SplinteringVelvet
New member
I am still new here and new to the whole polyamory thing in my marriage. To clarify we are calling it "openish" as at this point we are only testing the waters with online relationships.
The question I have is, with my hubs gf she is also married but in an unstable marriage where she is actually cheating on her husband with mine. At first they were both cheating but then I found out and on the back of that are we opening things up enough to explore the online thing for now.
Hubs says he wants to leave it up to her if and when she broaches the topic of their relationship with her husband. But I am deeply concerned about how horrible this could all play out... Not to mention a little concerned she may have plans to rope my husband into her life in a more substantial way.
I assume all of these feelings are normal but how much of this is valid concern vs irrational... Do I need to let go completely and trust his take on this? Or are there some conversations that need to be had?
I am also concerned that since this is very new to us... he hasn't explained things to her as he has been explaining them to me... where he says "You will always be number one. She will never replace you..." and so on because when he tells me about their convos she seemed surprised to learn that I knew about them and then he simply tried to explain my being okay with it as "Well she has her own thing going to"... which seems just vague enough to let her think I am cheating and he is looking... which ironically... I only ventured out once I found out about her and we had many discussions about what we wanted to do from there.
Am I nuts for thinking that honesty and openness is just as important with your other person as it is with your spouse?
Help is greatly appreciated...
The question I have is, with my hubs gf she is also married but in an unstable marriage where she is actually cheating on her husband with mine. At first they were both cheating but then I found out and on the back of that are we opening things up enough to explore the online thing for now.
Hubs says he wants to leave it up to her if and when she broaches the topic of their relationship with her husband. But I am deeply concerned about how horrible this could all play out... Not to mention a little concerned she may have plans to rope my husband into her life in a more substantial way.
I assume all of these feelings are normal but how much of this is valid concern vs irrational... Do I need to let go completely and trust his take on this? Or are there some conversations that need to be had?
I am also concerned that since this is very new to us... he hasn't explained things to her as he has been explaining them to me... where he says "You will always be number one. She will never replace you..." and so on because when he tells me about their convos she seemed surprised to learn that I knew about them and then he simply tried to explain my being okay with it as "Well she has her own thing going to"... which seems just vague enough to let her think I am cheating and he is looking... which ironically... I only ventured out once I found out about her and we had many discussions about what we wanted to do from there.
Am I nuts for thinking that honesty and openness is just as important with your other person as it is with your spouse?
Help is greatly appreciated...