I don't really know where to start, so I'll just jump right in. I'm a 29-year old pansexual male and I've been having a lot of thoughts about trying polyamory. I'm single at the moment but I always find myself, when In a monogamous relationship, flirting and wanting to be with other people. It's not that I don't love the monogamous partner. I truly do love them and want the best for them and to be with them, but I can't help but feel romantic/sexual feelings for other people as well, in the same way that I do for my monogamous partner. Every relationship I've been in has ended up the same way, with me not expressing how I feel, hiding it, then cheating. This is not at all an excuse for my actions. Being recently single, I've been doing some soul searching and experimenting. I came across polyamory and it makes sense for how I've felt in every relationship. I'd appreciate your input on this. Thank you.
I can relate. Ever since I became an adolescent (and honestly even before, although that was more emotional than sexual), I was fully capable of loving, or at least crushing on, more than one person at a time. With so many attractive people in the world, my thoughts were more along the lines of, Why doesn't everyone feel this way?
I never cheated on any actual partner I had. I was either monogamous, if they wanted to be, or I dated more than one, with everyone's knowledge. Frankly, I was usually mono, since I knew that dating more than one person at a time wasn't socially acceptable. I did judge myself for my ability to feel attracted to more than one person at a time. Our entire culture tells us it's wrong.
Finally, 20+ years ago, I became aware of this new movement called polyamory. My husband (at the time) and I experimented with it, but did it all wrong. After we split (for various reasons), I started practicing polyamory with new partners, with a lot more information about how to do it right. Poly suits me so much better than trying to force myself into the mono mold.
Monogamy is a social construct. Humans, and all other mammals and birds, are naturally promiscuous.
Check out the books and podcasts listed in the linked (sticky) resource thread at the top of this section of the board.
