How to explain relationship to a child-- stepfather and stepmother roles

[Kynde]

See my sig and Blog for more details . . .

I would consider us more Polygamy than Polyamory in some ways. We are not seeking any others into our family circle for the foreseeable future. I am living in a tiny home on their property.

I have a young child who is loving and bright. I have 50/50 custody of this child.

When we three decided to be a family, we had many careful discussions about this child. My, and our, first priority is the emotional and physical safety of my child, and how our family structure and relationships would affect her.

My child has expressed love and affection for both of them and is comfortable and happy when we are all together. There are negatives as well, such as society not understanding, and her possibly "outing" us to her teachers or friends as she gets older, or her friends thinking it's weird--- but some families- including the parents of her friends at school-- are different in that they have two dads or two moms, or being raised by grandparents.

My child has seen the affection and hugs between me and Sir, me and Meow, and them with each other. We are discrete as any adults should be around a child-- but we do kiss, hug, and hold hands. We are talking about taking the next big steps maybe next year, of Handfasting. So far this seems long-term.

Sir is planning to ask my adult children for my "hand" and get their blessing (they will most likely give it). He asked, with my permission, if he could begin to step into the "step-father "role and what that would look like. Meow also would like a role in my child's life-- and we are trying to figure out what my child refers to her as as she gets older. Do we call her step-mother? Or ??

My child's bio father, who is active in her life, is aware and accepting of my poly lifestyle and my current family situation. He is not poly himself, but he actually met me when I was part of a triad, and I was dating him on the side. He's okay with it as long as our child is safe and happy.

I would value your thoughts and opinions about this, as well as your own experience with children in these family dynamics and structures.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Birdie,

I am assuming that you have already presented yourself as "mother" to this young child. Sir and Meow could be "uncle" and "aunt" to this child. Or you could use alternative parental terms, such as "papa" and "mama." It depends on how you want this child to present the three of you to their friends. How do your adult children address the three of you? You might want your young child to use similar names. I don't have any children, so I'm not much of an expert on these things. Hopefully others will chime in on this thread.

Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[Skadi]

First off, congratulations on the Handfasting!

My relationship is fully out in the open, so it is different for me as everyone knows my situation and I'm not married or nesting with my partners.
But Ace has (had) many care-takers, so it was rather normal to be around different adults for longer periods of time.
He calls my partners by their names, but if he has to explain it to his peers or other people he calls them Special Mom/Special Dad or Second/Third/Fourth Mom or Dad and so on. And some of my close friends Aunt or Uncle. There is no one way to do it, I think it depends on the situation and the kind of relationship you have with the person/people.