My husband's girlfriend has systematically driven off just about every woman whom he has expressed interest in and she just issued a veto for one of his newer girlfriends. She is monogamous and prone to drama with angry outbursts.
The previous relationships that she torpedoed were more in the passive aggressive jealous girlfriend way. This is different, because of the power dynamics involved.
They are in a pack-like structure for the last 18 months, she as alpha and he as beta, with other pack members. I am not in this pack as I refused to submit to any authority besides that of a wife to a husband. I was previously considered to be a friend of the pack and considered the other members of the pack to be my friends. At least two of the members have been instructed by their alpha (his girlfriend) that they may respond politely to me if I address them, but they are not to hug me or speak to me first. This saddened me, but since I found out this stricture, I have respected their choice to be allegiant to this person and have avoided any situation that might make them uncomfortable.
She and I used to be friends until I decided that continuing living as a group was not something that I wanted. Her jealousy and constant anger was draining to be around. His other girlfriend wasn't able to come to the apartment because of the acrimonious nature of their interactions. When, we bought our home, she did not move with us from our apartment, but had to get her own place where she had to pay rent and cover her bills and expenses.
She has now declared publicly that she despises me. Until this pronouncement, I was content with my husband spending time with her as long as my time needs we're getting met. I didn't like that he came home drained and upset from his interactions with her or the frequent text tirades that disturbed our quiet times at home. I would express my dislike of the situation calmly and clearly, but left resolution up to him. After learning of this public bad-mouthing, I expressed that if it was one of my partners behaving that way, there would be an issue. Then I tried to let it go.
Here's where he screwed up. He began a physical relationship with a mutual friend of he and his alpha a few months ago. Now the attraction was public and known. In fact they had all had played together before. However, when he decided to start a girlfriend-type relationship, he didn't tell her. When she found out and went berserk, he tried to minimize the fallout by lying about when the relationship started.
Then, the two girls had a dinner. Discussion revealed the lie. The Alpha issued an edict to the pack saying that this girl was a threat to the pack and that only limited public interaction was permitted with this girl, including for my husband.
At this point, I weighed in very heavily with my opinion that his alpha had gone around the bend and that he needed to take the situation very seriously. He mulled it over and then told me that he was going to break it off with her the next day. Eight hours later, he returned home and said that he was staying with her, staying with the pack, and that he was going to face a pack tribunal to see if he would be allowed to remain in the pack. I WTF'd pretty hard and used phrases like cult leader, brainwashed, and abdication of his free will.
He feels like he made this group and her promises and he needs to live up to them and face the music. Admirable, admittedly. I feel like he is in a dangerous, unstable relationship with a narcissist and behaving passively. I firmly believe he needs to leave this group and relationship, but it has to be his decision. I won't veto, but I might walk.
I need assistance figuring out what I should do next. I love him but if he is actively ceding his authority to another...I'm so not okay with that. I also don't feel that it is my place to confront her about her bad behavior.
I'm losing respect for him and that hurts. I also am concerned about her instability and my own safety.
The previous relationships that she torpedoed were more in the passive aggressive jealous girlfriend way. This is different, because of the power dynamics involved.
They are in a pack-like structure for the last 18 months, she as alpha and he as beta, with other pack members. I am not in this pack as I refused to submit to any authority besides that of a wife to a husband. I was previously considered to be a friend of the pack and considered the other members of the pack to be my friends. At least two of the members have been instructed by their alpha (his girlfriend) that they may respond politely to me if I address them, but they are not to hug me or speak to me first. This saddened me, but since I found out this stricture, I have respected their choice to be allegiant to this person and have avoided any situation that might make them uncomfortable.
She and I used to be friends until I decided that continuing living as a group was not something that I wanted. Her jealousy and constant anger was draining to be around. His other girlfriend wasn't able to come to the apartment because of the acrimonious nature of their interactions. When, we bought our home, she did not move with us from our apartment, but had to get her own place where she had to pay rent and cover her bills and expenses.
She has now declared publicly that she despises me. Until this pronouncement, I was content with my husband spending time with her as long as my time needs we're getting met. I didn't like that he came home drained and upset from his interactions with her or the frequent text tirades that disturbed our quiet times at home. I would express my dislike of the situation calmly and clearly, but left resolution up to him. After learning of this public bad-mouthing, I expressed that if it was one of my partners behaving that way, there would be an issue. Then I tried to let it go.
Here's where he screwed up. He began a physical relationship with a mutual friend of he and his alpha a few months ago. Now the attraction was public and known. In fact they had all had played together before. However, when he decided to start a girlfriend-type relationship, he didn't tell her. When she found out and went berserk, he tried to minimize the fallout by lying about when the relationship started.
Then, the two girls had a dinner. Discussion revealed the lie. The Alpha issued an edict to the pack saying that this girl was a threat to the pack and that only limited public interaction was permitted with this girl, including for my husband.
At this point, I weighed in very heavily with my opinion that his alpha had gone around the bend and that he needed to take the situation very seriously. He mulled it over and then told me that he was going to break it off with her the next day. Eight hours later, he returned home and said that he was staying with her, staying with the pack, and that he was going to face a pack tribunal to see if he would be allowed to remain in the pack. I WTF'd pretty hard and used phrases like cult leader, brainwashed, and abdication of his free will.
He feels like he made this group and her promises and he needs to live up to them and face the music. Admirable, admittedly. I feel like he is in a dangerous, unstable relationship with a narcissist and behaving passively. I firmly believe he needs to leave this group and relationship, but it has to be his decision. I won't veto, but I might walk.
I need assistance figuring out what I should do next. I love him but if he is actively ceding his authority to another...I'm so not okay with that. I also don't feel that it is my place to confront her about her bad behavior.
I'm losing respect for him and that hurts. I also am concerned about her instability and my own safety.