How often?

[Vicki82]

I know this question is going to have just as much, if not more, variance than my last, but I wanted to see what people in general think.

How often, ideally, do/would you like to see your partners? Say in terms of frequency per week/month, and in terms of time period at each date?

I'm aware that I come at this question from my own personal circumstances where I live with one partner so the time question skews a bit, but I think it could be generally applied across a variety of situations.

I'm still finding my own feet with my secondary partner, where we see each other 2-3 times a week for about 4-6 hours at a shot. I would ideally like the occasional overnight too, but I think I am otherwise happy with this frequency.

I spend much more time with my live in partner than I suspect most people do, since we both work from home. We are together a lot of the time, and many of our social activities are shared. We do some things on our own but I don't see it as much of an issue that we like to do the same things, as long as we both get individual space when we need it and we're not joined at the hip.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Vicki,

I just have one partner and we live in the same house, so I usually see her every day. I am happy with that frequency, and she and I do things together one-on-one about once a week. Which also is satisfactory. I think that mostly I'm a creature of habit, I'm happy with things if they pretty much stay the same. Not that I can't adapt to change, but I'm more comfortable with it if I know what to expect. That's what I have right now.

Don't know if that answers your question exactly, I guess if I was dating a second woman I'd like to see her once or twice a week. Although with NRE, I'd no doubt want more than that. But this is all pure speculation on my part.

Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[MsEmotional]

I see my husband every day. We go out on “dates” about once a month.

I see Ponytail* 2-3 times per week, usually including one overnight. Most of that time is family time at my house. We go on “dates” maybe 2-3 times per month.

I see Whiskers about once every two weeks and I think that is perfect. I might prefer once every 10 days, but I wouldn’t want to see him more often than once every 7 days.

*Ponytail and I are kind of in limbo as far as our relationship. But we have still been seeing each other on the same basic schedule and I still consider him a partner.

 

[Evie]

I talk with Lance a couple of times a week if our schedules allow it, and text daily. LDRs, man, sigh. We're both being a little restrained. I don't know what will happen when he visits my country/possibly stays a while. We'll figure it out once we have a more known timeline.

Last year I was boarding and working in one town Monday to Friday, then would visit Adam in our house one weekend, and my ex at his house the other weekend. Sometimes there would be adjustments for special occasions, it might be two weeks in a row somewhere, then somewhere else. But I didn't see either of them during the week. I worked too far from both. But that relationship ended, and now I'm predominantly simply living at home with Adam while I study this year.

I'm not sure what next year will look like - I'm hoping to get a job in a different town which will mean living there most of the time. Adam will come with me, and in a perfect world, Lance would move in here for a while, and we will work weekends and holidays out from there. It probably won't feel like enough time with Lance while I'm all excited about him first getting here. But it's kind of impossible to know right now precisely what we will end up doing.

 

[KC43]

I barely see my husband. Because of his work schedule and his choices about sleeping, gaming, etc., it's typical for us to go a week or more only seeing each other for the minute or so it takes him to give me a hug and kiss on his way out the door to work. And it's not unusual for us to go 2-3 days without seeing each other at all, at least not when we're both awake. We don't share any interests, we don't have meals together, we very rarely go to bed at the same time. I would like to spend more time with him, maybe have a regular date night or something, but because we're extremely different in our needs for interpersonal connection and very different as far as what we enjoy doing, when we do try to spend time together we usually give up after a very short amount of time because it starts feeling forced and awkward. It's always been this way; that's one of the reasons he suggested I start seeing other people.

My boyfriend and I have one set night a week when we see each other for an overnight, and an additional night once a month. Those are scheduled and are guaranteed as long as neither of us is sick or traveling and no emergencies come up. If I ask before he makes plans with someone else, sometimes we get together for an "extra" date night. Almost every time we get together, it's for an overnight.

I'm involved (by some definition of "involved") with a few other people right now. I don't see any of them regularly because of schedules, distance, or other obstacles. I would like to see them more frequently, because I feel disconnected from people I don't have regular contact with, so it's hard for me to consider any of these people to be "partners" under the current situations. But it is what it is, and it's nice getting together with them when it's possible.

My *ideal* with someone I'm involved with is to have a regular schedule, the way I do with my boyfriend. It doesn't have to be once a week; that would be my preference, but schedule-wise wouldn't necessarily be possible. Twice a month, or even only once a month, would be okay as long as we have some contact (phone calls, messaging) in between. But having a regular schedule helps me feel more secure in the connection, and also takes away the angst of "He isn't asking to see me, does that mean he doesn't want to, I could ask to see him but what if he doesn't actually want to see me"...etc.

 

[vinsanity0]

I'm another one who always needed a schedule. The frequency was negotiable, but it has to be on a regular basis.

 

[Lonlygirl64]

I live with my husband and he also works from home so I see him all day every day. We go out on "dates" at least once a week.

My boyfriend and I try to see each other at least once a week for a few hours. We see each other more frequently as we and our spouses are all best friends but we do not really consider that "quality time". We try to spend the night together at least every other week but unfortunately, we are at the mercy of our spouses schedules and whims.

We are new to all of this and still trying to figure it all out.

 

[rosephase]

I live with a partner and we see each other in passing most days. We try to have one date a week and we get some extra evenings hanging out just by default. We both have odd schedules. I would love to get more dedicated time with him.

I have a local partner who I see for an overnight once a week. We sometimes see each other another time or two depending on social stuff, job stuff and a shared project. I would love to get more time with him. I think I probably would do another over night a week if his place worked better for me (sleep, uncomfortable roommate, harder commute to work).

I have a long distance partner that I see for 3-5 days every two months or so. We've been in this relationship for eight years and at first I was really sad about what the relationship could and couldn't be. But it's kind of amazing. We are always on vacation when we see each other. I would love to have more time with him but that's all we can make happen.

Basically I would love more time with all my partners. I really enjoy their company. And I still need a lot of alone time. I feel lucky that we all seem to be on the same page about enjoying the time we do get together. And maybe it's because they are all established relationships (13 years, 8 years and 3 years) but I don't feel that ache of not getting enough of them. I get a LOT of them. It just comes over longer periods of time.