GreenAcres
New member
Welcome! Wow, this must be quite a whirlwind for you and your husband. There's a lot to unpack here, and many posters have done a great job getting that started. Some other things to think about:
-There is a power dynamic at play here that is touchy in terms of ethics. You imply her financial situation isn't great. If her best option for her and her child, financially, is to move in with you and your husband, that puts her in a bit of a quandry if she doesn't reciprocate one or both of your affections. She is also, possibly, emotionally vulnerable right now, and throwing this onto her, especially in addition to the housing, is questionable. It's up to you how you handle that ethical dilemma, but it's definitely there.
-Even if she does want to pursue a relationship, there's a lot to think about. What if she's only into you? Or, what if she is into you both, but later finds she's only into one of you (or is into one of you more than the other)? Or, what if one of you decided you're not that into her? It happens all the time--most relationships aren't forever. Does she lose the one of you she's into? Does she lose her housing?
-Even if she is into the whole threeway thing, if you're in the US, she'll never have the same legal benefits for her and her child that you and your husband do together. That may or may not matter to her, but it's worth thinking about and understanding. She also may want a "primary/nesting" partner of her own, like you have...how would that impact things?
-Lastly, triads are one of the most unstable poly structures. It's not undoable, but there's a lot to think about that most couples don't. I highly recommend reading So Someone called You a Unicorn Hunter. While you aren't necessarily unicorn hunters, exactly, the points raised in this are pointedly relevant here, and should help all of you figure out what you might be dealing with in reality, rather than just in hypothetical fantasy.
It's not undoable, but it's definitely a challenging start. Let us know how it goes!
-There is a power dynamic at play here that is touchy in terms of ethics. You imply her financial situation isn't great. If her best option for her and her child, financially, is to move in with you and your husband, that puts her in a bit of a quandry if she doesn't reciprocate one or both of your affections. She is also, possibly, emotionally vulnerable right now, and throwing this onto her, especially in addition to the housing, is questionable. It's up to you how you handle that ethical dilemma, but it's definitely there.
-Even if she does want to pursue a relationship, there's a lot to think about. What if she's only into you? Or, what if she is into you both, but later finds she's only into one of you (or is into one of you more than the other)? Or, what if one of you decided you're not that into her? It happens all the time--most relationships aren't forever. Does she lose the one of you she's into? Does she lose her housing?
-Even if she is into the whole threeway thing, if you're in the US, she'll never have the same legal benefits for her and her child that you and your husband do together. That may or may not matter to her, but it's worth thinking about and understanding. She also may want a "primary/nesting" partner of her own, like you have...how would that impact things?
-Lastly, triads are one of the most unstable poly structures. It's not undoable, but there's a lot to think about that most couples don't. I highly recommend reading So Someone called You a Unicorn Hunter. While you aren't necessarily unicorn hunters, exactly, the points raised in this are pointedly relevant here, and should help all of you figure out what you might be dealing with in reality, rather than just in hypothetical fantasy.
It's not undoable, but it's definitely a challenging start. Let us know how it goes!