I don't know how to accept his decision

R

renarde2909

New member
Hi, I'm in a relation with this amazing guy. He recently told me that he would like to have casual sex woth other women. As some sort of activity. I believe that's all he wants, sex as an activity with others.
But I've always been in monogamic relations ships, so now I don't know what to make of it. Should I refuse and maybe lose him or accept it and i'll hurt myself in this type of relations ship ?
I want to be open and think it's ok, but I can't seem to get pass the feeling that I want him for myself and not share ...
I hope it's clear what I'm trying to say ... :confused:
 
Should I refuse and maybe lose him or accept it and i'll hurt myself in this type of relations ship ?
Click to expand...

Could speak your truth. (+1) You do not want to share. You want just you two in the relationship. If that means he breaks up with you because he wants something else? Ok. It hurts to break up. (-1) And then you move on to heal from the break up. Overall? Balances out to (0).

OR...

Could not speak your truth. (-1) Could agree to participate in Open relationship when you already know you do not want it. (-1) You know you aren't going to be happy doing it. (-1) Might end up breaking up over it anyway. (-1) Overall? A (-4.)

When all choices stink, which one stinks less?

I think just speaking your truth works out better.

Galagirl
 
I'm with Galagirl with this... It's a tough decision, but ultimately you should be open and honest with your feelings. If it's something you don't think you can do, you need to be upfront and say it. Not everyone can just open up and accept the poly lifestyle, so its completely OK to want to remain monogamous. -Jay
 
Hello renarde2909,

The thing you have to ask yourself here, is, can you share your man? Can you share him and be happy? If not, be honest with him and tell him so. If he is going to have sex with other women anyway, you should probably break up with him. I know that's not what you want to do, but you have to consider, if sharing your man will make you unhappy, are you really coming out ahead by staying with him?

Nonmonogamy isn't the only right thing, monogamy can be good too. A lot of it depends on how you're hardwired. If you can share him and be happy, that's different, but just going by your post I have to say you are probably hardwired monogamous.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Moved thread

renarde2909,

I moved your thread to the Poly Relationships Corner. This area and the General Poly Discussion are the main areas to ask for and respond with advice or feedback.

The Life stories and blog area is not really designed for people asking for advice (although that occasionally happens). It's more of a place where people write about their journey. Of course, you are welcome to start another thread there if you'd like a place to record your thoughts without expecting feedback from others.
 
There is an old saying to thine own self be true.

Please do not be afraid to stand up for yourself. Do not be afraid to ask for what you need in a relationship.
It is better to be single than caught in a relationship that causes you pain.
 
How responsible is he?

How responsible is he?

Does he have good hygeine, is he dependable, does he arrive at appointments on time, does he generally pay his bills on time?

Because the first piece of trust here is - is he going to catch an STD or get someone pregnant? If he is a responsible guy as described above maybe you'd give him a chance to see. If he's not then he's not a GREAT guy and you should ditch him.
 
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