me, I felt I would probably kill her and the other man in a rage. Therapy helped to process a lot of unhealed trauma so I resolved a lot of emotional problems.
I began exploring my sexuality more. I'm a hardcore Christian. I grew up in a strong Christian community where monogamy was seen as the norm. Anything outside of monogamy was seen as sinful. I researched the Bible thoroughly and found things such as masturbation along with pre-marital sex were not sins. I also realized people like King David and Solomon were polygamous. That struck me as very odd. I thought "why are Christians preaching polyamory is a sin, but no one's condemning people who had polygamous marriages in the Bible?" Some objected and said "we do! They sinned!", but couldn't give any Scripture that explicitly forbade polygamy. God also did not punish them for it either.
I started exploring polyamory by having talks with family and friends. I was very close-minded at first. I thought monogamy was the only way to have a stable relationship. Recently though, I began having tons of questions. I began to rethink my approach to relationships. Why am i monogamous? How do I know monogamy is the only way? What if there's a better way? How do we know there's such a thing as the "right one"? How do we know the right one will make us happy? I had exes who were single moms. If I was willing to accept their kids and accept they had exes, what would be wrong in accepting polyamorous relationships?
I did more research and I was surprised to find humans aren't hardwired for monogamy. For many centuries, people were polygamous. Monogamy is a recent modern invention. I was also surprised polyamory was not just about sex. There's rules to it just like there are rules in monogamy.
Eventually, I did the unthinkable. I decided i might do better getting to know many women before picking one to form a relationship with one. Surprisingly, It worked. When I focused on just one woman, I felt very anxious. I obsessed over her. When I was with many women, I felt less anxious and more relaxed. I was in a much better mood. It was easier for me to reject women if they didn't fit my standards when I had other women around me. We flirted, sexted, and had a good time.
While I developed a more healthy view of relationships later, I felt like monogamy was an obligation rather than something I wanted. I did not want to a relationship that had a "have to" mindset. I wanted to love and be in a relationship of my own will with the person I loved one. I realized though people are not one dimensional. They have different sides of themselves. Some women were afraid of intimacy, but very sexual. Others were emotionally intimate, but not very sexual. I had to ask myself honestly "if my wife was almost perfect but couldn't make me happy in certain areas, could I live with that?" The answer was "no." I would break up eventually. In fact, I almost always wondered what it would be like to be with other women in every monogamous relationship I've been in.
That's what got me interested in polyamory. I loved beautiful skinny and curvy women. I loved women with tattoos and others without. I loved women of different races. I don't want to live life not knowing what it's like to be with women who have these features. That kind of life is sad. I also loved how relationships in polyamory were very flexible. If someone can't meet all of your needs, you can agree to fulfill unmet needs elsewhere in polyamory without breaking up. You can't do that with a monogamous mindset. I realized there might be a way to make everyone happy without having to go through break-up after break-up just to find someone you're content with.