How polyamory changed my life

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Isaiah990

Member
I got to know several women from dating groups. It was at a time when I thought I was monogamous. When I had time to think, I realized I wasn't. When I came out as polyamorous, i told them about it. They were shocked and deeply hurt. My ex was devastated because she wanted to get back in a relationship with me. She told me to look for another girl because she wasn't right for me. She said she was too old with kids and she was jealous. Same with another woman. I felt like they were just throwing out excuses to reject me to avoid pain. Another woman was passive-aggressive. She was laughing a lot. I asked, "would you be ok with me seeing other women if we got in a relationship?" She said "you want many women? you want to play? Sure, do whatever you want. I'll be your girlfriend and I'll see other boyfriends too. I'm not serious about marriage either."

It's been hurting bad. My ex and other women showed me their naked bodies. We flirted, kissed, sexted, had fun together with music and other things. We invested alot of time together. Now I'm left with just memories. People told me "move on..you will find better women..", but where are they?

At the same time, I realized they may have benefited my life in a way. I noticed they were distant from me. While they were away, I used that time to reflect on what I really in a relationship. If we kept talking non-stop, I would've never found out who I really am.
 
Hi Isaiah,

It is painful when you lose someone ... all the more painful because you lost them over polyamory. Polyamory should never be a reason for people splitting apart, it should be a reason for people getting together. It is absolutely not fair that these women wouldn't even consider polyamory, they just rejected it outright, and were willing to throw away a beautiful relationship with you. I don't blame you for being hurt.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hi Isaiah,

It is painful when you lose someone ... all the more painful because you lost them over polyamory. Polyamory should never be a reason for people splitting apart, it should be a reason for people getting together. It is absolutely not fair that these women wouldn't even consider polyamory, they just rejected it outright, and were willing to throw away a beautiful relationship with you. I don't blame you for being hurt.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
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Yea, they came across as people who were deeply hurt in their childhoods and that affected them ever since. They seemed to self-sabotage by calling themselves too small, too old, ugly, single mothers, etc. I find it ironic and sad that women with major jealousy issues ask "what does she have that i don't?" about each other lol. I think that's a major reason why people are so against polyamory because it brings out all of their insecurities. A woman will feel good when a man entertains her, but the moment he does the same to another woman - she acts like her world is ending lol.

I hope to find women who share my same views on polyamory. How did people react when they found out you were polyamorous?
 
I am pretty much "in the closet" when it comes to being polyamorous. I've hardly outed myself to anyone at all. I will say that the few people that do know, have been very classy about it. Of course, there was a reason why I trusted those people to know in the first place. Actually I'd like to be out to everyone, but that's because I'm not afraid of being rejected by my family. My two companions feel differently, they don't want to lose their families, also they're worried about losing their jobs if their employers find out.
 
kdt26417 said:
I am pretty much "in the closet" when it comes to being polyamorous. I've hardly outed myself to anyone at all. I will say that the few people that do know, have been very classy about it. Of course, there was a reason why I trusted those people to know in the first place. Actually I'd like to be out to everyone, but that's because I'm not afraid of being rejected by my family. My two companions feel differently, they don't want to lose their families, also they're worried about losing their jobs if their employers find out.
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Why is it hard for you to publicly proclaim you're polyamorous? What are you afraid will happen?
 
Isaiah990 said:
Why is it hard for you to publicly proclaim you're polyamorous? What are you afraid will happen?
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As Kevin mentioned, there is the possibility of alienation from family (of origin) and for his relationship partners, even a risk of losing their jobs.

I have had some job concerns and my husband has family of origin concerns. And so we also don't out ourselves to everyone we know.
 
Yeah, I'm not afraid for my own part to publicly proclaim I'm polyamorous, however if I outed me, I would simultaneously out my two poly companions, and they don't want to be outed. As Evie mentioned, their fears have to do with the possibility of alienation from family of origin, and with the risk of losing their jobs.
 
kdt26417 said:
Yeah, I'm not afraid for my own part to publicly proclaim I'm polyamorous, however if I outed me, I would simultaneously out my two poly companions, and they don't want to be outed. As Evie mentioned, their fears have to do with the possibility of alienation from family of origin, and with the risk of losing their jobs.
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Ahhh ok. Why are they polyamorous? What do you think can be done to end social stigmas towards polyamory?
 
Evie said:
As Kevin mentioned, there is the possibility of alienation from family (of origin) and for his relationship partners, even a risk of losing their jobs.

I have had some job concerns and my husband has family of origin concerns. And so we also don't out ourselves to everyone we know.
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I see. Are you polyamorous btw?
 
Evie said:
Yes, and you can see my partners in my signature.
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Ah ok. I'm curious about to know about your experiences being polyamorous. How did you discover you were polyamorous? What was it like to publicly confess you were polyamorous if you did? What's it like living the polyamorous life?
 
You can read about a lot of my journey on my blog section here. It's called In The Garden.

What was it like to publicly confess you were polyamorous if you did?
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What do you mean by this? I certainly haven't gathered a bunch of people in one room, stood on stage and "confessed" (or proclaimed) that I'm poly. I've quietly and gently told people who I'm close to and then answered any questions they have.
 
Re (from Isaiah990):
"Why are they polyamorous? What do you think can be done to end social stigmas towards polyamory?"
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They are polyamorous because they want me to be included in their relationship. And because they believe in polyamory as an ideal to aspire to.

To end social stigmas towards polyamory, people must stop hating on polyamory, and must embrace it. It helps when polys raise awareness by marching in pride parades.
 
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